Ukucocwa kwentwasahlobo: Ngaba awuguli ngokusuk 'entliziyweni ngayo yonke la masosi amnyama angena ngeefestile zakho eziqhekekileyo kwaye ungcolise indawo yokuhlala efanelekileyo? Hayi, oku akuwi ukusuka ku-9/11 – Ndithetha ngale nto ingaginyisi mathe yeManhattan ejika ibe ludaka xa uzama iWindex ukuyisusa kwezo festile zisanda kupeyintwa.
Unokucinga ngokwenza into eyenziwa nguJoan Crawford xa wayehlala eManhattan: gubungela nje iifayili zakho zeefestile kwiimakhishithi ezifakwe kwiifom zeplastiki ezimhlophe ezicocekileyo. Ubuncinci yile ncam yokuba uCarleton Varney, umhlobisi wangaphakathi waseCrawford, abelane nam kutshanje kwiofisi yesitalato i-East 56th yaseDorothy Draper & Inkampani, apho angumongameli.
Umnumzana Varney ligunya elikhokelayo kwihlabathi emfazweni kwi-gunk, njengoko kuqhutywa nguMommie Dearest. Kufanele ukuba: Wongamela umhombiso weeflethi ezintathu ezalandela zaseCrawford, kunye nencwadi yakhe yowe-1999, Umhombisi, yiroman à clef malunga nolwalamano lwabo. Ndamgcoba malunga ne-harridan enomdla ongunaphakade, ndaza ndafumana i-oodle yeengcebiso zokucoca entwasahlobo-kunye nokunye okuninzi.
Umnumzana Varney wadibana noJoan Crawford ngo-1965, xa wayesele eza kuphuma kwindlu yakhe enkulu yeFifth Avenue e-2 East 70th Street, ejonge ingqokelela yeFrick, kwaye wafudukela kwiphedi encinci kwi-Imperial House kwisitalato i-69 naseLexington Avenue. Emva kokubhubha komyeni wakhe, uSihlalo wePepsi Cola u-Alfred Steele, uCrawford wayengasenako ukuhlawula imali eyothusayo – ye-1965- $ 3,000 yesondlo (oko kukuthi, umfazi wokuqala wafumana i-inshurensi yobomi). Umnumzana u-Varney owayeneminyaka engama-22 kuphela xa wafumana ikhomishini etshintsha ubomi yokuhombisa indlu entsha. U-Pepsi-promotin u-J.C wayeneminyaka engaphaya kwama-50 ubudala kwaye wayesadlala imuvi bhanyabhanya: Wayesandula ukugqiba iTrog -enye yeefilimu ezingacacanga kakhulu ezenziweyo- xa beqala ukusebenzisana.
Ndingumntu othambisa izithambiso, kwaye wayengumlawuli, utshilo umnumzana u-Varney njengoko sasincokola macala omabini etafile yekofu eyayise Crawford. Uvale umhlaba ngeteyiphu kwigumbi elingenanto kwaye wahamba-hamba ngokungathi wayedlala amabala.
Kodwa yayingenguye wonke ogudileyo. Ukuhamba kwe-humbler digs kunxitywe kwimithambo kaMommie Dearest kwaye kwanyusa i-vodka yayo: Wasela kwiglasi enkulu eyenziwe ngeplastikhi enomgqomo onophawu lokuphosa kuyo, ngokukaMnu. Varney's 1980 memoir, Akukho ndawo injengeKhaya: Ukuvuma UMyili wangaphakathi. Kodwa uMnumzana Varney wawonwabela lo mngeni. Ngapha koko, wade wavuma ukuba waziva mnandi kumfanekiso bhanyabhanya okhulileyo. Yayiyimvakalelo engaqhelekanga, indibaniselwano yeemvakalelo umntu anazo xa ejonga umfazi onqwenelekayo kunye nezo anazo kumama wakhe. Ewe!
Ndibuza uMnu Varney ukuba ngaba wakhe wabakho u-hanky-panky. Hayi! uthe. Kodwa ndandidla ngokukhupha uChristina. Ngapha koko, ndiyazi ukuba uJoan ngewayethanda ukuba nam ndingumkhwenyana. Kabini eeuw! (I-FYI: Mnu.Varney uqhawule umtshato nabantwana abathathu, omnye wabo – uNicholas Varney-uvula ivenkile ethengisa izacholo eBergdorf Goodman ngoFebruwari 25.)
Nangona uJoan owayenomtsalane ephumelele ekuqhekekeni uChristina ngaphezulu kwentloko kunye nezikhongozeli zeBon Ami, ukunyanzelwa kwakhe, ngokuka Mnu.Varney, babusokola kubudlelwane babo. Iindwendwe zacelwa ukuba zisuse izihlangu zazo, kwaye uJoan ngokwakhe wayenxibe iirabha-ezikhusela irabha. Wayehlala ephethe ibhokisi yeKleenex kunye naye xa kunokwenzeka ukuba iipokotho zakhe ziphoswe phantsi. Ifanitshala kunye neelangshshades zazikhuselwe kuzo zonke i-sooty metropolis. Kwakukho izinto ezininzi ezisongelwe ngeplastiki kwigumbi likaJoan kunakwikhawuntara yenyama ye-A & P, ukhumbula uMnu. Varney.
Kwimemori yakhe, uMnu.Varney uzichitha iingcamango zohlalutyo malunga notyekelo lukaJoan's Lady Macbeth-ish, esithi uyakonwabela nje ukucoceka, ukucoceka nokucoceka nokuba uburhalarhume bakhe abuzange bumthintele ukuba aphile kakuhle. Ukuba uyayikhathalela inkxalabo yokuba kufuneka 'uqhekeze amatywina' xa unyuka kwisofa egqunywe ngeplastiki kwimozulu eshushu.
Ukunyaniseka kuka Mnu. Varney kuyaqhubeka nanamhlanje. Andizange ndayibona imovie, utshilo uMnu Varney, ebhekisa kwi-1981 yakudala uMommie Dearest. (Nditsalele umnxeba ujijekile, kodwa andizange ndicinge ukuba imovie yayilityala elibi kakhulu likaJC. Yintoni le intle kangaka ngokubeka iifrock ezibizayo kwiihanger zocingo?)
Ndihlala ndimkhumbula enobubele kuChristina, utshilo uMnu Varney. Kodwa ndiyavuma, uJoan wayengekho lula.
Akunjalo, ndinomfanekiso ocacileyo, nguMnu Varney. Kwiminyaka engama-60, uzinikele ngokuzibophelela kwi-oeuvre yakhe nakwinto awayeyibonile eCrawford. Ngalo lonke ixesha khumbula, uCarleton, ndandiqamba yena, uyamkhumbula emxelela. Emva kwesiqingatha seyure noMnumzana Varney, umntu unokucinga ngokulula elayini efanayo. Umde (wayeqhele ukuba ngumfuziselo) uphawu lweWildean kwimpazamo ebalekayo, unobuchule bokuluma kunye nomthamo waseCrawfordesque wokusebenza nzima. Nokuba uphehlelela indawo yokuqokelela iimpahla eMiami Beach, usebenza kumboniso obanzi (obizwa ngokuba nguDorothy wase-Oz, uya kubetha iibhodi ngo-2003 ukuba konke kuhamba kakuhle), eqhuba iimpahla zakhe ezingaziwayo kunye nee-boutique ze-houseware eFlorida nase-Ireland, okanye Ukuhonjiswa kumatheko ePalm Beach, uCarleton Varney ngoyena mntu ungaziwayo ukuba angathatha njani umhlala-phantsi ukuba banako ukwenza iNew Yorker. Uhombise iCarter White House, indawo yokungenisa ihotele eBreakers ePalm Beach, amagumbi kwindawo yokuhlala eGreenbrier eWest Virginia naseAu Bar eNew York. Ubhale iincwadi ezininzi ekuhombiseni, kwaye ubhale ikholamu edibeneyo ukusukela ngo-1969 ebizwa ngokuba nguMhlobisi Wosapho lwakho. Umnumzana Varney walitshintsha igama ukusuka ku Ask Ask Dorothy Draper xa wayethatha oko emva kokuba uLa Draper eswelekile. Wayesele enayo-kwi-ultra-Crawfordian yokuthatha-waxoxisana nenkampani kude naye xa wayeya ga-ga.
Ngaphandle kokwahlulwa ngokufihlakeleyo kweendlela, uMnu.Varney uhlala eyintandokazi kunye nomxhasi wesimbo sikaDorothy Draper: okt, i-gaudy, i-chintzes evuthuzayo, iikhaphethi ezimnyama eziluhlaza, umsebenzi wepeyinti emhlophe kunye nezinto ezenziwe ngelaphu lobunikazi. Incwadi yakhe ye-1988, i-Draper Touch, yinto efundekayo. Isilumkiso: Inokubangela ukuba ube nenkululeko yokuchasana nomncinci. Ukuba uqala ukunqwenela i-chintzes engaphezulu, uyilo lwantlandlolo lukaDorothy Draper lusekhona ngo-Ellen Ford Ltd. (232 East 59th Street, 759-4420).
Okanye kungcono, hamba i-hog yonke kwaye uthumele uCarleton Varney, indoda iWashington Post eyake yabiza uLaura Ashley kwi-asidi, ukuphelisa i-90's austerity ebomini bakho. Unokufikeleleka eDorothy Draper kunye neNkampani (758-2810).
Kwaye ii-laminates ezisikiweyo zesiko leefestile zakho zinoku-odolwa kwi-PDD. Inc (620-3840).
P.S: Omnye wabathengi bakaMnumzana Varney yayingu-Ethel Merman, ilivo eline-foghorn-voiced owayekwi-eccentric, nangona ingekho malunga nococeko. Ngokuka Mnu Varney, UNks Merman wagcina umthi weKrisimesi ekungeneni kwakhe iintsuku ezingama-365 ngonyaka. Kwibhedi yakhe yokufa, u-Ethel uxelele umhlobisi wakhe, ngokungathandekiyo, Ngena esikhepheni ngaphambi kokuba iphume.
Inaliti apho!
