Abafazi bangafumana njani indawo yokuba nesibindi xa sele sihlalisene ukuba sigqibelele, sikholise kwaye sihle maxa onke?Imifanekiso kaGetty Ndinomhlobo ondixelele ukuba isiqubulo sakhe silungile, umlilo, jolisa. Kwaye nangona eshiya amanxeba amaninzi ekuvukeni kwakhe, ufeza okuninzi. Ngelixa, isiqubulo sam sifana noku, Ukulungela, jolisa, jolisa, jolisa, ukumisa kwakhona, ukulungele, ukujolisa, ukujolisa, ukujolisa… Kwaye emva koko, ukuba ndinethamsanqa, ndiyadubula.
Ngokukhawuleza ukuba imbumbulu ibhabhe (ndiyonyanya ukuba esi sisikweko sompu) Ndizimela emva kwelitye, ndinexhala lokuba ngekhe ndibethe inkunzi yenkomo ifile embindini.
Ngaphandle kokuthetha, le ndlela ayisebenzi kakuhle kum.
Rhuma kwiNcwadana yeNdlela yokuBukela yaBabukeli
Ndandinomzuzu omkhulu we-aha malunga nokugqibelela kwam ukukhubazeka xa ndibukele Ingxoxo yeTed Reshma Saujani emva koko ufunde incwadi yakhe Unesibindi Awugqibekanga . Yandichukumisa kakhulu kuba yandinceda ndabeka amagama kwinto endandisoloko ndicinga ukuba kukungalungisi kwam ehlabathini. Njengoko kuvela, ukugqibelela kwam, abantu bam bayakholisa, kwaye uloyiko lwam lokungaphumeleli ngamava kwindalo iphela yabasetyhini abaninzi.
Ndithe ke ndakuba nethuba lokudibana noReshma Saujani kwincwadi yakhe etyikitya eLingua Franca kwisitrato iBleecker, ndaye ndafika nokuba ndinentloko ebuhlungu. Igumbi laligcwele ngabafazi kunye namadoda ambalwa. Ejikelezwe yimizobo yabantu ababhinqileyo abanjengoRuth Bader Ginsburg kunye nokuxhobisa iziqubulo kwizikipa ezithambileyo zecashmere, uchulumanco kwigumbi lwalunokubonakala.
UReshma Saujani ebesebenza kwifemu yotyalo-mali esenza imali eninzi kwaye elusizi ngokupheleleyo de waqokelela amandla okushiya umsebenzi wakhe wabalekela iCongress. Ngaba uphumelele? Ngokuqinisekileyo akunjalo, kwaye waziva ngathi usilele ngokupheleleyo. Kodwa kwindlela yakhe yokukhankasa, xa wayetyelele izikolo ezininzi, waqaphela ukuba iiklasi zokufaka iikhowudi kunye neerobhothi zazaliswe ngamakhwenkwe hayi amantombazana. Oku kuye kwamkhuthaza ukuba aqale amantombazana aKhowudi, umbutho ongenzi nzuzo uvala isithuba sesini kwiinkalo ezinxulumene nekhompyuter. Sele ifikelele ngaphezu kwamashumi asithoba amawaka amabhinqa aselula.
Kwi-Ted Talk kaReshma Saujani, eyafumana impendulo engummangaliso kwaye yakhokelela kwincwadi yakhe, ubalisa ibali eliphazamisayo. U-Lev Brie, unjingalwazi wekhowudi kwiYunivesithi yaseColumbia, ufumanise ukuba xa abafundi abangamadoda besokola ukufaka iikhowudi baya kuthi, Professor, kukho into engalunganga ngekhowudi yam. Kodwa xa amantombazana esokola, bathi, uNjingalwazi, kukho into engalunganga ngam. Ndinqwenela ukuba ndingatsho ukuba andinakukwazi ukunxibelelana.
I-Saujani ikwafumanise ukuba kwiiklasi ze-Girls Who Code, amantombazana kunokwenzeka ukuba azicime iikhowudi zawo ngokupheleleyo kwaye angabonisi namnye umsebenzi wawo konke konke, ngaphandle komngcipheko wokungafezeki. USaujani ubiza oku kugqibelela okanye ukugcwala.
Ndacinga emva kwibanga lesithathu xa ndandikwiPS.41 ndithatha uvavanyo olusemgangathweni lwezibalo. Ndabambeka kumbuzo onengqiqo kwimizuzu engamashumi amabini kwaye kwalandela imfazwe yam nayo yonke into. Ndiyazi ukuba kufanelekile ukuba ndiqhubeke, kodwa ukutsiba umbuzo, okanye nokwenza uqikelelo kunye nokuzalisa ngokungakhethiyo kwelinye lamaqamza, ndaziva ndingenakuqondakala. Ke ndihleli apho, ndaphinda ndayifunda le ngxaki, ndothuka ndaziva ndisisidenge. Lakuphela ixesha, ndashiya yonke i-chunk yovavanyo ingenanto. Ndifumene amanqaku kwi-68th percentile, ngelo xesha ebiziva ngathi kukuphela kwehlabathi, kodwa ngoku ndiyabona ukuba, xa ndithathela ingqalelo imeko, ndafumana indawo elungileyo ngokuchanekileyo. Ngelo xesha, ukusilela ukufikelela kwimfezeko kwakuthetha ukusilela ngokuthe ngqo.
Kukho isizathu sokuba abantu basetyhini bazive kwaye benze ngale ndlela, ubhala uSaujani. Ayinanto yakwenza nebhayoloji nayo yonke into enokuyenza ngendlela esiqeqeshwe ngayo. Njengamantombazana, sifundiswa ukusuka kumncinci kakhulu ukuba sidlale ngokukhuselekileyo. Ukuzama ukufumana yonke i-As, ukukholisa abazali bethu kunye nootitshala. Ukulumka ukuba unganyuki phezulu kwindawo yokuzivocavoca yehlathi ukuze singawi senzakalise. Ukuhlala ngokuzolileyo nangokuthobekileyo, ukujonga ukuba mhle, ukuthandeka ukuze sithandwe.
Imiyalezo yamakhwenkwe yahluke ngokupheleleyo. Bafundiswa ukuba baphonononge, badlale ngokurhabaxa, bajike phezulu, benyukele phezulu kwimivalo yeenkawu-kwaye bawe phantsi bezama. Bayakhuthazwa ukuba bazame izinto ezintsha, tinker ngezixhobo kunye nezixhobo, kwaye babuyele ngqo kumdlalo ukuba bathatha ukubetha. Kususela ebutsheni amakhwenkwe ayalungiselelwa ukuba abe nesibindi… Ngamanye amagama, amakhwenkwe afundiswa ukuba akhaliphe, ngelixa amantombazana efundiswa ukuba agqibelele.
Oku kusenokwenzeka ukuba bekusoloko kunjalo, kodwa kwimihla yethu emitsha kunye nobudala, enye yongezwa kuyo yonke indawo ekuhlaleni iyayingxaki le ngxaki. Ewe kunjalo, (idrumroll nceda) Instagram. USaujani ubhala ngendlela ezizukulwana ezisusela kwiminyaka eliwaka ukuya phambili ezenza ngayo into ayibiza ngokuba yahlulahlula isazisi xa kufikwa kwiinkangeleko zentlalo. Kufunyenwe ukuba abasetyhini abahlakulela umfanekiso olungileyo kwaye mhle kumajelo asekuhlaleni bafumana ezona zinto bazithandayo. Ke oku kubangela ntoni? Imithombo yolwazi yabasetyhini ebeka ingxelo engeyonyani ngenxa yemali yabo yenkcubeko.
Ndiyayiqonda le nkxwaleko kum njengoko ndihlala ndizibuza ukuba ndingadibanisa njani umntu wam wangaphakathi kule mihla nakweli xesha, xa wonke umntu elulwakhe uphawu. Kwaye kuthekani ukuba intombazana iphambuka ekubumbeni? USaujani uthetha ngomntwana okwishumi elivisayo owabelana naye ngokudabuka kwakhe emva kokuqhawuka kwimithombo yeendaba zentlalo ukuba axelelwe ukuba unamandla kakhulu. Ngokukhawuleza wathatha iposti yakhe.
Umhlobo wam nombhali uAmanda Chatel, kutshanje ukhale kwibali lakhe le-Instagram. Yayikhaliphile kwaye intle. Ndisoloko ndikhuthazwa ukuba ndenze okufanayo, kodwa ndihlala ndikhupha inkukhu. Kwaye ngelixa abanye abantu benokukufumanisa oku kubi kakhulu, ngokuqinisekileyo kukho i-vibe eyahlukileyo kwiposti yokwenyani kunye nokuluhlaza ngokuchasene nesithuba esicela nje uvelwano kunye nokuqinisekiswa. Amaphiko am e-Instagram asenokungonwabi, kodwa ngakumbi nangakumbi ndifumana amabhinqa akhuthazayo kwimidiya yoluntu ephakama phezulu ekubhiyozeleni ubunyani kunye nokuluhlaza. Yinto entle ngokwenene leyo njengoko uSaujani ebhalayo, Amakhwenkwe kunye namantombazana baya kuzifanisa nezinto abazibonayo, kwanoko bangakuboniyo.
Ke ngoku kwenzeka njani ukuba abafazi babe nesibindi ngequbuliso ukuba sihlalisene nabantu ukuba sigqibelele, sikholise kwaye sibahle? UReshma Saujani ubhala athi, enye indlela esinokuphinda somelele ngayo kwaye sithathe isikhubekiso sokukhatywa nokungaphumeleli kukusenza siqheleke… Bonisa ukwala kwakho ngekratshi; ziluphawu lobugorha bakho. Ucacisa ukuba isibindi sisihlunu esihlala sisakha. Njalo xa umfazi enesibindi imisipha yakhe iya ikhula. Ndifumanise ukuba nkqu nokwazi nje malunga nobuncinci bam, izihlunu zobukroti zibenzile, kulungile, kuncinci kakhulu. Ndingade ndibambe!
Ngo-2017 ndandinelizwi kwi #MeToo intshukumo kwaye ndatshintsha izihlunu zam zobukroti ngeendlela ezaziziva zingonwabanga, ukutsho nje okuncinci. Nje ukuba ndilifumane ilizwi lam, nangona lalikhulula ngokumangalisayo kwaye lixhobisa, ndaziva ngathi ndibambe ibhatata eshushu kwaye andinokwazi ukuyisusa ngokukhawuleza ngokwaneleyo. Ndafuna ukuzifihla. Bendingafuni ukugwetywa. Ndandifuna ukukhuseleka.
Ngalo lonke elo xesha, ndathumela umfanekiso wam kwi-Instagram ngokoqobo nditshintsha ubukroti bam, ndincuma ngokudelela. Kungekudala emva kokuba umhlobo wam omdala enditsalele umnxeba edlulisa umyalezo wakhe oxhalabisayo. Intombi yakhe iye yakhubeka yile post yam kuba ndikhangeleka ndonwabile kwaye ndingonelanga njengexhoba. Wayefuna nje ukundazisa. Ndisacaphuka yile yokuba ndimbulele ngenene ngefowni yakhe ndacinga ukuthoba ifoto. Akufuneki ukuba, umgwebo awunakuphepheka.
Ukutyhila kumaphepha e Unesibindi Awugqibekanga , Ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba isibindi ligama elikhulu kakhulu eliquka uninzi lweempawu ezixhobisayo. Ithemba, umbono, amandla, ubutshantliziyo, inkululeko, uthando, ukuqonda kwakho nokunye. Ndikwabona njengohlobo lobabalo, umlingo ongabonakaliyo osikhokelayo. Ndiyifanisa njenge-intuition esebenzayo. Kodwa ngenxa yokuba abantu ababhinqileyo behlalisene nabantu ukuze bonwabe kakhulu, babemnandi kwaye bahlalise, bahlala begqitha kwi-intuition yabo, babuyela umva kwimida yabo kwaye ke abayitshintshi ngokwaneleyo imisipha yabo yobukroti.
Kwaye, andinakuthetha ngesibindi ngaphandle kokuthetha ngothando. Ukubandakanyeka kwam kutshanje kuye kwacinywa. Ndizichithile iinyanga zasebusika zitshintshiwe, ndiphilisa kwaye ndilala phantsi. Ndathula kuba yonke into endandicinga ukuyibhala okanye ukuyithetha yayiyinto enkulu kakhulu. Mhlawumbi ndizifihle ixesha elide. Kodwa kutsha nje, ngumoya wasentwasahlobo kunye neentyatyambo zekherry eziqhakaza, ndiziva ndikhaliphile. Ndiphupha kwakhona ngesiqalo esitsha. Ndicinga malunga nothando olutsha. Ndiphefumlelwe kwaye ndizimisele ukuzama, hayi ukuyenza ilunge okanye ndiyenze ifezeke, kodwa ndiyile kwaye ndizibonise. Mhlawumbi ndiza kukhala nakwi-Instagram. Akukho kuphinda uyidlale ngokukhuselekileyo kwaye uzifihle ezithunzini. Ilanga liphumile, kwaye andoyiki ukuba oku kukhanya kuza kutyhila ntoni.
