Ukunika kunye nokufumana ingxelo eyakhayo kunokubuphucula ngokucacileyo ubudlelwane bakho nabanye kunye nawe.Unsplash Kutheni le nto ukufumana ukunconywa, kuhlose ukusenza siziva sonwabile, kuhlala kukhokelela ekuphenduleni ngokwemvelo okusenza sizive singenanto kodwa? Umhlekisi u-Amy Schumer ngokuhlekisayo iqatshelwe ukuba abantu abaninzi banengxaki yokwamkela indumiso kumzobo apho iqela labasetyhini litshintshiselana ngezinto ezimnandi emva kokuwela iindlela epakini, kwaye Wazidaya iinwele zakho! Kubonakala kumangalisa! inyuka iye kuphalazo gazi.
Kukho inkcazo yesayensi yokuba kutheni kunzima kangaka kwi-egos yethu ebuthathaka ukufumana ukuqinisekiswa okuqinisekileyo kwabanye. Siyakuthanda ukuqatshelwa, kodwa siyayithanda, utshilo uChristopher Littlefield, ingcali yokwamkelwa kunye nomsunguli wenkampani yababonisi bamanye amazwe iAcknowledgmentWorks, ekuqaleni kwakhe Intetho yeTed ngezibonelelo esinokuzifumana emsebenzini wethu nakubomi bethu ukuba sifunda ukubenza ubuchule bokupha kunye nokwamkela ukuncoma.
Njenge Uphengululo lweShishini laseHarvard Kuxelwe, uphando lukaLittlefield luveze ukuba iipesenti ezingama-88 zabantu zinxulumana nokwamkelwa nemvakalelo yokuxabiseka, ukanti iipesenti ezingama-70 ziyayinxulumanisa neentloni. Nabo bethu abayixabisayo into yokubethwa ngumoya kwe-ego abanakukunceda ukuba baphendule ngehlazo elilandelayo.
Isizathu esinye sokuba le yimeko inokuba sisalathiso sengxaki enkulu: ukuzixabisa okuphantsi. Kutshanje ukufunda ibonakalise ukuba abantu abanokuzithemba okuphantsi banengxaki enkulu yokwamkela ukunconywa kuba bekuthandabuza ukunyaniseka kwabo, ngokudibanisa imvakalelo yesiqhelo yeentloni kunye nehlazo elisisiseko apho baziva ngathi bayaphathwa. U-2010 oxakayo ukufunda kutyhilwe ukuba abantu abanokuzithemba okuphantsi bakhetha abantu abahlala nabo ababajonga kakubi, ukuze kunganyanzelekanga ukuba banyamezele ukufumana ukunconywa ababona njengokungahloniphi.
Uphando olongezelelekileyo lubonisa ukuba izincomo zifunyanwa njengeyona ndlela yokukhuthaza, hayi ukukhohlisa nje. Iqela leenzululwazi zaseJapan ndiyifumene loo nto abantu benze ngcono emva kokufumana ukunconywa. Engqondweni, ukufumana ukunconywa kungumvuzo wentlalontle njengokuvuzwa kwemali. Sikwazile ukufumana ubungqina benzululwazi bokuba umntu wenza ngcono xa efumana umvuzo wentlalontle emva kokugqiba umthambo, utshilo umbhali wezifundo kunye neZiko leSizwe lezeNzululwazi yePhysical Sciences uNorihiro Sadato. Kubonakala ngathi kukho ubunyani bezenzululwazi emva komyalezo ‘ukuncoma ukukhuthaza ukuphucula.’ Ukuncoma umntu kunokuba sisicwangciso esilula nesisebenzayo sokusisebenzisa kwigumbi lokufundela nangexesha lokuvuselelwa.
Esinye isizathu esinokuziva sineentloni xa sifumana ukunconywa kukuba kusebenze indawo enye yengqondo ekhanyayo xa udlala ngothando. Abaphandi kwiYunivesithi yaseKansas bafumanise ukuba ukubonisa izincoko zomlomo, kubandakanya nokuncoma, kunokuba yinto engenakuphepheka xa ujikeleze umntu onomdla kuye. Xa uziveza nomntu onokuthi umthande, isimilo esingathethiyo kunye nesomlomo siqala ukubonakalisa umtsalane, ngoncumo olucekeceke apha kunye nokuhleka kunye nokuhlekisa apho, ukucacisa indlela oziva ngayo ngomntu, watsho umbhali wesifundo uJeffrey Hall, nxulumana Unjingalwazi wezifundo zonxibelelwano kwiYunivesithi yaseKansas.
Unokwaphulwa njani umjikelo ongenampilo wokufumana ukuncoma kunye nokuzithoba, ukuze sifunde ukuziva simnandi ngokunconywa ngabanye? Inzululwazi ibonisa ukuba konke kungumcimbi wokuzithemba. UJames O. Pawelski, umlawuli wezemfundo kwiYunivesithi yasePennsylvania iPositive Psychology Centre, kunye nenkosikazi yakhe uSuzann Pileggi Pawelski, ongumcebisi kwezempilo, basandula ukukhupha incwadi yabo Sonwabile Kunye: Sebenzisa iSayensi yezePsychology elungileyo ukwakha uthando oluhlala luhleli .
I-Pawelskis ibonelela ngokuthatha indlela entsha yokuthatha ukuncoma: yamkela, yandisa, kwaye iqhubele phambili. Endaweni yokuba babhenele ekungazithembi kwangoko, baphonononga ukufaneleka kokukuvumela ukuba ungene nzulu, uzibhiyozele, kwaye uqhubekisele phambili incoko ukuze uqonde ngcono amandla akho. Ukufunda ukwamkela ukuncoma akunakwenzeka ngobusuku obunye, kodwa izibonelelo zempilo yengqondo zokunika kunye nokufumana ingxelo eyakhayo zinokubuphucula ngokucacileyo ubudlelwane bakho nabanye kunye nawe.
