(Ifoto: UPatrick Feller / Flickr) Ndithengile kwi-Whole Foods ngalo lonke ixesha lendawo, ubuncinci kwizixeko ezili-10 ezahlukeneyo: LA, San Francisco, Seattle, Denver, Austin, Chicago, Milwaukee, New York, DC nase Richmond, VA. Ndiyakuthanda Ukutya okupheleleyo. Yikrwele, ndiyazithanda iimveliso ezithengisayo Ukutya okupheleleyo, nokuba kunjani abanye abantu banokutsho malunga nabo . Mhlawumbi indlela elula yokubiza ibinzana elithi, Ndiyathanda ukutya konke . Ukutya okupheleleyo njengamava, ngumbandela opheleleyo lowo.
Kodwa nantsi into efunxa ukutya okupheleleyo: ayinanto yakwenza nabasebenzi babo. Kuyo yonke ibhodi, kwilizwe liphela, baye baba luncedo, banolwazi, kwaye banobuhlobo. Ndifumene inkonzo entle kwisebe ngalinye: ukusuka kwifriji yebhiya ukuya kwikhawuntara yesilarha ukuya kwindlela enkulu. Ndiyazi yonke into ngoku malunga neelentile, umzekelo, enkosi kumfo ogcina iitumato zeroma kwicandelo lemveliso kwivenkile yedolophu yaseMilwaukee, othathe ixesha lokuchaza ukuba kutheni umnatha Iilensi ngesitya sakhe seentlumayo esijiweyo ngobusuku obudlulileyo.
Ingxaki ngokutya okupheleleyo kukuthenga kwabo rhoqo. Baye, kuyo yonke ibhodi, kwilizwe liphela, abanamsebenzi, abazi nto, kwaye balusizi. Babi ngaphezu kokubandezeleka, kunjalo enomsindo. Zichanekile ngokuchaseneyo nawo wonke umqeshwa wokutya okupheleleyo endakhe ndadibana naye. Hamba kulo naliphi na ivenkile ngalo naliphi na ixesha losuku — kodwa ingakumbi ngo-5: 30 emva kwemini ngeveki okanye ngoMgqibelo emva kwemini ngexesha lebhola ekhatywayo — kwaye ngokungathandabuzekiyo uya kudibana neqela leZombies ezihlekisayo nezidelelayo kwaye unelungelo le-1% ers.
Bame embindini weendlela, bevalela indlela yayo nayiphi na inqwelo, bejonge ngenyameko ekukhetheni bezibuza lo mbuzo ubalulekileyo: yeyiphi yeoyile ye-olive eyenza ukuba ndibonakale ndipholile kwaye ndonwabile ngokwasentlalweni, ngelixa ndisenza isaladi yemifuno eluhlaza Ngaba ulungiselela intlanganiso yebhodi yenyanga nganye ebonakala ngathi yeyorhwebo kunye nobugcisa?
Ukuba ungumntu oqhelekileyo, xa ufika kumntu onje epasejini ucoca umqala wakho okanye uthi uxolo, ngethemba lokuba ngethemba lokuba bayakubamba. Abenzi. Ngapha koko, bayacaphuka bubukho bakho. Umbono wokuba wophula indawo yabo yokuthenga-ebonakala ngathi iyivenkile iphela-okanye wenze ukuthanda kwakho nantoni na Kude lee kunombala kangangokuba amaxesha amaninzi konke abanako ukukwenza ngu Ugh!
Kule minyaka ndizamile yonke into ukuhlala ndisisidlangalaleni kwaba bantu, kodwa akukho nto isebenzayo, ke ndiyekile ukuzama. Endaweni yokuba ndihambe ndiye kwinqwelo yabo kwaye ndiyishukumisele ecaleni. Ngokwesiqhelo, umothuko wothusayo Ngaphandle kweendonga ezine zokutya okupheleleyo, unokubabona aba bantu njengabaphawuli beGawker okanye i-Twitter shamers. Ngaphakathi, baphefumla, abathengi abazibaluleyo Andikholelwa nje !! ukuba kuthatha ixesha elide ukujonga. Bona ndixakekile, bona ube nendawo Ngaba aba bantu bakwezinye iindlela ezintandathu ezivulekileyo zokuphuma ezivenkileni nganye ezi-3 zinzulu abayiqondi loo nto, WTF ??!? Ndabe emgceni eWrigleyville Yonke Ukutya eChicago ngobusuku obunye entwasahlobo ephelileyo, ngasemva kwendoda ebhityileyo, emile ejonge iintaka kwi-40s yakhe eyayisecaleni kwakhe ukuba wayengakhange ahlolwe ngomlingo kwaye apakishwe. Indawo yayiyindlu ye-madhouse, yonke indawo yokutshekisha ivulekile, kwaye nganye yayinomgca, kodwa oko kwakungonelanga kwinkcazo yalo mfo. Wayefuna ukwazi ukuba kutheni izinto zingahambi ngokukhawuleza, kutheni kungekho ezinye iindawo zokujonga, kutheni wayeselapha ukulila ngokuvakalayo! Wayethetha ngako nakubani na oya kuphulaphula, ekhwaza izikhalazo zakhe kwivenkile esele ivalile yevenkile yaseMelika enomsindo. Bendingxamile nam, ke ngoko bendingenalo uvelwano kwabo baneendawo zokuya nabantu babone, kodwa iimeko bezinjalo kungabikho namnye kuthi owayedada ephuma apho engenzame njengaxa ubetha zonke izibane zikhwela enye yazo iindlela eManhattan xa usiya kwisidlo sangokuhlwa okanye entlanganisweni. Yonke into oyifunayo yayiyimbala yamehlo ukubona oko. Okwangoku, lo mfo wayengatyhafiswanga. Ukuba kuye kwafuneka acaphuke kwaye angonwabi, wayezakuqinisekisa ukuba abanye bethu bacaphukile kwaye abonwabanga. Xa bendineminyaka engama-20, ngendandizivalele lo mfana okanye nditshintshe imizila ndaza ndamazisa ukuba kutheni. Kodwa ayisebenzi nyani kwi-30s yakho, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ayikufumani naphi na nge-dickheads ezingapheliyo njengalo mfo. Endaweni yokuzama ukumelana naye okanye ukungahoyi uqhankqalazo, ndithathe iphepha kwincwadi yemidlalo yobugcisa bemfazwe ndasebenzisa amandla akhe nxamnye naye. Oku ngu ukuba yinto ehlekisayo, ndamxelela. Kuya kufuneka uthethe nomntu othile. Ucinga? Uphendule, bonke bathetha njengesiqhelo ngezi ntlobo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, umfazi osemva kwam wathi. Ngubani lo mfazi , Ndazula, Wayekweliphi icala lomkhosi? Unyanisile, ndiya kuyenza. Inkxaso yomfazi yatyhala i-Birdman ngaphezulu. Ndiza kuyigcina indawo yakho, ndamqinisekisa. Sijonge njengokuba ematsha esiya kwidesika yeNkonzo yaBaxumi kwaye enamaqhosha kumphathi ongalindelanga. Incoko yabonakala iqala ngokwaneleyo. UBirdman wathetha ngothando, kodwa engabonakalisi ntlonipho. Umphathi wamamela ngokucamngca, enqwala kuzo zonke iindawo ezifanelekileyo, ethatha zonke iimfuno ezizodwa zikaBirdman, zokuzonwabisa. Xa yayilixesha lakhe lokuba athethe, uBirdman akazange amnike imbeko umphathi. Uye waphazamisa qho emva kwemizuzwana emihlanu, iingalo zakhe zivutha ngathi yindoda edanisayo efumanekayo eluphahleni lwestrato enkulu, intloko yakhe ibambelele kumphathi njengenkuku ekhonkxayo ukugxininisa ingongoma yakhe. UBirdman ubuyile emgceni emva kwexesha, ezantsi kodwa akoyiswanga. Ngoku wayethetha ngokubhala i-imeyile kumongameli we-Whole Foods. Kufuneka azi ngezi zinto! Kungekudala, yayilixesha lakhe lokuba akhuphe ibhasikithi yakhe kwibhanti yokuhambisa iimpahla. Yayiyicucucopia yemveliso kunye nokutya kwevegan kwenye. Uthetha ukuthi le peach yendoda isengatshatanga?!? Yeka ukudlala. I-checker yayisandula ukuqala kwimveliso yayo-i-artichoke enye, i-2.49 yeedola- xa uBirdman efika. Oo, ndilibele into. Ndiza kubuya. Ingaba uyadlala ngam? Sibe semgceni kwimizuzu eli-10 ubuncinci. Endaweni yokuthatha elo xesha aqiniseke ukuba unayo yonke into kuluhlu awayelugcina kwi-app yakhe yokutya kwi-iPhone yakhe entsha, wayisebenzisa ukuluma nokugcuma. Andizange ndikholelwe. Umfazi osemva kwam unokukholelwa nangaphantsi. Ke wathatha izinto ezandleni zakhe: wahamba-hamba apha ecaleni kwam, walanda ibhaskiti kaBirdman phantsi kwetafile, watshayela yonke into ayithengileyo wayiphosa ebhaskithini ekupheleni komgca. Ibingase ndimange lo mama. Ukuba bendinamandla, ngendamthwesa isithsaba uKumkanikazi waseMelika kwaye inyathelo lakhe elilandelayo ibiya eWashington DC ukuyokulungisa iCongress (kunye nabantu aboyikekayo abathenga kwezi venkile ze-Whole Foods). Ukubuya kukaBirdman, ephethe ibhafu yeyogathi engenanto, waya ngqo ngaphambili kwirejista kwaye wayeka ukusweleka. Akukho mntu wathethayo kuye. Wathula akathetha namntu. Wayengenokudideka ngakumbi ukuba angabuya kwaye wonke umntu wayefile. Wakroba intloko yakhe kwimizila yecala lethu, ngokungathi mhlawumbi angabuyela kwindawo yokujonga engeyiyo. Wajonga esiphelweni sekhawuntari, ecinga ukuba mhlawumbi umvavanyi uskene yonke into kwaye sele eyipakishe. Wajonga phantsi kwetafile yokujonga, ngokungathi ukutya kwakhe yayisiseti yezitshixo okanye irimothi ewele phantsi kwesofa. Akukho nto. Kwelam icala, besele ndijongile kwaye bendigqibezela ukubhatala. Ndinezinto ezimbalwa kuphela. Ibhinqa emva kwam lalothula inqwelo yakhe. Eli nqaku, ngakumbi, alikhange libalisele uBirdman. Besifanele ukuba njalo b ngu ixabiso yena. Akukho zicucu ziphindiweyo kumgca wokutya okupheleleyo, ngathi, wonke umntu uyazi ukuba. Wajikeleza ngeenxa zonke ekuqalekeni kwento ejijekileyo. Ngaba wayepiwe? Ngaba ubuntu bakhe babungakhathalelwanga? Kulapho wabona ukutya kwakhe, ebuyela kwingobozi yakhe, kumgangatho wesamente watyibilika waya emva komgca. Wayefuna ukukhwaza kuthi-kum, kumhloli, emfazini, kumphathi-kodwa wayengenaso isibindi. Oko bekuya kufuna ukungqubana okuvulekileyo, ngqo. Endaweni yoko wakhwaza. Esilingini. Kwaye umgangatho. Kwaye indawo yokubeka iimagazini. Abantu kwicala ngalinye lethu bema bejongile. Ndicinga ukuba ungabiza impendulo yam, kwaye andiqinisekanga ncam. Kodwa bekungekho mpazamo ekuphenduleni komfazi osemva kwam: waqhekeka wahleka, busisa intliziyo yakhe. UBirdman wayengakhathali. Wayengakwazi ukuzibamba. Umsindo kwafuneka uphume, kwaye kwafuneka uphume kwangoko nangoko. Njengomboniso bhanyabhanya onkampu apho umntu afumanisa ukuba ukhohlisiwe okanye ungcatshisiwe-okanye ukuba yinto ehlekisayo, kwenzeka into kwiibhola zabo-kwaye ukhuphe isikhalo esivakala emaphandleni nasekusikeni. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJKdTOPJDPQ&w=560&h=315] Ndicinga ngorhatya ngalo lonke ixesha ndihamba ndisiya kwindawo yokutya iphela ngexesha lokubaleka. Ndijonge iimpawu zokubalisa zomnye umntu oyiBirdman-ukungabi namonde, ukusabela ngokugqithisileyo, ukuqumba ngumsindo- kwaye ndiyifumana rhoqo. Emva koko ndiyazibuza, Kutheni bonke aba bantu benomsindo? Ngaba ikhona into malunga nokutya okupheleleyo okuyikhupha kubo? Ngaba kukusondela nje kwabo kweminye imiphefumlo elusizi njengabo? Ngaba luluqikelelo lwangaphandle lokuzicaphukela ngaphakathi oluziswe kukuziva ungenakunceda xa ujongene noxinzelelo lwentlalo lokuhlawula amaxabiso aphezulu kwi-organic, i-GMO-free, gluten-free, paleo, macro, iphelele ukutya? Okwangoku Ukutya okupheleleyo ayisiyiyo kuphela umdlalo edolophini. Naphi na apho kukho iFree Foods kuhlala kukho iRalph, iPic n Gcina, iSafeway ekufutshane. Kwezinye iidolophu kukho imixokelelwane yegrosari yesizwe neyommandla ebopha umgca phakathi kwezorhwebo ezantsi kunye nentengiso ephezulu: iTrader Joe's, HEB, Gelson's, Outpost, njl. Okanye ikhona? Ndingabheja ukuba ubuza zonke ezi troll zinomsindo, zinenzondo ezinyathela kumxube wazo kwindawo yokupaka izama ukudibanisa i-200 yeedola zokutya kunye neebhegi zephepha ezintathu ezilinganiselweyo zizele ukutya, bathi hayi Baza kuthi unayo ukuthenga kwi-Whole Foods ngenxa yento ethile omnye umntu kwiintsapho zabo bathanda ukuba abanakufumana kwenye indawo. Bahlala benenkcazo, kodwa ngokwenene sisizathu nje. Bazama ukuzithethelela, kodwa kuhlala kusengqiqweni. Njengomntu onesihlobo esiphakamileyo kwileli kwi-Whole Foods, ndiyamvela kwaye nakwishishini (kangangoko unokuziva ngeshishini, kunjalo). Ukutya okuphela kuzama ukuzisa kwintengiso yezona mveliso zibalaseleyo kwifama ezijikeleze indawo kunye nabanikezeli ngeenkonzo, ngendlela enentlalontle kunye nenkonzo yabathengi ekuchukumiseka kakhulu kwindawo yentengiso. Ukanti ngokwenza njalo, bakhuphe okona kubi ebantwini abatsala kuloo mbono. Okanye mhlawumbi ngokuchanekileyo ngakumbi, umbono wabo utsala olona hlobo lubi lwabantu. Andazi. Kuyisiphazamiso esikhathazayo ekungafanelekanga ukuba bathwale uxanduva ngaso. Akukho nto ingako onokuyenza, emva kwayo yonke loo nto, xa isiseko sabantu bakho siphila, siphefumla i-hashtag. UNils Parker ngu umhleli wee-NY Times ezithengisa kakhulu , iqabane kwi Ukujonga ukuThengisa uBrass , kunye nombhali-mbhali wencwadi ezayo Umlingane: Yiba yindoda efunwa ngabafazi .
Ugh! akwenzeki de ndibe kwikona engabonakaliyo. Ngokwesiqhelo, yonke into endiyifumanayo kukujonga ngokungaboni kakuhle kwamehlo. Ngamanye amaxesha ndiye ndizifumane zombini, kwaye xa oko kusenzeka, ndibajonga ngesikwere esweni kwaye bathi Hambisa. Eyakho. Kwinqwelo Ndisebenzise ithoni efanayo eqinileyo njengoJason Bourne, ngokungxama okungxamisekileyo kukaJack Bauer kunye nokusondela okungathandekiyo kukaJaji Reinhold. Ukusuka ekuphenduleni kwabo ucinga ukuba ndenze nje ukuphanga kuxhotyiwe okanye ukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo. Xa amagama engaphumeleli kubo, njengoko behlala besenza ngokungenalusini iZombi zombies, ingqumbo ijikela ngaphakathi kwaye baqala ukungcangcazela ngumsindo olungileyo. Okokugqibela, loo mandla afunekayo kufuneka aye ndaweni ithile, kwaye njengamalangatye elanga ayaphuma aya kwindalo iphela njengeparoxysms yomsindo.
