NgeCawa emva kwemini, owayesakuba ngumdanisi weBallet kwisiXeko saseNew York uToni Bentley glissade ’d egadini yaseChateau Marmont ukuxoxa ngesimemo sakhe esitsha malunga nesodomy.
Ngokukodwa, isondo esinqeni. Ukunikezela —Ms. Imbali ka-Bentley ye-anal, iphecana lakhe malunga nephecana lakhe, isiphelo sakhe soncwadi-konke-konke (kuya kuba nzima ukuyeka) -izakupapashwa nguReganBooks kule veki, kunye nombhali, efihle ngasemva kwezibuko zelanga ezimnyama kunye nesigqubuthelo seChanel No 5, kwabonakala ngathi bobabini banekratshi kwaye bayothuka: isetyana elomileyo phakathi ngonaphakade, ngokudakumba eluhlaza Amagqabi ase West Hollywood.
Ngokuqinisekileyo andiguquli abantu, utshilo. Andizami ukwenza ukuba wonke umntu enze esi senzo-enyanisweni, ndicinga ukuba uninzi lwabantu akufuneki lusenze. Ndiyi-laissez-faire ngokupheleleyo malunga naloo nto. Kodwa ndiziva ngathi andinakuba ndedwa ngokupheleleyo.
Ewe kunjalo, kodwa siza kufika kuloo mzuzwana.
Into eyenza ukuba isondo elitsha likaNks Bentley lokuvuma izono ngokungaqhelekanga lingaphantsi komxholo-ukuvuma ngesondo akunzima ngqo ukuza kwezi ntsuku-kodwa ikharityhulamu yakhe. Umntu waseNew York ukusukela kwiminyaka emi-4, wachitha iminyaka elishumi edanisa phantsi kolwalathiso lukaGeorge Balanchine ngelo xesha lokujika kwePeninti xa i-ballet yayingaphezulu kobugcisa obuphezulu esixekweni, xa kubonakala ngathi yonke intombazana encinci eManhattan ephethe iziliphu ze-Capezio (ezipinki ze-Upper East Siders; ezimnyama kwii-bohemians zaseLalini) kunye nekopi ebengezelayo yeselfowuni yencwadi kaJill Krementz A Very Young Dancer.
UToni omncinci wayengomnye wamantombazana apinki. Kwafuneka ndibe ngumdanisi, utshilo. Waye wafunda kwiSikolo se-American Ballet kunye ne-Professional Children's School. Nge-15 okanye njalo, waqala ukugcina idayari (into ka-Anaïs Nin-uhlobo), ebhala kwiipads zomthetho ezityheli; xa wayeneminyaka eli-17 ubudala, wajoyina i-NYCB, edanisa kwi-Nutcracker ye- $ 6.95 ngentsebenzo nganye; kwaye ngo-1982, iRandom House yapapasha ixesha lasebusika, ingxelo yexesha lakhe apho. Kwamkelwe kakuhle.
Kule ncwadi yobuntombi, ulutsha olucekeceke iballet luchaze imeko yakhe yokunqula ngoSuzanne Farrell, oyena muse uphambili kaMnu. Balanchine. Khange nditsho kuboo, utshilo uNkosazana Bentley, ongazukunikezela ngeminyaka yakhe (ubungqina obukhoyo bucebisa phakathi kwe-40's) okanye axoxe ngoqhawulo mtshato olwamkhupha eNtshona ngesiqalo esitsha kwiminyaka elishumi eyadlulayo. Wayenguthixokazi. Wayesoyikisa. Yaphuma ke le ncwadi, weza kum eSaratoga Performing Arts Centre emva kweklasi. Sonke sasijonge ishedyuli, sivuza umbilo-ngaphandle kwakhe, ewe, kuba akazange abile — wathi kum ngamehlo aluhlaza, 'Ngaba incwadi yakho iyafumaneka kwiivenkile ezithengisa iincwadi ezisemthethweni?'
Aba babini basebenzisana kamva kwimemori kaMnu. Farrell, Ukubambelela Emoyeni.
Ukunyanzelwa ukuba uthathe umhlala-phantsi kwangethuba ngenxa yokwenzakala kwe-hip, U-Nks.Bentley akafumananga kuphela indlela yokuba namandla phezu kwe-alpha females zeli hlabathi, kodwa nomsebenzi omncinci wesikhashana.
Ndingumdanisi olunge kakhulu, watsho ethe cwaka, epheka isaladi kaKesare ene-shrimp. Ingubo yakhe yanamhlanje yayijikeleza nge-1978, ngendlela ye-chic: smoked aqua cotton sundress, iimbadada ezinkulu zeqonga le-denim kubungakanani-beenyawo zantandathu (ukuchitha naliphi na ixesha lexesha kufana nokubopha iinyawo kweTshayina), ubuninzi bezinto zokuhombisa iimpahla, Ieperile ezijingayo ezindlebeni zakhe nasentanyeni yakhe, izacholo zesilivere ezijikeleza izihlahla zombini, amatye okurhinela kwindawo yakhe yokuhombisa kunye neenzwane.
Andizange ndibe ngumdanisi onyanisekileyo njengoko ndandinjalo, uNksz Bentley walungisa. Ndizicingela ngoku ukuba bendithobekile kwaye ndiyoyika. Ndandinomntu oneentloni ukubeka phandle ukuba ndilunge kangakanani. Ndinesibindi kwiphepha kunokuba bendiseqongeni, kunjalo.
Ukufunda i-opus ka-Ms Bentley yakutshanje, ngokuqinisekileyo ayisiyiyo eyokuphelelwa sisisu, kuyalingana nokuzoba okuhambelana nomthengisi wangoku, Indlela Yokwenza Uthando NjengeNkwenkwezi ye-Porn nguJenna Jameson. Bobabini ababhali bapapashwa nguJudith Regan, kunye nesakhiwo sokusayinwa kwesikripthi esinjengesahluko esinjengesahluko kunye nohlobo lokuchwetheza. (Ngaba yinto nje yokucinga komntu, okanye ngaba iincwadi zikaRegan zinevumba elahlukileyo njengoko besusa oomatshini bokushicilela, bafana nepopcorn etshisiwe? UStrauss; UNks Bentley usebenze yedwa kwicandelo lezoBugcisa nezoLonwabo-iwonga, utshilo). Zombini zigcina imbeko yesini esindayo samadoda akhethekileyo ebomini babo (ndinike kuphela amadoda amathathu, onke endibathandayo, ubhala uNkosazana Jameson onomzimba; Nksz. Bentley unikezela kwababini). Kwaye bobabini babeke ixesha njengabaphangi.
Incwadi yeenkwenkwezi ezingamanyala, ngakumbi kwimicimbi yemultimedia, ibandakanya ukungenelela okubonisiweyo okunesihloko esithi Jenna Jameson's Stripper Dancer Injuries 101 (bunions, lower pain pain, ruptured breast implants) -hard knocks of life after logging nights at Crazy Horse Two in Las Vegas.
I-ballerina ilandele umkhondo owahlukileyo wokukhupha konke: Ukutshutshisa emva kukaMnu Balanchine kwenye yee-hangout zakhe azithandayo, i-Crazy Horse Saloon yase-Paris, ngo-1980 (Ndacinga, 'Owu Thixo wam, la mantombazana afana nathi' Kwatyalwa imbewu eyaqhakaza emva kweminyaka xa, engasadanisi ne-NYCB, UNks Bentley wenza i-burlesque yakhe e-Blue Angel e-Tribeca. Inxalenye yokuphuma kwam, utshilo, esithi, ndisenayo imali endiyenzileyo- $ 89.
Usebenzise la mava kwenye incwadi, Sisters of Salome- imbali ephandwe nzulu yomntu ozihluthuleyo owaprintwa yi Yale University Press ngo 2002. Ndiyintshontsho elishushu elipapashwa yi Yale University Press - jongana nalo, uxelele i Los. I-Angeles Times ngexesha le-blitz yokuthengisa yaloo mthamo.
UNks Bentley ngokuqinisekileyo ufumene ngaphezulu kwe- $ 89 ye -Surrender, kodwa ngoku ujongene nomceli mngeni ochaseneyo: ukupapasha umsebenzi we-erotica opapashwe ngumbhalo ongabelwanga nguHarold Brodkey kodwa uHoward Stern (uButman ngokwakhe), ngelixa egcina ukuthembeka kwakhe phakathi isihlwele esiphakamileyo. Iprojekthi yakhe elandelayo, emva kwayo yonke loo nto, yibhayiloji yomsunguli we-NYCB uLincoln Kirstein; Umxholo wakhe wokubhala ayingoJosephine Hart kodwa nguColette. Yijongane nayo, encore!
Kodwa yonke into ephantsi-apho yonke into yenzeka khona, kum, UNks Bentley watsho ngovuyo. Yiloo nto endiyifundileyo eBalanchine! Ungoyena mzobi ubalaseleyo wobugcisa, kodwa hayi isnob, kwaye wayedla ngokuthetha izinto ezinje ngokuba 'Ubunyhukunyhuku buluncedo kakhulu.'
Kwaye uza kwenza ntoni uMnu. B. ngomsebenzi wakhe omtsha?
Ah ha ha ha, UNks Bentley uthe. Gosh-yinto enzima leyo. Ndicinga ukuba angahlekiswa. Ndicinga ukuba angonwaba, kwaye mhlawumbi onwabe ngokuba ufile.
Kodwa ke, ewe, uninzi lokubhala ngesondo kuyothusa, utshilo.
Ukuzinikezela kuthatha inkathalo yokufihla ukuba kubhalwa ngesondo; Iza ikhutshiwe kwisigqubuthelo esimnyama ngokuvulwa kwesitshixo; ngaphantsi, kukho umzobo ongasekhoyo u-John Kacere we-odalisque ongaziwayo ongasemva kwi-panties. Wonke umntu uza kubuza ukuba ndim, umbhali wancwina. Ngapha koko, lo mfanekiso wawusetyenziswa kwimipu yokuvula ye-Sofia Coppola's-ballyhooed 2003 movie, Lost in Translation. Yonke le nto yenzeke ngaxeshanye, kwaye ndacinga, 'Owu, ngunyaka we-Ass,' utshilo uNkosazana Bentley, ehleka kancinci.
Incwadi, enkosi kuThixo, ayikho ngaphandle koburharha, yenzelwe okanye ngenye indlela. Umbalisi uchaza ukuba kwakutheni ukuze atsaleleke kwiballet njengomsebenzi womzimba (ndandisoyika iibhola zaso nasiphi na isayizi esiya kwicala lam); uxela ngento yokuthandana nom masseur (Amathambo ahlawulelwa i-inshurensi, uyaphawula); kwaye uxele uGqirha Ruth-ishly ukuba awukwazi ukuba nesiqingatha-esile-fuck-fuck. Isahluko esine-plucky kwi-panty engenachaphaza songeza kumaxesha athile iingcebiso-ikholamu yokuziva. UFreud uboniswa kwiphepha 53; Proust’s madeleine amaphepha angama-99 kamva; U-Eve Ensler uxutywe kwindawo ethile phakathi.
Kukho ngaphezulu kweswipe kubufazi. Owu ukulunga kwam, UNks Bentley uthe, enomsindo. Ngokusisiseko, ubufazi yinto emnandi. Ubufazi benza ukuba ndibhale le ncwadi kwaye ndiyipapashe, Kulungile? Lowo ngumgca osezantsi. Ngaphakathi komda wezinto, ukuba ubufazi buthetha ukuba ngabasetyhini ngandlela zonke, ndingoyena mntu ugqibeleleyo. Kodwa andizibizi ngokuba ndingumfazi. Ayisiyo ilebula endiyisebenzisayo.
Uye waqhubeka: Ngokucacileyo, ndiyakholelwa kulingano, nokuba yintoni na. Ndicinga ukuba amadoda nabafazi bayalingana. Ndiyathetha, umvuzo olinganayo, loo nto uyinikiweyo-kodwa uya ngaphaya koko? Ngesondo? Nditsho-steven kwigumbi lokulala? Ayisiyonto inomdla ngokwenene.
Awu, ayisiyonto inomdla ngakumbi ngakumbi ukuba uNks.Bentley uyisindisile into ayithandayo yothando lwangasemva (kunye nomnye umntu owaziwa nje ngokuba ngu-A-Man) kwibhokisi entle, ende, engqukuva, epeyintwe ngesandla, kunye ne-Chinese lacquered box. Amakhulu eekhondom ezisetyenzisiweyo kunye ne-KY: Ubuncwane bam, ndenza umbalisi. Ubuncwane bomfazi omnye yinkunkuma yomnye, sithandwa.
Kwaye, mhlawumbi, kwakungekho bulumko kuye ukuba abhale, emva kokuba u-A-Man angene kuye nge-220, ukuba ndifuna ukufa naye e-esileni lam-kuba ngelo xesha, umfundi ulingelwa ukuba avume.
Iimpawu ezininzi zesondo zeSurrender ziyigrafu, azinakuphikiswa, zicacile-zigcwele amagama oonobumba abane kunye nokuzama kwamaxesha amaninzi kwamaqabane. Isenokungabi yimifanekiso engamanyala kwiNkundla ePhakamileyo ndiyayazi xa ndiyibona inengqiqo-okt, yayenzelwe ukubeka igama-kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo yabelana ngokufana ne-porn: iinqununu ezingaziwayo, umgca webali elincinci, imiboniso yesini esixhambileyo.
Ngokucacileyo, le nto besiyenza yayiyobuchwephesha, utshilo uNkskz Bentley. Andizukuyikhanyela into yokuba ndifuna ukuba ngumzobo opheleleyo. Endiza kuyilungelelanisa kakhulu noqeqesho lwam lomdaniso! Uyazi, uBalanchine wayengoyena mntu wezenkolo, kwaye wayengoyena mntu uthethayo. Yayibubuchwephesha: Ukuba wenza iithenda ezizigidi ezintathu, unokuyifumana ngokuchanekileyo, kwaye ke amathuba okuba umphefumlo wakho ubonise isiteji. Ke kum, le yinto enye.
Abagxeki bakwangoko bagxadazela njenge-Astroglide, kubandakanya abapapashi beVeki ngeveki (ngokumangalisayo ngobukrelekrele kunye nobungqingili kunye nobukrelekrele nokuhamba, ubhale umvavanyi, esongeza inkwenkwezi) kunye nomhleli wombhalo weRiphabhlikhi eNtsha, uLeon Wieseltier, balletomane owaziwayo owafumana i-galley kwi-noir balladeer uLeonard Cohen (umhlobo ofanayo nengoma yakhe Ukulinda uMmangaliso wakhethwa nguNks. Bentley njengomculo wakhe we-stripper).
Ndicinga ukuba ingangumsebenzi wobugcisa obuncinci wokubhala inkanuko, utshilo uMnu Wieseltier kudliwanondlebe ngomnxeba. Ndiyayithanda i-lucidity yayo, ithoni iyinyani kwaye ayiqwalaseli, kwaye yinto engokwemvelo-ubungqina obucacileyo abuchaphazelekanga ngokupheleleyo. Akusiyo incwadi ebandayo, kodwa ayiyoncwadi emanzi. Ngendlela ehlekisayo, uza nemvakalelo engakumbi ngengqondo kaToni kunomzimba kaToni. Ndaziva ndizisola xa ndiyifunda, ukuba yawela kuJudith Regan ukuyipapasha. Ndiyabukhumbula ubungqongqo beOldia Press Press. Ndiyazikhumbula iintsuku apho iphonografi yayihlala ipapashwa ngokukhawuleza.
Ngaba i-Surrender yamanyala, emva koko? Ndiyoyika ukuba umpapashi wakhe ucinga ukuba ingamanyala, utshilo uWieseltier kabukhali. Akuyiyo iphonografi kwaphela. Yimbali yamava, hayi iakhawunti yolonwabo okanye iakhawunti yesono okanye iakhawunti yolwaphulo-mthetho. 'Ukubhala okunzulu ngesondo' yinto endiyibiza ngayo.
Ngummangaliso ukuba umpapashi wezorhwebo ukwenzile konke oku, wongeze watsho. Abanye abavakalisi baseNew York babengamagwala nje.
Emuva e-Chateau, UNks Bentley wayeziva ethule yedwa, ecinga ngokuza kwakhe njenge sodomite.
Kuyahlekisa-abantu abaninzi bathe kum ngale ncwadi ikhaliphile, utshilo. Ubukhalipha yinto ehlekisayo. Yonke into ibhaliwe; phakathi kweMarquis de Sade kunye neBhayibhile kunye no-DH Lawrence kunye neForum kunye nePenthouse, angothuka njani umntu?
Ekuqaleni, wavuma, wayothenga i-Surrender phantsi kwegama elithi de de plume uMadeleine LeClerc, emva komnye wabaphethe kakubi entolongweni. Kodwa emva koko omnye umntu wathi kum, ‘Incwadi yakho inesibindi, awunakukwazi ukuphinda ubuyele kwisibizo-njalo-njalo. Kwaye ndaya, 'Kulungile, emva koko ndiza kuyifumana! Ndiza kutsiba nje eliweni! '
Uyazi, uBalanchine wayehlala efuna ukuba uzibeke phaya, ulungelelanise yonke into, utshilo uNkskz Bentley. Kwaye kwakunzima kum ukwenza loo nto. Kwaye iyandihlekisa into yokuba yonke le nto ndiyenza ngendlela yam, kamva.
