Jerry, ukhululekile apho?
Ukusuka epulpitini yeFriars Club, uSusie Essman wajonga phantsi kumlingisi kunye nomlingisi we-sitcom uJerry Stiller njengoko wayexhuma kwisihlalo esikhulu sesikhumba esasibekwe kwi-dais.
Hayi, uMnu Stiller uphendule. Waye wahlaselwa kwelinye icala lesitulo, eqinisa iinwele zakhe ezinoboya – umbala weTang, njengoko umhlekisi uDick Capri wayeza kuqaphela kamva-esikhumbeni.
UNks. Essman, inyama yenyama kunye neetapile uBebe Neuwirth, wakhanyisa ngoncumo oluyingozi. Wayesandula ukwenza uMnumzana Stiller ukuba agqume ubuso bakhe ngezandla zakhe ngokwenza izivakalisi ezihlanu ezifutshane: kufuneka ndixolise. Ndinomqala obuhlungu. UJerry uyasazi isizathu. Ndiyazi ukuba kutheni. Kwanele ngoku.
Amadoda nabafazi abanamehlo anzima abafumana ukujika amathe kwiFriars Club Roast yonyaka bahlala bezisa inzondelelo ethile kwimisebenzi yabo, kodwa ixhoba lonyaka elijiweyo lahlukile kwabo bebefike ngaphambili. Ngokungafaniyo nembeko yonyaka ophelileyo, inkwenkwezi ye-sitcom uDrew Carey, uJerry Stiller wayeyindoda eyathi, kunye nenkosikazi yakhe yexesha elide kunye neqabane elihlekisayo, u-Anne Meara, wayephethe umsebenzi omde kumzi-mveliso wokubonisa ngaphandle kokubuyela kulowo ucocekileyo okanye ongcolileyo. Omnye wamadoda athandabuzekayo endakha ndadibana nawo, utshilo uFriar abbot u-Alan King.
Ukusuka kwi-Ed Sullivan Show ukuya kwezo ntengiso zewayini zeBlue Nun ukuya kwii-sitcom ezilandelelanayo, i-NBC's Seinfeld kunye ne-CBS's King of Queens, u-72 oneminyaka engu-Mnu. Stiller uye wabonisa ishishini lokuqhuba elingenakucinga ngexesha apho udumo kunqabile ukuhlala ixesha elingaphezu kweminyaka emithathu. Kwaye ngenxa yoku, u-Stiller wayefanele ahlale phambi kweekhamera ze-Comedy Central kunye ne-dais eyayixabisa amaphiko e-B-52 (oku kufuneka kusithathe ngo-Tisha Bov, umphathi we-Friars Club de Freddie Roman wathi xa esenza umsebenzi ukwazisa wonke umntu), ukuze atyhudiswe iziqhulo zesini kunye nezalathiso zeatomical angazukuyichukumisa kwisigidi seminyaka. Ukuba oko akwanelanga, umfazi wakhe, unyana kunye nentombi bebengazukubukela kuphela, baya kuthatha inxaxheba.
Kwabanye abathathi-nxaxheba, inyani yokuba iindlebe zikaMnu Stiller ezazinkulu zazizezintombi nto ezenze ukuba lo msitho ube mnandi ngakumbi. Ndiyazi ukuba abantu bayonwabele into yokuba wayesesihogweni, utshilo uJaneane Garofalo, owayehleli kwizangqa ecaleni konyana kaMnumzana Stiller, uBen. UJerry Stiller ngoyena mntu ubalaseleyo noyena mntu ulungileyo uyithiyileyo inhlamba, utshilo. Akazithandi ezo jokes zesini. Ke kuluhlobo oluhlekisayo ukumbukela egxadazela kwisitulo esikhulu.
U-Nks Garofalo uvumile ukuba, ukuba angaze afumane imbeko enjalo, ngekhe afune ukugcadiswa. Ndithetha noDanny Aiello, owathi walila emva kokugcotywa kwakhe kuba wayengayiqondi, ngokwenene; wayengazi ngokwenene ukuba kwakufana nobusuku obukhohlakeleyo ebomini bakho.
Mhlawumbi uziva ukuba kunokuba nzima ukugcoba indoda enesidima, uMnu.King wazama ukukhulula imeko-bume ngokuyalela uMnu Stiller, Yithi nje emva kwam, Fuck! Ndifuna ukukuva xa usitsho.
Umnumzana Stiller wavula iingalo zakhe ngokubanzi. Wayejongeka njengomnye waleyo mifanekiso yebhayibhile ycwele etshutshiswayo. Inye enamadevu amahle. Fuck, utshilo. Uye wathula. Freak, yoNxweme oluseNtshona.
Ukusukela ngoko ukuya phambili, kwacaca ukuba le yayiyinto yamandla uMnu Stiller angayiphatha, nokuba amehlo akhe ayebonakala ngathi afumile kancinci ngamanye amaxesha. Ke xa uNksk. Essman ucebisa ukuba kuziswe umqamelo ukuze umnike, uMnu. Stiller wayichasa nge-Costanza-esque bravado: Kulungile, watsho, qhubeka nomsebenzi!
Kwaye wawunjani umsebenzi omanzi. Le Friars Club Roast, ebibanjwe ngo-Okthobha u-1 eNew York Hilton, yayiyeyesibhambathiso sokugcwala okungcolileyo. Ukujonga phantsi kwamehlo kaMnu Stiller's basset-hound, UNks. Essman uthe wakufumanisa kunzima ukuthetha zonke ezi zinto zithetha izinto zesondo kuye. Emva koko ndijonge le dais kwaye ndicinge, Ezi ezinye ii-cocksuckers ezilusizi, ndinokuba nosuku lwentsimi!
U-Nks. Essman ubuze uMnu. King, Ngaba wakhe wacinga ukuba ungaphila ixesha elaneleyo ukuba iprotrate yakho ibinkulu njenge-ego yakho? Isihlwele sasivakala ngokungathi sikhutshiwe. Kodwa uNks. Essman wayezingela, kwaye uMaury Povich wayemjonga. Uthe uyasiqonda isizathu sokuba umphathi-ntetho abetshate noConnie Chung: AmaJuda ayakuthanda ukutya amaTshayina.
Emva koko kweza u-Abe Beame omdala. Ukuncipha kukaMnu Beame kuyaqhubeka kwiminyaka, kodwa oko akuzange kumise uNks. Essman.
U-Abe Beame mdala kakhulu, nditsho nenkuku yakhe iyavuza, utshilo. Isihlwele sahamba sasendle. Ngaphandle kukaMnu Beame, owayengayiva ihlaya. Ke elinye igagasi lokuhleka laphuka kwigumbi njengoko uDavid Dinkins wayesebeza umgca endlebeni kaMnu Beame. UNks. Essman wongeze, Kwabo bangenakubona u-Abe Beame, kuya kubakho ukubonwa okwesibini.
Umnumzana Roman, nangona kunjalo, UNks. Essman usindisile i-coup de grâce: UFreddie, andizukukuqubula ngesifuba sikaGqr.
Ikhamera yeComedy Central yajikeleza kuGqirha Ruth Westheimer; Ehleli kufutshane noMkomishinala wamapolisa, uHoward Safir, owayenobuso obungenamahloni kunye noncumo olungonwabisiyo olwasasazwa ngesiquphe kwiscreen esikhulu esingemva kwedabi. Ukungonwabi kukamabonakude kwegosa lolawulo laseGiuliani kuqinisekisa ukuba ukubekwa kukaNks.Essman yayiyintlekisa, kwaye uJeffrey Ross wenza kamva. Ukulandela intsebenzo engaqhelekanga kaSandra Bernhard yengoma yentliziyo kaMagic Man for Mr. Stiller, Umnumzana Ross waphakama wathi: Andizukubamba uSandra Bernhard ngo-Bea Arthur's dick. (Emva kokugcoba, uNksz Arthur, owayekho, watshela iTransom ukuba uMnu. Ross wayeyindoda emnandi, emnandi.)
Umnumzana Ross unobuso beekerubhi kodwa… ayisiyo eyosiweyo, oku kukuhambisa into ngasemva! Watsho eqongeni. Eqaphela ukungabikho kukaJerry Seinfeld, wachaza ukuba inkwenkwezi yayinokubandakanyeka kwangaphambili ukubamba imodeli kwimfumba yemali. Ka Mnu. Stiller kunye noNks Meara, uthe: Sikhule sibajonga de sabadala ngokwaneleyo ukuba siqonde ukuba abahlekisi. Wongeze ngelithi Poor Ben [Stiller] khange afane oko wabona umama wakhe esihla ngeSeñor Wences.
Kungekudala ikhamera itshixelwe kuMnu Safir kwakhona kuba uMnu. Ross wayethe: Howard, bamba isixhobo sakho ukuze abantu bazi ukuba ungubani.
Xa uMnu Ross eshiya iqonga, uJason Alexander, owayedlala unyana kaMnu Stiller kaGeorge eSeinfeld nowayedlala inkosi yokosa ngokuhlwa, wathi: Ndiyathemba ukuba uBea Arthur uyamkhaba iesile, kwaye ndiyazi ukuba uBea Arthur angakwazi.
Umdlali weqonga, uMnu.Alexander wayenomdla njenge-roast master. Wayecula, wenza i-lib-libbed, wade wakulibala ukuba wayefunda kwi-Teleprompter. Kwaye xa abavelisi beComedy Central bemise inkqubo ngaxeshanye ngenxa yengxaki yokuthinta, uMnu.Alexander akazange aqhekeze. Uyazi, andicingi ukuba umba kamabonwakude usika ukuzenzekela, utshilo uMnu. Alexander esihlweleni.
Ukuzola ngoku! wakhonkotha uMnu Stiller.
Ukuzola ngoku! Utshilo uMnu Alexander.
Uyahlekisa, George! kweza umfazi.
UGeorge! Elo litye lam bethuna! Utshilo uMnu Alexander.
Umnumzana Alexander ucacisele isihlwele ukuba imisebenzi yakhe eyosiweyo iyazalisekisa isigwebo seenkonzo zoluntu. Ukuba umntu ebendixelele ukuba ukusebenza kwe-shaft yam ngaphandle kwefestile ka-Gwyneth Paltrow akukho semthethweni… watsho. Emva koko wanika ikhosi yengozi e-Yiddish kwiintlanga ezisegumbini, echaza ukuba yonke i-Yiddish ibhekisa kwi-penises kunye nokutya kwaye, oko kwakuthetha ukuba, kubalulekile ukuba ungadibanisi isigama sakho kuba kwiindawo ezithile, sicela ischvantz entle kunokuzisa iziphumo ezingalindelekanga.
Nokuba umdali we-Oz uTom Fontana ebengekho kwi-dais, i-Friars Roast sisiqinisekiso sokuba ubuncinci umntu ohlekisayo uya kubalisa ibali elibandakanya i-roastee, i-schvantz yakhe kunye ne-tuchas yomnye umntu. Ngexesha lakhe eqongeni, uLarry Miller wayengumhlekisi. Uye wabiza umnumzana Stiller ngesiphuzi esihle… simnandi kangangokuba izinto ezininzi ezirhabaxa zindothuse. Ubalise xa uMnu Stiller wamtsalela kwi-ofisi encinci e-NBC: Iibhulukhwe zakho zivuliwe, ibhulukhwe yakho icinyiwe, utshilo uMnu Miller, okhumbula uMnu Stiller esasaza into yokuthambisa ezimpundu zam. (Kumsitho wasemva e-China Grill, uMnu. Miller, owathi le yayiyokosa kwakhe kokuqala, wabonakala ekrazukile. Kwilizwe lam ukuba ndifuna ukuhlonipha umhlobo wam, ndicinga ngokuhamba yonke into ngebhotile yento, yena Andikuxeleli ukuba uyimpundu, umdala okanye utyebile.)
Igqala lomfo uDick Capri wayengenangxaki. Ukuthatha iqonga, Mnu. Capri wathi Mnu Stiller, Ndifuna ukuyenza ibe nkulu xa ndineminyaka engama-70 kwaye ndisuka e-sitcom ndisiya e-sitcom ndidlala ngokulinganayo umlinganiswa ofanayo nonikezelo oluchuliweyo njenge-fart kwitonela lomoya.
Umnumzana Alexander wazisa u-Vulcan-njengo Mnu Roman, owaxelela indlela u-Stiller athenga ngayo iintyatyambo kumfazi wakhe, kwaye wathi, Ndicinga ukuba ufuna ndilale ndingqengqe ebhedini iveki yonke ndinemilenze ngaphandle. UMnu Roman wathi uMnu Stiller uphendule wathi, Yintoni ingxaki, awunayo ivazi?
Utshintsho losapho lakwaStiller kwimakrofoni lwaluphawuleka ngobumnene. UBen uxelele isihlwele, Ukuthiya kukabawo kulo naluphi na uhlobo lwegama elibi kwazisa ukugcoba kwelinye inqanaba lokonwaba kuye. Iifiller ezizinzileyo emva koko zenza isoyikiso esisingise kuyise kwaye zatsho igama elithi umqhagi, kwaye uStiller père wenza ngathi uhlaselwa sisifo sentliziyo.
Emva kokuzibuza malunga nokuhlambalaza kunye nobuqhetseba obubandakanya, UNks Meara uxelele i-dais, Xa kufikwa ekuhlaziseni umyeni wam, ningabathandi. Nangona kunjalo, wayengenantlonelo. Kubo bonke abatshintshi apha, uJerry nguye yedwa ongayifuniyo iViagra, utshilo.
Hayi xa ndikunye nawe, sithandwa, uphendule uMnu Stiller.
Kodwa uMnu Stiller wayengekho ngaphandle kwehlathi okwangoku. UWendy Liebman uxelele abaphulaphuli, Silapha ukubhiyozela uJerry Stiller. Umlingisi kamakhulu amthandayo. Uthi umenza afumile. UNks Liebman uxelele uMnu Stiller, ndiyakuthanda njengotata. Utata obamba amabele am.
Umboniso wenyuka noRobert Schimmel, owayejonge indlela iNgelosi yesihogo enokubonakala ngayo ukuba wayephoqelelwe ukuba agqoke i-tux. UMnu Schimmel uxelele ibali malunga noMnumzana Stiller enikezela ukunceda umntwana aqale kwishishini lokubonisa. Ukuba undivumela ndifunxe i-dick yakho, ndiza kubona ukuba ndingenza ntoni, utshilo uMnu Stiller, ngokuka Mnu.Schimmel, owongeze wathi: Lo mntwana namhlanje ngu-Ellen DeGeneres.
Ukuvala i-Friars Roast ngumsebenzi onzima. Zonke iziqhulo zisetyenzisiwe, kwaye wonke umntu ufuna ukugoduka. Kwiminyaka emininzi lo ibingumsebenzi kuPat Cooper, kodwa uMnu Cooper walahla iiFriars kulo nyaka. UMnu Cooper uxelele iTransom ukuba unomsindo kwiiFriars. Uyazi yintoni, ndibabiza ngokuba liqela lezinto ezinobandlululo, ndibabiza ngokuba zii-clique, watsho. Ucacisile ukuba yimbeko phakathi kwamalungu ukuthumela iiflaya zisithi ngubani owenza phi. Abazange bathumele iiflaya apho ndisebenza khona, utshilo uMnu Cooper. Ndathi, Ningabantu abalungileyo. Thoba iiFriars up iesile lakho. Fumana omnye umntu ukuze avale umboniso. Awusaboni ukuba andisekho. Ndingathanda ukucoca iintlanzi.
Ke kulo nyaka, uPaul Rodriguez waziswa, kodwa ngelixesha athabatha inqanaba, wayebonakala ngathi ukhutshiwe kwiziqhulo ezenziwa ngabanye abahlekisi ngeendleko zakhe. UPaul Rodriguez uluntu lwaseLatino ukuba yintoni uJerry Stiller kuluntu lwaseLatino, utshilo uMnu Ross. UNks. Essman uthe ukuba uFreddie Prinze khange asweleke, umnumzana uRodriguez ngewayesacutha ingca eLos Angeles.
Umnumzana Rodriguez wenze into ehlekisayo, utshintsho olukhawulezileyo lwengubo emhlophe yenkonzo yokutya kunye nokukhala, ndikuchukumisile ukutya kwakho! kumalungu e-dais. Okwangoku, wathi abantu babonakala ngathi bayamkhetha. Andiyithathi ngokobuqu, Mnu. Rodriguez uxelele iTransom, kodwa kubo bonke abantu abakwi-dais, ndiyifumene kakhulu. Kutheni beza kundihlasela xa uPatty Hearst wayehleli ecaleni kwam?
Ukuphela kosiweyo, uMnu Stiller washwankathela ukutsha kwakhe kumgaqo ongenazithuko: Ngoku ndiyazi ukuba kunjani ukuba ngumJuda woHlaziyo eBorough Park.
Abanye, njengoNks Garofalo, babonakala ngathi bonwabile. Ukubona uJerry, uJerry omncinci, kweso situlo sikhulu sinamehlo amanzi… watsho.
