Kulungile kuqala, ndivumele ukuba ndikhangele ilungelo lam ukuze ungafuneki: ndingumfazi omhlophe onemfundo yekholeji. Nditshatile. Ndihlala kwidolophana entle esezintabeni. Ndinomsebenzi endiwuthanda ngokunyanisekileyo. Ndilinye inenekazi elinethamsanqa.
Kwaye u. Nantsi into yokuba konke kukhangeleka ngathi, kumava am:
Ngenye imini ndandihamba esitratweni ndiyokufumana iposi, ndiziva ndonwabile. Ndineminyaka emithathu enesiqingatha ubudala kwaye ndinosana kanye kwinyanga ephelileyo. Ngalenyanga ndisebenze phantse rhoqo kwaye kwahlawula: Ndenze imali eyoneleyo yokuhlawula onke amatyala osapho lwam kwaye ndigcina ishishini lethu liqhubeka. Ndivelise umsebenzi osemgangathweni endizingcayo ngawo. Kwaye akukho nakanye ndakhe ndakhankanya nakubani na ukuba ndinomntwana nje.
Kanye malunga nexesha endandizincoma ngalo ngoku kufezekisiweyo, hayi inani elingathethekiyo lepee leza nje ukuphuma kum. Ndandinxibe ibhulukhwe emhlophe engwevu, ke yayicacile. Uhlobo lweentloni xa ummelwane wam ehamba edlulisa isandla. Ngexesha lokufika kwam ekhaya, yayilixesha lokucofa umnxeba wenkomfa, ke kwafuneka ndihlale kwezo bhulukhwe zepee ixesha elininzi. Ngombulelo umntwana uhleli elele kwaye ethe cwaka ngelixesha lokufowuna, kodwa wavuka ekhala ukuba ondliwe nje ukuba iphele, ke esinye isiqingatha seyure kwiibhlukhwe zepee. Ugqobhoze umntwana. Ndiphose iinwele zam, kodwa akukho xesha lokwenza nantoni na malunga nayo ke ndiyiphose nje kwisiqwengana. Boom. Ngokukhawuleza utshintshe ibhulukhwe. Ulungele umsebenzi ongaphezulu. Yiphose kum ilizwe, ndingumfazi owomeleleyo kwaye ndinako konke kwaye ndinako oku. Nge-5, omnye umntwana wam uza etshaja kwigumbi, ebuza ukuba ndiyenzile na le brownies endimthembise ngayo kwangoko. Andi. Emva koko umyeni wam ubuza ukuba lithini icebo lesidlo sangokuhlwa. Ke, ndilahla umntwana kwisilingi, ndiye ezantsi, ndilungisa isidlo sangokuhlwa kunye neebrownies.
Shit.
Ewe, yintoni?
Ndicinga ukuba ndivele umthungo.
Intoni? Wazi kanjani? Ngaba akukubi oko?
Ngokuqinisekileyo iziva ingalunganga phaya ezantsi, kwaye ewe mhlawumbi imbi, kodwa ngokwenyani ndiza kwenza ntoni ngayo?
Buyela phezulu. Shower, ekugqibeleni. Inxeba ebelisaziwa njengebhinqa lam ngokuqinisekileyo liyabetha I-boob, ilaptop ethangeni.
Khange ndiphume kweli gumbi ngaphandle kokuthatha ukutya ekhitshini kwinyanga enye. Ndithathe usuku olunye kanye ukuze ndibenomntwana. Vumela oko kungene umzuzu. Ngethamsanqa kum, eli gumbi linendawo yangasese epheleleyo.
Nantsi ingqokelela yempahla endijonge kuyo. (Jonga neenyawo zam ezicekisekayo, btw. Le polish yesikhonkwane ubuncinci iinyanga ezimbini ubudala.)
Yiyo ingxowa yamanabukeni amdaka ahleli iinyawo ezimbini kude nam. Kanye ecaleni kwenye indawo enkulu yokuhlamba iimpahla. It nyani Kunuka urhudo apha.
Andinguye umama ongatshatanga. Ngapha koko, umyeni wam uyanceda ngaphandle kwendoda okanye utata oqhelekileyo. Andisebenzi mivuzo iphantsi, andihlelanga ngokwenyani nangayiphi na indlela ngaphandle kokuba ndingumama osebenzayo eUnited States.
Nantsi into endicinga ukuba iyaqhubeka: yonke le nto yokuba nayo yonke ishishini ichazwe gwenxa luluntu lwethu ngokubanzi. Injongo yazo zonke ezo zinto zivuthayo kwi-60s yayikukunika abafazi ukhetho. Ngaba ufuna ukulala ngesondo ngaphandle kokukhulelwa? Kulungile, yibethe. Ukhulelwe kodwa akukho sikhundla sokukhulisa umntwana (okanye wahlaselwa ngokwesondo kwaye wakhulelwa, okanye ukhulelwe umntwana ogula kakhulu okanye okhubazekileyo, okanye naliphi na inani lezinye iimeko)? Akukho ngxaki, unokukhetha ukungabinaye umntwana lowo. Ufuna ukuya emsebenzini? Yenze! Ufuna ukuhlala ekhaya ukhulise abantwana? Kakhulu. Ufuna ukwenza kancinci kuzo zombini? Ingqumbo. Ngaba ufuna ukuba nesitayile kwaye uthambise? Okanye uqumbile kwaye ungaze uhlambe? Hayi, uyakwenza.
Ukwenza konke ngexesha elinye kwakungeyiyo le ngcamango. Ngale nkcazo, oomama abasebenzayo bebenayo yonke iminyaka kwaye ukanti uluntu alubambeleli kumama omnye osebenzayo njengenjongo yabasetyhini kuyo yonke indawo. Hayi, hayi, yiloo nto kanye eyenzekayo xa ulihlwempu kwaye ungenandlela. Ngaphandle kwenyani, yile nto iyenzeka kubo bonke kodwa izityebi kakhulu xa ukhuthaza abantu basetyhini ukuba basebenze kwaye babe nabantwana kodwa ungatshintshi nayiphi na enye indawo abahlala kuyo.
Akukho mfazi (okanye indoda, ngaloo nto) owakhe wathi, hee, uyazi ukuba yintoni eya kuba ntle? Ukuba bendinokuvuka ngo-5 ekuseni, ndenzele wonke umntu isidlo sakusasa, ke ndinxibe (ngezithende, natch), ndishiye abantwana bam kwindawo yokugcina abantwana, ndiye emsebenzini iiyure ezili-10, ndibathathe abantwana, ndigoduke, ndipheke isidlo sangokuhlwa, ndicoce , Lalisa abantwana ebhedini, sebenza ebhedini kude kube sezinzulwini zobusuku ukuze ndingabuyi mva emsebenzini, emva koko uphinde uphinde ngomso ngeeyure ezi-5 ulele.
Kunjengokuba sonke sithe hey, masitshintshe ingxelo yabasetyhini, kodwa singatshintshi enye into. Kwaye ke kulindeleke ukuba abantu basetyhini babenombulelo kangangokuba bavunyelwe ukuba babelane ngesondo ngokungaqhelekanga kwaye sisebenze ngoku esingakhange siqaphele ukuba sityhalelwa kwinjongo engafikelelekiyo kunye neyona inqwenelekayo.
Nantsi into esitsho kubafazi namhlanje: Awunako kuphela, kodwa kufanele ube nomsebenzi kunye nabantwana - kuba ukuba awukwenzi, ngokusisiseko a) wonqena, b) ubuthathaka, c) ayingomfazi wokwenyani. Kodwa kwakhona, kuya kufuneka uyenze ngaphandle kwenkxaso. Ngaphandle kwekhefu lokuya kubhatala elihlawulelwa ngurhulumente (uyintoni, usoshiyali?). Ngaphandle kokhathalelo lomntwana oluninzi kakhulu (kuba emva koko ungumama omdaka) okanye ushiyeka ngasemva emsebenzini (kuba emva koko ungumqeshwa onwabileyo-umfazi oqhelekileyo!). Ngaphandle koncedo oluninzi oluvela kumyeni wakho (kuba emva koko uyimbumba).
Siziqhwabela izandla iinkampani ngokuhlawulela abasebenzi ababhinqileyo ukuba bafeze amaqanda abo, kodwa ungabanyanzeli ukuba banike abantu basetyhini ithuba lokuba babe nabantwana ngexesha labo lokwenyani lokuzala kwaye babuyele emsebenzini ngaphandle kokuphulukana nendawo yabo emgceni. Endaweni yokutshintsha iinkqubo, sixelela abantu basetyhini ukuba bancike ngaphakathi. Ewe kunjalo, sisiphoso sethu ngokungathathi inyathelo.F * ck wena. Ndoyame kude kube ngoku ndiwa ngobuso.
Kwaye ewe, ndiyazi, amadoda nabazali nawo kwaye ikhefu looyise nalo libalulekile. Kodwa kukho into ebonakalayo yokwenyani yokufumana kwakhona ekuzalweni komntwana nasekujonganeni nosana olutsha (ngakumbi ukuba uncancisa ibele kwaye yiyo kuphela enokuphatha ukondliwa ebusuku) esithanda ukuzenza ngathi ayikho eli lizwe. Kulungile ukuthi abafazi banokufuna ixesha elingaphezulu kunamadoda.
Kwirekhodi (tune apha, abameli bamalungelo abantu), le ayisiyongxaki ngokuchasene namadoda, ngumnqweno wokuba uluntu ngokubanzi lwenze ngcono. Ndiqhele ukuba nabafazi bandigqithise ngenxa yomsebenzi ngenxa yokuba ndikhulelwe, okanye ndikhalaze ukuba andikwazi ukwenza intlanganiso yangokuhlwa kuba ndinabantwana. Ngapha koko, ndinabafazi abaninzi abandohlwaya ngokuba nabantwana kunamadoda. Kwaye kuphela abanye abantu basetyhini abaye babiza umbuzo wokuba ngumzali wam kuba ndisebenza. Ukwabelana ngesondo kudla ngokudlala ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo namadoda, ngesiqhelo ngohlobo lokucinga malunga nobukrelekrele bam okanye ukuqonda isifundo kuba ndingumfazi, hayi ngenxa yokhetho oluthile lokuzala.
Kwaye andicingi ukuba ilizwe linam ubomi obulula, okanye kuya kufuneka ndikhethe ngaphandle kokurhweba, okanye ndizenze zonke ezi zinto ngaphandle kokusebenza nzima kubo bonke.
Ndiyacinga, nangona kunjalo, ukuba kufanele ukuba siyinqumle kunye neentsomi. Yeka ukuxelela abantu basetyhini ukuba banakho konke ngaphandle kokubingelela nantoni na. Nantsi inyani: Ufuna ukuba nekhondo kunye nabantwana? Unako ngokupheleleyo, kodwa bobabini baya kusokola. Awusoze uzive ngathi uchitha ixesha elaneleyo nokuba kukanjani. Awusoze uzive ngathi ulungile nokuba kunjani. Awusoze ufumane ixesha lokuphumla (ubuncinci kwiminyaka eliqela yokuqala). Uya kuhlala ukhetha phakathi kwezinto ezifuna ingqalelo yakho, kwaye ngekhe uzikhethele. Uya kugwetywa phantse kuyo yonke intshukumo oyenzayo kwaye awusoze ufikelele kulindelo lomnye umntu.
Ukuba siza kwamkela ibali elitsha labasetyhini, kufuneka sitshintshe ezinye iindlela zokuziphatha. Kufuneka siyenze ilunge ngokwenyani ukuba abasetyhini bakhethe ukuba nabantwana. Senza ngathi kulungile namhlanje, kodwa ukuba bekunjalo, bonke abahlobo bam abangaphantsi komntwana ngekhe babuzwe ngayo ngalo lonke ixesha kwaye andicingi ukuba ndingafunda izincoko ezininzi kangaka ndizikhusela ekukhetheni - gxuma! - ube ngumfazi ungabi nabantwana. Ngokukrakra. Kukho ke. ezininzi. izincoko.
Kwaye ungaze undenze ndiqalise kwimikhosi yabasetyhini ejongene nemiba yokuzala kunye nokuziva ngathi ukhetho luthathiwe kubo ngokupheleleyo, kodwa kusafuneka ndibuze imibuzo malunga nokuba banabantwana nini na. Ungathini ngokuyeka ukubuza abasetyhini malunga nokuzikhethela kwabo ukuzala, ixesha? Ukuba bafuna ukuba wazi, uya kwazi.
Kufuneka siyenze ilunge ngokwenyani ukuba abasetyhini bakhethe ukungasebenzi, nabo. Hayi uhlobo lokulunga, kodwa ngasemva kwakho wonke umntu ucinga ukuba uchitha amandla akho, ke emva koko uziva ngathi kufuneka ubelethe abantwana bakho kwaye uzibaleke ude ubathathe baye kwimisebenzi kwaye ubafundise izinto. Kodwa, ngathi, kulungile apho unokuba nabahlobo bakho ngaphezulu kwemimosa emva kwemini kwaye uzivalele ezo zilwanyana zincinci emva kweyure ukuba uziva njalo, kuba u Yesu Krestu ukuchitha usuku lonke nomntwana omncinci kuyadinisa kwaye kuyacaphukisa kwaye nawuphi na umntu ophilileyo Ndingadinga iyure
Emva koko kufuneka siyenze ilunge ngokwenyani ukuba abantu basetyhini bakhethe, nabo. Akunjalo namhlanje, apho kufanelekile ukuba (kwaye kwimeko yam, ngokoqobo) wenze ngathi awuzange ube nomntwana kwaye uthathe nje yonke imisebenzi yosana ngaphandle kokuvumela enye into ityibilika. Kodwa ngokwenene, kulungile. Njengaye, wonke umntu uyazi ukuba ukhulelwe kodwa akazikhathazi kwaye ucinga ukuba awusoze uphinde wenze nawuphi na umsebenzi okanye awuyi kufuna ukuthatha nantoni na enamabhongo. Kulungile, ngokungathi akufuneki ukuba ubambe amaqanda akho kwaye ulinde de ube uneminyaka engama-45 ukuze ube nomntwana - Ngaphandle kokuba uyafuna, Kwimeko apho, nqabela kude - kuba kungenjalo ikhondo lakho lomsebenzi liya kuthi litsale umgama onama-28 kwaye ungaze uphinde ubuyele ekhondweni. Kulungile, ngokungathi awuziva unyanzelekile ukuba ulahle usana lwakho olusandul 'ukuzalwa kwindawo yokugcina abantwana ukuze ukhawuleze ubuyele emsebenzini, emva koko ndizisole ngesigqibo ubomi bakho bonke.
Kwaye kufuneka sibonelele ngenkxaso konke abasetyhini, ngaphandle kwebala okanye inqanaba lomvuzo. I-VP kwinkampani yeetekhnoloji ayinalungelo lokuya kubeleka, ukhuseleko lomsebenzi, kunye nokhathalelo lomntwana olwaneleyo kunoweta wevenkile yokutyela. Lixabiso lokungavumeli nje kuphela, kodwa lifuna, oomama basebenze. Yinto esiyenzayo namhlanje. Ukusebenza ayibobunewunewu okanye ukhetho kuninzi loomama kwaye kufuneka siyeke ukwenza njengoko kunjalo.
Andithethi ngonyango olukhethekileyo apha. Andiqondi ukuba sidinga ukufumana yonke i-Oprah malunga nayo kwaye siqhubeke njalo malunga nokuba ngumama ngowuphi umsebenzi onzima emhlabeni. Kwaye anditsho, njengokuba omnye wamalungelo abantu endibeka kum kutshanje kwi-Twitter: Ndinike imali kunye nonyango olukhethekileyo. Kuba, ubufazi.
Nditsho ukuba masenze ukuba kulunge kwabasetyhini ukuba bavume ukuba bakhulelwe, okanye bathathe ixesha elincinane lokuphumla ukuze baphinde babe nosana ngaphandle kokukhathazeka malunga nokwenza imisebenzi yabo. Masiphinde sichaze ukuba nayo yonke into, okanye kungcono kodwa owasetyhini ngamnye makazichaze ukuba loluphi uhlobo lobomi bakhe olunokubonakala lunjani. Kungenxa yokuba xa ucinga ngako, ukubuyela emva kwinyanga yokuqala yobomi bonyana wam kwaye ndonwabile ngento entle endiyenzileyo ekugubungeni inyani yokuba ukhona intle f * cking ibuhlungu.
Amy Westervelt yintatheli ye-Wall Street Journal kunye ne-Guardian US. Ungumphathi weqela Uluhlu lwePodcast .
