Ngoku ungumnikazi wekhondomu eseGrove Street. (NBC) Ukuqala ukuya Iifayile ze-X Ukuqalisa kwakhona / i-premiere (okanye i-re-miere, ye-superfans ye-portmanteaus eyoyikekayo) nge-24 kaJanuwari, i-tvDownload's uDrew Grant kunye noVinnie Mancuso bazicelomngeni ngokwabo ukuphinda iziqendu zoluhlu lwantlandlolo kwimemori. (Injalo loo nto: akukho Googling! Ngenxa yokuba uGoogle ebengekho kwii-90's zakudala! [Kanjalo noVinnie, kodwa loo nto yayisecaleni kwenqaku.]) Emva koko esinye isiqingatha sale yunithi yophando sihlawuliswa ngokulandela umkhondo wenqaku kunye nenyaniso- Ukujonga amaphupha ethu omkhuhlane ongacacanga kwisiqwenga sesona siqendu.
Iziqendu zangaphambili zifumaneka apha.
Ukubanjiswa kwanamhlanje kuza ngamaphupha amabi kaVinnie e-New Jersey poop monster.
Imemori ka-Vinnie X-Egcwalisiweyo:
Igongqongqo leShit.
Xa uDrew endixelela ukuba siza kuzama ukuphinda sibuyele kwakhona Iifayile ze-X Iziqendu ezisekwe kwimemori yodwa, ngokoqobo amagama amathathu okuqala ukuphuma entlokweni yam yayiyi-Shit Monster. Bathetha ntoni? Andazi! Ndineminyaka eyi-24 kuphela. Iinkumbulo zam Iifayile ze-X zinamabala ngokugqibeleleyo, kwaye zihlala zixubene neminye imiboniso. Nanini na xa umntu esithi Inyaniso ikhona phaya Ndihlala ndizisa ixesha uMulder abelana ngesondo nehenyukazi elingumntu eliphakathi egumbini kwaye ndibona kuphela kwincoko endiyichazayo. IsiCalifornia kwakhona .
Kodwa ndiyazi ukuba ikhona into ethile kubandakanya i-shit monster kwi Iifayile ze-X . Ingaba… yenziwe ngekaka? Ngaba uhlala kuyo? Ngaba injengemeko yeShit Monster yaseFrankenstein, apho eyona monster yokwenene ikhoyo uluntu ? Andazi, kodwa ndiye ndanomdla wokufaka imemori yam ukuze ndifumanise. Okwangoku ndingumPhathi u-Ahabhi, kwaye i-monster ye-shit i-white whale yam ibhukuda elwandle lolwandle.
Nantsi into endiyikhumbulayo:
-Isiqendu senzeka ikakhulu eNew Jersey. Oku kuyinyani ngokuqinisekileyo. Ndikhule eJersey kwaye ndikhumbula ngokucacileyo ukuba kukho iziqendu ezibini eziphambili zeJersey-centric X-Files. Eyokuqala yayiyiJersey Devil one, endala ukuyibukela kuba umakazi omkhulu owayedla ngokusingatha imibulelo yosapho lwam yayihlala IPine Barrens , kwaye uzama ukudlala ukufihla-kunye-nokufuna nabazala bakho kwi-backwoods i-Jersey entlango ngengcinga yesilwanyana esineemitha ezi-8 esirhamncwa esinyonyobayo kuwe sishiya amanxeba anzulu embewu.
Ngapha koko, isiqendu sesilo esineenyani ngokuqinisekileyo siqala kwisikhephe senkunkuma esivela kunxweme lwaseNewark, kuba ndiyakhumbula ndifunda ukuba ilindle elithwala abantu lilindle kanye kunxweme lwaseJersey lubeka izinto ezininzi malunga nelizwe endikhulele kulo imbono.
-Ndiqinisekile ukuba isigebenga saso ngokwaso sasikhangeleka sibanzi njengesiDalwa esivela kwiLagoon eMnyama, ukuba isidalwa sasinokhanyiso lobuso ebusweni kwaye ichibi elimnyama lalizaliswe zi ... kakuhle ngelixesha ndicinga ukuba uyifumene.
-Ngexesha elinye kwisiqendu-kwaye oku ndilunge kwingqondo yam ngonaphakade I-monster efihliweyo ifihla kwi-porta potty. Kwenzeka ntoni emva koko? Andinalwazi kodwa ngokungathandabuzekiyo sisizathu sanamhlanje Ndiyoyika kakhulu lwazo zonke izindlu zangasese zikawonke-wonke, izindlu zangasese, kunye neminyhadala yomculo.
-Ubudoda buhlanza islug? Ngokuqinisekileyo, i-Scully iyagabha i-slug. Okanye into enje kakhulu. Kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo ayenzi nto ukumgungqisa kwisisombululo sakhe sesayensi. Ukuncancisa uLucius Malfoy wayenokubetha uScully nge-slug-vomiting charm from uharry Potter kwaye uScully uya kuhlala efana nengcaciso esengqiqweni yoku, Mulder! phakathi kwe-slug iyagabha.
–Yhu! Kwaye kukho inkampani yenkunkuma ene-radioactive evuza imichiza kumgxobhozo, yiyo loo nto ikho inyambalala ye-shit kwindawo yokuqala. Oko kunokuba njalo okanye kungangabikho kwam ndikhumbula amabali emvelaphi ukuya kwelinye lama-100 ahlukeneyo e-Batman villains. Nangona uJim Gordon vs.I-Shit Monster ivakala ngathi yeyona inkulu IGotham isiqendu esiseza kubhalwa.
Okwangoku, u-Mulder uphume ekhwaza i-Shit monsters ?! Awuyazi ifayile ye- isiqingatha sayo ! kwigumbi elizaliswe ngokungacacanga-amadoda ajonge i-FBI kwintlanganiso yebhodi engamenywanga kuyo. Bonke bamjonga ngokungathandabuzekiyo, hayi ukuyifumana .
U-Mulder uyalugcina usuku ekugqibeleni, nangona, xa elandelela i-shit monster kwisityalo esilahliweyo (mhlawumbi eNew Jersey), utsala i-lever enkulu kwaye ngokusisiseko egungxula i-shit monster elwandle. Oko kuthetha ukuba kunjalo umkile , kodwa hayi ufile.
……… .kulungile anditsho ukuba inyani libuya liza neziqendu ezitsha kodwa, ngathi, undixelela ukuba ii-X-Files ziphose uJoel McHale kwaye akazukujika abe sisilo esibi ukufihla lonke ixesha? Into onokucinga ngayo.
Ukujonga iNyani kukaDrew:
Ndiyalikhumbula eli phepha kufuneka ndenze kancinci ngezilo ezinyibilikayo kunye neNew Jersey kunokuba kunjalo ngeentshulube zesibindi. Kodwa kuvela ... sasilungile sobabini!
Kulungile, ke esi siqendu sibizwa ngokungenamkhethe uMamkeli-zindwendwe, kwaye siqala ngemicimbi yokuhlambela kwibhodi yaseRussia… inqanawa. Uhlobo oluthile lwenqanawa yemithwalo. Kuyabonakala ukuba izindlu zabo zangasese azigungxulwa, kwaye oyena mfana umncinci esikhepheni unikwe uxanduva lokuba ngumtywini, nangona engengombumbi. Kutheni mna? Uyabuza. Ngenxa yokuba ungoyena mncinci, utsho uMququzeleli wenqanawa waseRussia. Ngaba awonwabanga ukuba asihlali eRashiya? Ngapha koko, uyafa, kwaye umzimba wakhe uhlamba kwindawo enesiphepho eNew Jersey. U-Mulder ongaxolanga kufuneka abhabhe aye eNew Jersey kwaye ajikeleze kumjelo ohambisa amanzi amdaka, nto leyo eyi-BULLSHIT kangangokuba ubuya umva kwangoko ayokhwaza umphathi wakhe ngenxa yokwenza lo msebenzi. Thixo, kufanele ukuba kwakukuhle xa urhulumente wayenemali yokufumana olu hlobo lokuhamba!
Kodwa wuh-oh, kuvela ukuba umphathi we-Mulder ongafanelekanga-ukwenzeka kwakhona kwenzeka ngexesha lentlanganiso yebhodi apho kugqitywe ekubeni kususwe i-X-Files. * Ingxolo yeetrombone elusizi. * Ngoku uMulder kufuneka asombulule iingxaki zesilo esikhulu, angabandakanyi abaphambukeli. Uyabanjwa, kwaye uya kujinga kwisitulo se-DC esingahleliwe. Kodwa ubuncinci akasekho eNew Jersey!
U-Scully uza kutyelela uMulder ebhentshini lakhe (kulungile), kodwa akathandeki kakhulu malunga nokuvalwa kwe-X-Files kunokuba ecingelwe malunga nokuthweswa kwakhe isidanga kutshanje e-John Hughes High.
U-Scully uqulunqa iyelenqe apho aya kwenza khona utyando kwimeko ka-Mulder ukuze bakwazi ukuxhoma. Kuyacaca ngoko nangoko ukuba yingcali. Ngoku andizange ndisebenzele urhulumente kwi-90, kodwa utata wam wenza. Kwaye enye yeendlela zakhe ezikhulu zokuba kunamaphepha amaninzi kangangokuba ukuhambisa okulandelayo kufuna iitoni zeteyipu ebomvu kunye ne-bureaucracy. Kodwa uScully unokuba nje ngumcuphi, akukho ngxaki, kuba unjalo Intle ngePinki (isibindi). U-Mulder angalihoya ngakumbi eli nxeba, ukuba angayeka ukufumana iifowuni ezingahleliwe kwiofisi kagqirha. Omnye uvela eScully, kwaye omnye uvela kwirando esingamboniyo kodwa othi uMulder unomhlobo kwiFBI. Ewe akenzi– hayi nyani – kodwa nantso into abazali abangathathi ntweni abayiyo! Imithombo kaScully (LOL) imxelela ukuba umzimba wokuqala wawunokubulawa sisidleleli. Unayo ne-parasite ayifumene kuloo mfana engqayini. Ukanti ugqiba kwelokuba le ndoda ayibulewanga sisidleleli. Into eyinqaba, uthi, yiyo ayikho enye into evakalayo . U-Mulder usike ngokuchanekileyo entliziyweni yalo mbandela, ebuza uScully ukuba ingaba ngubani umhlobo wakhe oyimfihlo we-FBI. Ngelixesha uCraig akakwazi kuyeka ukuxubha amazinyo. Emva koko uphonsa igazi. Emva koko uyahlamba. Emva koko uphosa umbungu. Ngethamsanqa i-Mulder, NJ iinkqubo ze-septic zihamba ngesantya esifanayo nokuhamba kukawonke-wonke, kwaye i-monster worm monster iyabambeka kwigumbi lokuhlambela elilingana nomgaqo we-Fort Lee. Owu. Kuba baninzi. Kwaye abanasini, kodwa banezakhono zokuqiqa. Ngapha koko, imeko enkulu sele isonjululwe: Kwaye… sineminye imizuzu eli-15? Inxalenye yayo ichithwa ku-Mulder ekufumaneni uvavanyo lomsebenzi kunye nengxoxo-mpikiswano malunga nendlela yokwenza i-perp. Oku kufanele ukuba ibe yiFayile ye-X, utshilo uSkinner, evuma ukuba sonke sithatha iiodolo zethu komnye umntu. Umntu onjengomhlobo / utata osenyongweni kaMulder? Intoni? Endleleni yokutshintshela isigebenga esikhulu seentshulube kwiziko elikwi-ambulensi (ngokuqinisekileyo, ngokuqinisekileyo), umsebenzi we-ambulensi uyeza athabathe umpu (NJ uya ngamandla), aze avule ucango lwangasemva, ecwangcisa ukubulala isigebenga Phambi kokuba afumane ukulingwa okulungileyo / ukubaleka komqhubi. Umpu uyahamba, kodwa andicingi ukuba iingxowa ezikwinqanaba ibhaso lakhe, kuba siyapanela kulo mqondiso usisigqebelo-sezizathu ezininzi. Ke endaweni yokuba sihlale kumanzi acocekileyo OKANYE amanzi anetyiwa, esi sidalwa sikhangeleka ngathi sisilo esibi ngokunganyanzelekanga. UMulder uphantse wayibamba kwakhona, kodwa uyaphazamiseka ngomnye umnxeba ovela kutata. Ke ngoko kukho imontage ye-Mulder elinde kwindawo yokulungiswa kwe-septic. Scully ubiza kwaye amxelele ukuba i-parasite ibeka amaqanda kumaxhoba ayo, kuba ifuna imikhosi. Yikuphi, um, ukuba iiparasites zingasebenzi njani? Kodwa kulungile gqirha Scully. Nguwe umphathi. Ekugqibeleni umsundululu uzama ukubaleka eNew Jersey, kuba… uyazi… kakhulu. UMulder ngokucacileyo uxhalabile ukuba uya kuzama ukubuyela elwandle, apho ingenakwenziwa khona ngenxa yomthetho waselwandle. I-monster ihlasela umqeshwa we-NJ we-sewer, obonakala ngathi mhlawumbi yingozi nje yomsebenzi, akukho nto enkulu, kodwa uMulder uyaxhuma emanzini amdaka (amaninzi) kwaye abulale loo nto ngokuba umnyango we-sewer uyisike kwisiqingatha. Ke sikwiNdlu yeWhite House okanye iSikhumbuzo saseLincoln okanye kwenye indawo ukusuka Indlu yamakhadi ukuvula. Abafuni ukuba sisebenzisane, Scully. Kwaye sesona sizathu sokuba ndicinge ukuhlala. U-Mulder ziikhredithi ezintathu kude ekubeni yi-valedictorian e Yitsho Nantoni na U. Njenge nyani ulungile emsebenzini wakhe. Emva koko uScully, kwinkqubo yokuqhaqha umntu, kwenzeka nje kule ntshulube inkulu. Yintshulube (worm) iyonke, kodwa yiyo loo nto bemhlawula imali eninzi. Ukwenza ubuso babantu abadala. Ngeli xesha umfana ogama linguCraig uye afumane iintshulube. Uyaphila; nangona kunjalo unencasa embi emlonyeni wakhe emva kokuhlaselwa kumjelo wamanzi amdaka waseNew Jersey. Oko kuyakudlula utshilo ugqirha olinenekazi, ongaphumeleli kwimeko kaCraig, umsebenzi okanye imeko yokuhlala. Kodwa yintoni onokuyibuza kule ntokazi, ngokwenene? Ulungile ugqirha njengo Scully ugqirha wobugqirha. Nangona eqaphela inxeba elingaqhelekanga emqolo wakhe. Kodwa ukwammangalela ngokuxoka ngokuhlasela kwakhe ukukhubazeka? U-NJ uyaphambana nje. Umbungu uya ezantsi kumsele, ungxamile kakhulu ukubalekela i-ofisi kawonkewonke okanye enye into. Kulungile, ngoku u-Scully unesibungu, kodwa uyaphazamiseka xa umntu ethe tyaba isinxibo seNational Enquirer phantsi komnyango wakhe, esinebali malunga nokufa kwesikhephe saseRussia. Ekugqibeleni ubeka ezimbini nezimbini ngokudibeneyo, ndiyaqikelela, ndiyathetha, sele beyibambile le nto, ngubani okhathalayo ukuba ivelaphi? Scully uxelele uMulder ukuba uyayeka i-FBI iyakuba ngaphezulu kwelahleko yobungcali. UThixo, Scully, mhlawumbi ungahlali kude nemithombo yamanzi e-NJ, ucinga ukuba unxaniwe kangakanani. Kwaye uyazi, cuz yonke into yesibungu. Nangona esechibini, intshulube yesibindi iyazifihla kwi-porta-potty, njengokuba ndenze ngelo xesha bendi nohambo olubi eCoachella. Eli yelenqe lenza ukuba AKUKHO NANTSI! Ngaba umphathi ka-Skinner yindoda etshayayo, kwaye ukuba kunjalo, kutheni evala iifayile ze-X, ukuba ukubuyiselwa kwakhona kubalulekile?
