UMichele Filgate.USylvie Rosokoff Ngo-Okthobha u-2017, uMichele Filgate wapapasha isincoko esithi Ukufunda ixesha elide enesihloko esithi Yintoni Umama Wam Andithethi Ngayo. Iminyaka ekubhalweni, eli qhekeza lixoxa ngokuxhatshazwa kukaFilgate ezandleni zikatata wakhe wesibini kunye nendlela ukuthula kukanina okumkhusela ngayo, ekugqibeleni kukhokelela ekuqhekekeni kobudlelwane phakathi kwabafazi babini. Impendulo yomsebenzi wakhe yayiyinkcazo yentsholongwane, ekwabelwana ngayo kumaqonga ezentlalo ngokuthandwa nguRebecca Solnit, uLidia Yuknavitch nabanye abaninzi. Umxholo oqhelekileyo kule ngcaciso ehamba kunye nendlela awayebaqinise ngayo abanye ukuba bathethe malunga nobunzima bobudlelwane babo boomama.
Ngoku, ingqokelela entsha yesincoko esinegama elifanayo ehlelwe nguFilgate imeme ezo zimvo ukuba zenziwe inyama, ngokudibeneyo kuthathelwa ingqalelo kwingxelo yenkcubeko ejikeleza indima yomzali ongumama. Oomama bagqityiwe njengabakhuseli: umntu onenkathalo kwaye onikayo kwaye owakhayo umntu endaweni yokubabetha, uFilgate ubhala kwintshayelelo yakhe Oko Umama Wam Andithethi Ngaye, uphume kuSimon naseSchuster nge-30 ka-Epreli. Kodwa bambalwa kakhulu kuthi abanokuthi oomama bethu bazijonge zonke ezi bhokisi. Ngeendlela ezininzi, umama umiselwe ukusilela.
Bhalisela iNcwadana yeendaba yoBugcisa
Ukuqokelelwa kwesincoko kuphonononga zonke iindlela oomama abanako kwaye abangaphumeleli ngazo ukufikelela kulindelo loluntu olungenakufikeleleka. Iqhekeza uluvo malunga nokuxoxa ngendlela iintsapho zethu ekusenokwenzeka ukuba azingqinelani nomgangatho obekiweyo kwaye ugcinwe sisiko ekwabelwana ngalo kudala. Leyo yayiyinjongo kaFilgate ngokudibanisa incwadi. Ithemba lam ngale ncwadi kukuba iyakusebenza njengesibane kuye nawuphina umntu okhe waziva engakwazi ukuthetha inyani yakhe okanye inyani kanina, ubhala watsho uFilgate. Okukhona sijamelana nento esingakwaziyo okanye esingayi kuyenza okanye esingayaziyo, kokukhona siyaqondana. 
Oko Mna noMama wam singathethi ngako .USimon noSchuster
Eyona ngxaki inkulu ebonakala ijongene nababhali abaninzi kule ngqokelela yindlela le ngxelo yenkcubeko ibenza bangakwazi ukubona ngayo oomama babo njengabantu. UBrandon Taylor (umhleli kwi Uncwadi Lombane Uyavuma ukuba akukho nto kwincoko yakhe: Into endigcine ukuba ndingabhali ngaye, malunga nosizi, ngentsomi kukuba bendiswele imvakalelo yokwenyani, yomntu ngomama. Okanye, hayi, ayonyani ngokuchanekileyo. Into ebendiswele yona kukuba novelwano kuye. Ndandinomdla kakhulu kwiimvakalelo zam ngaye kangangokuba andinakushiya igumbi leemvakalelo zakhe okanye into ayifunayo ebomini. Bendingakwazi ukushiya isithuba sokuba abengumntu.
Kwimeko kaTaylor, emva kokubhubha kukanina, wazifumana eshiyekile ukuba acinge ngendlela indlela awayeziphethe kakubi ngayo kuye yayiyinxalenye yendlela enkulu yokuxhatshazwa ebomini bakhe. Ukungakwazi kwakhe ukubona oku ngaphambi kokuba asweleke kulusibekele ulwalamano lwabo, eshiya uTaylor ukuba anqwenele ngoku ukuba umazi ngcono, unqwenela ukuba azame ngakumbi. Kungekudala.
Umbhali wenoveli kunye nombhali wezincoko uLeslie Jamison naye uyathetha ngolu luvo kwisincoko sakhe, Ndadibana noloyiko endulini, evala incwadi. UJamison uchaza amava okufunda inoveli ebhalwe ngumyeni kamama wakhe wangaphambili malunga nolwalamano lwabo. Ubhala, Ukuba bekuphazamisa kancinci ukucinga ngomama njengomthombo wentlungu kaPeter, bekuphazamisa kakhulu ukucinga ngaye njengomntu onembali yangaphandle. KuJamison, inoveli yayinzima kumbono kanina, ngendlela elungileyo. Kwandivumela ukuba ndibone ukuba mna naye besisoloko sinzima ngakumbi kunamabhanari endiwakhele ukuba sihlale kuwo, apho sifana khona okanye sichaseneyo, ubhala watsho uJamison. Siqhela kakhulu kumabali esiwathetha ngathi. Yiyo loo nto ngamanye amaxesha kufuneka sizifumane kumabali abanye.
Omnye umxholo ophambili odibanisa ingqokelela-omangalisayo kunye nolindelweyo kwaphela-ngooyise bababhali. Uninzi lwababhali kule ncwadi bacinga ngendlela oomama babo abasilele ngayo ekuphatheni gadalala okwenziwe ngabayeni babo, nanjengoko ezo zimilo zisongela ubomi babantwana babo.
Ngale ndlela, incwadi ibhentsisa ukuba ootata bayayeka njani ukuba lula. Ayikuko ukuba ababhali abanomsindo kooyise. Uninzi lwazo lukho. Kodwa inkcubeko yethu ayibabambi ootata ukuya kwinqanaba elifanayo elingenakubanjwa kuthi koomama. UCathi Hanauer — naye ongumhleli wengqokelela yezincoko, iNew York Times ethengisa kakhulu Umgqakhwe weNdlu— Ichaza indlela aziphethe ngayo uyise. Uyakhumbula indlela awayengavumi ngayo ukuvumela uHanauer ukuba athethe nomama yedwa efowunini, ukuba angaphendula athini kumama wakhe naxa uHanauer ebuza umbuzo angakwaziyo ukuwuphendula malunga nento efana nokukhulelwa okanye iresiphi ye-blueberry tart kanina, kwaye ukuba wayengenayo nantoni na ayithethayo ukuba uya kuphendula ngokukhwaza kuyo nayiphi na into ekumabonakude de bamfake kwakhona
UHanauer uphazamisekile ngoyise, kodwa ngaphezulu koko, unxunguphele nonina ngokumvumela ukuba abaleke. Ngaphandle komsindo kayise kunye nokungazinzi, i-narcissism, kufuneka alawule kwaye alawule, uyavuma ukuba ukrelekrele, ngamanye amaxesha uyahlekisa, kwaye uphelele kuyo yonke into. Ewe abantu banzima, kwaye kufanelekile ukuba uHanauer avume ukuba, kodwa kwangaxeshanye, ubonakala evumela indawo ethe kratya ukuba utata wakhe abe nzima kunonina.
Oku mhlawumbi ubuncinci ngokuyinxenye ngenxa yolindelo lwenkcubeko esilufaka kumama ofanelekileyo olwenzileyo kwaba nzima kuHanauer ukubona umama wakhe-ukwazi nantoni na malunga naye ngaphaya kweendlela angazange abe ngumama ngokufanelekileyo emehlweni kaHanauer. Kwaye okwangoku, xa uHanauer ekugqibeleni ehlala phantsi nonina bathethe, bafunde malunga yena , Incoko igxile phantse kuyise kuphela, ukuba kutheni umama wakhe emvumela ukuba enze izinto ezithile, ngendlela awayeziva ngayo ngokuziphatha kwakhe. Ngale ndlela, nditsho nasekuhloleni into abantu abangathethi ngayo ngoonina, oyena mama ushiyeka ngasemva.
Ewe kunjalo, ngelixa kunokwenzeka ukuba uzobe iipateni, ekugqibeleni Oko Mna noMama wam singathethi ngako isibonisa iindlela ezilishumi elinesihlanu zokuba abantu abalishumi elinesihlanu babaqonda oomama babo. Ababhali abanjengoMelissa Febos kunye noAlexander Chee bafuna ukukhusela oomama babo kwintlungu ebomini babo kunokuba bacinge ngoomama babo njengabakhuseli. UJulianna Baggott uyavuma ukuba into yena nonina abangathethi ngayo, kulungile, ayisiyonto ingako-igalelo lakhe libizwa ngokuba yiLutho Left Unsaid. Abanye oomama babonakala bekhohlakele ngaphandle kwesizathu, kodwa kumaxesha amaninzi oko kubonakala ngathi kukukhohlakala kumphezulu kuchazwa ngumothuko, kukugula ngengqondo, ngamabali abo abaye bazixelele malunga nokuba ngumfazi kunye nomongi. Incwadi iqhekeza ivule okulindelweyo, isibuze ukuba kutheni sizivumela ukuba simfanyekiswe yintsomi kamama kangangokuba asinakubabona oomama bethu njengabantu-abanzima kwaye bahlukahlukene njengathi sonke.
