'Ingxaki ngabantu abomphefumlo uphefumlelwe kukuba abantu badla ngokucinga ukuba ikamva linoxanduva lokuzivelisa.'Unsplash / Element5 Uthando lokwenene kukuqatshelwa komphefumlo wesiphikiso salo kwenye, uxela umlingiswa kaRachel McAdams kwindawo edumileyo I-Crashers yomtshato Indawo, njengoko ephakamisa iglasi ye-champagne, emva kokuhlangana kamnandi no-Owen Wilson, efanekisela uthando lomoya ovuthuzayo ogcwele isiqabu se-comedic ngohlobo lwe-Vince Vaughn repartee. Ingxelo elayishiwe, nokuba yinto yokuhlekisa yothando. Ukubiza umntu ngokuba ngumphefumlo kukuphosa uthotho lwezinto ezingenakulindeleka kulwalamano, ulubeke kwisiseko esigqitha ixesha, indawo kunye neenkolo zehlabathi. Kutheni, ke, kuluntu apho singekhe siodole ipitsa ngaphandle kokukroba amaphepha amathathu ovavanyo lweYelp, ngaba sikulangazelele kangaka ukuthenga kuthando oludiniweyo lwabalingane bomphefumlo?
Umqwalaseli uthethe nengcali kwezobudlelwane uTy Tashiro, Ph.D., kunye nombhali we Inzululwazi yokuNwaba emva koko: Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu ekufuneni uthando olungapheliyo ukuphanda ukuba kutheni umbono wabalinganiswa bomphefumlo unokuma endleleni yokuphuhlisa ubudlelwane obuzalisekisayo, obunempilo nobunokwenene.
Ingxaki ngabantu abahlala nomphefumlo kukuba abantu badla ngokucinga ukuba ikamva linoxanduva lokuzivelisa, utshilo uGqirha Tashiro. Ukucinga okungagungqiyo ngasemva kwabalingani bomphefumlo kukuba ikamva liya kuzisa umntu-kunye-kuphela, omiselwe ukukuzisela ubomi obuphela ngolonwabo ngonaphakade. Kodwa njengaye nawuphi na umntu ongatshatanga wanamhlanje owaziyo, inkosana enomtsalane kunqabile ukuba ibonakale kuhlobo lokuthandana, kwaye abantu kubudlelwane bexesha elide baya kukuxelela ukuba ikamva alibonakali ngathi likhathalele izitya malunga nezitya okanye ezemali. Inyani yile yokuba uthando olunyamezelayo luyimveliso yenjongo, ingcinga ecacileyo kunye nesenzo, kunye nedosi esempilweni yokuzingisa.
Uluvo lokuba ukuphatha uthando njengesiphumo esenziweyo sesenzo kunye nokuzingisa endaweni yenxalenye yendalo yamava oluntu kubhetele ekuhambeni kwexesha kuye kwaqinisekiswa-yiYunivesithi yaseToronto ka-2014 ukufunda ekhokelwa nguprofesa wentengiso uGqirha Spike W.S Lee wafumanisa ukuba izibini zazonwabile xa ziphatha uthando njengohambo ngokuchasene nendawo ekuyiwa kuyo. Elinye iqela lezibini lanikwa amabinzana abonisa imeko yomphefumlo, njengathi sisiqingatha sam esinye kwaye elinye iqela lanikwa amabinzana abonisa uthando njengohambo kubandakanya nokujonga indlela esivela ngayo. Emva koko, izifundo zikhumbule iinkumbulo ezilungileyo nezingalunganga ababelane ngazo namaqabane abo kwaye babala ulwalamano lwabo. Iqela elibonakalisa uthando olwenziwe ngokomfanekiso njengohambo oluchaze ukoneliseka okuphezulu kakhulu ngeebhondi zabo.
NgokukaGqirha Tashiro, omnye wemicimbi ephambili ekuphatheni iqabane lakho njengomphefumlo kukungabikho konxibelelwano oluya kuthi xa intelekelelo yothando igubungele isidingo sokwamkela iingcinga neemvakalelo zomnye umntu. Abantu abadla ngokukholelwa kubalingane bomphefumlo nabo banikezela kwezinye iinkolelo ezingancediyo kubudlelwane bokwenyani, njengenkolelo yokuba iqabane kufuneka likwazi ukufunda ingqondo yakho (umzekelo, ukuba awuyazi into engalunganga, ke Andizukuxelela). Akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokukholelwa ukuba abantu ababini banokwakha unxibelelwano lokomoya, kodwa ezo ntlobo zonxibelelwano zigcinwa ngokuziphatha okucingayo kunye nokuqwalaselwa kwiminyaka emininzi.
Izinto ezilindelekileyo ezingekho ngqiqweni zothando ezivela kwingcinga yabaphefumlelweyo zithintela ubudlelwane, kunokuba zibakhuthaze, kwaye ukungafezeki ekufumaneni umphefumlo womntu akupheli emva kwezihlwele zothando oluncinci. Ngelishwa, iinkolelo zothando zothando oludibanisiweyo kunye 'omnye kunye kuphela' amaqabane omphefumlo awapheli ebuntwaneni okanye ebusheni. Kuvavanyo lukaGallup lwango-2010 lwabantu abadala abangaphezulu kwewaka, abaphenduli babuzwa ukuba bayakholelwa na ukuba kukho iqabane lomphefumlo, abathi abantu abaninzi balichaze njengeqabane 'elinye kwaye kuphela' kubo. Uninzi olukhulu (iipesenti ezingama-88) lwathi ewe. Nangona kungekho nto iphosakeleyo ngokukholelwa ukuba unxibelelwano lokomoya kuthando lunokusebenzela, ukubala ngekamva ukubonelela ngomlingane olungileyo kunye nolwalamano oluphezulu ngokwoneliseka kunye nozinzo ludubulo lobumnyama, uGqirha Tashiro ubhala kwincwadi yakhe.
Ke ukuba imibono yesiko, yakudala ngothando ibeka abantu kwindlela engalunganga yolonwabo, sesiphi isibonakaliso esiyinyani sobudlelwane obusebenzayo? Unjingalwazi weYunivesithi yaseNorth Carolina Chapel Hill uGqirha Barbara L. Frederickson, Ph.D., uthi ukuphatha ubudlelwane njengomsebenzi wothando kungaluphucula ulonwabo kwaye kubangele nempendulo yebhayoloji ephucula impilo yakho.
Iipolls zibonisa ukuba uninzi lwabantu kule planethi bafumana uthando ekufumaneni umntu omnye okhethekileyo, kwaye ndilufumanisa olo hlobo lusizi kuba phantse isiqingatha sabo bonke abantu abadala, ubuncinci e-US, abakakamfumani umntu omnye okhethekileyo- okanye Ulahlekelwe ngulo mntu ukhethekileyo, utshilo uGqirha Frederickson 'kwi Intetho yeTed , Ethetha ngeengxaki zokuphila komphefumlo. Xa uqhagamshela ngokwenene nomnye umntu, izingqisho zentliziyo yakho ziyavumelana. Iingcali zebhayoloji zakho ziyahambelana. Nokuba iifirings zakho ze-neural ziyahambelana. Ingathi ngulo mzuzu we-mico, imvakalelo enye elungileyo kukuqengqeleka kubuchwephetsha kunye nemizimba, utshilo.
Njengoko kubonisiwe kuphando lukaGqr. Frederickson, inkqubo yebhayoloji eyenzekayo xa abantu ababini bethandana ingazinzanga njengokuba kungummangaliso, kwaye ukwenza iinzame zokugcina unxibelelwano neqabane lakho ngokuhamba kwexesha kunceda ibhayoloji kunye neemvakalelo ezisemva kobudlelwane ukuze zikhule. Okukhona unxibelelana, kokukhona uyomeleza le ngcingo ukunxibelelana, kwaye kokukhona unciphisa amathuba okuba ube nesifo sentliziyo kwaye wandise amathuba okuba nexesha elide, elisempilweni kunye nokonwaba, utshilo UGqirha Frederickson.
Kuyamangalisa ukuba isayensi emva kothando inkulu, kwaye ukunyanga uthando njengento engenakuthinteka kunokuba ibe yimifanekiso yindlela efanelekileyo yokugcina ulwalamano, umzimba kunye nengqondo kwindawo ephezulu yempilo kunye nolonwabo.
