Ukusuka ekhohlo ukuya ekunene: UKristin Tate, uLuis J. Gomez, umbhali uMichael Malice kunye noAndy Levy, phakathi kweeseti kwisiqendu sokugqibela 'seLiso eliBomvu'Ngobubele u-Anthony Cumia Injongo yam yayikukuhlala rhoqo kwi Amehlo aBomvu .
Ngokwenyani eyona njongo yam yayikukuthatha indima kaAndy Levy ukuba u-ombudsman uwushiye umboniso, kodwa isenokuba ibhulorho ekude kakhulu. Kwakungu-2015, kwaye ndandisoloko ndibonakala rhoqo kwinkqubo yeFox Business Ezizimeleyo nomlandeli wayo Kennedy iinyanga. Ndingahlala kwiphaneli yeqela likaKennedy ecaleni kwabantu abakhulu-abona bantu bangcono, awuzange ubabone abantu abanjalo-kwaye ndimamele njengoko bexoxa ngexesha elizayo abaza kuvela ngalo Amehlo aBomvu .
Amehlo aBomvu yayihlala iyinto eyahlukileyo. Yayenye yeendawo ezimbalwa kumabonwakude apho i-vibe yayihlekisa kwaye ilungile-kwiziko. Kwakuhlala kuyinqaba kwaye kungenangqondo; ngamanye amaxesha bekusebenza, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha bekungasebenzi. Ukanti oku kwenzelwe ukumka ngokupheleleyo kwilizwe elinomdaniso weendaba zikamabonakude kunye nokuhlekisa kwezopolitiko. Ngaba ukhona umntu othandabuzayo ukuba iRiphabhlikhi iza kuza njani ngexesha likaStewart Umboniso wemihla ngemihla iqhekeza?
Khange ndibenamona kwaphela koogxa bam ngokumenywa. UJimmy Failla noJoe DeVito banobuqili. UKmele Foster kunye noMat Welch, ngaphambili Ezizimeleyo Ababambisene nabo, banolwazi njengaye nabani na. UGavin McInnes akanakunceda kodwa ajike ingxoxo yezopolitiko ibe yividiyo yentsholongwane-eyenza ithelevishini ebukhoma. Okokugqibela, kulula ukuba ii-uggos zidele bonke ookumkanikazi ababonakala kwiFox. Kodwa rhoqo kunoko, isizathu sokuba bangukumkanikazi kwaye bangakhuphisani nje kungenxa yokuba banobuntu kwaye bayayazi indlela yokuqhuba incoko. Ngokwengqondo, u-Miss America ka-2008 u-Kirsten Haglund uyangeneka ngakumbi kunowasetyhini wasekhaya oqhelekileyo, onzima yinkcubeko yesiXeko sase-New York. Ndasiqonda isizathu sokuba bonke baqhubeke nokubhukishwa. Ndivele ndaxakwa kutheni ndingazange.
Andinawo unxibelelwano okanye uqeqesho kumabonwakude. Kodwa bendingenalo noqeqesho lokubhala, olungazange lundithintele ekubhaleni nasekuqhubeni ndibhala iincwadi ezininzi kwaye ndibengumbhali wekholamu (kulapho iipunchline zazizakuhamba khona, iihacks). Kodwa nokuba bendifumene isidanga sonxibelelwano (ndibulale ngoku) ngekhe ndibenalo uluvo malunga ne-etiquette yenethiwekhi. Ndifuna ukubuza uKennedy ukuba angandicebisa ukuba ndivele Amehlo aBomvu . Kodwa ngaba loo nto iya kubonakala ingenambulelo? Ukunyuka kwentlalo? Ngaba loo nto yayifana nokubuza umhlobo ukuba ungathandana nowayesakuba liqabane lakhe? Ngaba oku kwaphula umthetho obalulekileyo, usebenzisa umntu njengesixhobo kunokuba abe nesiphelo kuye? NdingumRashiya. Ndididekile. Kodwa uKennedy ngumRomania. Siyabakhathalela abantu bethu eMpuma Yurophu, kuzo zombini iindlela zekota. Wayevuya kakhulu ukunceda.
Kungekudala emva kokuba uTom Shillue abhengezwe njenge Amehlo aBomvu Umkhosi omtsha. Umamkeli-zindwendwe uGreg Gutfeld wayeshiye ixeshana ngaphambili, nabantu abahlukeneyo begcwalisa njengondwendwe. Kwakungakhange kucace ukuba Amehlo aBomvu yayizakuqhubeka kwaphela, okanye ngaluphi uhlobo. Kwakunokungaqhelekanga kangangokuba kwakothusa ukuba kwakuhlala phantse iminyaka elishumi ngelo xesha. Kungekudala, ngenxa yengcebiso evela kuKennedy, ndacwangciswa ukuba ndivele kumdlalo wesibini kaTom ngoJuni 23, 2015.
Ngokombono wam isiqephu sihambe kakuhle. Njengoko ipaneli yayigcwalisa emva kokuba sisongele, uTom waxhawula isandla sikaMike Vecchione. Umsebenzi omkhulu, uxelele uMike. Kuya kufuneka siphinde sibe nawe kungekudala.
Ndonwabile ukudibana nawe, Tom, ndimxelele.
Umsebenzi omkhulu, uphindile… kodwa akathethanga nto yimbi. 
Ukusuka kuMaliceman ukuya kuSuperman.Ngokunyanisekileyo uMichael Malice
Ndabhukishwa kwakhona emva kwenyanga, kodwa kwaba yiyo. Bendingayazi into endiyenzileyo. Andizange ndiyazi ukuba ngaba ndenze nantoni na engalunganga. Mhlawumbi ndandingenzanga nto kunene . Ndandinethuba lokuba ngu Amehlo aBomvu rhoqo, kwaye bendiyivuthile. Andikazi okwenzekileyo, kwaye ndilungile kuloo nto.
Kwakuyinyanga elishumi elinanye kamva ukuba ndikwi Kennedy ipaneli kunye noTom, kwaye ndacinga ukuba sinobudlelwane obukhulu emoyeni. Kuyabonakala ukuba naye wayeziva ngendlela efanayo. Khange sikubambe ixesha elide, watsho kwigumbi eliluhlaza. Ngaba thina okanye nguwe?
Wena, nditshilo.
Siza kukufumana kungekudala.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, ndifowunelwe kwakhona. Kwaye kwakhona. Andazi ukuba ndenze ntoni ephosakeleyo ngaphambili kwaye andazi ukuba ndenze ntoni ngelixesha. Ndiyazi ukuba bendiqhekeza lonke ixesha bendisemoyeni. Ndandililungu labaphulaphuli njengokuba ndandiyipaneli, kwaye ndandinomdla wokuba ndingene ngaphakathi kumabonwakude. Kwaku-surreal kwaye kwakumnandi.
Phantse kwisiqendu ngasinye, uAndy Levy uxelela iphaneli ukuba yintoni abayiphosileyo kunye nento abayiphosileyo. Rhoqo, uthatha iholide okanye usuku lomntu kwaye omnye umntu azalise loo ndawo. Kwakuyiminyaka elishumi elinanye eyadlulayo Abapapashi beVeki uphonononge i-biology yam I-Ego kunye neHubris ngokwalatha ukuba, uMalice unamandla angapheliyo okubonisa iimpazamo zabanye. Umnqweno wam omkhulu wokwenza i-Andy's gig nokuba kube kanye kwakungothusi.
Ingaba uqinisekile? umvelisi wandibuza. Yigig enzima.
Oh bendiqinisekile. Ndandiqinisekile njengoAl Gore ukuba utshintsho lwemozulu luya kusibulala sonke, ngokuqinisekileyo njengoDonald Trump ukuba bathumela abadlwenguli. Xa ndabona uAndy eholweni emva kwesiqendu, ndambuza ngokwam. Ngaba ucinga ukuba ndiza kuba nakho ukwenza igig yakho njengendawo ebambeleyo?
Ewe, watsho, esenza ubuso ngathi kuyacaca.
Kungekudala emva koko, nam ndafumana loo mnxeba. Xa ndandihleli phantsi kwisitulo sikaAndy ngoFebruwari 21, andizange ndikhumbule ixesha lokugqibela endandinalo olovalo. Njengoko saqala ukuqengqeleka, ndaya kwimeko yokubaleka. Kwakuyinto efanayo xa ndenza ukuma amaxesha ambalwa okuqala phantse kwiminyaka engamashumi amabini eyadlulayo, i-adrenalin emsulwa. Kwakukho izihloko ezine zokugubungela, kwaye kwafuneka ndifumane into yokuthetha undwendwe ngalunye phakathi kwazo zone. Ingxaki yayikukuba akukho namnye kwabane owayesisidenge, kwaye akukho namnye kubo owayelahla amanqaku athetha ngokuhlaselwa ngokulula. Bahlekisa, kwaye baxelelwa. Okubi kakhulu, ibisenzeka ngexesha lokwenyani. Ke ukuba umntu ukhankanye into endinokuthi ndiyiphikise uGoogle, kusafuneka ndihlale ndivule iindlebe xa inokwenzeka into abayithethileyo ukuba iyinyani.
Ndandinayo ikratshi, nangona kunjalo. Ndingazi, Amehlo aBomvu Umbhali uTim Dimond wayebukele umboniso ngaxeshanye. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, indima yakhe yayikukondla iingcebiso zikaAndy kwaye ngoku undithumele neqela. UDimond ubhala intros zondwendwe phezulu kumdlalo, kwaye unoburharha endibuthandayo. (Eyona ntetho ingasetyenziswanga: UMichael Malice undikhumbuza uShakespeare's Puck, kuba uyintlekisa malunga nento engekhoyo.)
Kwinqanaba elinye iphaneli uHaglund wabonisa ukuba kulula kakhulu ukuba ngummi waseMelika kunesiFrentshi. Ndingathanda ukusebenzisa icebiso likaTim: Kirsten, uthethe ukuba andinakuba ngumFrentshi. Ndixolele isiFrentshi sam, kodwa fuck wena! Kodwa ukuba andazi ngoTim, ndandithandabuza ukuba uyayazi. Njengokuhlekisa njengoko bekuya kuba njalo, khange ndicinge ukuxelela uMiss America ukuba akuhluthe ekubonakaliseni kwam u-ombudsman ngumbono olungileyo.
I-adrenalin yam yayiphezulu kakhulu kwaye andikhumbuli nantoni na endaphela ndiyithetha. (Kuphela kusemva kokuba ndibukele ikliphu apho ndaye ndaqonda ukuba umlomo wam uyayazi into eyenzayo, nokuba ingqondo yam ibalekile kweli lizwe.) Iphaneli yaqhwaba izandla, yandixelela ukuba ndenze umsebenzi omkhulu. Le yenye into abantu abambalwa kubaphulaphuli abakwaziyo ukuyiqonda-inokuba yinkxaso kangakanani kuluntu oluncinci oluthethayo. Ewe, kukhuphiswano kodwa uninzi lwabantu alukhuphisani. Umntu omnyama onomdla awusoze akhuphisane nomntu ohlekisayo, ongazamiyo kwiindawo ezifanayo nezomthetho wenkululeko. Kulungile, ngosuku olulandelayo, uAndy waphuma waya kundithumela inqaku lokuvunywa. Kwakungekho mfuneko yokwenza oko, kwaye ukuba nokuqinisekiswa kwakhe kwakubaluleke kakhulu njengentengiso ye-MasterCard.
NgoMvulo we-3 ku-Epreli, kwafika ilizwi lokuba Amehlo aBomvu irhoxisiwe-esebenze ngoLwesihlanu odlulileyo. Ndabhukishwa ngenxa yesiqendu sokugqibela. Kwakubuhlungu. Umboniso uthengisa iziqendu ezibini ngoLwesine, okwesibini kudlala ngolwesiHlanu (ngo-3 kusasa ngoMgqibelo). Ndikhe ndacwangcisa iiveki ukukhupha i-stunt ngaxa lithile, kwaye ngoku ndinendlela entle yokuthumela uthotho.
Ekuguqukeni, isiqendu sokugqibela somoya, ngolwesiHlanu, satyathwa kuqala. UGreg Gutfeld ubuyile kwaye sibuya emva kweqonga sabukela le mikhosi mibini ikhumbula ngaphezulu kweminyaka eli-11 yobusuku obunqabileyo obabusebenzile. Ke kwafika ixesha lokucinezela okokugqibela, okwakuza kudlala kamva ngobo busuku.
Ndafika ndinxibe isuti ebluhlaza yama-80, ndiphethe ihempe emhlophe, iindondo ze-nerd kunye netayi ebomvu ebomvu. Ndinike iinwele ezinje ngoClark Kent, ndixelele uSindy inenekazi elineenwele. Waya edolophini, esebenzisa ubuncinci iimveliso ezine ukufumana iinwele zam ezi-wavy zithe tyaba kwaye zaqhekezwa. Umboniso wawunamacandelo amahlanu, kwaye ndazibhalela uluhlu malunga nendlela yokutshintsha ube nguSuperman ngaphezulu kwesiqendu. B Ibhloko: yikhulule iqhina kunye nehempe engavuli maqhosha. E Vimba: susa ihempe emhlophe eqhosha-phantsi ukuveza ihempe yoxinzelelo eSuperman ngaphantsi. Kwakungexesha le-C Block, njengoko i-mic yam yasuswa kwi-blazer yaya kwihempe yengubo, kwathiwa omnye wabasebenzi wayesemfazweni. Umongameli wethu wayeqhushumisa iSyria.
Njengokuba umboniso usongelwe, kwacaca ukuba siza kukhululwa kwangobo busuku. Amehlo aBomvu Iphinda ngoMgqibelo, isasaza umboniso wangoLwesihlanu nge-11 ngokuhlwa. Ngaba bangasasaza oko bekuya kuba sisiqendu sangoLwesine emva isiphelo sangoLwesihlanu? Ngaba uLwesine uyakudlala ngoLwesihlanu, nangoLwesihlanu ngoMgqibelo? Sasingazi. Njengokuba izibane zivaliwe okokugqibela, ndiye ndagxila ekwenzeni wonke umntu ukuba atyikitye elinye lamakhadi etom kaTom ukuze ndikwazi ukuwakha njengesikhumbuzo (a memento mori , Ndifanele ukuba).
Uninzi lwethu lwaphuma laya kusela emva koko, kunye nabanye abahlobo abambalwa benkqubo yokujoyina. Ndihleli emnqubeni ecaleni komntu owayekwisiphathamandla uKristin Tate, saza sajonga kwiqela. Singo ke Ngethamsanqa, utshilo, ukuba ube yinxalenye yoku.
Ungaze uyilibale le nto, ndavuma. Kwakungomnye wala maxesha apho sobabini sasiziva ngathi uWes Bentley ejonge kwingxowa yenkunkuma ephaphazelayo. Ngaba yonke Amehlo aBomvu isiqendu esihle? Ngaba zonke iipaneli zazihlekisa okanye zinomdla? Ngaba ndinayo into eluncedo ukuyithetha ngalo lonke ixesha? Akunjalongo noko. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha kubakho ubuhle emhlabeni, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha bekukho kwiFox News ngo-3 ekuseni.
UMichael Malice ngumbhali we Mfundi Othandekayo: Imbali engagunyaziswanga kaKim Jong Il . Mlandele kwi-Twitter @imbonangqube .
