Umsebenzi weComedian DC uBenny njengendawo yokuma esebenza iiklabhu azimlungiselelanga ingqumbo yeCos. (Ifoto: Alex Gordon) Umvelisi kamabonakude bendinentlanganiso yeqonga kunye nam wakha wathi kum: Ndixelele ubomi bakho kwisivakalisi esinye. YIMBONISO yakho leyo.
Ndizamile. Kwakuqhubeka.
Ndingummi ongumJuda, isiqingatha samaJamani-isiRoma esihlekisayo, nditshate nesazi sengqondo esimnyama esijongeka njenge-Indiya, ndihlala kwindawo yakudala yase-Italiya eBrooklyn ngoku egcwele iihipsters ezincinci, kwaye wonke umntu ucinga ukuba ndinguPuerto Rican, ngaphandle kwePuerto. Abantu baseRican, abacinga ukuba ndilipolisa.
Wacinga umzuzwana emva koko wathi: Nah. Yenziwe.
Emva koko watya i-chip ye-kale ukubonisa ukuphela kwentlanganiso.
Mhlawumbi kwakufana nexhego lam, igcisa, lalidla ngokuthetha malunga nokuba kutheni iisuti zingaziqondi izinto eziyilayo:
Bayakuva, kodwa abeva.
Ngelixa ndingazange ndibe ne-sitcom yam, bendihlala ndibhukisha iindima zomdlalo weqonga; abemi bamanye amazwe abayingozi, amapolisa athathiweyo, amangqina angakhange abone nothin ’, kunye ne-brooding cons egama linguLoco othe izinto ezinje: Unengxaki, Puto? Ndilungisa iingxaki.
Indawo yokuhlala kuphela endayenzayo yayiyindima encinci kwiminyaka eli-15 eyadlulayo ICosby esandikhathaza nanamhlanje.
Yadubula eNew York, kunye neCos kunye neenkwenkwezi ezothusayo zeendwendwe uMadeline Kahn noRobert Klein. Ndingadlala ipolisa elifihlakeleyo; indawo ebinyathelwe kakuhle kum.
Umfazi wam uxelele usapho lwakhe, ababeloluhlobo lobomi bokwenyani, kwaye kwabakho nokumbombozela okuncinci kokuvunywa ngutata wakhe ugqirha wamazinyo, u-Doc, ongazange awugaye ngokufanelekileyo umsebenzi wam. Uninazala, nangona kunjalo, owayegcina intloko yam eqingqiweyo kwigumbi elangeni lendlu yakhe elunxwemeni, ecaleni kweepilo zokuphosa ngombhobho welamuni, wayevuya.
Oku ICosby Umboniso wawungumzimba omtsha, kunye namalungu ahlukeneyo ahlukeneyo, aqeshwe eQueens, kwii-studio zaseKaufman Astoria.
Ndinomgca omnye kuphela; UJack, kuzakufuneka sihambe… ebekufanele ukuba ndiyithetha kuRobert Klein. Yayingumvuzo ofanelekileyo ngomsebenzi weentsuku ezintathu; Ukuzilolonga ngosuku lokuqala, ukudubula usuku lwesibini, usuku lwesithathu isiqendu senziwe phambi kwabaphulaphuli ababukhoma.
Ndibonise usuku lokuqala ngexesha lam lokufowuna elimiselweyo ngo-10: 45 ekuseni
Ixesha lam lokufowuna kuphela ibingengo-10: 45.
Ndingazi, umphathi wam we-bi-polar wayephumile kwimidlalo yakhe kwaye wayendixelele ixesha elingalunganga ngokupheleleyo, ngaphambi kokuba ndiye kumlo wokujamelana nomzimba wonke umntu owayemdelele kule minyaka idlulileyo, kwaye wagqibela ngokubhukisha embindini.
Xa ndingena kunye nokhuseleko, ndaxelelwa ukuba ndifike emva kwexesha ngeyure kunye nemizuzu engama-45, kwavela inenekazi elixineneyo elinebhodi eqhotyoshwayo. Usebenze ngegama lam.
Ngaba nguDJ. UPenny okanye uBJ Penny?!
Ngokwenyani ngu-DC Benny
Ewe, kulungile, CD, ufike kade kwaye uGqr.Cosby AKONWABI. Masihambe. Xa udibana naye, mbhekisele kuye njengoGqirha Cosby. Awunguye Mnumzana, hayi uBill. Gqirha, uyaqonda?
Ndilusini ngenene…
Masihambe, Penny.
UBenny…
Ulenny ...
UBenny.
Ewe.
Ndifumanise ukuba yayingeloxesha lifanelekileyo lomdlalo we-dyslexic-on-on-first. Ndingaba ngu-C. Ulenny. Kuvakala ngathi ngumntu othengisa umculo we-bootleg ku-A-train.
Sahamba ngokukhawuleza emathunjini e studio, iiseti ezindala, izihloko zokukhanyisa, iiofisi, iiposta, emva koko ndaqala ukunuka umsi wecuba.
Kungekudala yayiphezu kwethu.
Apho, singqongwe ngabalingisi kunye nabasebenzi, beme ngaphezulu kobomi beCos, bakhanyise i-cigar ngomlomo, ukubhala ngesandla, bencokola noRobert Klein noMadeline Kahn.
Ibhodi eqhotyoshwayo yacoca umqala wayo ngembeko nangelizwi elitsha, elingelilo elirhabaxa, ethetha ngokuchasene neCos.
UGqirha Cosby. Ndine C.D U-Lenny kwiseti.
UCosby ukhuphe kancinci ilifu lecumulus lomsi, elalihamba lisiya ngakwisibane esikhanyayo esithi Akutshaywa.
MFANA, INGABA UYAWUQONDA UMQONDO WEXESHA !! AKUZUKUTSHATYALALISWA, NGOKUKHETHEKILEYO IXESHA LAM! YIMZUZU EYURE NAMASHUMI AMAHLANU?! NGABA wawukwimeko yongxamiseko, NGOKUBA UNGAKWAZI UKUJONGA IWOTI YAKHO?! BONISA ISHISHINI. CINGA NGAMAZWI AMABINI ABALULEKILEYO. UKUBA UNGABONISI NGEXESHA, UYA KUQHUBEKA UKUBA NGUMDLALI AKUKHO MNTU UNGEKE WAYIVA. NGOBA? NGENXA YOKUBA AWUNASHISHINI UKUBA USHISHINO! Ityala kwinto: NGABA UKHO UMNTU APHA WAYIVA I-C. ULENNY?!
Cwaka.
Bendingacingi ukuba.
Mnu. Cosby… Ndi…
UGQIRHA COSBY! waqhekeza waphosa i-cigar yakhe phantsi. Ibhodi eqhotyoshwayo idubule ngokuvakalayo. I-PA yagijimela kwi-stub eqhumayo, yayicima nge-stomp kwaye yasusa isidumbu esicabaleleyo njengebhola ye-tennis echithiweyo eWimbledon.
FUMANA LE NKWENKWE ISIKRIPTHI, watsho uCos, ecaphukile. YIMA PHANTSI UZE UHAMBE UCUE, wandiyalela.
Ndenza ngokomyalelo wam.
Saziqhelanisa neeyure ezimbalwa ezizayo, kwaye ndandikuthintela ukudibana kwamehlo nabani na.
Xa ekugqibeleni sasisongelwe, omnye wabafana abakhanyayo weza kum emva kokuba unxweme lucacile kwaye wandixelela ukuba iCos yayinzima ngakumbi kubantu abancinci, ke ukuba bangayithathi.
Emva kokuthotywa esidlangalaleni; Ndandiyekisile lonke uhlanga endandingelilo.
Ngosuku olulandelayo, ndizimisele ukwenza ukubonakala okuhle, ndafika kwiyure kwangoko, kwaye ndema ndilungile kwigumbi lam lokunxiba. Nangona bendiwazi umgca wam ngasemva nangaphambili, bendiqhubeka nokuwujonga kwiskripthi esincinci esasindinike kusuku olungaphambili.
Ibhodi eqhotyoshwayo inamathele entloko kwigumbi lokunxiba kwaye indixelele ukuba ndiza kubizelwa ukuseta ngenkqubo ye-intercom, ngamanye amaxesha kwiyure elandelayo okanye ezimbini. I paced the room ndaziqhelisa ulayini wam ndiphindaphinda.
Yadlula iyure. Mbini. Ntathu. Ndeva izibhengezo ezahlukeneyo kwi-intercom.
UDonny ovela kwiinkonzo zaseKraft, tsalela umnxeba kwidesika engaphambili.
UNks Kahn; ndikulungele kwimake up.
UGqr C, ingxelo yokuseta.
Ndiye ndahleka ndedwa. Umntu othile wayekhawuleza kancinci kwaye ekhululekile ngesihloko seCos, embiza ngokuba nguGqr C. Mhlawumbi baya kubamba ingqumbo yakhe namhlanje.
Kwakukho ezinye izibhengezo ezimbalwa, emva koko kwakhona, uGqirha C, ingxelo yokuseta. Ilizwi livakala linomsindo.
Ewe kwakukrelekrele ngenene, ukubiza uCos uGqirha C ukuze wonke umntu eve, kwaye ayenze ngesimo sengqondo. Umntu ebehlafunwa namhlanje.
Kunkqonkqozwe ngamandla emnyango. Ndayivula kwaye Clipboard yayimi apho ifutha.
UGqirha C, awumameli kwi-intercom? Baye bakubizela kwiseti kathathu!
Unditsalele umnxeba…
UGqirha C. Igama lakho!
Ngobusuku nje obunye, ndaye ndasuka kumrhwebi othengisa izihlunu ndaya kwicola yokutya.
Igama lam andinguGqirha C. NguD.C.
Uye wawavala kabuhlungu amehlo wancwina.
Sizakuhamba nje noMnu Lenny. Ukuseta.
Ukufika kwam kwiseti, uCos wayethetha noMnu Klein kunye noNks Kahn. Akundibona, wabhengeza ngobuchule bemidlalo yeqonga: IQALILE INKQUBO YOMBONISO! SINOKUQALISA UKUQALISA UKUSHISHINA NGOKU! UMJIKELEZO WESICELO SE-C.C. Uleneni
Wonke umntu waqhwaba izandla. Ndacinga nzima ngeendawo ezinelanga, ii-lollipops, kunye namahashe.
Singene kwizikhundla zethu. Ndazazisa kuRobert Klein, owakhumbula ngokumangalisayo xa ndandimvulele, kwiminyaka embalwa eyadlulayo. Uxelele uMadeline Kahn ukuba ndiyahlekisa kwaye wancuma.
Ndaziva ndingcono noko.
Kungekudala, ikhamera yayiqengqeleka kwaye yam, ndangena ndahambisa umgca.
Kwangoko, uCosby wakhwaza Sika! Undikhanyisele.
MFANA! WENZA NTONI?! NGABA UZAMA UKUGQIBA NGAM?!
Andiqondi, Mnu, er, uGqirha Cosby. Ndenzeni?
WENZENI?! UTHI UMGCA OGWEBILEYO! UNOMGca OMNYE KUNYE UMGCA OMNYE KUPHELA, NGOKU YENZEKA NJANI?
Wonke umntu wajonga komnye ukuphendula kodwa kwakungekho.
Kodwa… kodwa… umgca ulapha kwiskripthi sam….
Ndamnika. Uye wayiphosa kum.
Unokufunda, ulungile? YIBONE ELI NOMBOLO KWIKONA? KUKwabizwa ngokuba ngumhla! LOMHLA NGOLIZOLO! YONKE IMIHLA KUKHONA UKUHLAZIYWA KWAKHONA KONKE IMIHLA KUKHO ISIBHALO ESITSHA ESIBONISA OKUHLAZIYIWEYO KUNYE NEMIHLA NGEMBOPHELEKO YAKHO UKUBA UFUNDE LESIBHALO SITSHA FUNDA IMIGAQO YAKHO EHLAZIYIWEYO!
Ndinikwe iscript esitsha. Ndavula iphepha elichaphazelekayo. Apho umgca wam omnye wawume khona, ngoku kwakukho emibini; UJack, kufuneka sihambe. Imoto ilinde ngaphandle.
Bendingazi ukuba mandithini; Khange ndiqonde ukuba kukho iscript esitsha, nangona ndikhumbula ndibona enye kwitafile yam yegumbi lokunxiba ngelixa ndandihambahamba, ndiziqhelanisa nolayini wam.
NGABA UFUNA OLUNYE USUKU LOKUKHUMBULA OKANYE NGOKUBA SISELE?
Sidubule indawo, ebonakala ngathi iyahamba, ndabuya ndaya kwigumbi lam lokunxiba.
Ngobo busuku, ndaphupha ndimi phambi kwesipili esigcwele ze. Endaweni yokucinga kwam, kwakumi uD.B. Sweeney.
Ngosuku olulandelayo, kwigumbi lam lokunxiba, ndibukele iqela lecawa iCos ibikhwele ebhodini kwindawo yokupaka. Ubukhulu becala yayiqulathwe ngamanenekazi amnyama amadala asuka eAtlanta nakwabanye bendawo.
Ndathandaza uCos angandiphoxi phambi kwabo. Kwi-'Cosby, 'umlandeli we-CBS kwi-NBC's megahit' Umboniso weCosby, 'intombazana engu-Madeline Kahn ibonakala noBill Cosby kunye nenkosikazi yakhe ye-tv, uPhylicia Rashad.
Inguqulelo esandula ukubizwa ngegama lam yeza kwi-intercom ndaza ndaya eqongeni. Kwakufuneka sizilolonge ngokukhawuleza ngelixa amanenekazi ecawa enikwa ukhenketho lwesakhiwo.
Emva kwesiteji, indoda eyayisoyika kakhulu eyayine-cardigan yaphoswa ngokungenantlonelo entanyeni yayo, yandiyalela ukuba ndime endaweni ethile ngelixa sisenza uvimba osisiseko kwaye sibaleka imigca.
Abaphulaphuli bahlala phantsi.
Umboniso waqala, ndenza indawo yam ndaze ndahleka, andazi ukuba njani.
Sigqibile, sabuyela eqongeni kwaye amanenekazi ecawe aqhwaba izandla kakhulu.
Indoda ye-cardigan yandibetha:
Buyela phaya phandle ukuya kubiza umkhusane. Khawuleza! Khawuleza!
Phi ?! Ndihlebezile.
Wakhomba isikhonkwane esidlakadlaka esiya apho amakhethini adibana khona phakathi kweqonga.
Njengoko ndandihamba, intloko yam yayixhuma nento enzima, eyajika yaba bubuso bukaRobert Klein. Wayebuya nje eqongeni.
Aaah! ukrunekile kwaye wafaka isandla sakhe kwiliso lasekunene, wancwina wavala.
Ndandisandula ukuba uEvander Holyfield abe ngumdlalo weqonga.
Ndingu…
Mka kum, mntwana! UYesu!
Wonke umntu emva phaya kwaye athathe isaphetha! wahlekisa umfana onekhati.
Ndema phakathi kweKlein neKahn. Uye wandibamba ngesandla; akavuma.
Ndaziva ndophukile.
Sithe xa siphuma, ndeva umntu ebiza igama lam… olungileyo.
DC Benny !!!
Ndijonge phantsi kwaye kukho uShirley S., umhlekisi ovela kwiintsuku zam ezivulekileyo zemic.
UShirley! Wenzantoni apha?
Ndingumhlobo kaGqr.Cosby, ke ndiza kuzo zonke iiteyiphu eziphilayo. Wow, andikholelwa apha ndibukele kwaye uphuma!
Ewe, uphambene? Ke ubuphi yonke le minyaka?
Kwakukho le… meko yokulandelela. Ndidinga ikhefu, ke ndiyekile ukuhlekisa. Kwakuninzi kakhulu.
Ukulandela? Izandi zibaxekile.
Uyaphumelela, uyazi? UThixo ulungile. Bekusebenza njani noGqirha Cosby?
Uggh. Ndimoshile kwaye uCosby wayengandithandi.
Intoni?! Owu yinto nje ephambeneyo! Makhe ndikwazise, kwaye xa sele esazi ukuba unam, konke kuya kuphola. UYANDITHANDA.
Ewe, andiyazi…
Kodwa ngeloxesha wayetsala esiya eofisini yakhe.
Ukufika kwethu apho, wayehleli esihlalweni sakhe, efunda amaphepha kwidesika yakhe.
UShirley wangena wangena ngqo.
Molo, uGqirha Cosby! Unjani? Ndandihlala ebumelwaneni ngoko ndaye ndaya kubona umboniso; kuyamangalisa njengesiqhelo, kwaye ndibona umhlobo wam wakudala uD.C Benny!
UCosby ujonge phezulu kancinci, wasusa iiglasi zakhe, wathambisa amehlo, ngaphambi kokuba amphendule ngethoni elinganisiweyo:
NDINGAXELELANGA UKUBA UNGABEKI BAMISELE IINYAWO KWEZI ZITHEMBISO ZAKHONA? NGABE BENDINGACACANGA NGOKUBA IXESHA LOKUGQIBELA KUFUNEKA UKUSUSWA NGOKWENYAMA? NDIFUNA UKUBA UShiye IOFISI YAM, NGOKU, kwaye andifuni kuphinda ndikubone okanye le ndoda kwakhona. NGONAPHAKADE
NGOKU, uCos utshilo kwaye wakhomba ngasemnyango.
Ekugqibeleni ndakuqonda ukunyamalala kukaShirley kwihlaya. Wayengenguye othembekileyo, kodwa endaweni yoko umntu wayegobile kwisiqwenga semithi enamithunzi njengamazwi amxelele.
Ndul. Andiqondi ukuba kutheni iesile lakhe lakudala lihamba kathathu 'ngoluhlobo! Uye wafutha ndamshiya, yena, kunye ne studio zika Kaufman-Astoria emva kwam kwilifu elinothuli shame.
Kwiveki elandelayo, ndigxile ekuzingcungcuthekiseni, ndiphinde ndiphinde ndiphinde ndiphinde ndenze umcimbi, ke xa umhlobo wam ebuntwaneni uJohn wanditsalela umnxeba endixelela ukuba wayese dolophini ndaziva ndikhululekile ukuba nomntu endiza kuphuma naye.
NgoMgqibelo olandelayo, uJohn, mna, kunye nabasebenzi abambalwa, babehleli ngasemva kwe-limo ababeyiqeshile, beqhekeza, bexhuma emthendelekweni, behleka kwaye besenza ngathi besingu-14 kwakhona.
Malunga nelesibini ekuseni, besinomnye umcimbi ekufuneka siye kuwo. Ndikhumbula ngokungacacanga ukuba ndifike ndaweni ithile kwi-Upper West Side phambi kwelitye elikhulu elimdaka.
Siwa nje ngobuninzi saza senyuka izitepsi.
Izibane zendlu bezicinyiwe.
Uqinisekile ukuba le yindawo efanelekileyo?
UJohn wanqwala phambi kokubetha intsimbi. Akukhange kubekho mntu uphendulayo ngoko waphinda wayikhwaza, kwakhanya nesibane siphezulu.
I dunno, indoda ndatsho, kujongeka ngathi balele.
Naaaah, baphakame wancanca wayiphinda yakhala intsimbi.
Ibhinqa eliselula eliqaqambileyo lavula ucango.
Heeeeeey, utshilo uJohn, iphi le partaaaay? !! Esi siqwenga sobugcisa besitrato kwikona yeHouston kunye ne-2 Ave sibonisa umlinganiswa kaBill Cosby uFat Albert obambe Inew York Ikhava yephephancwadi ebandakanya abafazi abangama-35 abathi baxhatshazwa ngokwesondo nguCosby. (Ifoto: New York Braganca)
Kwadlula iiyure ezimbini ezidlulileyo, yatsho le ntombazana. Wayefana nomntu endimaziyo kodwa ndandingakwazi ukubeka ubuso.
Ooooooh, ububi bam buthetha uJohn. Ngasemva ndeva ilizwi likhwaza:
NGUBANI OBETHA INDAWO YAM EMNYANGO NGO-3 EKUSENI?!
Emva koko ndiye ndazi ukuba injani le ntombazana.
ICosby.
Mhlawumbi kuba wayeyintombi yakhe, yayiyindlu yakhe le ngoku wayehla ezantsi enxibe iipyjama.
Mfondini ujongeka njengoCliff Huxtable! Utshilo uJohn. Yima! Mfondini INGQONGQOSHELEKILEYO !!!
UCos ujonge nje kuthi sonke.
ZISUSE APHA, NGOKUPHELELEYO KE: NGABA NDIYAZI, MFANA?
Ngokuqinisekileyo, ndiphendule.
Isiqendu sasasazwa kwiveki kamva. Abasebukhweni bam bayibona kwaye yanika ukungqinisisa kwibango lam lokuba ngumhlekisi oqeqeshiweyo. Umazala wam uxelele bonke abahlobo bakhe.
Kwiintsuku ezimbalwa kamva, umkhwenyana wam wandibiza, ndivuya kakhulu.
Ndithethile nomhlobo wam malunga nehlaya lakho. Kwenzeka ukuba athathe inxaxheba kwindawo yokutyela uBen's Chili Bowl eWashington. Kwaye uyazi ukuba ngubani othanda uBen's Chili Bowl?
I-WHO?
UMthetho oYilwayo Cosby! Uye wabhabha eNew York rhoqo
Ngokwenene…
Uyalele ukuthunyelwa izolo, ndiye ndamphathela intloko yakho kwigumbi elangeni kwindlu yaselwandle! Wayibeka phezulu ukuthunyelwa, kanye phezu Chili. Ngale ndlela akanakuphoswa. Ngoku uya kukhunjuzwa ngawe kunye nendlela onetalente ngayo! Zilungiselele, xa kunokwenzeka ukuba abize, uyeva?
Ndivile kodwa andikwazi ukumamela.
DC uBenny liqhula kunye nombhali ohlala eBrooklyn kwaye kutshanje ubesibhozo esiphambili Wokugqibela kwi-NBC yokugqibela yeComic Standing. Lakhe ividiyo Umfana Omhlophe Uyikrazula E-Apollo ijongwe ngaphezulu kwesigidi sezigidi.
BONA KWAKHO: USasheer Zamata kukhuphiswano lweRace, ukwaliwa kunye neKamva lakhe 'leBadass'
