Usihlalo weBhodi, uViacom kunye ne-CBS Corp Sumner Redstone kunye nentombi yakhe uMalia Andelin baya kwi-premiere yeSondo kunye neSixeko 2. (Ifoto nguStephen Lovekin / Getty Images) I-pseudonymous kunye ne-solipsistically yabasetyhini uStella Grey, 55, whines e UMgcini ukuba akanakuba mdala, atyebe, kwaye abe neenwele ezimfutshane kwaye usalindele ukutsala indoda:
Ibe yiveki yeengcinga ezimfiliba malunga noko omnye umfaki sicelo wakubiza ngokuba ‘kukupakisha.’ Enyanisweni, wayengenguye umenzi wesicelo. Wabhala ngokukodwa ukundixelela ukuba wayengekho. 'Lihlazo ukuba andikuthandi,' utshilo, 'kuba kungenjalo uziphawula zonke iibhokisi.' Omnye wathi ndivakala kamnandi, kodwa wongeza wathi: 'Nangona ngelishwa ndinemilinganiselo engqongqo yomzimba.'
Kubonakala ngathi kukho ukungalingani ngokwesini, ngokubhekisele kwinto yokupakisha. Bonke abantu basetyhini endibaziyo bayanyamezelana phakathi kweminyaka yobudala bezibonakalisa kwisahluko. Sithanda ukudubula kade, enyanisweni: isilivere, imigca yokuncuma, ukuzinza komzimba. Ezi zinto sizifunda njengemiqondiso yokuba ubomi buphilile kwaye babonwabele. Sizifunda njengezalathi zento, yokuba zibalulekile. Ngokubanzi, amadoda akabonakali ngathi asinike imbeko efanayo, ubuncinci hayi amadoda endidibana nawo kwi-intanethi. Zijolise kakhulu ekupakisheni. Kuyadimaza.
'Ndiyabheja wawumhle xa wawusemncinci,' ndixelelwe kutsha nje, ngomyalezo, onjalo bekufanele ukuba kukuncoma. Ewe, ndandimhle, ndandiye, okwethutyana, ndaye ndazicombulula, ndangena nzulu, ndingenamava, ndinolwazelelelo kwaye ndingenabuntu. Unyanisile, mfondini, ungandikhetha emva koko.
Kudala ndicinga kakhulu ngalento. Kuthetha ukuthini kuthi, njengabafazi, ukuxelelwa ukuba asixabisekanga kunokuba besikade sikho? Akukho ndoda ndiyaziyo ikhe yaxelelwa ukuba amandla akhe, umtsalane wakhe, umtsalane wakhe uphelile, kwaye kufuneka ajongane nolo bunzima. Abasetyhini abaninzi endibaziyo kwiminyaka yabo yama-50 bathetha ngokungabonakali kwabo kwiindawo zikawonke-wonke. Ndiqinisekile ityala linokwenziwa lokungabonakali njengamandla akhululayo kubomi bomfazi, kodwa andinguye umfazi ukuyenza, hayi kule veki ubuncinci, xa ndichithwe okanye kungenjalo ndingahoywa ngabantu bonke Ndithe ndibulisile.
Wamkelekile kubomi bokwenyani, Stella! (PS Kungangaphantsi komntu ongamaziyo kuwe ukuba ufunda inzululwazi yendaleko.)
Iingcali zengqondo eziguqukayo uDavid Buss noDavid Schmitt bafundise ukuba amadoda nabasetyhini banezicwangciso eziphikisanayo ekufuneni amaqabane ezothando, avela kwiifiziksi zethu ezahlukileyo kunye nolwahluko olandelayo wokuba isini sinokusibiza malini.
Kungenxa yokuba owasetyhini angakhulelwa kwisenzo esinye sesondo kwaye abambelele kumntwana ukurhuqa kwaye ondle, abasetyhini baguqukela ekubeni bakhathalele okuncinci malunga nokubonakala kwendoda kunamandla kunye nokuzimisela kwakhe ukuba ngumboneleli. Intaba yokwenyani yophando iphakamisa ukuba ithiyori kaBuss noSchmitt ilungile.
Umzekelo, ugqirha wezembali uJohn Marshall Townsend kunye noGary Levy babonisa imifanekiso yamakhosikazi kumfana ombi kwiRolex nakwisinxibo seshishini kunye nendoda entle enxibe iyunifomu kaBurger King. Abasetyhini ngokungxama baya kwishishini lokuchukumisa i-burger stud.
Kodwa buyela kubafana. Amadoda ase-Ancestral anokuhamba nje emva kwesondo kwaye aqhubeke nokudlula kwimfuza. Ke amadoda aguqukile ukuba afune ukwabelana ngesondo kunye nabasetyhini abaninzi abasempilweni nabachumileyo abanako. Kwaye injani impilo kunye nokuzala? Ewe, ubuhle babasetyhini: Ulutsha, isikhumba esicocekileyo, iimpawu ezifanayo (ezibonisa impilo kwaye akukho zifunxi-gazi); iinwele ezinde, ezikhazimlayo; kunye nomzobo ongaphezulu kweyure yeeyure kunebhiya.
Umahluko kwinto amadoda nabafazi abayibeka phambili kumaqabane ibhetele isishwankathelwe ngumhlobo wam uWalter Moore. Indoda ikhalaze kuye ukuba abafazi batsaleleka kuphela kwizityebi. UWalter wahlekisa wathi, Ayilunganga loo nto kuba asilindelanga ukuba babe zizityebi; konke esikucelayo kukuba zikhangeleka njengeemodeli.
Okungakumbi kwinyani ngobuhle apha, kwi iqhekeza Ndibhalele Psychology Namhlanje :
Kuyavela ukuba eyona ntsomi yobuhle yokwenyani yeyonakalisayo [uNahomi] ingcuka kunye nabanye ababhinqileyo abasetyhini baqhubela phambili- umbono ongaqondakaliyo wokuba ukhonza abantu basetyhini ukuba babambe iimpumlo zabo kwimigangatho yobuhle. Ewe kunjalo, ukubukeka ayisiyiyo yonke loo nto (njengoko ndifundiswa ngabafundi ababhinqileyo kwikholamu yam yephephandaba xa ndisithi inkanuko yamadoda ibonakala inomlinganiselo wobunzima). Kodwa kujongeka kuyinto enkulu. Umfazi onomtsalane ngakumbi, libanzi iphuli yamaqabane athandanayo kunye noluhlu lwamathuba emsebenzini wakhe nakubomi bemihla ngemihla. Sonke siyayazi le nto, kwaye uphononongo oluninzi luyakuqinisekisa- kukuqhekela nje ukusitsho.
… Indlela esempilweni ebuhleni ayizenzisi ukuba ayifuneki okanye ayibalulekanga okanye iyenza ibaluleke ngaphezu kwayo yonke enye into. Ngokunyaniseka malunga noku, sinceda abasetyhini ukuba benze izigqibo ezizizo malunga nokuba bangakanani na iinzame zokuzibeka kwinkangeleko yabo-okanye bamkele iindleko zamathuba okungaxutywanga.
Ngamanye amagama, ngokuqinisekileyo, unokuqhubeka nokugcuma malunga nendlela ekungalunganga ngayo ukuba amadoda ajolise kwimbonakalo. Kuya kufuneka oku ukufumane njengesicwangciso esiphumeleleyo sokufumana iqabane elithandanayo njengoko kunokuba njalo ngendoda ukuba ikhalaze ngelithi abafazi abayi kujola naye de abe nomsebenzi wosuku ngaphaya kokulala esofeni labazali bakhe edlala imidlalo yevidiyo kwaye ekhalaza ngendlela 'abancinci' abafazi.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, kukho abafana phaya abenza le nto. Kodwa umahluko ophambili phakathi kwamadoda nabafazi ekubonaneni endikubonayo? Amadoda amaninzi abonakala eyamkela inyani ebuhlungu - yokuba kufuneka bafumane imali kwaye babe ngumntu oza kufumana intombazana.
Ke, Stella, ukuphendula umbuzo owubuzayo ekugqibeleni kwesiqwengana sakho:
Umbuzo ngulo, ngaba kufuneka ndikulungele ukutshintsha?
Ewe, uStella - kumntu owamkela inyani kwaye enze konke okusemandleni akhe ukuze asebenze ngaphakathi kwezithintelo.
Okanye, ukubeka ngenye indlela: Amadoda emini awusayi kuphinda ukhathalele ngenkangeleko yakho ngumhla oya kuba neendawo zokutshisa i-barista emnandi kakhulu engama-62.
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UAmy Alkon ngumbhali wencwadi esekwe kwisayensi, Isimilo esihle kubantu abahle abathi ngamanye amaxesha bathi F * ck (ISt. Martin's Griffin, 2014).
U-Amy Alkon: Abafundi beKholeji kufuneka baKhulu kwiimpawu
