Njani uK Knight wam oMenyezelayo kwiSikrweqe ajika waba yiNkosana emnyama

Mthandi uJerry,

Ndiyakufihla. Sukuba nexhala.

Ndiyazi ukuba undixelele ukuba ndingatshayelwa, kodwa ndiyacinga ukuba ndenzile. Ndiphulaphule umculo wendlu ngoku kwaye undenza ndicinge ngendlela esibhonga ngayo ngeManhattan kwiiMercedes zakho. Uyakhumbula ukuba ngesinye isihlandlo izifudumezi zezihlalo zaziphezulu kwaye sazenza phantsi kwekhephu? Undiphuze wathi, Masenze into endiyithandayo, masijonge emehlweni. Yayiyinto endiyithandayo, nayo.

Ixesha lethu sikunye lancitshiswa, kwaye ndibuhlungu. Kanye xa sasiqala ukuthandana ngokwenene, uye waya eZurich ngenxa yeshishini kwaye iitekisi zakho zakhula zangumdaka. Ndiqinisekile inxenye yayo kukuba ndafumana i-OCD malunga nokubuyela kwam emva kwentsasa emva koSuku lweValentine ukusukela oko yayenza isitayile senja, kodwa ndakuxwayisa ukuba ndinexhala loSuku lweValentine. Unyanisile, bekufanelekile ukuba ndicinge ngaphambi kokuba ndiphendule. Kodwa bendicaphukisiwe ubukhe uncommunicado kwaye wabonisa iyure enesiqingatha emva koko ukuba uzokundithathela isidlo sangokuhlwa ngenxa yokungahlali ngesiquphe kwakho. Ndacinga ukuba ubethwe yimoto — okanye okubi kanti wayeka ukundithanda.

Bekufanele ndikumamele xa usithi awusakholelwa ekuthandeni uthando. Ndacinga ukuba ndithe ndamanga ngokwaneleyo ndingatshintsha ingqondo yakho. Uyakhumbula ukuba ngobo busuku saya ku Incwadi kaMormoni , kwaye emva kwesenzo ngasinye, endaweni yokuqhwaba izandla, simpompe izandla kunye njengentliziyo ebethayo? Emva koko wandikhuphela kuNobu wasiyalela inyama yenkomo kaWagyu. Kwakumnandi kodwa ke ndafanisa iakhawunti yam yebhanki neyakho kwaye ndaziva ndingonelanga. Undixelele ukuba bendinikela ngexesha lam kwaye kufanelekile njengemali. Yayinobubele loo nto.

Ndiyazi ukuba ishedyuli yakho yokuhamba ezayo iphambene kwaye ucebise ukuba singaphinda siphinde sibuyele izinto ngonyaka, kodwa umzimba wam uyakufuna ngoku . Ndihlala ndizichukumisa ndicinga xa undityhalele ezantsi wathi, andinakugqiba ukuba ndithandane okanye ndikuphathe njengehenyukazi lam elincinci. Kwaye njengokuba wawungena kum ndathi, uyindoda enjalo kwaye wandikhama amabele wathi, ungumfazi onje. Okanye ngelinye ixesha, xa ubambe imilenze yam ivulekile kwi-V ndathi, Musa ukuzivumela ziwe kwaye uqinise ukubamba kwakho emaqatheni am wathi, Ndikufumene. Ewe, yayiyi-bullshit.

Ngaba ngenene wawufuna ukuba yiNkosana yam xa wawundibiza ngeNkosazana? Bekungafanelanga ukuba ndiyifumene yonke into elwela amalungelo akho, nto nje ndiziva ngathi amakhosazana akwintsomi awancedi kwaye ndizama ukushenxa kwingqondo yexhoba. Ndiyazi ukuba bendikuxelele ukuba undibizele ukumkanikazi okanye uthixokazi endaweni yoko kodwa xa wawungcwina uKumkanikazi wam phakathi kwentsingiselo wayeziva engalunganga. Ukuba sikhe sayenza enye into, kufuneka size nento entsha.

Umkhulu kakhulu. Njengalelo xesha xa wawusonga umnxeba weshishini, isandla sakho sokunene sinyusa ithanga lam, elokhohlo livili kwaye lo mfo uphulukeneyo wazama ukuhamba phambi kwemoto yakho. Ubukhala kwaye ungaphakamisanga umnwe wakho wesalathiso ukhombe kukukhanya okuluhlaza ngokungathi sisiqwenga sinyathela igesi. Bendikufuna kanye apho. Sikhawulezise iPark Avenue kunye noRobin Schulz remix yomthandazo u-Prayer In C saphela kuMnu Chow. Bekugcwele-jam kodwa usifumene le tafile intle yekona. Ndiphuze i-rye yam yeManhattan ndaza ndakubukela u-odola amadombolo, amakhowa athosiweyo, iikomkomere zaseShanghai, i-filet mignon, i-sea bass, isaladi yolwandle kunye nale lettuce yenkuku isongelayo. Ukuchitha ixesha kunye nawe bekufana ne-sex-sex, zonke iindleko-zigubungele iholide ebomini bam.

Ndiyaxolisa ngokwenene ndilibale usuku lwakho lokuzalwa. Ndiyazi ukuba ndikubuze ngeenkcukacha zakho zokuzalwa amatyeli amahlanu ukuze ndikwazi ukujonga itshathi yakho yeenkwenkwezi ukuze ndibone ukuba siyalingana na, kodwa ndaziva ngathi andikhathalelwanga. Ndizamile ukuyenza kuwe ngokufumana ikeyiki ebomvu ye-velvet ithunyelwe kwindlu yakho kodwa ndayiqhekeza loo nto, nayo. Ngaba uyazi ukuba kunzima kangakanani ukufumana iivenkile zetafile e-Tribeca ehambisa nge-5. NgeCawa? Kungenxa yoko ndibonakalisile kwindawo yakho, ikeyiki ngesandla. Kwaye, khange ndenze njalo icebo xa ndilele nawe, kodwa ndikonwabele ukukhwela e-Uber ukugoduka.

Unayo le knack enkulu yokujikeleza i-neurosis yam ibe yintsini. Ubukhanyisile ubunzima obubandayo basebusika ngenzondelelo yakho. Kodwa ekugqibeleni sakrwitshwa yindima kunye nemithetho. Ngexesha elibonakala ngathi liyi-brunch yethu yokugqibela, saxoxa ngemibono yethu eyahlukeneyo ngomtshato. Undixelele ukuba uya kujongana nazo zonke iimali kodwa ulindele ukuba umfazi wakho atyekele emntwaneni ngentsimbi yesine ekuseni. Xa ndandiqabula, wathi uza kumthatha umntwana uye kuyo yonke imidlalo yakhe ye-baseball kwaye yayiyeyona nto ibhetele kakhulu kuba oko kuya kuba, njengeminyaka eyi-18! Kuthekani ukuba sinentombazana, okanye inkwenkwe yethu ikhetha umdaniso wale mihla? Ngelo xesha, ndaziva ndililolo kwaye ndacinga ukuba ndenze njani ukuba kude kangaka nokusondela endikufunayo ngokwenene?

Sasithetha ngenkolo. Ndiyazi ukuba ndingumYuda nje onesiqingatha kuwo onke amacala angalunganga kwaye ndandinyanisekile xa ndakuxelela ukuba ndivumelekile ukuba ndiguqulwe, kodwa kwabonakala ngathi ngumzuzu ongafanelekanga woku-odola loo wesibini ukunceda ukutshaya ibhekoni. Ngokucacileyo, ndiyaphikisana. Ndinomnqweno onamandla wokukhutshelwa kude ndihanjiswe yinkosana, ukanti andifuni kuhlangulwa njenge nkosazana.

Ngaba ukhe unqwenele ukuyikhulula imizimba yethu njengempahla? Phantsi kwawo onke amanqanaba emeko, ndicinga ukuba imiphefumlo yethu ingavana. Kodwa okwangoku, kufanele ukuba uyazi ukuba andinakuphila ngokufikelela esiphelweni seengxoxo. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba ndizinxibe zonke iilokhwe ezinesidima, kwaye ndadlala intombazana yakho entle, entle kodwa ekugqibeleni yayiyindima leyo. Ndivulwe kakhulu ngumsebenzi wethu weTarzan noJane, ndilibale ukuba kukukholelwa. Ewe, uJerry, bendonwabile, kodwa lixesha lokuba ndigadle le nto yokuzifihla. Isinxibo sam siyanditswina kwaye ndifuna ukuthetha.