Kuqala kufuneka siziqonde zonke iimpazamo ozenzayo…(Ifoto: Tomohiko Nogi / Unsplash) Sonke singathanda ukufunda indlela yokufunda abantu abanjengoSherlock Holmes. Kwaye imiboniso yophando Ukuqonda izinto ezifana nolwimi lomzimba kunamandla ngakumbi kunokuba ucinga.
I-MIT ifumanise ukuba iziphumo zothethathethwano zinokuqikelelwa ngolwimi lomzimba kuphela iipesenti ezingama-87 zexesha.
Ukusuka Intsomi kaCharisma: Umntu angabuLawula njani ubuGcisa kunye neNzululwazi ngeMagnetism yobuqu :
Emva kwezifundo ezibanzi, iMIT Media Lab igqibe kwelokuba inokuqikelela isiphumo sothethathethwano, ukuthengisa iifowuni, kunye neeplani zesicwangciso seshishini ngokuchaneka kwepesenti ye-87 ngokuhlalutya nje abathathi-nxaxheba ngolwimi lomzimba, ngaphandle kokumamela igama elinye lomxholo.
Kodwa uninzi lwento oyikholelwayo malunga nolwimi lomzimba kunye nokuhlalutya abanye isekwe kwiintsomi okanye uqikelelo, hayi uphando lwenene.
Ke ungafunda njani ukufunda abantu ngendlela elungileyo? Masifumane iimpendulo kwiingcali kunye nezifundo.
Kodwa kuqala kufuneka siziqonde zonke iimpazamo ozenzayo…
Nantsi into oyenzayo Akulunganga
Kwi Ulwimi oluThuleyo lweeNkokeli: uLwimi loMzimba lunokunceda njani-okanye luKhathaze-Ukhokela njani umbhali uchaza inani leempazamo eziqhelekileyo ezenziwa ngabantu xa kufundwa abantu:
- Ukungahoyi imeko : Iingalo ezinqamlezileyo azithethi lukhulu ukuba igumbi liyabanda okanye isitulo abahleli kuso asinazo iindawo zokubeka iingalo. Yonke into kufuneka iphumelele kuvavanyo lwengqondo olunikwe okusingqongileyo. Zibuze ke: Ngaba umntu okule meko makenze ngale ndlela?
- Hayi ukujonga izihloko : Enye yezona mpazamo zinkulu uzenzayo kukukhangela ukuxelelwa okukodwa. Kulungile kwimiboniso bhanyabhanya malunga nabadlali be-poker kodwa kubomi bokwenyani liqela lezenzo (ukubila, ukubamba ubuso, kunye nokuthintitha kunye ) uza kukuxelela into. Zibuze ke: Ngaba uninzi lokuziphatha kwalo mntu kunxulunyaniswa no-X?
- Andifumani siseko : Ukuba umntu uhlala exhumaxhuma, ukuxhuma akakuxeleli nto. Ukuba umntu uhlala exhumaxhuma kwaye ngequbuliso bayeke ukushukuma-Molo. Zibuze ke: Ngaba le yindlela abaqhele ukwenza ngayo?
- Ukungazi ngotyekelo : Ukuba sele uyamthanda okanye awumthandi loo mntu, iya kuchaphazela isigwebo sakho. Kwaye ukuba abantu Ukuncoma ungu ngokufanayo kuwe, zi enomtsalane … Zonke ezi zinto zinokukuhambisa, zingazi. (Ndiyazi, ndiyazi, awuweli kula maqhinga. Ewe, olona khetho lukhulu kuko konke kukucinga ukuba unguye ukungabi namkhethe .)
(Ukufunda izithethe ezi-4 eziza kukwenza ukuba ube yingcali kuyo nayiphi na into, cofa Apha .)
Ke ngoku uthathela ingqalelo imeko, ujonge izihloko zokuziphatha, ufumana isiseko kwaye uyayazi umkhethe wakho. Umyalelo omde. Masenze kube lula ukuqala…
Xa ufunda abantu, ungawathemba nini amathumbu akho?
Nini Ukuthemba Ithuku Lakho
Iindaba ezimnandi: ukubonakala kwakho kuqala ihlala ichanekile ncam .
Iindaba ezimbi: nokuba ziphosakele okanye zichanekile, ukuqala kokuvela usichaphazele ngendlela enkulu kwaye siyacotha ukuzitshintsha .
USam Gosling imalunga nokusondela kuSherlock Holmes njengoko unokufumana. Uyingcali yeengqondo kwiYunivesithi yaseTexas kunye nombhali wencwadi Snoop . Nantsi uSam:
Iimpawu zokuqala zihlala ziluncedo kodwa kuya kufuneka uzimisele ukuzihlaziya ngokukhawuleza. Yiloo nto kunzima kakhulu ukuyenza.
Ke ngaphandle kweengcebiso ezivela kum okanye kuSam, kwaye akukho nto ingaphezulu kokuqhubeka ngaphandle kokujonga nje, yintoni ekufuneka uyithembe malunga nesisu sakho xa uqala ukudibana nomntu?
Izifundo zibonisa ukuba umntu ubonakala ukukhupha, ukuzithemba , zonqulo okanye isazela - mhlawumbi kunjalo. Kwaye ukuba zikhangeleka kakuhle, zithembele kwimo yakho nakaninzi. Ngoba?
Sonke sihlawula abantu abahle- kwaye ke uvavanyo lwethu luphela lukhona ichaneke ngakumbi :
Ngokubanzi, abantu bayayigweba incwadi ngeqweqwe layo, kodwa ikhava entle ikhuthaza ukufunda ngokusondeleyo, ekhokelela kubantu abanomtsalane ngokwasemzimbeni ukuba babonwe ngokufanelekileyo nangokuchanekileyo ngokuchanekileyo .
Kwaye uSam uthi ungazithemba izimangalo zomntu ezibonakalayo. Ezi zizinto umntu akhetha ukubonisa ukuba zithetha into malunga nokuba bangobani okanye bafuna ukubonwa njani.
Iringi yeklasi. Iikipa ezinezilogeni. Iitattoos. Naka ingqalelo kubo kuba zihlala zizimpawu ezichanekileyo. Nantsi Sam :
Amabango esazisi ziingxelo esizenza ngabom malunga nezimo zengqondo zethu, iinjongo zethu, amaxabiso ethu, njlnjl. Enye yezona zinto zibaluleke kakhulu ukugcina engqondweni malunga nezazisi kungenxa yokuba ezi zezabom, abantu abaninzi bacinga ukuba siyabakhohlisa kwaye ukungazithembi, kodwa ndicinga ukuba akukho bungqina buncinci bokubonisa ukuba iyaqhubeka. Ndicinga ukuba, ngokubanzi, abantu bafuna ngokwenene ukwaziwa. Baza kukwenza oko ngeendleko zokujonga okuhle. Bangathanda ukuba babonwe ngokwenyani kunokuba kunjalo ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba kwehla kolo khetho.
Ngoku yonke le nto intle kakhulu. Ke kuthekani ukuba uzama ukufunda umntu kwimeko yobungcali?
Ngaba uyafuna ukwazi ukuba umntu ulungile emsebenzini wakhe? Emva koko jonga kubo bekwenza imizuzwana engamashumi amathathu- okanye nje imizuzwana emithandathu . Uqikelelo lwakho malunga nobuchule babo kunokwenzeka ukuba lube lolungileyo kunolungalunganga:
Kwisifundo se-1, isigwebo esivumayo sokuziphatha kweetitshala zekholeji ngokuziphatha okungasekelwanga kufutshane (phantsi kwe-30-yesibini) iiklip zevidiyo ezithe cwaka ziqikelele kakhulu kuvavanyo lokuphela konyaka lwesemester kootitshala. Kwisifundo se-2, izigwebo ezifanayo zaxela kwangaphambili ukulinganiswa kwenqununu kootitshala bezikolo eziphakamileyo. Kwisifundo sesithathu, ukulinganiswa kwamacwecwe amancinci (iziqwengana zemizuzwana emi-6- kunye ne-15-yesibini) zazinxulumene kakhulu nemilinganiselo eyahlukileyo.
Ufuna ukwazi ukuba umntu ukrelekrele? Uphando ithi oku kunzima ukuyixela kwinkangeleko nje xa kuvavanywa abantu abadala. Kodwa kukho iqhinga elinokunceda. Ngaba bayahlekisa? Kuba abantu abahlekisayo banengqondo :
Uphononongo lwangoku lubonelela ngenkxaso kuqikelelo lokuba imveliso ehlekisayo esebenzayo isebenza njengesalathiso esinyanisekileyo sobukrelekrele ebantwini.
Kwaye kukho enye into emamele ukuyenza ngelixa be-yakking. Igama ndingalibalisa kakhulu…
Abantu abanamandla abayithethi kakhulu . Abantu abancinci abanamandla bathi kakhulu:
UPennebaker ufumanisa ukuba abantu abasebenzisa mna kumazinga aphezulu bathambekele ekuboneni njengabanobuqu, ukufudumala nokunyaniseka. Ngelixa abantu abasebenzisa mna kumazinga asezantsi befumana ukuzithemba okungaphaya… Ukwafumanisa ukuba oyena mntu uphakamileyo kubudlelwane utyekele ekusebenziseni mna kancinci, kwaye oyena mntu uphantsi utyekele ekusebenziseni elona gama mna .
(Ukufunda ukuba uphando lweHarvard luthi luza kukwenza wonwabe kwaye uphumelele ngakumbi, cofa Apha .)
Kulungile, ke uyazi ukuba ulithemba nini ithumbu lakho. Ngoku kukho izifundo zegazillion malunga nokuziphatha, ke makhe sigxile ekufundeni abantu ukuze sifumane iimpendulo kwimibuzo esifuna ukuyazi sonke, njenge…
Ngaba Ndinokumthemba Lo Mntu?
Ewe abantu abazama ukukhohlisa okanye ukukhohlisa uza kwenza imiqondiso engeyonyani ethembekileyo.
Ke kufuneka sigxile kwiindlela zokuziphatha ezingalawulwayo ngokulula kwaye zidlulise umyalezo ocacileyo.
Kwi Iimpawu ezithembekileyo: Indlela abenza ngayo uMhlaba wethu , ababhali bakhankanya enye yokugcina iso lakho:
- Ukulinganisa intetho kunye indlela yokuziphatha ukulinganisa: Ngaba basebenzisa amagama afanayo owasebenzisayo? Ukuthetha ngesantya esifanayo kunye neethoni? Ngaba bahleli ngendlela ohleli ngayo? Ngaba umdlalo ofihlakeleyo, ongazi nto wokulandela-inkokeli uyaqhubeka? Olu luphawu lokuba omnye umntu uziva ngokweemvakalelo ukuvumelanisa nawe. It unako faked kodwa kunzima ukukhupha yonke incoko.
Ngaphandle koko, themba abantu abakhoyo gqolo ukubonisa imvakalelo kulwimi lwabo lomzimba:
Ezi ziphumo zibonisa ukuba abaququzeleli banokubonakalisa ngakumbi ngokwasemphefumlweni kunabantu abangasebenziyo. Sicinga ukuba ukubonakaliswa kweemvakalelo kunokuba ngumqondiso othembekileyo wentsebenziswano kunokubonisa imvakalelo elungileyo kuphela.
(Ukufunda iingcebiso malunga nokuziphatha kwe-FBI malunga nendlela yokwenza abantu bakuthande, cofa Apha .)
Kwaye ngoku makhe sijonge kwelinye icala lengqekembe: yintoni ekuxelela yona ukuba umntu akalunganga?
Ngaba lo mntu akazukundinceda?
Masiqale ngokugqithileyo. Ungawathembela amathumbu akho ngokubanzi malunga nokuba umntu uza kuhamba na iJeffrey-Dahmer epheleleyo kuwe :
Emva koko sichaza iimvavanyo ezimbini apho abathathi-nxaxheba, banikwe iseti yentloko yezaphuli-mthetho kunye nabangengabo abaphuli-mthetho, bakwazi ukwahlula ngokuthembekileyo phakathi kwala maqela mabini, emva kolawulo lwesini, ubuhlanga, ubudala, umtsalane, kunye nemiboniso yeemvakalelo, ngokunjalo njengayo nayiphi na imikhondo yemvelaphi yemifanekiso.
Ngoku andifuni ukuba abantu bacinge ukuba ucinga ukuba ukulungele ukuba iprofayile yolwaphulo-mthetho . Kodwa ukuba ufuna ngokwenene ukwazi ukuba indoda iyingozi, buza umfana omfutshane :
Nangona amadoda ngokubanzi ebonwa njengobuso besilisa kunye namazwi ukuba abaluleke ngakumbi kuneenguqulelo zobufazi, le mpembelelo yobudoda kwimibono yolawulo yayinkulu kakhulu phakathi kwamadoda amafutshane kunamadoda amade. Ezi ziphumo zibonisa ukuba iyantlukwano phakathi kwamadoda kwiindleko ezinokubakho zokuqonda ngokungachanekanga ukongama kweembangi kubumbe ukwahluka ngokwendlela yokucinga kwamadoda kulawulo lweentshaba ezinokubakho.
Kodwa, ngokubanzi, uhlala ungabalingisi abantu ngenxa yokuba ukhathazekile ngokhuseleko lwakho lomzimba. Ungazi njani ukuba umntu uza kukukhohlisa okanye akulahlekise?
Ekuqaleni, Qwalasela . Izandi zicacile kodwa ngekhe uzenze ngokungaguquguqukiyo kuyo yonke incoko. Inkuthazo elula inokwenza umahluko wokwenyani. Xa ndithetha no UMaria Konnikova Umbhali we Umdlalo wokuzithemba , uthe:
Xa inkuthazo yakho iphezulu, uya kuchaneka ngakumbi ekugwebeni abanye abantu ngokuchanekileyo. Uninzi lwexesha, inkuthazo yethu ayiphezulu kakhulu kuba oko kuthatha izixhobo zethu ezininzi, kodwa xa sikhuthazekile, ngesiquphe siba ngabagwebi abangcono kakhulu besimilo. Siba ngcono ngakumbi ekufundeni imikhombandlela. Emva koko uqala ukukwazi ukuqonda izinto ezithile.
Kwaye kukho iqela lokuziphatha eliye labonwa phakathi kwabantu abazama ukukukhohlisa.
Ukuhamba Wray Herbert Umbhali we Kwindlela Yesibini Yokucinga: Ukugqithisa imikhwa yengqondo yakho enzima :
Ngokuphindaphindiweyo, yayiliqela lezinto ezine: ukubamba isandla, ukuchukumisa ubuso, ukunqumla iingalo, kunye nokuxhomekeka. Akukho nanye kwezi zinto ezixelwe kwangaphambili inkohliso ngokwayo, kodwa kunye baguqula baba ngumqondiso ochanekileyo. Kwaye okukhona abathathi-nxaxheba besebenzisa eli qela lezimbo, kokukhona bengathembekanga ekutshintshisweni kwemali okulandelayo.
Kwaye masibekele bucala abantu abanogonyamelo kunye namaxoki-ungatsho njani ukuba umntu othile kungenzeka ukuba abe sisisulu? Nika iimpahla zabo ukujonga. Inkangeleko ecocekileyo nesesikweni ithi nje zizo isazela .
Kodwa ngaba iindleko zabo zibiza? Ngaba umfazi ubonakalisa ukuqaqamba? Ngaba umfana ubonakalisa izihlunu zakhe? Mholweni, narcissism . Nantsi USam Gosling kwakhona:
AmaNarcissist athanda ukubeka inkathalo engakumbi kwinkangeleko yawo. Abasetyhini bahlala bebonisa ubucukubhede obuninzi. Abafana bathambekele ekuboniseni izihlunu ezingaphezulu.
(Ukufunda indlela yokujongana narcissist, cofa Apha .)
Ke unoluvo olungcono lokuba ungayibona njani iTed Bundys, abakhohlisi, kunye nejezi zehlabathi. Ndikuxelele ukuba siza kugxila kwimibuzo ebalulekileyo esifuna ukwazi ngayo xa kufikwa ekufundeni abanye…
Ke uyazi njani ukuba umntu unomdla kuwe?
Ngaba bayadlala ngothando?
Manenekazi, nonke niyayijongela phantsi indlela etsalwa ngayo ngabantu kuni. (Kwaye uphando lubonisa oko abafazi baphumelela ngakumbi ekuncwaseni kwabo xa bethe ngqo .)
Kwaye abafana abancinci abanomtsalane overestimate banomdla njani abantu basetyhini. Ngoku ngubani ngokuqinisekileyo omele athembele emathunjini abo malunga nokuba abantu besini esahlukileyo bayadlala ngabo?
Amadoda amahle. Uphando luthi kubo bonke abantu abafundileyo, banjalo abagwebi abachanekileyo :
… Amadoda angathandekiyo (awayekholelwa ukuba akhangeleka ngcono kunabafazi ababekeleyo) ayesenokucinga ukuba abafazi abahle babeshushu ngabo. Kodwa abafana abathandekayo banomdla wokuvavanya ngakumbi. Kwaye abafazi? U-Perilloux kunye nababhali bakhe bafumanisa ukuba abantu basetyhini bayithathela ingqalelo umdla wesini samadoda.
Ke ukuba awunguye uBrad Pitt (okanye uAngelina Jolie malunga naloo nto) kufuneka ujonge ntoni ukuxelela ukuba loo mntu ukhethekileyo unezona ndawo zikufaneleyo?
Uphando lwe-MIT luthi uphawu lwe-Nombolo 1 umfazi unomdla kwindoda nokuba uthetha kakuhle nangokukhawuleza.
Inqaku elinye elincanyathwayo lokuba umfazi wayenomdla kwindoda engaphezulu kobuhlobo yayingumlinganiso wakhe wokuthetha. Ngaba wayethetha kamnandi kwaye ngokukhawuleza (uphawu olulungileyo), okanye ngokungathandabuzekiyo nangobunzima?
Kwaye amadoda nabafazi bayalandisa ilizwi labo xa bethetha nomntu wesini esahlukileyo baba nomtsalane :
Sifumanise ukuba abantu besini esahlukileyo basebenzise ilizwi elisezantsi kwaye babonisa inqanaba eliphezulu lokuvuselela umzimba xa bethetha nomtsalane ongaphezulu, wesini esahlukileyo.
Kwaye omnye umqondiso ocacileyo wokujonga uyachukumisa. Ukuchukumisa igxalaba, isinqe okanye ingalo kuyinto elungileyo. Ukuchukumisa ubuso? Kuya kufuneka uve ingxolo yomatshini ekufakwa kuyo xa oko kusenzeka.
Ukusuka Vala ubudlelwane :
Ukuziphatha abathathi-nxaxheba abakulinganisileyo njengokubonisa ukuthandana ngoyena mntu kwaye eyona nto itsala umdla kukuthinta ubuso obuthambileyo, kulandelwe kukubamba egxeni okanye esinqeni, emva koko ukubamba okuthambileyo kwingalo yangaphambili. Ezona zinto zincinci zithandwayo zothando kunye nokuthandana yayikukutyhala kwegxalaba, ukucofa igxalaba, kunye nokuxhawula.
(Ukufunda ngakumbi ngendlela onokudlala ngayo ngokwesayensi, cofa Apha .)
Ngokuqinisekileyo, sifunde okuninzi malunga nendlela yokufunda abantu. Masikusondeze kwaye sifunde eyona ndlela unokwenza ngayo umfanekiso ongcono xa abantu bekufunda, uza kuthi ujonge ...
Shwankathela
Nantsi indlela yokufunda abantu 101:
- Sukwenza iimpazamo eziqhelekileyo: Thatha umxholo, amaqela, isiseko, kunye nokukhetha ingqalelo.
- Iimpawu zokuqala zihlala zichanekile: Ngeempawu ezininzi onokuzithemba amathumbu akho. Kodwa yazi ukuba zeziphi.
- Ukuthembela kokulinganisa kunye nokuthetha ngokweemvakalelo: Kodwa kufuneka zigcinwe kwaye zihambelane.
- Abantu aboyikisayo baxelele: Naka ingqalelo kubo. Kwaye jonga ii-narcissists kwimpahla enombala.
- Ukuqaqambisa ilizwi kunye nokuchukumisa uthi ukudlala ngothando: Kuyinyani kumadoda nabasetyhini.
Ke ngoku ekubeni sidlulile kwinani eliqaqambileyo lophando ngokufunda abanye, ungaqinisekisa njani ukuba uza kuphuma kakuhle xa abanye bekufunda?
Ngaba kufuneka uhoye ngakumbi umzimba wakho? Hayi.
Imbonakalo yobuso bakho okanye indlela ozenza ngayo izinto? Hayi kabini.
Xa ndithetha no UOlivia Fox-Cabane Umbhali we Intsomi kaCharisma , wathi yonke loo nto ayizukuphumelela ngaphandle kokuba une-Oscar ebambeleyo eshelfini yakho:
… Ukuzama ukulawula ukubonakala kobuso bakho akunakwenzeka nje, kuya kubuya nomkhwezeli. Kuba amancinci-amabinzana aya kuba engahambelani neyona ntetho iphambili, baya kunika umbono wokuba into ayilunganga kwaye ungagqibela ngathi ububuxoki- nto leyo, etshabalalisa ukuthembana kunye nomoya wamalungelo…
Ulwimi lwakho lomzimba kunye neempawu ozithumelayo zimiselwe yintoni ngaphakathi kwentloko yakho . Guqula indlela oziva ngayo ngaphakathi, kwaye oko kuya kuphuma kukulandela. Nantsi UOlivia :
Ngendlela efanayo iimbaleki ezingena ngayo kwindawo leyo uzifaka kwindawo yengqondo yalo naluphi na ulwimi lomzimba ofuna ukuvela. Ngale ndlela iya kuthi gingci emzimbeni wakho nakweyiphi na ingqondo oyifunayo. Ke yingqondo ngaphezulu komcimbi ngengqondo yokuba nantoni na esezingqondweni zakho iya kuphuma ngolwimi lwakho lomzimba.
Emva koko ndiza kugubungela oko kuthethwa luphando kunokukunceda wenze oko. Ukuqinisekisa ukuba awuyiphosi, Joyina imeyile yam yeveki Apha .
Ekugqibeleni, eyona nto ingaphakathi ibalulekile. Singayilungisa kwaye siyigudise, kodwa ngekhe uhambe ebomini ubambele nakuphi na ukolula okubonakalayo.
Zama into elula: ube ngowona ungcono kakhulu .
Joyina ngaphezulu kwama-260,000 abafundi. Fumana uhlaziyo lwasimahla lweveki nge-imeyile Apha .
Izithuba ezihambelanayo:
Indlela yokufumana abantu ukuba bakuthande: Iindlela ezi-7 ezivela kwiNgcali ye-FBI yokuziphatha
INeuroscience eNtsha ityhila izithethe ezi-4 eziya kukwenza wonwabe
Uphando olutsha lweHarvard lutyhila indlela emnandi yokuphumelela ngakumbi
U-Eric Barker ngumbhali we Ukukhonkotha umthi ongalunganga: Isayensi eyothusayo emva kwayo yonke into oyaziyo malunga nempumelelo (ubukhulu becala) ayilunganga . Kuboniswe uEric kwi INew York Times , Ijenali yeWall Street , Intambo kwaye IXESHA . Ubaleka nayo Ukukhonkotha umthi ongalunganga blog. Joyina ababhalisile abangama-205,000 kunye kunye nokufumana uhlaziyo lwasimahla lweveki Apha . Esi siqwenga savela ekuqaleni ngokukhonkotha umthi ongalunganga.
