Uthando, njengawo nawaphi na amanye amava, lunokuba sempilweni okanye lube sempilweni. (Ifoto: Beverly Goodwin ngeFlickr) Ngo-1967, uJohn Lennon wabhala ingoma ebizwa, Into Oyifunayo Luthando. Uye wababetha bobabini abafazi bakhe, wamshiya omnye wabantwana bakhe, wathetha rhabaxa ngomphathi wamajuda angama-gay ngokugculela abantu abathandana nabantu abathandana nabantu abathandana nabesifazana, kwaye wakha wabanjwa nabalinganiswa bekhamera belele ze ebhedini imini yonke.
Kwiminyaka engamashumi amathathu anesihlanu kamva, uTrent Reznor ovela kwii-Nine Inch Nails wabhala a ingoma ebizwa Uthando alwanelanga. UReznor, nangona wayedume ngokudlala kwakhe kwinqanaba elothusayo kunye neevidiyo zakhe ezimanyumnyezi neziphazamisayo, wahlambuluka kuzo zonke iziyobisi notywala, watshata umfazi omnye, wayenabantwana ababini kunye naye, emva koko warhoxisa iialbham zonke kunye nohambo ukuze akwazi ukuhlala ekhaya abe umyeni notata olungileyo.
Omnye wala madoda mabini wayenolwazi olucacileyo nolusengqiqweni lothando. Omnye wabo akazange. Omnye wala madoda wacacisa uthando njengesisombululo sazo zonke iingxaki zakhe. Omnye wabo akazange. Omnye wala madoda mhlawumbi wayengumntu othanda ukubulala. Omnye wabo wayengekho.
Kwinkcubeko yethu, uninzi lwethu luthi uthando luthande. Siyibona njengonyango oluphakamileyo-kuzo zonke iingxaki zobomi. Iimuvi zethu kunye namabali ethu kunye nembali yethu konke kuyibhiyozela njengeyona njongo iphambili yobomi, isisombululo sokugqibela sayo yonke intlungu yethu kwaye umzabalazo . Kwaye kuba silungiselela uthando, siyalugqithisa. Ngenxa yoko, ubudlelwane bethu buhlawula ixabiso.
Xa sikholelwa ukuba konke esikudingayo luthando, ke njengoLennon, kunokwenzeka ukuba singahoyi iinqobo ezisemgangathweni ezinje ngentlonipho, ukuthobeka kunye nokuzibophelela kubantu esibakhathaleleyo. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ukuba uthando lusombulula yonke into, kutheni le nto uzikhathaza ngayo yonke enye into-yonke ifayile ye- nzima izinto?
Kodwa ukuba, njengoReznor, siyakholelwa ukuba uthando alonelanga, siyayiqonda loo nto ubudlelwane obuphilileyo kufuna ngaphezulu kweemvakalelo ezinyulu okanye inkanuko ephezulu. Siyaqonda ukuba kukho izinto ezibaluleke ngakumbi ebomini bethu kunye nolwalamano lwethu kunokuba sithandane nje. Kwaye impumelelo yobudlelwane bethu ixhomekeke kwezi zixabisekileyo kwaye zibaluleke ngakumbi.
IINYANISO EZINTATHU ZOKUXHAPHA NGOLUTHANDO
Ingxaki ngokucinga ngothando kukuba kusibangela ukuba sikhulise ulindelo olungeyonyani malunga nokuba luyintoni na uthando kwaye lunokusenzela ntoni. Olu lindelo lungelolokwenyani emva koko lonakalisa kanye ubudlelwane esibuxabisileyo kwasekuqaleni. Ndivumele ndibonakalise:
1. Uthando alulingani ngokufanayo. Kungenxa yokuba uthandana nomntu akuthethi ukuba ungumlingane olungileyo onokuba naye ixesha elide. Uthando yinkqubo yeemvakalelo; ukuhambelana yinkqubo enengqiqo. Kwaye bobabini abopheli omnye komnye kakuhle.
Kuyenzeka ukuba uthandane nomntu ongasiphathi kakuhle, osenza sizive sibi kakhulu, ongenantlonelo inye kuthi njengoko sibenzela yona, okanye onobomi obungasebenzi kakuhle kangangokuba bona usongele ngokusihlisa nabo.
Kuyenzeka ukuba uthandane nomntu oneminqweno eyahlukileyo okanye iinjongo zobomi eziphikisanayo neyethu, ophethe iinkolelo ezahlukeneyo zefilosofi okanye iimbono zehlabathi ezingqubana nembono yethu yokwenyani.
Kuyenzeka ukuba uthandane nomntu omfunayo nathi ulonwabo .
Oko kunokuvakala kuyindida, kodwa kuyinyani.
Xa ndicinga ngabo bonke ubudlelwane obuyingozi endibubonileyo okanye abantu bandithumelele i-imeyile malunga, uninzi (okanye uninzi) lwazo lwangeniswa kwisiseko seemvakalelo- baziva ngathi yintlantsi kwaye ke bavele bavele entloko kuqala. Ulibale ukuba wayezinxila elingumKristu ngokuzalwa ngokutsha kwaye wayene-acid-droppingual necrophiliac. Ndaziva nje kunene .
Kwaye emva kweenyanga ezintandathu, xa ephosa ingca yakhe engceni kwaye ethandaza kuYesu amatyeli alishumi elinambini ngosuku ukusindiswa kwakhe, bayajonga kwaye bayazibuza, Gee, yonakala phi?
Inyaniso kukuba, ihambe gwenxa kwanangaphambi kokuba iqale .
Xa uthandana kwaye ujonge iqabane, kufuneka ungasebenzisi intliziyo yakho kuphela, kodwa ingqondo yakho. Ewe ufuna ukufumana umntu owenza ukuba intliziyo yakho ibhabhe kwaye ii-farts zakho zinuke njenge-popsicles yetsheri. Kodwa wena kanjalo Kufuneka bavavanye amaxabiso omntu, baziphatha njani, babaphatha njani abo basondeleyo kubo, amabhongo abo kunye nembono zabo ngokubanzi. Kungenxa yokuba xa uthandana nomntu ongahambelaniyo nawe… ke, njengoko umqeqeshi we-ski osuka e-South Park watsho, uza kuba nexesha elibi.
2. Uthando aluzisombululi iingxaki zakho zobudlelwane. Intombi yam yokuqala kunye nam sasithandana kakhulu. Sasihlala kwizixeko ezahlukileyo, singenamali yokubonana, sineentsapho ezazithiyene, kwaye sihamba rhoqo kwimidlalo yedrama kunye nokulwa.
Kwaye ngalo lonke ixesha sisilwa, sasibuya sibuyelene ngengomso kwaye senze kwaye sikhumbuzane indlela esasiphambene ngayo kwaye akukho nanye kwezi zinto zincinci zibalulekileyo kuba sithanda i-omg sooooooo in love and we ' Ndiza kufumana indlela yokuyisebenza kwaye yonke into izakulunga, linda ke ubone. Uthando lwethu lusenzile zive ngokungathi besoyisa imicimbi yethu, xa bekumgangatho osebenzayo, akukho nto itshintshileyo.
Njengoko unokuthelekelela, akukho ngxaki yethu yasombululwa. Ukulwa kwaphinda kwakhona. Iimpikiswano ziye zanda. Ukungakwazi kwethu ukubonana omnye nomnye kujinga emilenzeni yethu njengealbatross. Sobabini sasizixakekisa de sakwazi nokunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo. Iiyure kunye neeyure zithetha emnxebeni kungekho nto ithethwayo. Xa ndijonga ngasemva, kwakungekho themba lokuba iya kuhlala ihleli. Nangona kunjalo sayigcina iminyaka emithathu yokuntywila !
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, uthando loyisa konke, akunjalo?
Ayothusi into yokuba olo lwalamano lwaphuma lwangamalangatye lwaza lwangqubeka okweHindenburg kuthululwa i-jet fuel. Inkqubo ye- hlukala yayimbi. Esona sifundo sikhulu ndisithathileyo yile: Ngelixa uthando lunokukwenza uzive ungcono malunga neengxaki zakho zobudlelwane, alusombululi ngokwenyani naziphi na iingxaki zakho zobudlelwane .
I-roller coaster yeemvakalelo inokuba yinto enxilisayo, imvakalelo nganye ephezulu ibaluleke ngakumbi kwaye isebenza ngakumbi kunangaphambili, kodwa ngaphandle kokuba kukho isiseko esizinzileyo nesisebenzisekayo phantsi kweenyawo zakho, olo vuko lonyukayo lweemvakalelo ekugqibeleni luya kuza kwaye luzihlambe zonke.
3. Uthando alusoloko lukufanelekela ukuzincama. Olunye lweempawu ezichazayo ukuthanda umntu kukuba uyakwazi ukucinga ngaphandle kwakho kunye neemfuno zakho zokunceda ukhathalele omnye umntu kunye neemfuno zakhe ngokunjalo.
Kodwa umbuzo ongabuzwa rhoqo ngokwaneleyo uchanekile Intoni uyancama, kwaye kufanelekile?
Kubudlelwane bothando, kuyinto eqhelekileyo kubo bobabini abantu ukuba ngamanye amaxesha bancame iminqweno yabo, iimfuno zabo, kunye nexesha labo. Ndingatsho ukuba oku kuqhelekile kwaye kusempilweni kwaye yinxalenye enkulu yento eyenza ubudlelwane bube bukhulu kakhulu.
Kodwa xa kufikwa kumba wokuncama ukuzihlonipha, isidima somntu, umzimba womntu, amabhongo kunye nenjongo yobomi, ukuba nje nomntu, emva koko olo thando luba yingxaki. Ubudlelwane obunothando bufanele ukuba isongezelelo isazisi sethu, singonakalisi okanye sithathe indawo yaso. Ukuba sizifumana sikwiimeko apho siyinyamezelayo indlela yokuziphatha engenantlonipho okanye impatho-mbi, yile nto siyenzayo: sivumela uthando lwethu lusidle lusilahle, kwaye ukuba asilumkanga, liza kusishiya njengeqokobhe lomntu esasikade singuye.
UVAVANYO LOBUHLOBO
Elinye lamaqhekeza amadala eengcebiso kubudlelwane kule ncwadi, Wena neqabane lakho nibe ngabahlobo abasenyongweni. Uninzi lwabantu lujonga eli qela leengcebiso kwizinto ezintle: Kuya kufuneka ndichithe ixesha kunye neqabane lam njengoko ndenza umhlobo wam osenyongweni; Ndifanele ndinxibelelane ngokukhululekileyo neqabane lam njengoko ndenzayo nomhlobo wam osenyongweni; Kuya kufuneka ndonwabe kunye neqabane lam njengoko ndenzayo nomhlobo wam osenyongweni.
Kodwa abantu kufuneka bajonge ezimbi: Ngaba ungazinyamezelela isimilo esibi seqabane lakho kumhlobo wakho osenyongweni?
Okumangalisayo kukuba, xa sizibuza lo mbuzo ngokunyanisekileyo, kokungenampilo kunye kuxhomekeka ubudlelwane, impendulo nguhayi.
Ndiyazi ibhinqa eliselula elisandul 'ukutshata. Wayephambana ngothando nomyeni wakhe. Kwaye ngaphandle kwento yokuba ebephakathi kwemisebenzi ixesha elingaphezulu konyaka, engakhange abonakalise mdla ekucwangciseni umtshato, ehlala emtshixa ukuba athabathe uhambo lokundwendwela kunye nabahlobo bakhe, kwaye abahlobo bakhe kunye nosapho baphakamise ukungakhathali malunga naye, Watshata naye ngovuyo.
Kodwa nje ukuba imvakalelo ephezulu yomtshato igqityiwe, inyani yangena. Unyaka emtshatweni wabo, usesephakathi kwemisebenzi, uchitha indlu ngelixa esemsebenzini, uyacaphuka xa engamphekeli isidlo sangokuhlwa, nangaliphi na ixesha Ukhalaza emxelela ukuba ukonakele kwaye unekratshi. Owu, kwaye usamjula emthabathela uhambo olwandle kunye nabahlobo bakhe.
Kwaye wangena kule meko kuba wazityeshela zontathu iinyaniso ezinzima ezingasentla. Wayecinga ngothando. Ngaphandle kokuqhwatywa ngempama ebusweni ngazo zonke iiflegi ezibomvu aziphakamisileyo ngelixa wayethandana naye, wayekholelwa ukuba uthando lwabo lubonakalisa ukuhambelana kobudlelwane. Akuzange. Xa abahlobo bakhe kunye nosapho baphakamisa iinkxalabo ezazikhokelela emtshatweni, wayecinga ukuba uthando lwabo luya kusombulula iingxaki zabo ekugqibeleni. Akuzange. Kwaye ngoku yonke into yayiwele kwimfumba yamatye, waya kubahlobo bakhe ukufumana ingcebiso ngendlela anokuzincama ngayo nangakumbi ukuze isebenze.
Kwaye inyani kukuba, ngekhe.
Kutheni le nto sinyamezelana nokuziphatha kubudlelwane bethu bothando esingasokuze sibunyamezele kubuhlobo bethu?
Khawufane ucinge ukuba umhlobo wakho osenyongweni uye kuhlala nawe, wayilahla indawo yakho, wala ukufumana umsebenzi okanye ukuhlawula irente, wakufuna ukuba ubaphekele isidlo sangokuhlwa, kwaye waba nomsindo wakungxolisa nanini na ukhalaza. Obu buhlobo buya kuba ngaphezulu ngokukhawuleza kukaParis Hilton.
Okanye enye imeko: intombi yomntu owayenomona kangangokuba wafuna iipassword kuye konke yeeakhawunti zakhe kwaye wanyanzelisa ukuba ahambe naye kuhambo lwakhe lweshishini ukuqinisekisa ukuba akalingwa ngamanye amabhinqa. Ubomi bakhe babuphantsi kolawulo lwe-24/7 kwaye uyayibona inxibe ukuzithemba kwakhe. Ukuzixabisa kwakhe kwehla. Wayengamthembi ukuba enze nantoni na. Ke wayeka ukuzithemba ekwenzeni nantoni na.
Ukanti uhlala naye! Ngoba? Ngenxa yokuba uthandana!
Khumbula oku: Ekuphela kwendlela onokonwabela ngokupheleleyo uthando ebomini bakho kukukhetha ukwenza enye into okubaluleke ngakumbi ebomini bakho ngaphezu kothando.
Unokuthandana nabantu abahlukeneyo ngalo lonke ixesha lobomi bakho. Unokuthandana nabantu abakulungeleyo kunye nabantu abangalunganga kuwe. Ungawa eluthandweni ngeendlela eziphilileyo kunye neendlela ezingenampilo. Ungathandana xa umncinci kwaye xa umdala. Uthando aluhlukanga. Uthando alukhethekile. Uthando alunqabile.
Kodwa ukuzihlonipha kwakho kunjalo. Kunjalo ke nangesidima sakho. Kukwanjalo nokukwazi kwakho ukuthembela. Kunokubakho ukuthanda okuninzi ebomini bakho bonke, kodwa nje ukuba uphulukane nokuzihlonipha, isidima sakho okanye amandla akho okuthemba, kunzima kakhulu ukubuya.
Uthando ngamava amnandi. Lelinye lawona mava makhulu obomi ekufuneka enikele ngawo. Kwaye yinto ekufuneka wonke umntu anqwenele ukuziva kwaye ayonwabele.
Kodwa njengawo nawaphi na amanye amava, kunokuba sempilweni okanye kungabi sempilweni. Njengawo nawaphi na amanye amava, ayinakuvunyelwa ukuba isichaze, izazisi zethu okanye injongo yethu yobomi. Asinakuyivumela ukuba isigqibe. Asinakho ukuncama izazisi zethu kunye nokuzixabisa kuyo. Kuba okomzuzwana sikwenza oko, siphulukana nothando kwaye sizilahlekela.
Kuba ufuna ngaphezulu ebomini kunothando. Uthando lukhulu. Uthando luyimfuneko. Uthando luhle. Kodwa uthando alwanele.
