Kubudlelwane, amaxesha ngamaxesha umntu uziva engavakali okanye 'efunwa' liqabane lakhe ukuze bajonge kwenye indawo ukuze bafumanise ukuba ukusondela banqwenela.Unsplash / uGaelle Marcel Abahlobo bam bahlala befuna icebo lam ngendlela yokusingatha iimeko ezincinci ebomini babo. Ngaba kufuneka badibane nomphathi wabo? Ungayithatha njani ibelfie egqibeleleyo? Indlela yokuphelisa ubudlelwane? Ungamxelela njani umntwana wabo ukuba bonakalisile ubomi babo? Uyazi, izinto ezilula. Kodwa bendisandula ukushukunyiswa xa abona bafana bam babalaseleyo bendixelela ukuba bayakhohlisa kumaqabane abo. Bayabathanda abanye babo ababalulekileyo njengoko uOprah athanda isonka, kodwa bayakudinwa kukutya isonka esinye imini nosuku, ubusuku emva kobusuku kwaye nanjengoko bezamile ukuyinxibisa- ukongeza ijam, ukuyila i-toast, nokumema ezinye izonka ngaphezulu-banqwenela enye into kumaqela okutya.
Mamela, ndiyifumene. Njengomntu othanda amadoda akhe ngathi uthanda iidiliya zakhe (kwibhantshi), ndiyakholelwa nyani ukuba iintlobo ngeentlobo zeziqholo zobomi. Oko kwathiwa, xa uzibophezele komnye umntu kwaye wenze umthetho wakho ukonwabela isonka somnye kuphela, utshixiwe — ubuncinci yile nto ndiyakholelwayo. Kodwa ngaba uyamcebisa umhlobo wakho ngokusekelwe kwimigaqo yakho ekhokelayo? Ubaxhasa njani ngaphandle kokubenza bakwazi? Kuba ndinethamsanqa elingcono lokugcina ukungunda kwikhethini yam yokuhlamba isaphila kunalo naluphi na ulwalamano lwexesha elide, ndaye ndaya kufikelela kumhlobo wam, umqeqeshi wobomi kunye nombhali Ubuso bexhala Trish Barillas ngengcebiso ngalo mbandela. Ke, nantsi into ekufuneka uyenzile xa umhlobo evuma ukukopela.
Kutheni abantu bekopa kwasekuqaleni?
Ukukopa kunento yokwenza ne-ego. Sonke siyawazi umahluko phakathi kokulungileyo nokungalunganga, kanti njengabantu, sihlala sithanda ukumamela indalo. I-ego inelizwi elinamandla kwaye elinamandla, elingaphezulu kweyona nto ingcwele.
Ke, i-ego ifana nomtyholi omncinci egxalabeni lethu, kodwa ngokucacileyo umntu othile akonwabanga okanye enye into uMtyholi ebengayi kufumana ingqalelo yabo, akunjalo?
Njengabantu sifuna unxibelelwano olusenyongweni. Kubudlelwane, amaxesha ngamaxesha umntu akaziva evakala okanye angafunwa liqabane lakhe ukuze bajonge kwenye indawo ukuze bafumane ukuba ulwalamano banqwenela, olo nxibelelwano lomntu.
Okanye mhlawumbi badiniwe sisonka esinye esiqhelekileyo? Ukudlala. Awunyanzelekanga ukuba uphendule loo nto. Ke ndinokuya njani kumhlobo wam osandula ukundixelela ukuba uyakhohlisa kwi-bae yakhe?
Xa uzama ukuthetha nomhlobo ovumileyo ukuba uyakopela, eyona ndlela ifanelekileyo kukubenza bacinge ngendlela eyahlukileyo yokucinga. Iya kuhamba ngoluhlobo: USarah, ukuba bendinokuxelela nje ukuba ndiyakopela, ungandinika ndiphi ingcebiso okanye ukuqonda? Xa usondela komnye umntu ngokutshintsha imeko, kuya kufuneka bacinge ngento abanokuyenza okanye abayithethayo komnye umntu malunga nemeko yabo ngqo. Oku kubakhupha ngaphandle kwe-equation kwaye kubabeka kwindawo enye okuyo, ke ngoko ukusasaza impendulo enokuzikhusela kwaye kubenze baqale ukucinga ngemeko yabo ngokwembono yangaphandle.
Ngaba unxibelelwano alunakulungisa le nto ngandlela thile? Ndivakalelwa ngathi ungalixelela iqabane lakho ukuba awuvuyiswa kukhetho lwabo olusondeleyo, okanye ukusilela kwakho, ngaphambi kokuba uqhutyelwe kwenye ivenkile yokutyela, hayi?
Njengomqeqeshi wobomi ngaphezulu kweshumi leminyaka, ndinjalo uqeqeshiwe abantu abaninzi kubudlelwane kunye Ukwahlukana . Izizathu ezibini eziqhelekileyo zokuba ulwalamano lusilele ngenxa yokunqongophala konxibelelwano kunye nemali. Ngelishwa, kunzima kwezemali ukuhamba, kodwa unxibelelwano kulula ukujongana nalo. Soloko unyanisekile kwaye uvule iqabane lakho, kwaye ubaxelele ukuba yintoni ekufuneka uyonwabile kulwalamano. Sivame ukungazivezi iimfuno zethu kwaye sinethemba lokuba amaqabane ethu afunda ngengqondo kwaye ngokucacileyo oku akunjalo. Okukhona ucacisa ngakumbi, kokukhona iqabane lakho likuqonda kakuhle. Umzekelo, ndifuna ubusuku obuninzi bomhla apho siza kuya kwisidlo sangokuhlwa kwaye asijongi iifowuni zethu iiyure ezimbini. Ndingathanda ukuva xa ucinga ukuba ndimhle, okanye indlela onombulelo ngayo ngezinto ezincinci endizenzayo endlwini-nokuba yintoni na ekwenza uzive uthandwa kwaye ujongwa kulwalamano. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, siyazilibala izinto ezincinci kuba iba yinxalenye yesiqhelo. Sihlala sikhula. Yindalo leyo yabantu. Kodwa ubudlelwane budinga ukuvela. Oku kuthetha ukuba omabini amaqela kufuneka abeke ixesha kunye nomzamo wokwenza ubudlelwane busebenze.
Ngaba ucinga ngoku, ewe, kufanele ukuba umkhohlisi axelele iqabane lakhe ukuba ukhohlisile? Ewe, andikukhuthazi ukuxoka, kodwa ndicinga ukuba ukutyhila iimfihlo ngokungakhathali kunokushiya amabala asisigxina. Flip lo mbuzo ujikeleze uze ubuze umhlobo wakho ukuba angakunikeza kweliphi icebo kuloo meko. Ndiyathemba ukuba i-GPS yakhe yokuziphatha iyayazi indlela eya apho ukongeza kwicala lokubhaka i-bae.
ILamar Dawson yipunk yenkcubeko ehlala eManhattan. Mlandele phambili I-Instagram kwaye Facebook .
