Ukuhamba ngendlela enye kunye kuphela ukuba kunizisela uvuyo kunye nolonwabo.UPaul Garcia / Unsplash Kutshanje ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba umyeni wam oneminyaka engama-30 ebengathembekanga kubafazi abaliqela kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo. Ndixhomekeke kuye ngokwezezimali ukusukela oko ndandineminyaka engama-24 kwaye wayehlala engumyeni onothando nolungileyo, umthengi omtsha undixelela.
Ngaba le nto ikothusile? Ubusazi ukuba ubudlelwane busemngciphekweni? Ndiyambuza.
Ewe, ngokuqinisekileyo yaphukile intliziyo yam, kwaye ngokumangalisayo yandikhulula kwangaxeshanye, waphendula. Ndabona ukuba iminyaka emininzi bendonwabile kwaye ndilahlekelwe yinto kubudlelwane bethu. Uyindoda elungileyo, kodwa ngaphambili ndiye ndaziva ndifuna ukubaleka-phantse ngokungathi ndifuna ubomi obutsha.
Akulunganga ukufuna into entsha; kuphosakele ukungamameli olo khokelo lwangaphakathi.
Intuition yakho ihlala iyazi into ekufaneleyo-kodwa kule mihla nakweli xesha langoku, asiqhelanga ukumamela elo lizwi lethuku . Iimvakalelo zakho zikuxelela yonke into ekufuneka uyazi malunga nokulungileyo nokungalunganga kuwe. Ke, ubukhulu, indlela oziva ngayo yiyo yonke into . Xa uziva wonwabile okanye ukhuthazekile, kwaye uziva ngathi uyakhula, uyanda kwaye ucela umngeni, ngelixa kwangaxeshanye uthandwa, uxabisekile kwaye uxhaswa, ukwibudlelwane obulungileyo. Okwangoku, kunjalo. Ingasoloko itshintsha.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, xa uziva unamathele okanye unxunguphele, kwaye uzive ungahoywanga okanye ungabonakali — okanye ukuba uziva nje ukuba awusenxibelelani kwakhona okanye ufumana uvuyo xa nichitha ixesha kunye- kungalithuba ukuya Phinda ujonge ubuhlakani bakho .
Iimvakalelo zakho zihlala zikukhokela kwindlela yobomi bakho, kodwa loo ndlela ingahluka kuleyo ukuyo ngoku.
Kungenxa yokuba ukhetha indlela kwiminyaka engama-27 ubudala, oko akuthethi ukuba wenzelwe ukuba uhlale kuloo ndlela ngonaphakade, ndiyamxelela. Loo ndlela iluncedo kuwe njengokukwazi kwayo ukuxhasa ukukhula kwakho.
Ungumntu, kunokwenzeka ukuba uyigqibe indlela yakho. Kuya kuba mnandi ukuba semendweni oqhubeka ukukuxhasa njengoko ukhula kwaye uguquka, kodwa ayizizo zonke iindlela ezimiselwe ngaloo ndlela . Ezinye iindlela zimiselwe ukuqhubeka ebomini bakho ngelixa ezinye zilixesha elifutshane - Eyona njongo yabo kukuhamba phezu kwebhulorho uye kumntu okanye into elinde kwelinye icala.
Ayilulo lonke ulwalamano olwenzelwe ukuba lube kubomi bakho ngonaphakade.
Olona lwalamano lubalaseleyo alunyanzelekanga ukuba lube lolokuhlala unaphakade, zezo zikufundisa kakhulu ngawe kwaye emva koko zithambile (okanye mhlawumbi hayi ngobunono) zikunyanzela ukuba uqhubeke nobomi bakho.
Unokubambelela kuphela kwinto esele uphile ixesha elide ngaphambi kokuba indalo iyisuse kuwe.
Unokuhlala ngokuzithandela emtshatweni oswelekileyo kwaye ufumane lonke uluvo olungonwabisiyo, olungonelisekiyo oluhamba nayo, kodwa ungalindeli ukuba indalo iphela ihambelane nepateni yakho eyonakalisayo. Ukuba akuyomdla wakho ukuqhubeka nokudibanisa neqabane lakho ke iphela iyakulungiselela iimeko ezifanelekileyo zokukunceda wahlukane.
Ukutyhila izinto ezininzi zomyeni wakho yayiyindlela yendalo iphela yokukunika ithuba lokuzikhethela indlela entsha, ndiyamxelela. Andithandabuzi ukuba umtshato wakho wawuyindlela egqibeleleyo kuwe kwinqanaba elithile lobomi bakho, kodwa ukuba ubusoloko uziva isidingo sotshintsho umzuzwana, indalo iphela ikunike okugqibeleleyo, nditsho kuye. Uyakwenza ntoni ngayo?
Ukuba ndinyanisekile kwisiqu sam, ndiziva ukuba lixesha-ndiva ukuba indalo iyandikhulula ukuba ndifumane into ebhetele, nangona kunjalo ndiyoyika ukuhamba ndedwa, utshilo.
Hlala ukuba uziva ngathi ukukhula ; shiya ukuba uziva ibambekile okanye kakubi - ukuba uziva ngathi ubuya umva.
Ekuphela kwento ebalulekileyo kuwe kukuzivumela ukuba uqhubeke ukhula kwaye uguquke njengomntu. Ukuba ungayenza loo nto ngaphakathi kobudlelwane bakho bangoku, yiba nayo. Ukuba akunjalo, isenokuba lixesha lokujonga ezinye iindlela.
Musa ukuhlala uloyiko.
Uloyiko ngumhadi ongenasiphelo - izokugcina unamathele kwiimeko ekudala uzigqithile ebomini bakho. Uloyiko lukholelwa ukuba umtyholi omaziyo ungcono kunalowo ungenaye. Kodwa loo mtyholi akazukusa kude kakhulu ebomini - ukuba uthengisa umphefumlo wakho kuye, uya kukuthumela ngqo esihogweni ozenzele sona kwaye awuyi kuba nakusola mntu ngaphandle kwakho.
Musa ukoyika ukuba wedwa. Ukoyika ukubanjiswa kubudlelwane obungazifezekisi iimfuno zakho.
Kuhlala kungcono ukuba wedwa kunokuba ube kubudlelwane obudlulileyo kunjongo yako. Xa uwedwa, unokuphila ubomi bakho ngokwemiqathango yakho. Kungabonakala koyika ekuqaleni ukuqonda ukuba ayintoni loo magama, kodwa wakube uwachazile, uyakufumana injongo yenjongo kunye nokuzaliseka onokubonelelwa nguwe kuphela. Ukuthembela komnye umntu ukuba akunike oko kuzaliseka kuya kuhlala kususa ukuqonda kwakho kunye nenjongo. Yonke imihla oyichitha kubudlelwane obungafanelekanga yenye imini ophulukana nesazisi sakho kuso.
Awuzicingeli wena ngokuqhawula umtshato. Uyazingca ngokubambelela kuyo gwenxa izizathu.
Umtshato unokukunika ukhuseleko lwezezimali kunye nezinto eziphathekayo, kodwa eso ayisosizathu sokuhlala kuwo. Ukuba uyazi ukuba usemtshatweni ongasakusebenzeliyo, kungenzeka ukuba awusebenzi neqabane lakho. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba uhlale kubudlelwane obudlulileyo kwinjongo yakho; ubophelelekile ukuba uhloniphe ubudlelwane kwaye uhloniphe ezona ziphumo ziphezulu kuwo omabini amaqabane - kwaye ngamanye amaxesha esona siphumo siphakamileyo sobabini kukwahlukana ukuvumela ukukhula okutsha kunye namava.
Ubudlelwane abulunganga kuba ihlala ihlala njalo ubomi bonke. Ubudlelwane bulungile ukuba bukunika ubulumko yobomi bonke.
Umtshato olungileyo ayingowokuma uvavanyo lwexesha; yenye ekucela umngeni, ubeka isipili kukungazithembi kunye noloyiko kwaye emva koko uyophule intliziyo yakho ivulekile ukuze ibambe uthando ngakumbi. Umtshato olungileyo ukukwenza ube ngumntu ongcono kwaye amaxesha amaninzi kunokuba ukwenze ube ngumntu ongcono kwelinye iqabane.
Isekwe kwisiXeko saseNew York, iDonnalynn yifayile ye- Umbhali we Izifundo zoBomi, yonke into owakha wanqwenela ukuba uyifunde kwisikolo sabantwana abancinci. Ukwangumqeqeshi wobomi oQinisekisiweyo woBomi, iBlogger ekhuthazayo ( isiseko.wordpress.com ), umbhali kunye nesithethi. Umsebenzi wakhe ubonakalisiwe Ubuhle , iHeart Radio Network kunye nePrinceton Television. Iwebsite yakhe yile elelifa-family.com . Ungamlandela Twitter , I-Instagram , Unxibelelaniso , Facebook kwaye UGoogle +.
