Umyeni okopayo ubize umfazi wakhe oza kuba ngumfazi wakhe wakudala. (Ifoto: chromoz.com) Ndinovelwano ngabo bonke abakhohlisi ku-Ashley Madison. Baqinisekiswa ukuba imicimbi yabo ibinobulumko njengoko befuna unxibelelwano ngaphandle komtshato. Kodwa emva koko kwafika abagcini abafumene ulwazi lwabo, amakhadi etyala, kwaye ngoku basoyikisela ukukhupha konke, kunye neminqweno yabo ebhengeziweyo yesondo, ngaphandle kokuba UAshley Madison uyacima , ngokusisigxina.
Emva kokubanga ukuba u-Ashley Madison akazange alususe ngokupheleleyo ulwazi kwanabo bakhetha ukushiya isiza, abahlaseli babhala: Kubi kakhulu kula madoda, bayakopela iingxowa zokungcola kwaye abafanelwe lulo ukuqonda.
Ngabagculi abaqhutywa ngokokuziphatha? Ngubani owaziyo?
Siza kubona ukuba konke oku kuphuma njani. Kodwa inye into eqinisekileyo. Nokuba ngaba amadoda nabafazi abatshatileyo bafumana ii-hookups kwi-Intanethi, ayizukubayeka ekukopeni. Ukungathembeki mdala njengexesha ngokwalo.
Kodwa kutheni? Kutheni le nto amadoda abathanda abafazi bawo esakopa?
Enyanisweni, amadoda anemicimbi kungekhona ngenxa yezizathu zomzimba kodwa ezizimvakalelo. Abakhohlisi ngaphandle kwemvakalelo yokuzithemba kodwa bakwimeko yokwaphuka.
Yintoni efika endleleni yayo nayiphi na ukuqonda okunzulu kokungathembeki luluntu ingcinga yendalo yokuba amadoda anemicimbi yesini. Ngapha koko, uninzi lwemicimbi yabayeni ayinanto yakwenza nezinto ezibonakalayo. Bahlala beyimicimbi ye-cyber eyenzeka kumagumbi okuxoxa kwi-Intanethi. Ziqhutywa ngefowuni kwaye azikaze zigqitywe. Kwaye naxa befumana umzimba kuhlala kubi kakhulu kwaye kungonelisi ngesondo. Mane ubuze uMonica Lewinsky (njengoko kutyhilwe kubungqina bakhe kwiNgxelo yeStarr).
Enyanisweni, amadoda anemicimbi kungekhona ngenxa yezizathu zomzimba kodwa ezizimvakalelo. Abakhohlisi ngaphandle kwemvakalelo yokuzithemba kodwa bakwimeko yokwaphuka. Hayi ngaphandle kwengqondo yokuba zinqweneleka kangakanani kodwa ngaphandle kwengqondo yokuba zeziphi iintsilelo ekufuneka bezinazo. Kwaye oku kuyinyani ngokukodwa kumadoda afana noTiger Woods kunye noBill Clinton abahlala kwiindawo ezinokhuphiswano olunamandla apho baqonda khona ukuba bakhetheke kuphela ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba lokuqhubeka bephumelela. Amadoda afana nala aphuke ngokukodwa, ahlala njengoko esenza into enye ukusilela kude nobumnyama. Bayazi ukuba ixabiso labo njengabantu liphumle ngokupheleleyo ezandleni zabanye abantu. Bahlala bebuza ukuzixabisa kwabo kwaye bajike babafazi bobabini bazive benqweneleka kwaye benomtsalane kwaye babathuthuzele kwintlungu yabo.
Ewe Ndiyazi. Iimbaleki ezi-Superstars ezinje ngeTiger Woods zibonakala eluntwini zipholile njengekhukhamba. Kodwa phantsi kwento ezolileyo yindoda eqeqeshelwe ukukholelwa ukuba ixabiso lakhe njengomntu lixhomekeke ngokupheleleyo kumdlalo ongapheliyo wobuntu. Abo benze amagama abo kwezemidlalo nakwezopolitiko bahlala ngokungazithembi. Kwaye endaweni yokujongana noku kungazithembi ngendlela esempilweni ngokuba neencoko ezinzulu nabafazi babo malunga noloyiko lwabo, kulula ukuba babhale phantsi ngokujikela kubantu abangabaziyo ababenza bazive benqweneleka. Ukuqwalaselwa kwabanye abantu basetyhini kuzisa ukuthula okwexeshana kweedemon zangaphakathi ezihlala zibagculela ngokuhleba ngokungabalulekanga kwabo. Kwaye okuxabiseke ngakumbi komfazi ngamanye amadoda, kokukhona kungqinwa ngakumbi ngala madoda.
Okudityaniswe noku kukudalwa kwamandla omntu ngamadoda ukuya kumandla okuphilisa ababhinqileyo. Amadoda asezintlungwini asebenzisa i-caress kunye nokhathalelo lwabasetyhini njengethambisi lokuthambisa ii-egos zabo ezaphukileyo. Ukuba nomntu obhinqileyo ukukhathalele kwaye azenze afumaneke kuwe-ndingasathethi ke ukukuxelela ukuba umhle kangakanani-kuba sisiyobisi esenza ukuba uzive ungcono kwangoko. Ewe kunjalo, ukuphilisa yinto yesikhashana kwaye ayizalisekisi ngokusekwe kulwalamano olusenyongweni kakhulu.
Umbuzo ocacileyo, ngoku, ngulo: Ukuba indoda eziva ingakhuselekanga ngokunzulu ijonge emfazini ukumenza azive ekhethekileyo, kutheni ke engaguquki ayakhe umfazi? Emva koko, ungumfazi, akunjalo?
Impendulo: Kungenxa yokuba nayiphi na indoda ekrokrela ukuba iphosakele ezantsi iya kujonga emfazini usisidenge ngokwaneleyo ukuba ingamtshata njengongenamlinganiso ophindwe kabini. Uzibandakanye nokusilela kwaye uyinxalenye yempahla efanayo yokulahleka. Kwaye ukuba akanalo ixabiso, angamenza njani omnye umntu azive ekhethekile? Indoda ejonga indawo yokuthandana kwikhompyuter yakhe eWashington, D.C., nge-10 kaFebruwari, 2014. Ukuphehlelelwa kwewebhusayithi yase-Canada esekwe e-Ashley Madison ngo-2002 kwadala uluvo ngesiqubulo sayo esikhohlisayo Ubomi bufutshane, yiba nokuthandana. (EVA HAMBACH / AFP / Getty Izithombe)
Uluntu lwenza impazamo yokucinga ukuba abantu abanamandla, abaphumeleleyo ngabona bazithembileyo xa kuchasene ngqo. Wonke umntu ofuna ukubonwa, nokuba kukwezemidlalo, kumabonakude, okanye kwezopolitiko, ukwenzela ukubuyekeza ukungazithembi, njengoko u-Aristotle wakwenza kwacaca ngaphezulu kweminyaka emibini eyadlulayo. Yonke indoda ephumeleleyo ngaphakathi yaphukile ngandlela thile. Ukuba akunjalo, kwakutheni ukuze bachithe ubomi babo befuna indawo entliziyweni yoluntu?
Uninzi luya kuphikisana nam. Ukukrexeza kungokwesini. Imalunga namadoda anamandla aziphatha ngokuziphakamisa. Kodwa ke kutheni le nto eyona nto ixhaphakileyo yomyeni okrexezayo kwinkosikazi yakhe inesidima, Umfazi wam akandiqondi, okuthetha ukuthi: Umfazi wam akanako ukuyisusa intlungu yam, kodwa mhlawumbi unako. Umfazi wam akanako ukundenza ndizive ndilungile ngesiqu sam. Nasemtshatweni wam ndiziva ndingaxabisekanga. Kodwa ukuba kunye nawe kundenza ndizive ndikhethekile.
Babonisa usizi lwabo lwangaphakathi kwaye batyhola abafazi babo ngokungonwabi kwabo xa ngenene banoxanduva lokuzithemba okuphantsi, oluya kuqhubeka kubo bonke ubudlelwane de bagqibe kwelokuba bazilungise.
Uninzi luye lwathi amadoda akopayo ngamakhoboka esini. Kodwa ke kutheni benganikeli ngesondo nabafazi babo? Kutheni le nto kufuneka ivele komnye umfazi?
Kodwa ngokuqonda unobangela sinokwenza isisombululo. Amadoda afunda ukuthetha nabafazi bawo malunga noloyiko lwabo olunzulu aye angakhuseleki ekuthandaneni. Ukungathembeki, kuvela, kuhlala kubonelela ngesiqalo kwizibini ezitshatileyo ukujongana nokusilela kulwalamano lwabo, oluhlala lubandakanya ukunqongophala konxibelelwano olusondele ngokwenene malunga namaxhala obomi kunye nexhala.
Uloyiko olunzulu lomntu kukusilela. Kwaye oyena mntu amfihla kakhulu oku ngumfazi wakhe kuba ungoyena mntu uluvo lwakhe lubaluleke kakhulu. Kodwa isikhalazo esingu-1 sabafazi emtshatweni kukuba abayeni babo abathethi nabo ngeemvakalelo zabo.
Xa umyeni ophikisayo ezama ukuwina umfazi wakhe emva kokumkhohlisa, yeyiphi indlela ebhetele kunokuba ekugqibeleni umvulele izizathu zokungathembeki kwakhe. Akuzange kube kukhatywa kwakhe. Khange kwenzeke ngoba khange amnike isondo esaneleyo, okanye akaya kwindawo yokuzivocavoca, okanye ebengafumaneki ngokwasemphefumlweni. Ezo zizathu zobugwala. Inkwenkwe ityhola abanye ngokusilela kwayo. Indoda ithatha uxanduva ngezenzo zayo. Endaweni yoko, kungenxa yokuba wayexoka ukuba umntu ongenguye umfazi wakhe angamenza azive kamnandi ngaye. Kwaye ngoku ufundile ukuba ezo mvakalelo zokuzithemba zigcinwa kuphela kumfazi omnye.
Umbhali, ngubani Iindaba zeendaba kwaye IWashington Post biza oyena rabi udumileyo eMelika, ngumbhali othengisa kakhulu kwilizwe liphela weencwadi ezingama-30, kubandakanya Ukwabelana ngesondo , Inkanuko yeKosher , kunye Ukrexezo lwaseKosher . Mlandele kwi-Twitter @RabbiShmuley.
