(Umzekeliso: Miguel Porlan) Ngangoko ndibhalisela umxholo wobumbano lwabasetyhini, ndabelana ngesimo sabantu abaninzi besini sam ekubeni sinotyekelo olungenakuphepheka lokuzithelekisa nabanye abantu basetyhini. Kwiminyaka embalwa emva, malunga nexesha laqala ukwenzeka iimpawu zokuguga, ndaye ndanomkhwa wokujonga ubuso babanye abantu basetyhini abazalwa ngexesha elinye nam, oko kuthetha u-1953. UKim I-Basinger kanye ngenyanga kunye neentsuku ezintathu ezincinci kunam. UMary Steenburgen eneneni uneenyanga ezimbalwa ubudala. Abanye abazalwe kungaphelanga iinyanga okanye iiveki ezimbalwa zibandakanya uCyndi Lauper, uKathie Lee Gifford, uRenee Russo, Chaka Khan no-Oprah, kodwa eyona nto iboyikisayo abantu bexesha lam, ngokwembono yokufumana ubuhle obungenakubudala ubuncinci, ngokuqinisekileyo nguChristie Brinkley. Mhlawumbi iipie zikaChristie, okanye iinoveli zakhe, ukuba angazibhala, zinokungaphumeleli kumgangatho wam, kodwa ngaphandle kokuba kwenzeke into ephawuleka ngokwenene ngolusu nentamo yakhe kwezi ntsuku zingamashumi alithoba, ngokuqinisekileyo undibethile kulutsha- Ukujonga udidi lwama-61 eminyaka ubudala.
Ngoku, kwakungazange ubuso bam okanye inani lam ndibala ukuhlawula amatyala, ke kutheni kufanelekile ukuba ibaluleke kangaka ngoku ukubona yonke le migca mitsha ibonisa? Ndifuna ukuphakama ngaphezu kwayo yonke le nto. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha bendikhe ndizibone ndibonakala kwivenkile yevenkile, kwaye ndinikine intloko. Angangumntu onjani kum? Ndandihlala ndibubona ubuso bam njengobubonisa mna-kwaye ukuba ibingentle, ibonakalisa… amandla. Kodwa mva nje, ubuso bam bebukhangeleka budiniwe. Umntu endijongeka njengale mihla ngumama wam, kwaye kangangoko ndandimthanda, ndandingafuni ukuba nguye.
Bendihlala ndingumntu ozifunelayo. Kodwa izinto ezithile zibonakala ngathi ziza ezantsi apha. Amadolo am, kunye namanye amalungu omzimba, umzekelo. Kwaye nangona ndinqwenela ukuthi ingqondo yam ihlala ijolise ngokukodwa kwimicimbi ebalulekileyo yosuku, ndingaba ndiyaxoka ukuba bendinokuxelela ukuba ayindenzi ndibukele, kwisipili sam, ukubonakala kokuwohloka kwam ubuso bam.
Bendihlala ndingumntu ozifunelayo. Kodwa izinto ezithile zibonakala ngathi ziza ezantsi apha. Amadolo am, kunye namanye amalungu omzimba, umzekelo. Kwaye nangona ndinqwenela ukuthi ingqondo yam ihleli ijonge kuphela kwimiba ebalulekileyo yosuku-ndingaba ndiyaxoka ukuba bendinokuxelela ukuba ayindenzi ndibukele, esipilini sam, ukubonakala kokuwa okungenakuthinteleka ubuso bam.
Yile ndlela kwenzeka ngayo ukuba ndizibhaqe ndihleli kwilaptop yam kwiinyanga ezimbalwa ndibuya kwi-Beverly Hills MD, indoda entle egama linguGqirha John Layke, njengoko wayechaza imimangaliso yomvukeli wakhe Inkqubo entsha yokhathalelo lolusu, kunye nesiqinisekiso sokubuyiselwa kwemali ekubuyiseleni ulusu lwam kwinkangeleko yolutsha ngakumbi, enombethe kwaye iphakanyisiwe.
Intengiso ibonakalise ngokungummangaliso. (Kwenye indawo kwilifu, mhlawumbi, ndandichongiwe ndisondela kwiminyaka xa umntu eqala ukuqokelela ukhuseleko lwentlalo.) Ndayicofa ngokungacwangciswanga, kwaye bendinokulindela ukuba ndizophuma kwimizuzwana embalwa, kodwa into engaqhelekanga into eyenzekileyo ngoko. Ndaqhubeka ndibukele. Kwaye ngoku ndicamngca ngendlela ekwenze ngayo ukuba ugqirha waseBeverly Hills andithambise njengoko wenzayo, kwaye wayibamba ingqwalaselo yam ixesha lokuhlala kwakhe enesiqingatha seyure, kwaye kuthe xa kugqityiwe, ndalikhupha ikhadi lam wayalela hayi ukuba ibe nye kodwa iingqayi ezintathu zeBeverly Hills cream cream.
Andingomntu ufunwayo. Xa ndimamele amazwi abagqatswa abalekela iofisi (malunga neshumi elinababini abaza kuthi qatha engqondweni, ngalo mzuzu) okanye bamamele iintengiso kunomathotholo malunga nezivumelwano ezinkulu ezimotweni, kwiiholide, okanye ezimhlophe, ndingabona umgca ngokubanzi , okanye ubuxoki. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba ndenze ukhetho olubi kwiminyaka edlulileyo, kodwa andikaze ndisele kwiBill Cosby.
Kwaye u. Ndahlala ndincamathele kwintengiso. Mhlawumbi kukudibana nokuba ngumfazi, iminyaka eyi-61, kunye nokuqonda zonke ezinye iingxaki ebomini ezingenakuqwalaselwa nayo nayiphi na ikhrimu yolusu, nokuba intle kangakanani, oko kwandigcina ndijinga emazwini kaGqirha Layke. Kwindawo apho kuhlala khona okungaphaya kolawulo lwam, nantsi into enye encinci endinokuthi ndikwazi ukuyenza ngcono.
Andizukuzama ukuhambisa apha lonke ulwazi malunga nolusu olugugileyo uGqirha Layke andicacisele ngalo kwintengiso yakhe, okanye kutheni ekholelwa ukuba ukhilimu wakhe uphezulu kunezinye iibhotile ezingama-37 zecream ezihleliyo (ezingasetyenziswanga) kwikhabhathi yam yeyeza . Eminye yemigaqo endiyithathileyo ibandakanya i-visco-elasticity kunye ne-silk peptides, i-lift-essence kunye ne-scence-essence. Kwakukho intetho malunga neeseli ezinesiqu, kunye ne-collagen, kunye nokugcwaliswa kwezikhewu kwimatriki yam yangaphakathi. Andinalwazi lokuba kuthetha ntoni oko, ngendlela. Kodwa yafika kum.
Ingqondo, ndingumntu oligama. Kuya kufuneka ndibengowokuqala ukubona ukukhululeka ekusebenziseni ubuchule bolwimi ekusebenziseni iimvakalelo, kwaye ukusukela apho ndenze i-hop emfutshane yokwenza ukuba umntu ahlukane nemali yakhe.
Ungaziva ngathi ixesha lakho lokuqaqamba lisemva kwakho, utshilo uGqirha Layke. (Wayesazi njani?) Kodwa wayenam nyani xa wayeqala ukuthetha ngale ngxaki incinci ibisoloko ingena kwimithambo-luvo yam-ukuwohloka kungekuphela kolusu ebusweni nasentanyeni, kodwa ezingalweni eziphezulu, nkqu —Iqhayiya lam novuyo lwam — amadolo. Yinto enye ukujonga ngokungathi unxibe umbhobho we-panty we-saggy xa unxibe i-saggy panty hose. Kodwa uza kuthini ukuba ujongeka ngokungathi unxibe ithumbu le-panty le-saggy, xa ungekho ukunxiba umbhobho wepanty?
Kwimeko apho konke oku kwenza uGqr Layke-okanye okona kubaluleke kakhulu, mna-ndivakala njengomntu ongakhathaliyo, kufanelekile ukuba ndikhankanye ukuba ukungakhathali kwakhe kwaqala ngokucaphula ku Katharine Graham, Ralph Waldo Emerson, kwaye akekho omnye ngaphandle kuka Betty Friedan. Kwakukho izibalo ezithile ezinomdla ezibandakanyiweyo, ezazibonelela ngokutya kwengcinga. (Iyajika, imibimbi ibala kuphela iipesenti ezili-18 zobuso bomntu, ngelixa intamo kunye nendawo ye-décolleté-inde kakhulu ingakhathalelwanga-zibala iipesenti ezingama-54.)
Ndihleli ndilindile ukufumanisa ukuba ingakanani le khrimu izakundibiza, kwaye njengoko kuhlala kunjalo kolu hlobo lwentengiso, kuye kwafuneka ndibukele yonke indlela ukuya esiphelweni ukuze ndifumanise, nangona ingekabikho uGqirha Layke mna ukuba i-Lift-essence kunye ne-Sculpt-essence kunye ne-Silk Peptides ayizibizi. Ke kwakhona, lingakanani ixesha kunye nemali endiyichithileyo kuyo yonke le minyaka kuzo zonke ezo mveliso ziphantsi zihlupheka kwigumbi lam lokuhlambela? Kwanele itikiti ukuya eBali, ndiyaqikelela. Kwanele ngokunyusa ubuso.
Ngexesha lokufikelela esiphelweni sentengiso, ndandisazi ukuba unam. Xa wandixelela ngesivumelwano seengqayi ezintathu (iidola ezili-120 iyonke), andizange ndibethe (droopy) iliso. (Kwaye malunga nalawo mehlo: ayikuko nje ukuba imigca ebangqongileyo indenze ndabonakala ndimdala. UGqirha Layke ucacisile ukuba nabo banegalelo ekubonakaleni kwam njengomntu ongonwabanga kwaye ongenabuhlobo. ukudlulisela kwihlabathi?
Andikwazanga kulinda ukuba ndiqale irejimeni yam. Ndineembiza ezintathu-kunye nesiqinisekiso sokubuyiselwa imali-ndaziva ndikwazi ukusebenzisa i-cream yam iBeverly Hills ngokukhululekileyo, ukuqokelela izinto kabini ngemini, kungekuphela kubuso obubonakala bungonwabanga kunye nemimandla ebaluleke kakhulu ye-décolleté, kodwa nditsho ngamadolo am njengoko ugqirha ecebisile. (Wayekhe wathetha, enomdla, wathetha nomnye wabathengi bakhe abadumileyo-i-anchorwoman eyaziwayo eyayingazivezi ngesizathu sokugcina imfihlo yomguli-owayefake izinto ezingalweni zakhe ezingaphezulu, ngeziphumo ezimangalisayo. Ndifuna ukucinga inokuba ngu-Megyn Kelly, oneengalo ezingaphezulu ezibonakala zilungile, ayisiyiyo ukuba ndiyakwazi ngokwaneleyo ukubukela iFox News.)
Kulungile, ndikugcinile ngokungaqinisekanga ngokwaneleyo. Ndiza kunika ingxelo ngoku ukuba izinto zihamba njani, emva kweentsuku ezingamashumi amathandathu ezigcweleyo zokufaka inkolo yam eBeverly Hills uGqr.
Ndijongeka ngokufanayo (nangona kunokwenzeka ukuba zinyanga ezimbini ubudala.) Kukho abantu abadala abaneminyaka engama-61 ubudala, ngokuqinisekileyo, kodwa ukuba ubundimise ecaleni kukaChristie Brinkley, ungaqinisekisa umntu ukuba ndingumama kaChristie Brinkley. Okanye umakazi kaMary Steenburgen.
Njengamanje, ndiya eKatharine Graham kunye noRalph Waldo Emerson. Nciphisa ubulumko, ngokucacileyo.
Ngomso, ndiza kuthumela kwakhona eBeverly Hills isahlulo esingasetyenziswanga seembiza zam ezintathu zeBeverly Hills cream, ngethemba lokuba uGqr Layke wenza kakuhle isiqinisekiso sokubuyiselwa imali endandisithenjisiwe, ukuba bendineminyaka engama-95 kuphela (ngokuchasene ukuya kwiipesenti ezili-100) wanelisekile yile mveliso. Nangona mhlawumbi ndixabise imali yam ngenye indlela: kuba ndingade ndibeke phantsi umbono wokuba imveliso ikhona, nakweyiphi na indawo kulo galaxy, enokubuyisela ubuso bam kwiminyaka yayo engama-45 okanye eneminyaka engama-52 ubudala ubuqaqawuli. Ndijonga yonke imihla malunga neminyaka engama-62 endiyichithileyo kule planethi, kwaye ukuba ndibonakala ndimncinci emfanekisweni wam, ndilapha ukukuxelela, ngumfanekiso endiwukhethileyo, ngaphezulu kwamanye amashumi amahlanu umyeni wam awathathayo ziphume zilungile.
Ndifungela iintengiso. Kodwa kuyaphawuleka ukongeza, ngendlela yeskripthi, kusekho imveliso enye engekhoyo ngoku phakathi kweekhrim ezahlukeneyo, i-lotions, iigel kunye neesamu ekuqokeleleni kwam. Imveliso enye endinokuyenza kakuhle xa ndiyongeza kwingqokelela yam.
Ibizwa ngokuba lilanga. Kwaye ngenxa yesizathu esigqibeleleyo mhlawumbi nguBetty Friedan kuphela onokuchaza, ukuba ebephila-okanye uKeith Richards mhlawumbi-andikhumbuli ndisisebenzisa.
