Umzekeliso kaThomas Pitilli. UJack ukwiminyaka yama-30. Umhle, wenza imali kwaye unendawo entle yokuhlala, kwaye kwesi sixeko, yonke into ekufumanayo iphantse ibe yinto yonke. Udibana nam kwisitalato iGreenwich ngenye intsasa yekofu emnyama. Amantombazana amabini awaziyo adlula ngendlela. Uyancuma, kwaye amehlo akhe aluhlaza afudumele, kodwa kubuso benye intombazana, uyayibona loo veki yokujija ilinde umnxeba.
UnguJack, kwaye uthatha intombazana uyokutya isidlo sangokuhlwa kwiBlue Ribbon, kwaye uchitha iiyure ezintathu ethatha isigqibo sokuba ingaba uloluhlobo lomntu oza kumthanda ngakumbi ukuba ulala nawe okanye ukuba akenzi njalo. Ukuba uyamthanda ngokwaneleyo, oko kuya kuthetha ukuba i-East Hampton ngoSuku lweSikhumbuzo kunye neNantucket ngoSuku lwaBasebenzi kunye neKanana eNtsha ebomini. Kwaye uThixo amncede, kuyakubakho ukubuyiswa kwegolide.
UJack angaba nayo nayiphi na intombazana ayifunayo. Umcwangcisi womnyhadala onxibe izithende ngeentsasa zangeCawa. Imodeli yangaphambili efanelekileyo ejongeka intle kwiiHanes ezimhlophe. Umhlohli weyoga omenzela i-tempeh esongiweyo esongelwe nge-steamed kale ecaleni. Kukho amantombazana enza uMarys onegazi, kwaye kukho amantombazana alungileyo aya ecaweni ngeCawe neentsapho zawo, kodwa phezolo, ebekuJack. Kukho amantombazana akhwela amahashe kunye namagqwetha kunye nabayili kunye nabade kunye nabafutshane, bebeka iimfuno zabo phezulu kwiindonga zakhe kwaye besithi ezo ayizo mfuno, zizithunzi.
Ke kutheni uJack ekhetha ukuhanjiswa?
Ngobunye ubusuku, uJack uza kwigumbi lam. Uzisa intombazana egama linguKimberly (igama lakhe eliyinyani) othi uneminyaka engama-24 (ubudala bakhe bobuxoki). Unxibe ijini, ihempe emnyama entanyeni kunye neebhutsi ezinde ezimnyama. Ubonakala ngathi yinxalenye yaseFlorida avela kuyo, ucinezelwe lilanga kwaye ucofe iglasi.
Yena noJack banako ukubuyela umva ngokulula, behleli ecaleni kwetafile yasekhitshini. Bazana malunga nonyaka. Wamfumana kwi-Backpage.com, kulapho abantu abanjengoJack bemkile ukusukela oko uCraigslist wavala icandelo leenkonzo zabantu abadala.
Ngexesha lokuqala, wamnika isondo ngomlomo. Uye weza kwigumbi lakhe elikhulu, kwaye ibingumhla wokumfamekisa kunesiqhelo kuba uJack wayefuna ukulungiswa ngokukhawuleza. Ngokwesiqhelo, wenza umsebenzi wakhe wasekhaya, esebenzisa i-Eros.com, esisikhombisi sokukhapha, kunye noHlolo oluHlanganisayo, okanye i-TER, eyiYelp kurhwebo ngesondo, apho johns athengisa ulwazi malunga nokuhanjiswa kunye nokunikezela ngeenkcukacha-manani ezithile. Ubude beenwele? Ifoto ichanekile? Chetyiwe? Ngaphezulu komntu omnye ngexesha? Iseshoni epheleleyo, engxamisekileyo?
Yadalwa kwiminyaka elishumi eyadlulayo ngujohn owayediniwe ukulahlekiswa, I-TER ibona malunga ne-350,000 yeendwendwe ngosuku, amadoda aphakathi kweminyaka engama-35 nama-55 anomvuzo ophakathi wama- $ 80,000. Baxubekile malunga noMnumzana uNatalie noEmma waseNew York, kwaye ukuba ubhatalela ubulungu, nawe ungafunda malunga nendlela iWkndWhacker ewafumene ngayo amabele e-VIP kaDaisy agcwele enyameni kunokuba bebejonga kwiwebhusayithi yakhe kunye nendlela awamanga ngayo Ubushushu bushushu emlonyeni wakhe.
Ekuqaleni, kubonakala ngathi yinto encinci, kwaye ngobusuku obunye, iqela labafana banezibane ze-Coors ezine, kwaye esinye isiluleko esiqhelekileyo sithi kwenye, Yima, ngoko yintoni i-TER yakho yokuphatha?
Abafana bazibiza ngokuba ngabazithandayo. Ukuzonwabisa kukulala nabafazi abahle kwaye emva koko uphonononge kwaye uwahlele. Yinto yesiqhelo njengeZagat, iklinikhi kwizilinganiso zayo, iyonwaba kwizicaphuli zayo kwaye uninzi luyinxalenye yokuphambuka kwemihla ngemihla yokuba iqela labakhaphi kutshanje linike isaphulelo seeholide kuJohns abathi banikele kwiKI.D. Ingxowa mali yenkxaso kaSandy.
Uninzi lwamantombazana lubonelela ngamava amantombazana, okanye i-GFE. Bahlikihla umqolo wakho, ubase kwisidlo sangokuhlwa, kwaye bayahambelana nezopolitiko, ukuze utsho ukuba uziva njani nge-Obamacare. Wabelana ngeKumamotos kunye neSancerre, emva koko wabuyela eWaldorf.
Kukho uthixokazi waseVenezuela, oneenwele ezimnyama ezinde kunye namabele e-D-cup kwi-demi yelace kunye neebhutsi zeenkomo zamaqatha. Kukho u-Bai Xi, ohlala ephuma phezulu kwi-10 ephezulu; mncinci kwaye Asia kwaye uphendula nge-imeyile ngokukhawuleza. Kukho uJessica, kunye namaza akhe eFarrah Fawcett kunye nemilebe ye-Bloc yaseMpuma. Uthi, ndineenwele ezinde ezimhlophe kunye nolusu oluthambileyo ngamehlo amangalisayo kunye noncumo olukhulu. Ubuntu bam obuphumayo buya kukwenza uzive ukhululeke kakhulu ukusukela oko sidibana, ngokungathi besazana kangangeminyaka.
Kwaye lelona tikiti liphambili. Yiyo loo nto abafana abanjengoJack beqesha uJessicas nge-1, 000 yeedola ubusuku ngabunye endaweni yokuhlawula i-200 yeedola kwisidlo sangokuhlwa kunye negqwetha elinomlutha we-CrossFit. IiBai Xis zikunika into efanayo. Kutheni uphuma kunye nomfazi uqeqesho xa ungaphuma kunye nentombi engapheliyo? Ubeka lonke ixesha, ngokungathi uzenzela inqanaba, ngelixa umfazi kuqeqesho efuna ukwazi ukuba kutheni ungakhange uhambe iinqwelomoya ezine zokuhamba kwakhe ukumqokelela kwisidlo sangokuhlwa. Ufuna iintsasa zakho. Intombazana eyintombazana ifuna kuphela ubusuku bakho.
Ucwangcisa uku Dibana noJohn otshatileyo kwindawo apho uJohn otshatileyo wayeya kudibana khona nohambo. Kukho ibha kumgangatho wesixhenxe wehotele yaseNew York ebizwa ngokuba ligumbi lokuhlala. Inesikhumba esimhlophe kwaye akukho windows. Ixesha lobusuku be-bachelor rhoqo. UMitchell ufika, zonke izinto eziphantsi kakhulu kwizikhonkwane zaseFransi, isuti enkulu kunye neqhina likaKenneth Cole Reaction. Uphethe ibrifkheyisi — ungumcebisi jikelele wefemu yeCPA, athe wahlala nayo ngaphezulu kweminyaka engama-30.
UMitchell ungumntu othanda ukuzonwabisa. Ubona malunga namantombazana angama-25 ngonyaka. Wenza ngaphezulu kwesigidi ngonyaka kwaye uchitha malunga ne- $ 50,000 ngonyaka kwinto ayithandayo. Uhlawula ubuncinci be- $ 500 ngeyure kwintombazana kwaye akenzi ixabiso lentengiso. UMitchell unentombazana kuwo onke amadolophu ahamba kuwo. Ndiyayazi intombi yakhe yaseNew York. Umsebenzi wakhe obizwa ngokuba nguKatelyn, kwaye uyi-blond yase-Australia enamabele amakhulu, isinqe esincinci kunye nobuso bamahashe. Ubiza ama-5, 000 eedola ngorhatya luphela.
Bamba esofeni kangangemizuzu engama-45. Kukho iithegi ezivela kuhambo lwakhe oluya eMorocco kunye namakhandlela anuka kamnandi. Uyamxelela ngomzukulwana amkhulisayo kunye nenkosikazi yakhe. Umxelela ngokuntywila kwakhe eMexico. Emva kweglasi okanye ezimbini zewayini, baqala ukwanga. Wonke umntu endithetha naye ngoKatelyn uthetha ngendlela azanga ngayo. Ukuzanga okunzulu kwesiFrentshi. I-DFK.
Ukrelekrele ngokumangalisayo, utshilo uMitchell. Wayengumphathi wentengiso kubomi obunye, kwaye ufundeka kakuhle kwiiklasikhi nakwiminyhadala yangoku. Ufunda okuninzi malunga nengqondo yomntu, kwaye uyaziqonda i-pathos ngasemva kweminqweno ayifezekisayo.
Uya kundithumela i-imeyile yokubamba qho emva kwexesha, xa engevanga kum. Kwimpelaveki yeSuper Bowl, wathumela imifanekiso yakhe enxibe ijezi yokusika kunye neebhulukhwe ezimfutshane zamakhwenkwe, evuyiswa ngumdlalo kumabonwakude, eguqe ngamadolo ehotele emhlophe.
UMitchell ubiza ukuthanda kwakhe efuna ubudlelwane ngaphandle komtshato. Ukwabelana ngesondo nomfazi wakhe kuphela manqaphanqapha. Utyebe kakhulu kwakhona. Kwiminyaka embalwa emva, waphulukana ne-150 yeepawundi, kodwa ngoku ubuyile kwi-200 ephezulu. Andiyiboni njengokukhohlisa, utshilo. Ndiyakholelwa into angayazi ayizukumenzakalisa.
Ngu-2 kusasa, kwaye uKimberly usela incindi yeorenji. Uthetha nam noJack ngezinye zabathengi bakhe, ezityebileyo kunye nohlobo lotatomkhulu.
Ngaba zinzima ezindala, kuba zithatha ixesha elide? Wabuza uJack.
Uhleka aze abethe ingalo yakhe. Kukho amaqhinga, utshilo. Kodwa abafana baya kwenza nantoni na ukuza nje. Lo mfo omnye uqengqeleka ngengxowa yecolostomy, kwaye yaphula intliziyo yam. Oku kwakuseWaldorf.
Kodwa lo mfo, watsho, exhuzula ubhontsi kuJack, lo mfana ufana nomthengi wamaphupha. Ungena emnyango wakhe, kwaye mhle kwaye uswiti, kwaye yena, uthanda, akwenzele nasiphi na isiselo osifunayo, kwaye akafuni nokubekwa amaxesha amaninzi. Kwaye ukuba awunakukuxela, unokuba nayo nayiphi na intombazana ayifunayo.
Ngobusuku xa engaphangeli okanye engekabinayo imnxeba okwangoku, uKimberly uzakuvumela uJack amse kwindawo yehooka eWest Village. Uya kuhlawula isidlo sakhe kunye nomsi wakhe kodwa akukho nto enye, kwaye uya kujonga ifowuni yakhe aze ahambe xa efuna.
Ufana nomhlobo wam, utshilo uJack. Yiloo nto amantombazana endithandana nawo angaqondi. Singaba nobusuku obuhle bokuthandana kunye okanye nantoni na, kwaye emva koko andimthumeli imiyalezo kangangeeveki ezintathu, kwaye akandiphosi.
Ndihlala ndikukhumbula, watsho ebusweni bakhe esipilini.
Ewe, nantoni na. Jonga, mna noKimberly sinokuqonda.
UJack ubone iipesenti ezingama-50 ezilungileyo zesitokhwe kwi-Eros. Ulala nabafazi abadala, oomama kunye nabasetyhini abaneengcambu ezigqithileyo. Kwiinyanga ezithile, ubhatalela i-inshurensi yemoto. Undibonisa umbhalo ovela kumhlubuki ePennsylvania omabonakude waxhonywa eludongeni kuye.
Njani ngale? Ndibuze, ndikhomba kuNikki Irish kwiscreen. Ukhulile kwaye akalulo udidi oluqhelekileyo lukaJack. Owu, ewe, uNikki, watsho. Musa ukwenza obo buso. Yintoni enhle ngoNikki uyayithanda isondo. Mhlawumbi kukulala nam nje, watsho, eqhwanyaza uKimberly. Inqaku yile siza kuyenza, kwaye emva kwemizuzu eli-10 kamva, uyakufuna ukuyenza kwakhona, kwaye siligqithile ixesha lakhe, kwaye akafuni mali ingaphezulu. Jonga, andingomnye wabo bantu baziziyatha abaya kukhulula amaqela kwaye bacinge ukuba intombazana iyabathanda. Kodwa ndiyazi xa umfazi ethanda isondo. Kwaye amadoda afana nabasetyhini abathanda ngokwenene isondo.
Ngomvulo ebusuku kwigumbi likaKatelyn kwicala elingasempuma, unxibe ihempe enemibala ye-melon kunye nejean ekhululekileyo, kwaye iinwele zakhe ezimhlophe ziphezulu kwiklip. Umhlobo wakhe ongumpheki uyasela iwayini kwaye utshaya imidiza efestileni.
Kukho indawo yokugcina impahla yezihlangu apho iiLouboutins ezinamabala amdaka kunye ne-YSLs ethe tyaba ikwimigqomo enelebhile. Ukhathalela izinto zexabiso, utshilo, yiyo loo nto ebiza ixabiso eliphezulu-eliphindwe kabini kunelo likaKimberly. Okukhona ubiza, kokukhona kufanelekile ukuba umntu acinge ukuba unguye.
Kwisingqengqelo sakhe, apho uninzi lwemihla iqala khona, ukhupha isibopho semisesane emithathu esigcina isithungu samaspredishithi, enye yamadoda angama-290 awaziyo ngobungcali. Nanku ugqirha wotyando. Nanku umphathi webrand kazwelonke. Nantsi idiploma. Nantsi i-philanthropist. Upholile kakhulu, mde kwaye uyathandeka kwaye unentloko enkulu yeenwele ezigobileyo. Utshatile kwaye unxibe iisuti zesintu. Kukho umboniso bhanyabhanya ophakathi ukuya kwiminyaka engaphaya kwama-30 omthandayo ngokubila.
Kukho icandelo lokudluliselwa. Kukho indawo yokubeka iqabane. Isakhiwo se-CPL, sokuba ebenaye kunye neqabane lakhe. Indawo ye-DBL, nokuba ebehleli nendoda kunye nomnye umntu ahamba naye.
Oko akuselayo. Apho asebenza khona. Ubude bexesha leentlanganiso. Ndimxelela ngoJack, kwaye uthi, ewe, unayo uhlobo lweJack. Umxhasi ngezimali ovela eAustin wayenomhlobo wakhe ekhaya. BabeseHamptons, kwindlu elunxwemeni. Bathumele imoto edolophini ngo-4. NgeCawe ukuyolanda uKatelyn kunye nomhlobo wakhe uEva, o-brunette wase-Australia. Zonke ezinye izabelo beziphumile endlwini. UKatelyn nomhlobo wakhe bafika apho, kwaye kwakukho inqaku emnyango elalisithi, Ngena ngaphakathi. Kukho iimvulophu etafileni. Yiba nokudada elwandle; sithatha isidlo sangokuhlwa.
Kwaye amantombazana angena ebhukuda, eshukumisa iinwele zawo ezimanzi epatiyo, kwaye amakhwenkwe ayesemgceni egoba amehlo kunye nolwimi lwe-eggplant, kwaye babenewayini emva koko badla isidlo sangokuhlwa, emva koko babukela umabonwakude, nasemva koko, badityaniswa baya kumagumbi ahlukeneyo okulala, kwaye kwakungekho nto ingaqhelekanga. Kwakumnandi. Aba bafana bahle baseTexas.
Ndingathandana nabo, utshilo uKatelyn. Malunga ne-11, umhla kaKatelyn, owayephezulu, wayekwimo yeekuki, ke ngoko bagqiba kwelokuba babuyele eManhattan. Bawisa amantombazana eKatelyn, kwaye uKatelyn wathi kuEva: Ewe, iiyure ezimbalwa kwiiHamptons kunye namaqebengwana. Ngaba ngenene senze nje i $ 3,500 ukwenza oko?
UKatelyn unomdla, uyathandeka kwaye ulumkile. Amadoda amthengela iimpahla zangaphantsi zaseLa Perla kwaye ashiye imali yakhe kwiimvulophu ezitafileni zekofu, kwaye uyayazi indlela yokunxiba ukosa kunye nexesha lokumamela.
Xa uKatelyn engasebenzi, uyaphangela kwaye ufunda kunye nokutya kunye nabahlobo kwaye uya eLondon ngempelaveki kunye neParis ngeveki. Uziqhelanisa neyoga kwaye uphucula umzimba wakhe kunye nengqondo yakhe kwaye uqhubela phambili impilo yakhe yonke ukuze aqhubeke nokuxabisa ngexabiso, kwihlabathi apho ulutsha luxatyiswa khona ngamava nakwisixeko apho abasetyhini beza kulala namadoda ngaphandle kweKatelyn ngomzuzu.
Yintoni abafazi abangayiqondiyo kukuba kunye namadoda atshatileyo, abafazi babo abamameli njengam, kwaye ayingoba ngabantu ababi. Banabantwana, kwaye baneminyaka engama-20, 30, 40 kunye nale ndoda. Ukukruquka kungena. Ubomi buhlala. Kwaye kubafana abancinci njengendoda evela eAustin, ngewayethumele imoto edolophini ukuba iyolanda nayiphi na intombazana awayeyazi eNew York. Kodwa nam, singathetha ngezopolitiko, kodwa ndiya ekhaya kwaye ubusuku buphelile. Abafazi bakuthatha kancinci ukubaluleka kobusuku obugqithileyo.
Inqanaba le ukuzazi phakathi kwe-johns kuyahluka. Kodwa kuninzi lwamadoda alala kunye nabakhaphi, bafumana oko bakufunayo kubafazi ngaphandle kokubuyisela. Ukuba benza into entle yokuhambisa, uninzi lwabo lwenza ngokuzithandela. Kukho uvuyo ekwenzeni izinto ezintle xa zingalindelekanga, njengasekuqaleni kobudlelwane.
Kukwakho, ukonwaba kobomi obufihlakeleyo. Xa abahlobo bakho begodukile kubahlobo babo okanye intombazana oye kuyo ngomhla wokuqala uye ekhaya ukuphupha umtshato wakho, kukho isithembiso sangokuhlwa esilandelayo. Ngamanye amaxesha, inokuba ndinokuba nale ntombazana intle ihleli esofeni ecaleni kwam, utshilo uJack. Andifuni nokumphatha kakubi; kulungile nje ukwazi ukuba ndinokufikelela ngaphaya kwaye ndimchukumise kwi-boob yasekunene, ukuba ndiyafuna.
Into yile, noMitchell noKatelyn noJack kunye noKimberly, bubudlelwane obusondeleyo nemida. Xa ukunye noKatelyn ubhatala ixesha elithile, kwaye uyavelana naye, kwaye naye uyavelana nawe — ngelo xesha. Into anayo umfazi kaMitchell ayikokutshintsha komlingo. Ngokufanelekileyo, utshilo uMitchell, ufuna ukuba nemvakalelo yokwenza uthando ngaphandle kokuba ube neemfuno ezingokweemvakalelo emva koko.
Amadoda afuna ukuba nothando. Bafuna i-GFE ngaphandle kwe-LTR. Bafuna ukwenza uthando kwaye badle imilebe kwaye babukele umabonwakude kunye neHerbal Essence iinwele zowesifazane kwishower kwaye bamxelele nokuba bayamthanda kwaye bayazi ukuba akazukuyijika ibeyenye into. Baziva ngalo mzuzu, emva koko baya emsebenzini, kwaye umzuzu uhlala ekhaya, kude kube lixesha elizayo okanye bade bathandane.
UMitchell uthe kuKatelyn, ndiyakuthanda. Uye wathi ukubuya. Zombini zithetha ngalo mzuzu. Kodwa awungekhe ujike lonke uhambo ukhwele kwi-odyssey. Ke wena unguJack, kwaye awutshatanga kwaye uhlutha izixhobo, kwaye ilizwe likulindile, kodwa awukulungelanga. Ke uhlala esofeni yakho, ubukele umdlalo, uqhekeze ibhiya, kwaye ubize intombazana, ize ngohlobo olunxibe ilokhwe emnyama neteki, okanye uza ngokubila. Uyeza, emva koko ahambe, kwaye ushiya ngaphezulu kokuza kwakhe.
umhleli@observer.com
