Ukungasebenzi kakuhle: Ukuvuma komntu othothayo

UMeredith Graves enza ngengxolo punks Pussy egqibeleleyo.

Okwam Igama nguMeredith Graves. Ndingumbhali, ndibalekile ileyibhile encinci yokurekhoda kwaye ndicula kwiqela elibizwa ngokuba IPussy egqibeleleyo . Ndamangaliswa xa, malunga nonyaka ophelileyo, ndaqala ukufumana iileta kwiTumblr ezivela kubantu abafana neqela lam, becela ingcebiso ngothando, isikolo, ubuhlobo, usapho — yonke into ephantsi kwelanga, kwabonakala. Ndithathe ukuthembela kwabo nzulu kwaye bendizakwenza konke okusemandleni am ukubhala kwangoko kangangoko ndinako, kodwa bendihlala ndiziva ndothukile ukuthumela abantwana ileta enamaphepha amabini endiya kuthi ngokuqinisekileyo ndiyivelise. Apha, ndinendawo yokuphendula imibuzo efanelekileyo ngaphezu komhlathi.

Ayikuko ukuba ndicinga ukuba ndikulungele kakhulu ukuxelela abantu ukuba baphile kanjani-kukuba ndenze iimpazamo ezininzi kwiminyaka engama-27, kwaye andikwazi ukuzibuza ukuba ngaba ukwabelana ngamava am kuya kunceda abanye abantu baphephe amanye amaqhuma amakhulu nemivumbo apha endleleni.

Ungandibhalela unemibuzo, iingxaki kunye nezinto ezixhalabisayo meredith@honor.press . Ulwazi lwakho luya kugcinwa lungachazwanga ngokupheleleyo.

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Ndiqhatha wonke umntu endithandana naye kwaye ndiyamthanda. Ndingayinqanda njani le nto? Ndingayiyeka njani le ndlela yokuziphatha? Ndimthanda kakhulu kwaye nangoku ndiyaqhatha. Ndiyazi ukuba ngumcimbi kunye nam ekufuneka ulungisiwe kodwa andibonakali ndiwufumana okwangoku…

Mna, ubukhulu becala lobomi bam, ndingumkhohlisi. Ndiza kubhengeza ukuzinikezela kwam kunye nokuzibophelela kubudlelwane bomntu omnye, emva koko ndiqhubeke ndibone abanye abantu. Andizange ndilunge kakhulu kwimicimbi; Ndihlala ndibanjwa, ndizisa u-Oscar ngendlela efanelekileyo yokukhala kunye nokuxolisa. Umjikelo uza kuqala kwakhona kwimiba yeentsuku. Ixhoba lam laliza kuthi ekugqibeleni lityiwe lize libhabhe, kodwa njengoko ndandingakwazi ukuma ndedwa, ndandikhawuleza ndiye kwelinye elilandelayo. Sekunjalo, ndandiyithiyile indlela eyayindenza ndizive ngayo, kwaye ngaphezulu koko, ndandingakwazi ukuhlala nento endandiyenza kwabanye abantu.

Kodwa njengawe, ndifumene ukuba umda awunakuyeka. Ndenze izizathu ezithi zijikeleze iintsilelo zeqabane lam. Ukuba ndiziva ngathi abandibhatali ngokwaneleyo, ndingafumana umntu oya kuba mnandi kum iiyure ezimbalwa, iintsuku ezimbalwa ngeveki. Kwakulula kakhulu ukuphuma uyokufuna ukoneliseka kwangoko kunokuba bekuya kuba kukuhlala ekhaya ndisebenze kwinto ebendinayo. Iziphumo zaziziva zincinci ixesha elininzi-ngapha koko, ndandizixelela, ndineemfuno. Bendingonwabanga kulwalamano lwam, ke bendifuna ibalms yethutyana eza kusebenza umzuzu, ekugqibeleni ikhokelele kulusizi olungakumbi. Ngokwenene akukho siphelo kwinto abantu abaza kuyenza ukunqanda ukungonwabi okanye iintlungu.

Uninzi lwethu luthatha ubutyebi njengeyona nto iphambili kulonwabo, kwaye uninzi lwethu lunokuqonda kuphela ubutyebi njengokuqokelelwa kwezixhobo. Izinto ezininzi onazo, uya konwaba ngakumbi, akunjalo? Uyonwabile ngekhamera entle kude kube ngumhla wokuvuka kwakho uziva ngathi awunakukwazi ukuthatha umfanekiso olungileyo ngaphandle kwekiti yeelensi ezintle. Awulahli ikhamera, emva kwayo yonke loo nto. Ufuna enye into, enye into eyahlukileyo, into entsha.

Ukukopela kuyinto yongxowankulu ngokwendalo, sesinye sezizathu zokuba ndiza kuyiphikisa ukuba ibekho kwindalo iphela, ngakumbi kubudala be-Snapchat, iTinder, kuFacebook — naliphi na iqonga elithandwayo elifikelelekayo kwifowuni yakho, likuvumela ukuba unxibelelane rhoqo, nangasese phantse phantse nabani na omfunayo. Unamawaka amaqabane anokubakho ezandleni zakho, ezikhoyo nge-24-7.

Singahlala apha sihlalutye olu hlobo lokuziphatha enyangeni nasemva, sibhala izikweko ezibubudenge malunga neekhamera kunye nokuqamba iioyile ezingenakubalwa ukuzama ukunyanga indlela oziphethe ngayo, kodwa inyani kukuba, ekupheleni kosuku, ngekhe ube kubudlelwane konke konke-kuba njengam, awufuni nyani ubudlelwane, ufuna ingqalelo. Inyaniso enzima yile, ukuba ubufuna ukuba kobu budlelwane nalo mntu, ngekhe wenze into oyaziyo ukuba ayilunganga. Ukukopa kulula; kuhlala kunzima oko. Shiya ubudlelwane ngaphambi kokuba wenze omnye umonakalo kwiqabane lakho. Emva koko ungaphuma uye nayo yonke into (yethiyori) yesini ngaphandle kweziphumo ozifunayo ngaphandle kokuqhushumbeza umngxunya osisikhulu esifubeni somfazi othi uyamthanda.

Kuba nantsi into: Nokuba awukamxeleli ukuba uphumile kubudlelwane bakho, amathuba ayazi. Ukungathembeki kuthwala ivumba. Iyajikeleza emntwini. Imibala yokuziphatha kwakho ngendlela yokuba iqabane lakho linokunceda kodwa liqaphele into etshintshileyo. Akasosidenge. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uhleli apho encanca loo mngxunya esifubeni sakhe, ezibuza ukuba ingaba yintoni ngaye emele ayilungise ukuze umthande ngokufanelekileyo. Oku kuzisa ixhala elithathela iingcambu embindini wesifuba sakho, esivimba amandla akho okuphefumla ngesiqhelo, ekubambayo ngequbuliso xa uloliwe okanye ulele ebhedini ngo-2 kusasa, ujonge kwifowuni yakho, ulinde ukuva umntu omthandayo. Ukulinda kuya kuthatha iminyaka ebomini bakho. Ufanelwe ngcono kakhulu. Kananjalo wonke umntu endakha ndamenzakalisa.

Kwiinyanga ezintandathu emva kokushiya ubudlelwane obubi nendoda enesenzo esikhulu sokugqibela yayilele nomhlobo wam osenyongweni kunye nommelwane wasebumelwaneni, ngandlela thile ndawa kwi-hardcore holy-shit-confetti-kunye neebhaluni zothando ekuqaleni kokubona nomntu owayendenze ndafuna ukuphinda ndifunde yonke into endicinga ukuba ndiyayazi ngothando. Ndikhathalele ngendlela ebandakanya yonke imithambo-luvo emzimbeni wam. Yonke into yatshintsha xa ehamba egumbini. Kwakungakholeleki. Kwaye okokuqala ebomini bam, ndandingenawo umnqweno wokukhohlisa. Ukujonga akuzange kube mnandi. Ndathembisa ukusukela mhla ndawayo ukuba ndizakwenza izinto ngokwahlukileyo, ukuba ndizakuzivumela ukuba ndibesengozini kwaye ndikhaliphe. Ndithembisile ukusebenzela izinto ngaphambi kokujonga ngaphandle kobudlelwane. Ngaphezulu konyaka ndihleli ndithembekile, ndingakhange ndiwele kwindlela yam endiyithandayo yokuthumela imiyalezo kwiintsana xa ndidikiwe okanye ndifuna ukuhoywa. Siye sahlala kunye, saqala ukuthetha ngekamva.

Kwaye ngenye imini, ndichukunyiswe kukutshintsha kwemozulu okubonakalayo kwindlu yethu kunye nenyaniso yokuba sele eqalile ukubetha ilaptop yakhe xa ndisiya kwigumbi lethu lokulala, ndenza inqanaba elilandelayo lobudenge ndakhangela kwifowuni yakhe. Oko kukhokelele ekubeni ndingene kuFacebook wakhe kwikhompyuter yakhe. Oko kwakhokelela ekubeni ndifumanise ukuba ebekhe wagcina into nge-surprise! -Ummelwane wethu wasebumelwaneni. Umoya kunye negazi kunye nobomi nayo yonke into elungileyo eyake yatsalwa emzimbeni wam njengoko ndenza unxibelelwano neenwele ezimhlophe endizifumene zinamathele kwiihempe zakhe xa ebuya ebusuku evela ebusuku esebenza kwibhar esitalatweni. Ndalala ndizibuza ukuba kuzofuneka nditshintshe ntoni ukuze aphinde andithande. Ndandingenanto kwaphela. Ndiqale ukusebenza ngokunyanzelwa, ndisitya okuncinci, ndisela iijusi ezothusayo ezongezwe yiprotein ye-chalky kunye ne-powders zesisindo, ukuzama ukwehla kubungakanani bayo. Ndifungile ukuba ndizakukhulisa iinwele zam, ndikhangeleke ngokwesini. Ndenze into ebaluleke kakhulu kwaye ndamamela. Ndaziva ndingenakuzinceda kwaye ndaxakaniseka kwaye ndiluhlaza. Andinakuma ngokulahlekelwa nguye. Ndamthanda.

Kanye njengokuba usitsho, uyamthanda-kwaye njengokuba wathi uyandithanda.

Ndenze kubantu abaninzi into oyenzayo kulo mfazi, kwaye wonke umntu uthandana nothando. Ukuqokelelwa kobutyebi ngendlela esebenzayo, yobungxowankulu akunakwenziwa ngaphandle kokubeka abantu abaninzi ngokungalunganga ngqo. Ubutyebi bezothando abufani. Ufumana ntoni ngokukhohlisa umntu omthandayo? Ngaba ngumzuzwana nje, nolonwabo lomzuzwana lomzimba omtsha uhamba ze? Imvakalelo yokujonga ngokungenaloyiko ifowuni yakho amaxesha ali-10 ngeyure ukubona ukuba bakuthumele na? Ezi ziimvakalelo ezinkulu. Ubunabo neqabane lakho kwakanye, kwaye ngekhe ubenabo kwakhona. Kuyothusa kwaye kubuhlungu, kwaye kuyinyani, kwaye wonke umntu uhamba ngayo.

Ke ukuba yile nto uyifunayo ukuze uzive uthandwa kwaye unqweneleka kwaye umangalisa, bambelela kuloo nto. Umfazi omthandayo kufanelekile ukuba abe neqabane elimnika oko akufunayo, kwaye laa mntu ayinguwe lo gama nje ugezela ngasemva kwakhe. Xa amabhabhathane ehambela ixesha lonyaka kwaye izinto aziziva zintsha kakhulu, lelo lixesha lokwahlukana ufumane omnye umntu (kunokuba, uyazi, ukukopela), okanye ungene nzulu, uqhubeke nomsebenzi wokufumana entsha kunye nezinto ezimangalisayo zokuzithanda malunga nomntu ovunyiweyo ukuba abelane ngobomi babo nawe okwangoku kulo mzuzu wokwenyani.

Ndabuya emsebenzini mhla wagqiba wandishiya ndafika emane ezipholela ebhafini wayemde kancinci, amadolo egobe esifubeni okomntwana okhathazekileyo. Waqhekeza nam emva koko, kwaye kangangeenyanga ezintandathu kwavakala ngathi umntu unciphise izibane kwihlabathi liphela. Ndiyenzile kanye ngeli xesha, bendihlala ndizixelela. Kanye, khange ndiqhathe. Ndemka kolo lwalamano nditshiswa yidigri yesithathu entliziyweni yam eye yandigcina ndingathembi mntu ukusukela. Ndenze loo nto kanye kubantu abaninzi, kwaye uyayenza nakubani na ngoku.

Eyona nto intle malunga nobudlelwane bexesha elide kunye nomntu omncinci ngumthi omncinci owakha kunye, uphezulu ngaphezulu kwale planethi yenkunkuma. Yiklabhu yakho eyimfihlo enamalungu amabini, onke amathumbu ahlekisayo ngaphakathi kunye namaxesha okukhumbula kunye neemfihlo kunye namabali obomi kunye nethemba lokuthembana. Ukuhlala kuloo ndawo, nokuba kunzima, nokuba uneencoko ezingathandekiyo malunga neemfuno zakho ezingafezekiswanga, kukusebenzela ukusondelelana okwenyani kunye nohlobo lobabalo oluzolileyo. Oko kukhululeka kwemida phakathi kothando oluthandanayo kunye nokhathalelo lokwenyani yintoni ekhokelela abantu ukuba bathi izinto ezinje, Owu, uyandiqonda. Ewe kunjalo — unomdla wokwenene ngokuncedana ukuze nibe ngabantu ababhetele. Ngokuqinisekileyo awukwazi ukufikelela kuloo ndawo yomlingo xa unganyanisekanga.

Unokwakha kuphela umntu ofuna ngokwenene ukuba naye. Mhlawumbi ngenye imini uya kuba nethamsanqa ngokwaneleyo ukuba nobudlelwane nomntu okwenza ukuba ufune ukuhlala. Mhlawumbi iya kuba bubudlelwane obuvulekileyo okanye obunobunkunkqele obuvumela uphuhliso lwezinto ezintsha nabantu abatsha, mhlawumbi iya kuba bubudlelwane bodwa nomntu ogqiba kuthi ubonele. Kodwa okwangoku, wenza eyona ndlela inelungelo lokuthelekelela, wenzakalisa umntu onokuba uhleli apho ngesandla esifubeni, ebambe intliziyo yakhe emzimbeni wakhe, ngethemba lokuba loo fort fort yomthi nawe ngenye imini. Shiya, ngaphambi kokuba wenze omnye umonakalo, kwaye ufunde kule nto, kuba inokwenzeka kuwe nangawuphi na umzuzu-kwaye nje ukuba yenzeke, ngekhe uphinde ufane.

Ukungasebenzi kakuhle yikholamu yenyanga entsha yengcebiso evela eMeredith Graves. Jonga kwakhona ngentlawulo yesibini ngoMeyi 21. Ungathumela nayiphi na imibuzo, iingxaki kunye neenkxalabo kuMeredith Graves e meredith@honor.press . Ulwazi lwakho luya kugcinwa lungachazwanga ngokupheleleyo.