Isifundo esiphambili esivela kwiDyunivesithi yaseBuffalo sifumanise ukuba amadoda anethuba lokubonisa iimpawu zokuziphatha kakubi kunabafazi.Imifanekiso kaGetty Sonke siyalwazi udidi: mfo olawula iincoko ngokujika sonke isifundo ngendlela ethile abe malunga naye. Ufana nomqhubi owenza ujiko olunzima embindini wendlela esenza zonke ezinye iimoto zijike endleleni yakhe. Ungumhlobo ongazange abonakale ekwazi ukunika omnye umntu ingqwalaselo yakhe iphela-oziva ukuba ufuna ukufumana okungakumbi kuwe kunoko akunikayo, ukanti uhlala engowokuqala ukukhathazeka. Ungumbhali wezinto zakudala.
Zonke i-narcissists kufuneka zize neelebheli: ukuphatha ngononophelo.
Kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele ukuba amadoda anolu phawu lobuntu ahlala enokuba ziinkokheli ngenxa yokuzithemba kwabo, kunye nomnqweno wabo wokulawula: ezimbini zeempawu ezichazayo zobuchwephesha. Kwaye ababenzi abantu abalala nabo ezinamandla… yile yenza ukuba i-narcissist ibonakale ngathi inamandla kwaye iyimpumelelo, ewe, ilizwe liqhwaba izandla. Kwaye ke iyaqhubeka, i-narcissist ifumana indumiso kunye nokugcina impumelelo kwaye ayiboni sizathu sokutshintsha. Umboniso uqhubeka nje.
IYunivesithi yaseBuffalo yanciphisa Iminyaka engama-31 yophando kwi-narcissism , kubandakanya abathathi-nxaxheba abangaphezu kwama-475,000, kwingxelo egqiba kwelokuba bathathe umahluko wobudala kunye nemvelaphi, amadoda kunokwenzeka ukuba abe yinto ethandabuzekayo kunabafazi.
Ke ngoku? usenokuthi. Ngaba abaphathi kunye neenkokheli bebengasoloko bebonisa ngokungxama? Kwaye ngaba ezi mpawu zibenza ngcono koko bakwenzayo? Kukho inyaniso apha, kodwa owona mfanekiso unzima ngakumbi.
Ngokomphandi uEmily Grijalva, unjingalwazi oncedisayo wombutho kunye nabasebenzi kwiYunivesithi eBuffalo School of Management, iNarcissism inxulunyaniswa nezinto ezahlukeneyo zokungasebenzi kakuhle, kubandakanya ukungakwazi ukugcina ubudlelwane bempilo yexesha elide, ukungaziphathi kakuhle kunye nobundlongondlongo. Ngamanye amagama, i-narcissism yethu inokuba luphawu lokuba kukho into engalunganga kakhulu kubudlelwane bethu nathi kwaye ke ubudlelwane bethu nehlabathi.
Ngapha koko, akukho nzima ukuchaza ukuba kutheni amadoda angaphezulu kwabasetyhini kunokwenzeka ukuba abe yi-narcissistic. Jonga nje indlela esidibana ngayo. Amakhwenkwe amaninzi akhulela kwiintsapho apho ukuzithemba kwabo kunye nomnqweno wabo wamandla unconywa, okwangoku iimpawu ezifanayo azikhuthazwanga kumantombazana.
Oku kuqala malunga nokuzalwa. Qaphela indlela abantu abadala abanxibelelana ngayo nosana. ‘Ngaba yinkwenkwe okanye intombazana?’ Idla ngokuba ngumbuzo wokuqala ophuma emilonyeni yethu. Emva koko sidlala kwaye senze naloo mntwana ngokufanelekileyo. Siqinisekisa oko kubizwa ngokuba ziimpawu zobudoda kumakhwenkwe ngaphezulu kwezo zibonwa njengabafazi, njengazo zonke iindlela ezahlukeneyo umntu anokubonisa ubuntununtunu ngazo. Bangaphi kuthi abavayo amakhwenkwe okwenyani engakhali kubazali bethu njengoko sikhula, hayi kanye nje kodwa amaxesha amaninzi ngaphezulu? Kufana nomyalelo wokusika loo nxalenye yethu.
Abanye bethu abakhulele kolu hlobo lwenkcubeko, sifumanise ukuba uloyiko, usizi kunye neemvakalelo ezibuthathaka zazingamkelwa… okanye zivunyelwe. Oku kunokuba kukhokelele kuphuhliso lwento oososayikholoji abathi kukungazithembi. Ukuzikhohlisa sisigqubuthelo sokusikhusela kwiimvakalelo ekunzima ukuzivuma ezihlazo, ezingenabudoda kwaye ekunzima ukuzilungisa. Ngapha koko, sinokunqunyulwa kwiimvakalelo zethu asazi nokuba bakho kwaphela kwaye siziva singakhululekanga ngaphandle kokwazi ngokuthe ngqo ukuba kutheni.
Ke siyakubufihla ukungonwabi ngokuba ngukapteni weqela lebhola ekhatywayo, silawule abanye, sinyuse, singxola kwaye mhlawumbi sikhohlakele. Kodwa ezantsi siziva sinobuqhetseba kwaye singenanto ngaphakathi kuba sinqunyanyisiwe kumntu esinguye ngenene: loo nxalenye yethu iqulethe zonke iimvakalelo zethu kubandakanya uloyiko kunye nokuba sesichengeni.
Sonke sinamanqanaba e-narcissism. Inxalenye yokuba ngumntu. Kodwa ukuba ukhathazekile okwakho kuphelelwe lixesha, nazi ezinye iindlela zokuzijonga (kwaye iindaba ezimnandi kukuba, ukuziqonda nje oko kuthetha ukuba sele wenze inkqubela phambili ekulinganiseni izinto).
- Yeka ukuthetha umamele
Yinto elula le: ukukhulisa amandla akho okuphulaphula ngenyameko kwabanye abantu kunciphisa ubu-narcissism bakho. Bonisa ukuba ubandakanyeka kulwimi lomzimba wakho; funa kwaye ugcine ukudibana kwamehlo nabo uthetha nabo, ukunqwala kwaye ube nomdla malunga namabali kunye nobomi babo uhlangana nabo. Yazi ukuba awunazo zonke iimpendulo kwaye abanye banezinto ezibalulekileyo nezixabisekileyo zokuthetha. Okukhona ukwazi ukumamela ngovelwano kwimfuno yakho eyoyikekayo yokulawula kunye nokulawula iya kuncipha.
- Hlakulela ukuzibophelela kwabanye
Thembeka kwaye ugcine izithembiso zakho kwabanye, njengokufika ngexesha kunye nokwenza izinto othi uza kuzenza. Ezi ziindlela zokubonisa abanye ukuba uyabahlonipha. Kuya kufuneka uzithethelele xa unomsindo, unomsindo okanye ungakhathaleli omnye umntu uzondla ngobuxoki, uqhubeke nomjikelo apho uzifihla khona iimvakalelo zakho zokwenyani. Kukwabalulekile, ukuba ubandakanyeka kubomi bendoda esencinci, ukunxibelelana ukuba unokunyaniseka malunga neemvakalelo zakhe, kwaye ke ngokunceda ukunciphisa umyalezo wenkcubeko wokuba amadoda kufuneka enze ubunyani bobuxoki malunga neemvakalelo zabo.
- Cela uncedo
Ukuzikhathaza kwethu kusixelela ukuba silunge kwaphela, kodwa xa omnye umhlobo emka kuthi okanye olunye ulwalamano luphazamiseka malunga neendlebe zethu oku kuvuka kubizwa kuthiwe, ixesha lokutshintsha. Funa uncedo kwiphilisi ukuze ufumane inkxaso oyifunayo ekwenzeni amanyathelo afanelekileyo.
UDavid Waters Ngugqirha wezengqondo oqeqeshiweyo wase-UK kunye nomqeqeshi osekwe kwisiXeko saseNew York.
