Undwendwe lujonga ifoto yokwenyani yeenkwenkwezi zikamabonakude uKim Kardashian ngumfoti waseJamani uJuergen Teller ngexesha lokuvula uhlelo lwe-19 lweParis Photo Fair.(Ifoto: Miguel Medina / AFP / Getty Izithombe) Ndiza kuqhubeka ndize ndithethe into engenakulindelwa ithi: ubufazi buye boyika.
Okokuqala, khawufane ucinge ungenawo amalungelo afanayo nawabantu. Khawufane ucinge ngokuphila, kuMbindi Mpuma. Asikwazanga ukuvota, sithenge imoto yamaphupha ethu emva kokufika kuloo msebenzi mkhulu wamaphupha, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ngekhe sikwazi ukudubula iBeyonce 'iLemonade' kuyo. Asinakukwazi ukusebenzisa ukhetho lokuba nompu ukuze sizikhusele. Asinakuba ne-shoe obsessions okanye i-Instagrams ezipholileyo okanye ukukwazi ukukhetha impilo yethu. Okanye, ngokusisiseko sinazo zonke iindlela ezingaqhelekanga esizifumanayo namhlanje kwi-buffet ye-estrogen ifake inkululeko. Akukho mntu wakhe wasixelela ukuba kuya kuba lula, kodwa akukho mntu wakhe wasixelela ukuba kuya kuba nzima.
Ukuba nokukhetha okuninzi kulungile, kodwa kunzima. Kwaye ubunzima bukhokelela kuxinzelelo. Kwaye masijongane nayo, abasetyhini namhlanje banexinzelelo ngakumbi kunangaphambili. Isifundo esivela kwiKholeji yaseBoston sathi abasetyhini bathweswa izidanga ngokuzithemba okuncinci kunangexesha lokungena kwabo, ngaphandle kwenyani yokuba amanqanaba okuphumelela phakathi kwabafazi ayodlula awamadoda. Ngoku ka Ijenali yeWall Street , Iipesenti ezingama-26 zabasetyhini baseMelika bakwenye uhlobo lonyango lwempilo yengqondo ngoxinzelelo kunye neengxaki ezinxulumene nokudakumba. Ubuhle Kutshanje kuhlolisiswe abafazi ngo-2015, kwaye abaphenduli abakwazanga nokuchaza ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukonwaba.
Abafazi, kunye namadoda asithandayo, kunqabile ukuba athembeke malunga nokuba zeziphi ezona zinto ziphantsi kuwo onke la mandla amatsha obufazi. Kodwa ndiza kuyenza.
Urhwebo lwamandla. Abasetyhini benza into ekujongwe kuyo kakuhle, elula kodwa evunyiweyo ngenxa yesiphumo xa sasilwela ukulingana. Silincamile icala lethu lobufazi ukuze sikwazi ukufikelela koko sikubone njengeenjongo zobudoda: i-ofisi yekona, unyuselo olukhulu, inkululeko. Kwaye saqala ukusebenza kancinci njengamanenekazi kwaye ngakumbi njengamakhosikazi. Sukundilahlekisa, ezi ziinjongo ezintle, kodwa bekungafuneki ukuba 'siziphakamise' ukuze sizifumane. Ababhinqileyo baqala ukusebenzisa igama elithi 'girly' ngokungathi yinto embi. Ngexesha elinabantu, amadoda ayethanda amantombazana-kwaye kunjalo nangabafazi. Ngoku, sisithuko esipheleleyo. Abasetyhini ngempazamo banqwenela into ababenayo amadoda, kunokuba babambelele kumandla awodwa obufazi esasinawo. Sayishiya sayenza ngendlela yabo. Ayisixhobisi ncam. Ubufazi buhlala buba ngumthombo omkhulu wamandla amabhinqa, ngoko kutheni sasikhuthazwa ukuba samkele?
Sonke siye saba ngabadlali beqonga. Uninzi lwethu lufuna ukutshata kwaye lube nabantwana kodwa bambalwa kakhulu abantu basetyhini abalivumayo ngaphambi kokuba silufumane. Uninzi lwabasetyhini aluthandi xa amadoda engabuyisi iifowuni zawo kumhla wesibini. Siyakhathala malunga nokuba abantu bacinga ntoni, indlela esijongeka ngayo nokuba sifezekisa iimfuno zethu okanye hayi. Ke kutheni le nto abafazi besenza ngathi asenzi njalo, endaweni yoko bakhetha ukwenza ngokungalunganga ngaphezulu koloyiko? Ukuphika ubuchule bokunyaniseka ayisiyiyo imvakalelo enkulu, masinyaniseke. Abasetyhini bayoyika ukuvuma ukuba asinayo yonke into, okanye asinayo yonke kunye, kangangokuba akukho mntu unyanisekileyo. Sinoxinzelelo kodwa asisokoli sithe cwaka. Ngokuchasene noko, senza ngathi ubomi bethu bulungile ngokuthumela imifanekiso efanelekileyo kwiiakhawunti zethu ze-Instagram kunye ne-Facebook. Kodwa asifezekanga sonke. Ukuvuma ukuba ayifumaneki kwaye kulungile ukuyamkela ukuba linyathelo elikhulu elinciphisa uxinzelelo. Siyaziqhatha kwelo khonkco lokuzola ngokuzenza ngathi sipholile kakhulu ukuba singakhathala.
Xa ususa konke ukudideka kulula kakhulu: uninzi lwabasetyhini (kunye namadoda) bafuna into efanayo.
Sibulale ukuthandana. Ukuzama ukubuyisa ubuchwephesha kufana nokuzama ukukhokela ihashe liye emanzini-amanzi ekude ngokwenene, kude kakhulu ngasemva, ngokuka uninzi lolutsha. Uyayikhumbula yonke, andifuni ntshukumo yendoda? Thetha kuninzi lwabasetyhini abaneminyaka engamashumi amabini kwaye baya kukuxelela ukuba zange babekho kumhla wokuthandana. Uyazi, uhlobo lwakudala apho abafana babedla ngokuthatha abafazi khona, okanye bahlangane nabo kwindawo ethile ukuba basele, isidlo sangokuhlwa esifanelekileyo, mhlawumbi ikepusi yasebusuku. Ngoku, inkcubeko yokuxhamla exhaswa ngabafazi abanyanzela abantu basetyhini ukuba bayeke ukutshata nomntu omnye ubusuku obunye kunye neeapps ezinje ngeTinder kunye neHappn, bayabafazi. Nokuba yeyiphi na kwezopolitiko, abantu basetyhini bafuna ukuthandana kwaye bahlonitshwe. Sonke sifuna ukufumana umntu olungileyo osithandayo kwaye uthembekile, nokuba bathini ubufazi. Sonke sifuna uthando kwiqabane elizinikeleyo. Kodwa asizukuyifumana ukuba siqhubeka sixelela amadoda ukuba asizidingi, ukuba sinokwenza konke, sisodwa. Ukuba sifuna ukubuyela kwezothando, kufuneka siqale ukuxhobisa amadoda endaweni yokuwasusa.
Imbonakalo yethu. Abasetyhini bajongeka ngcono kwaye bancinci kakhulu kunangaphambili. Kwaye ngelixa ubufazi bungenakuthatha ngokupheleleyo ikhredithi ngale nto-itekhnoloji idlale indima enkulu-asivumelekanga ukubhiyozela le mpumelelo intle yobuhle. Abasetyhini bavunyelwe ukudlala ukukhushulwa kwethu, ukubandakanyeka kwethu kunye nabantwana bethu, kodwa kukho indawo enye apho singenako ukonwaba: imbonakalo yethu. Ngaphandle kwemikhankaso yentengiso emikhulu nengaphumelelanga evela kwiinkampani ukukhuthaza abantu basetyhini ukuba bazenze bazithembe malunga nendlela esijongeka ngayo njengeHobe Lamkela Ulusu Okululo Ukungazithembi kwi-gal pals yakhe, uya kubizwa ngokuba yi-narcissist. Kwaye ukuba uyavuma ukuba ufuna ukubonakala ulungile kwindoda yakho, okanye ukutsala amadoda, unoxanduva lokunyanzelwa ngudade. Mane ubuze uKim Kardashian. Umntu othembele ngokuzithemba wathumela i-selfie ehamba ze ebhengeza ukugxekwa. Umfazi akakwazi nokuthi enkosi xa efumana ukuncoma. Kuphantse kufane nokuvuma tacit ukuba (uThixo akavumeli!) Uyavuma ukuba iinwele zakhe zilungile, ukuba unoncumo oluhle okanye iesile elimnandi. Xa owasetyhini esithi enkosi, umncoma uyakuva ewe, ndiyazi.
Ukuba wonke umntu mhle kodwa akukho namnye onokuthi kangako, injani le nkqubela? Ukuba wonke umntu obhinqileyo kufuneka akhethe phakathi kokuluma ulwimi ngobuhle-okanye ukusasaza kwaye athi akacingi ukuba unguye, sithulisa abafazi okanye sijike sonke sibe ngamaxoki.
MIA: Madoda. Ubufazi babaxelela ukuba asizidingi. Emva koko kwathiwa masibalinganise. Ngaphezulu kwayo yonke loo nto, sibashumile, kwaye ngoku amadoda alwa umva… ngokuzolileyo. Uluntu lwaseMelika luye landa ngokuchasene nendoda. Amadoda ayawuva umva kwaye aqonda kwaye ngokungazi 'aya kugwayimbo.' UBreitbart ubize oku kulinganayo kodwa kwahlukile ukubandezeleka phakathi kwesini njenge-sexodus apho amadoda anikezela ngokupheleleyo ngabasetyhini kwaye ebuyela umva ekuhlaleni. Izibalo zibonisa ukuba amadoda aya ekhetha ukungatshati, kwaye ndiyabona ukuba kutheni. Ngokunyuka kwetekhnoloji amadoda anokukhupha yonke into abasetyhini ngokwesiko babesaziwa kwiiapps zabo ze-iPhone. Ukuba balambile banokusebenzisa ngaphandle komthungo, ukuba batyile bangasebenzisa iTinder. Ekuphela kwento abasifunayo yona? Iintsana.
Isizukulwana samakhwenkwe si-f * cked, yatsho enye indoda. Umtshato ufile. Uqhawulo-mtshato luthetha ukuba ujijelwe ubomi. Abasetyhini bancamile kwi-monogamy, ebenza bangabinamdla kuthi nakuphi na ukuthandana okunzulu okanye ukukhulisa usapho. UMaureen Dowd wayekhe wabuza edumileyo, Ngaba amadoda ayimfuneko? Ngoku ngamadoda abuza loo nto malunga nabafazi-kwaye, okona kubaluleke kakhulu, malunga nokuzibophelela. Oku akuyiyo yezopolitiko, oku kubalulekile. Lixesha lokuba bobabini abesilisa bavume ukuba siyadingana, baqale ukuphathana ngentlonipho kwaye bavume ukuba siyalingana, kodwa ukulingana akuthethi okufanayo kwaye kwamkela iyantlukwano kwiintambo zethu.
Xa ususa konke ukudideka kulula kakhulu: uninzi lwabasetyhini (kunye namadoda) bafuna into efanayo. Ukuze sibe kubudlelwane obunothando, imitshato eyomeleleyo apho sihlonitshwayo kwaye sixatyiswa, ukuba nabantwana kwaye sibe ngoomama abalungileyo-ukuba sikhetha loo ndlela. Sinqwenela ukwaneliseka kwimisebenzi yethu, ukuba sikhetha ukusebenza. Ukugxeka ubufazi kukodwa akuyi kuphendula into egulayo, kodwa kukho imeko eyenziwayo yolondolozo lwezinto esizincamileyo kurhwebo lwamandla ezinje ngokusondelelana, ukutshata nomntu omnye kunye nomsebenzi wokulingana okwenyani.
Ngonyulo luka-2016 luka-Mongameli olwenziwe ngakumbi kwimfazwe yesini ezayo yesini kunedabi le-White House, lo mbandela awuyi kuhamba nangaliphi na ixesha kungekudala. Abasetyhini kufuneka bavuke. Kude kube siqala ukuba yinyani yethu, siyinyani sinokulindela okufanayo: ubunzima bokulindelweyo, uxinzelelo kumadoda, ukutyhala, ukutsala kunye netyala lokungaze uphilele ukuba nayo yonke into, ukungakwazi ukoyisa uxinzelelo lwabahlobo kodwa uninzi kubalulekile ukuba loo nto ingenakuphela, iimvakalelo ezingachazekiyo zokungonwabi kubudlelwane bethu. Akukashiywa lixesha ukugcina izinto esizifunayo ngokwenene. Singonwaba ngakumbi njengabafazi, kodwa hayi de siyeke imikhwa yesizukulwana sethu kwaye ekugqibeleni siqale ukukhulula amaqhina.
UAndrea Tantaros ubamba iindwendwe Inani Kwisiteshi seFox News kunye nombhali wencwadi esandula ukukhutshwa, Zibotshwe ngamaqhina , ezivenkileni ngoku ngeHarper Collins.
