UMTSHATO: Yiba yindoda efunwa ngabafazi .
Awusoze umqonde umntu de ube ujonga izinto ngokwembono yakhe… de ube ukhwela kulusu lwakhe kwaye uhambahamba kulo. —UAtticus Finch ungene Ukubulala i-Mockingbird
Awunawo umbono wokuba uza kwenza ntoni.
Akunjalo xa kuziwa kwisondo kunye nokuthandana kunye nabasetyhini, kunjalo. Musa ukuzibetha malunga nayo, nangona kunjalo, kuba ayilotyala lakho. Inkcubeko yakho isilele kuwe kwaye abafazi ozama ukudibana nabo.
Sisebenze namadoda amancinci angatshatanga kwizikhundla zethu njengabafundisi-ntsapho, amanani oluntu kunye nababhali ngaphezulu kweminyaka engama-30. Ngelo xesha, umbuzo oqhelekileyo esiwufumene kumaziko abafana ngendlela yokwandisa ukuzithemba kwabo ngabasetyhini.
Kodwa kukho ingxaki enzulu kakhulu: ukuya Ubuncinane iipesenti ezingama-70 zemibuzo yabo zityhila ukusilela ngokupheleleyo ukuqonda uluvo lomfazi.
Kutheni le nto ibalulekile? Njengendoda, akunakwenzeka ukuba ubengcono ekutshatweni de ube uwaqonda amava omntu obhinqileyo, kuba ngokwahlukileyo ngokwahlukileyo kunokwakho ngeendlela ezininzi . Ukuba ungaphendula ngokwahluka, uya kuba usendleleni eya kwimpumelelo kuba uninzi lwamadoda luchitha ixesha elingacingi ngokucinga ngale nto.
Umahluko uqala kwasekuqaleni, kumanqanaba ethu anzulu.
Xa indoda inxibelelana nomntu obhinqileyo, olona loyiko lukhulu kukwala ngokwesondo kunye nokuthotywa. Oku kumenza ukuba achithe ixesha elininzi kunye namandla (ukuba akunjalo) kwizicwangciso zokuzikhusela ekuchaseni njengoko esenza kwizicwangciso zokutsala ukutsala abasetyhini.
Abafazi bahluke ngokupheleleyo. Kolu nxibelelwano, aboyiki kakhulu ukwaliwa. Kunoko, xa umfazi edibana nendoda, woyika ukonzakaliswa ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo.
Okwangoku mhlawumbi ucinga into enye esayenzayo xa sasiqala ukuva ngale nto xa sasiselula: Andikaze ndenzakalise umfazi ebomini bam kwaye ngekhe.
Kwaye sibheja ukuba ulungile. Ukhuselekile ngokugqibeleleyo.
Kodwa yena ayazi ukuba: xa edibana nawe, unokuba nguJack Ryan, uJack Sparrow okanye uJack the Ripper. Nayiphi na kwezi inokwenzeka ngokulinganayo. Eyona nto yoyikisayo kukuba, ebomini bakhe, ezona zisongelo zinkulu kuye ngamadoda awaziyo . Olu ayisiyonto ingasebenziyo, engabalulekanga. Uninzi lwabasetyhini abaphethwe gadalala ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwesondo bahlupheka ezandleni zendoda abayaziyo ngokusondeleyo.
Kwaye uloyiko lwabo alupheli kwingozi ngokwasemzimbeni; Basengozini nasentlalweni nasemphefumlweni, ngokunjalo. Ekuhlaleni, ungasasaza ubuxoki ngaye okanye ukonakalise igama lakhe (kunye namadoda kwaye Abafazi), ngamanye amaxesha ngokunxulumana naye. Ungazenza ngathi uyamthanda, umithise emva koko umlahle. Esi sisiqalo nje somonakalo anokujongana nawo ezandleni zakho.
Asinakukugxininisa oku ngokwaneleyo: m Ukuphumelela impumelelo kufuna ukuqonda kwesini esinqamlezayo. Kuya kufuneka uqonde ukuba abantu basetyhini bazivavanya njani iimpawu zakho kunye nendlela abayiqonda ngayo imeko, ingozi, amathuba kunye nosongelo onokuthi uluveze. Okungcono ukuba ufunda ukubona ezi zinto ngokwembono yabasetyhini, kokukhona uya ungathandeki kubo kwaye ungonwabi, ungabi nanzondo kwaye unxunguphale uyakuba yindlela abaphendula ngayo kuwe.
Asikukhuthazi ukuba kufuneka ube sisayikholojisti yesini okanye ubumbano lwakho lonke. Uyindoda, nabafazi njengamadoda; Ukujika ube ngumfazi kuya kukwenza ungathandeki kakhulu (kuninzi) kubafazi.
Sikuxelela ngokulula baqonde abafazi . Kwaye oku kungenxa yesizathu esilula sokuba ukuqonda imbono yabasetyhini kukunceda wenze ngcono kakhulu kwabasetyhini, nokuba yeyiphi na injongo-nokuba kukuma kobusuku obunye, umhlobo onezibonelelo, intombi okanye umfazi. Iya kukunceda uphephe kwaye usombulule iimpikiswano, ikonge iiyure zosizi. Kuya kukunceda ube nemihla engcono, iincoko ezipholileyo kunye nesini esishushu. Iya kukunceda uyeke ukusebenza njenge-dick yokuzibhubhisa. Iya kunceda ubudlelwane bakho nomama wakho, oodade, iintombi, abahlobo ababhinqileyo kunye nabantu osebenza nabo.
Ukucaca: Ukuqonda kwesi sahluko ayiyiyo ingqokelela yezimvo kunye nezifundo zokuziphatha. Zisekwe kolona lwazi lubalaseleyo, lwenzululwazi esinalo ngoku malunga nesayikholoji yabasetyhini kunye nokwahluka ngokwesini. Siza kugxila kubuthathaka babasetyhini, inkxalabo kunye nexhala onokuthi ungakhe ulithathele ingqalelo ngaphambili, kuba le yimiba yamava ababhinqileyo ekudala ime phakathi kwamadoda kunye nokuqonda okukhulu-kunye nempumelelo kunye-nabafazi.
Ukruqukile kukuba neNjongo, ke Yenza isifundo Endaweni yakhe
Yiya kwibar yezemidlalo kuso nasiphi na isixeko esikhulu okanye idolophu yasekholejini ngosuku lomdlalo, kwaye ngokungathandabuzekiyo uya kubaleka kwiqela labasetyhini abancinci abahle abambethe ulusu, iimpahla zikasompempe ezisikiweyo okanye ijezi zesikolo ezihamba zijikeleza, zithengisa izixhobo zokudubula okanye iibhakethi zebhiya. Yile ndlela yonke into, hayi nje utywala, ethengiselwa amadoda-izixhobo zezandla, ishampu, iDoritos, iphonografi, iimoto. Bonke baneentloni basebenzisa abafazi abahle, abanxibe ngokunganxibanga abanama-boobs amakhulu, iidonki eziqinileyo kunye nemilenze emide njengezithuthi ukuhambisa umyalezo wazo. Kwaye iyasebenza.
Ingxaki evela kumbono wokutshatisa (ngaphandle kwendlela yokuziphatha ecacileyo) kukuba abafazi abaqhelekileyo baziva le nkcaso. Kwelinye icala, amajelo eendaba aseke ulindelo olungenakufikeleleka kubuhle ukuba baphile ngalo, kwaye oku kubenza bangazithembi. Kwelinye icala, olu lindelo luye lwadala kwabasetyhini inkolelo yokuba uninzi lwabafana lukhathalele kuphela umlinganiso womfazi we-boob-to-ass-to-leg, nto leyo eyindlela yokuqumba kunye nokungathembani.
Nantsi into, nangona: xa abantu basetyhini besithi, Musa ukundichasa, oko akuthethi ukuba Awuvumelekanga ukuba ujonge amabunu am okanye uqaphele impundu yam. Ngokwenyani, bathanda ama-boobs abo kunye neempundu, kwaye ndiyathemba ukuba uyawenza, nawe, ukuba ungumfo olungileyo nawe kanjalo zixabise ezinye izinto, njengamehlo abo okanye izimvo zabo.
Ukutsala abantu basetyhini, kuya kufuneka ubenakho ukuthatha uluvo lwabo kwaye ungacingi ngabo njengezithuthi zokuthengisa, kodwa njengabaphilayo, abacinga, abavakalelwa ngabantu ngabanye. Kuneke u thobela kubo: yamkela, iqonde kwaye yamkele ukuqonda kwabo, nokuzimela.
Okumangalisayo kukuba, indlela entle yokuqonda umbono wabasetyhini kukucinga ngaye njengentengiso umsebenzisi : umthengi onobuchule ovavanya iimveliso (iimpawu) kunye neentengiso (ubungqina) ukubona ukuba ziya kongeza ixabiso ebomini bakhe. Ukuba ufuna ukuqinisekisa ukungaphumeleli kokulingana, konke okufuneka ukwenze kukucinga ngaye njengenye into engaphiliyo- njenge-8 okanye i-9, njengeerobhothi elula eneseti yezinto ezibangela ukuba zisetyenziswe kunye namaqhosha ashushu oza kuwasebenzisa. Ngelo xesha umnciphisile umthengi wakho ngaphandle kwento yokuhambisa imali, okanye, kuba sithetha ngokujolisa umfazi, umthengisi wezesondo.
Ukujolisa kwabasetyhini ayisiyiyo kwaphela intsilelo yokuziphatha. Kwinqanaba elisebenzayo lokutsala abantu basetyhini, bubudenge. Inokunciphisa okwethutyana ixhala lakho malunga nokusondela kubo (malunga nokwenza isandi sakho), kuba ukuba ucinga ngabo njengeethagethi, ungazama ukuziqhatha ngokucinga ukuba ngekhe bakugwebe xa usiya kubo. Kodwa bayakugweba-kwaye loo nto ilungile, ukuba uyaqonda ukuba kutheni kwaye kutheni.
Unobungozi Emzimbeni, kwaye Uyayazi
Yiba nomfanekiso ngulo mzekelo:
Ungumfana oselula, ongenamava. Awutshatanga, kungoLwesihlanu ebusuku emva kweveki ende kwaye uthathe isigqibo sokuphuma uyokonwaba. Wena nabahlobo bakho nithatha isigqibo sokujonga ibar entsha yesini oyivileyo inamadoda amaninzi ashushu.
Xa ungena, udibana nolwandle olunamandla lwabantu. Aba bantu bonke bade njengabadlali be-NBA, njengezihlunu njenge-NFL linebackers kwaye banobundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo njenge-felon kubusuku bakhe bokuqala bephuma ejele.
Zonke zinkulu, zinamandla, zikhawulezile kwaye zikhohlakele kunawe. Iintloko zabo zijikela kuwe, kwaye amehlo abo ajonge phezulu nasezantsi ngokungathi ziiTermin zesondo.
Awuzange udibane nabo, kodwa uyabona ukuba amagiya ajikele ngasemva kwamehlo abo. Nawuphi na kubo unokukubamba, akuphathe ngaphandle kwebar kwaye abeke owaziyo into ayaziyo uThixo apho, kwaye akukho nto ingako onokuyenza ukubanqanda. Usisiqwenga nje senyama kubo.
Kodwa kukho amandla kumanani, ke wena nabahlobo bakho niqokelela nantoni na enesibindi eninokuyifumana kwaye niye ebharini. Kungekudala ngokwaneleyo, uye wasela izibini ezimbalwa, kwaye abanye baba bafana bakhulu basondela kuwe kwaye baqala ukuthetha nawe.
Ezinye zazo ziziqhwala kwaye azithandeki kwaye zenza krwada, ukudlula ngophakathi kuwe. Ezinye zimbi kwaye ziyacaphukisa. Abanye bade babe nomsindo kwaye bakhohlakele. Bonke aba bantu abathandeki. Awufuni ukuthetha nabo.
Kodwa yabona, ezinye zazo zinomdla onomdla. Ewe zisenkulu kwaye zoyikisa, kodwa zifuna ukukuthengela iziselo kwaye zikuhlawulele izincomo. Ezinye zazo zinomdla kwaye ziyonwabisa; benza izinto ezimangalisayo ngobomi babo kwaye babonakala ngathi bangaphakathi kuwe. Ziyiqhude kwaye ziyahlekisa. Banalawo mandla aphezulu obudoda anomdla kakhulu.
Ungaziva njani kule meko? Uvalo, ukhathazekile, woyika, ukhuselekile, uyazazi kwaye usengozini? Kodwa uyathandeka, unqweneleka kwaye unemincili (khumbula, ulifanasini kulo msebenzi).
Ezinye zeempawu ezifanayo zamadoda ezikoyikisa kakhulu zibonakala ngathi zezona zinomtsalane kuwe. Abafana ababeka esona sisongelo sokwenyama ikwangabafana abafanayo onokucinga ukuba baziva bekhuselekile. Umfo obonakala ngathi ngoyena mdlali uziphakamisayo kwibha ikwangulo ukuhlekisa kakhulu kangangokuba iimbambo zakho zibuhlungu. Yonke into enkulu, ejikelezayo, ephikisanayo.
Eli lihlabathi lesini kunye nokuthandana kwabafazi.
Kwaye le nto injalo kubafazi yonke imihla, kuzo zonke iimeko zentlalo, nabafana abathe ngqo njengawe.
Abasetyhini bajikelezwe ngamadoda amakhulu, anamandla, akhawulezayo afuna ukulala nabo kwaye angayithatha ngenkani. La ngamava abo kungekuphela nje kwimivalo nakwiiklabhu, kodwa esikolweni nasemsebenzini, esitratweni nakwindlela engaphantsi. Amadoda abajongile, abajamele, enze ukudlula okungcolileyo kubo, kwaye banxibelelane nabo yonke imihla yonke, ngesondo ngokucacileyo isiseko sayo yonke intsebenzo-nokuba lolona lufutshane, nolona tshintsho lungenabungozi.
Her: ndingayithanda nefry nayo.
Him: Ewe, ubungathanda!
Ngelixa oku kukuzama nje kokucinga, iinyani ezizixhasayo ziyinyani. KumaMelika angaphezulu kweminyaka engama-20 ubudala, indoda e-avareji zii-intshi ezintlanu ubude kunomfazi ophakathi (5'9 ″ vs. 5'4 ″). Unobunzima obungama-30 eepawundi (i-196 yeepawundi xa ithelekiswa ne-166 yeepawundi), kwaye uphatha amanqatha omzimba amancinci (iipesenti ezili-18 xa kuthelekiswa neepesenti ezingama-24), ke ngoko unamandla aphindwe kabini amandla omzimba ongasentla (into anokuyisebenzisa ukumthatha) kwaye kabini amandla okubamba (into anokuyisebenzisa ukuyibamba). Umfazi ophakathi usesichengeni ngokwasemzimbeni kumfana ophakathi njengendoda enkulu (6'0 ″, 190 yeepawundi) iya kuba kumndilili we-NFL ophakathi (6'5 ″, 310 eepawundi) -oko kukuthi, sesichengeni kakhulu .
Cinga ngendlela engaqhelekanga ngayo yonke le meko: ukuba utsaleleke ngokwesondo kwizinto ezinokuthi zikwenze ingozi engenakulungiseka emzimbeni.
Uninzi lweengcebiso zokuthandana nabafana ziyasilela kule ngxaki yokuqala. Yakhelwe ngaphakathi ekucingeni ukuba amadoda nabafazi bacinga ngokufanayo malunga nokwabelana ngesondo, ukuthandana kunye nokuthandana ngaphandle kokuvuma umahluko osisiseko somzimba phakathi kwemizimba yamadoda neyabafazi kunye nesiphumo sokuba yindoda ngokuchasene nokuba semngciphekweni kwabasetyhini. Oku akulunganga kwaphela. Ukuba unako ukuqonda ukuba sesichengeni kwabasetyhini kunye nokuba semngciphekweni ngokwasemzimbeni, ukuthandana kufuneka kwenziwe okuninzi ngakumbi.
Umzekelo, ukuba umntu obhinqileyo ubonakala ngathi uthumela imiyalezo exubeneyo, okanye wenza into eshushu nengqele, okanye kukho umngqungqo ongathandabuzekiyo wokutsala / ukutsala umdaniso werotic oqhubekayo, ayisiyiyo into yokuba uyothusa okanye uyakhohlisa (ubuncinci, ngesiqhelo). Kungenxa yokuba uzama ukuveza umdla kwisithuba sokuzikhusela, kwaye unenkqubo yokufumanisa isisongelo seenwele emenza ukuba arhoxe kwiqokobhe lakhe xa uqala ukutyhala kakhulu. Mhlawumbi ungoyena mntu ulungileyo ongazukusebenzisa kuye, kodwa akanayo indlela yokwazi ukuba xa eqala ukudibana nawe. Kuya kufuneka akuvavanye ngokwakhe.
Cinga ngendlela engaqhelekanga ngayo yonke le meko: ukuba utsaleleke ngokwesondo kwizinto ezinokuthi zikwenze ingozi engenakulungiseka emzimbeni. Cinga ngoxinzelelo olunokubangelwa kukungqubana kwangaphakathi mihla le. Kwabasetyhini abakwicala loxinzelelo kunye nobuthathaka, cinga ngenkalipho yomzimba ekrwada ekufuneka ithathiwe ukuphuma kunye nokudibana namadoda. Ukuba uyatyhala xa utsala, umbuzo wakho akufuneki ubekho, Kutheni angazukulala nam? Kuya kufuneka, Kutheni le nto angaze azibeke kwimeko yokuba sesichengeni ngokwesini nayiphi na mfo?
Eyona nkcazo ibalaseleyo (kunye nehlekisayo) yale nto inamandla esakha sayiva ivela kumhlekazi odumileyo uLouis CK .:
Isibindi esifunekayo ukuba umfazi athi ewe [ukuya kumhla nendoda] ingaphaya kwayo nantoni na endinokuyicinga. Umfazi othi ewe kumhla kunye nendoda uphambene ngokoqobo, kwaye akacetyiswa gwenxa. Abafazi basaya njani ukuphuma nabafana, xa ucinga ukuba akukho loyikiso olukhulu kwabasetyhini kunamadoda? Sisisongelo senani elinye! Kubafazi! Ehlabathini jikelele kunye nembali, singoyena nobangela wokulimala kunye ne-mayhem kwabasetyhini. Siyeyona nto imbi yakha yenzeka kubo!
Kwaye ngoku silapha. Abasetyhini baye bavela kule nto ivusa inkanuko / uloyiko, uthando / impendulo yentiyo kubungakanani bendoda, amandla kunye namandla. Ukuba ufuna ukuphumelela ekutshatweni kwale mihla, kokukhona uyiqonda ngakumbi le nto, kokukhona unokuhambisa izinto ezithandwa ngabafazi ngelixa ususa into abayoyikayo.
Uye Wajongana neeDouchebags eziCreep ixesha elide
Umfazi uyakwazi ukuxelela ukuba buhamba kakuhle kangakanani ubomi bakho kwindlela ojongeka ngayo kwimizuzwana emibini. Ubuso kunye nomzimba wakho zihamba zonke iintlobo zezinto malunga namava akho ezesondo, ukuzithemba kunye nobuntu-kwaye angayibona yonke ngokujonga. Phambi kokuba uye kuye, sele enesigqibo sokuba uyafuna na ukuba uthethe naye, kwaye sele egwebile iqabane lakho ukuxabiseka kunye nenqanaba lakho ngaphambi kokuba uphose umgca wokuqala wokuqhwalela, ocekethekileyo kuye. Uyaliva ivumba lakho lokuziqhelisa pick-up amagcisa amaqhinga ukusuka kumayile enye. Kufana namandla akhe amakhulu.
Ngexesha owadibana naye ngalo, umfazi oqhelekileyo waseMelika uchithe iminyaka ewonga loo mandla makhulu. Kwakufuneka ayiphuhlise emva kokunyamezela ukungcola okuninzi kubantu abaqhwalelayo bembetha, bembamba, bemhlukumeza ngokwesondo kwaye benokuthi bamsongele. Ukusukela kwiminyaka yokufikisa, xa wayeqala ukukhula esinqeni nasemabeleni kunye neempawu zobuso ezintle, kuye kwafuneka ajongane nabakhweli kunye neesketchballs ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba elithile, kwaye mhlawumbi uyagula.
Kunzima kubafana ukuba baqonde ukuba kunjani ukukhula ukhule ujongelwe kwaye uxhatshazwa ngokwesondo yonke imihla yobomi bakho ukusukela kwiminyaka eli-12 ukubheka phambili. Endaweni yoko, into ekufuneka uyiqonde kukuba lonke olu luqwalaselo ngokwesondo umfazi aluhlwayelayo luyoyika ubundlobongela obuqhenqethayo bomzimba-uhlaselo olusebenzayo-olunokuthi lubangelwe ukuba akahoyi okuza kwakho, akwala ngendlela eya kujongela phantsi okanye ujonge iinyanga ezintandathu ngaphambi kokuba ufumanise ukuba uyiparaoid, ulawulo lomona olungaqhelekanga.
Leyo yinyani yabasetyhini yokuphila ngokwesaba. Uyoyika izirhubuluzi, ii-weirdos, ii-crazies, ezilahlekileyo kunye ne-stalkers. Kwaye sikholelwe xa sisithi, ngokokubona kwakhe, benza uninzi lwamadoda-ngakumbi lawo anokumhlasela ngeendlela ezingafanelekanga, iindawo kunye namaxesha. Izinto zengqondo kunye nokusingqongileyo zichaza okuninzi ngolu hlobo. 
(Ifoto: Patrik Nygren / Flickr)
Uphando lwengqondo, umzekelo, lubonisa ukuba, ngokwembono yabasetyhini, uninzi lwabafana adibana nalo alunakulunga, lungathandeki, lungabi nanceba, lungabi nasazela, luthembeke, lucoceke kancinci- lungaphantsi konke-kunoko yena nabahlobo bakhe. are. Nokuba uyayamkela loo yantlukwano ngokwesini, kusafuneka aphikisane nenyaniso yokuba uninzi lwezifo zengqondo kunye nokuphazamiseka kubuntu kuxhaphake kakhulu phakathi kwamadoda (ayingozi kakhulu, akukho ngaphantsi). Ezi ngxaki zilawulwa ngamadoda zibandakanya ukunxila, iziyobisi, i-autism, i-schizophrenia, i-narcissism, i-collaropathy yentlalo emhlophe kunye neengqondo zolwaphulo-mthetho. Zonke ezenza ukuba ukuhlangana okungahleliwe kunye nendoda kunqabile ukuba kuphele kuthando kwaye kunokwenzeka ukuba kuphele ngempendulo yokulwa okanye yokubaleka.
Uninzi lwabafana abafunda oku ngoku ngoku bahlala apho bacinga, i-WTF, andikaze ndiyenze leyonto inqabileyo. Ungangigaqi ngezo mpundu. Kwaye siyavuma. Uninzi lwabantu lududies oluqinileyo. Ubandezeleka ngenxa yezenzo zesampulu engathathi ntweni yamadoda abetha kuwo onke amabhinqa abonayo. Kungenxa yoko le nto kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba uqonde umhlaba ngokwembono yabasetyhini.
Cinga ngamava ababhinqileyo nabafana njengamava ephoyisa lesixeko nabantu ngokubanzi. Iipolisi zichitha iipesenti ezingama-90 zexesha labo zijongana neepesenti ezi-5 zoluntu. Abo bebekhe bahlala ithutyana bahlala bekhulisa umbono wokugxeka, ukungalunganga kunye nokubulala abantu, ngokusekwe kumava abo akrakra. Ayikuko ukuba abantu bonke babi. Kungenxa yokuba amapolisa abona kuphela okubi kakhulu.
Kwangokunjalo, abantu basetyhini bachitha ixesha elininzi kwimarike yokuzalela ukunqanda ipesenti encinci yamakhwenkwe angoyena uphazamisayo, othukayo okanye ophambeneyo. Ii-Psychopaths zixhaphaza ngokwesondo, azithintelwanga kwaye zizithembile, ke nangona ziyiipesenti ezi-4 kuphela zamadoda aseMelika, zinokuphendula ngeepesenti ezingama-40 zamadoda athe abetha nakowuphi na umfazi onikiweyo. Abafana abaneAsperger yenye into; nangona bahlala bezisa (kwaye ke kuncinci ukuba basondele emfazini), ukuba bayasondela, babi ekufundeni iindlela ezingezizo zokungabinomdla okanye ukwaliwa, ngenxa yoko banokuphikelela ngaphaya kwendawo yentuthuzelo yomfazi. . Kukho phantse ezinye iintlobo ezininzi zamadoda ezenza izinto abantu basetyhini abazifumanayo ziyenyanye ukubabiza ngazo bonke.
Ukubeka ngokulula, amava akhe kukuba abona bantu babi beza ngqo kuye ngelixa abona bafana babalaseleyo bengabonakali.
Ngokukodwa ayisiyiyo leya kuwe, kwaye kufuneka ube ulungile. Ngaloo nto
Umntu ophakathi ufumana umfazi ophakathi ubuncinci obunomtsalane ngokwesondo. Ycinge. Ngexesha elizayo xa uhamba ezitalatweni okanye ujinga kwimall okanye kwimanyano yabafundi, zibuze nzulu, phakathi Iipesenti ze-hat zala manina ndingakulungela ukulala nabo ngoku, ukuba bekhuselekile, kulula, kuvunyelwene kwaye kungabikho imitya iqhotyoshelweyo?
Ukuba ufana nabafana abancinci, impendulo ingangaphezulu kweepesenti ezingama-70-nokuba ubandakanye oomama nabafazi abadala. Kweminye yenu i-freaks, ngakumbi kubandakanya.
Ngokwahlukileyo, umfazi ophakathi ufumanisa ukuba indoda eqhelekileyo ibonwa ngesondo, ayithathi cala, iyenyanyeka okanye iyanyanyeka. Yipesenti encinci yamakhwenkwe akhuthaza inkanuko kwangoko kubafazi. Kwaye uninzi lwaba bafana sele befudukele eNew York okanye eLos Angeles ukuba babe ngabadlali okanye iimodeli. Ukuba ungaphezulu kwe-18 kwaye awukwenzi oko, awunguye waba bafana.
Lo ngumahluko omkhulu wesini kukhetho lokuqala, olubhalwe kuphando lwezesayensi nakwidatha yokuthandana kwi-Intanethi, edlala kuwo onke amaziko ezesondo kunye nokuthandana. (Ewe kunjalo, ukuba ubudlelwane buqhubeka phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, ufumana umntu oza kukhetha malunga nokuba angathandana naye kuphela, ahambe naye okanye amtshate-kodwa yingxoxo leyo ngelinye ixesha. Konke okudingakukwazi okwangoku (Abafazi baneengcinga zesondo malunga nabo bonke abantu ababhinqileyo ababaziyo, kanti abafazi banemibono malunga nokuba akukho madoda. Akanayo iminqweno emininzi yesini ngenyanga njengawe, akayiphulula amalungu esini phantse kakhulu kwaye isini sihlala sikhona ngakumbi kwimvelaphi yokuqonda kwakhe kunangaphambili.
Esinye isizathu sokuba angatsaleleki kumadoda amaninzi kukuba ucinga ukuba iimpahla zabo ziziziyatha kwaye iimpahla zabo azilingani. Kuba zikhona kwaye azenzi. Unyanisile . Uyazi nokuba umzimba wakho ubuya kukhangeleka njani ze, kwaye mhlawumbi ucinga ukuba ungoyonqenayo (ngaphandle komzimba) okanye umlinganiso wokuzivocavoca we-narcissistic (okwimo entle kakhulu). Akukho nanye kwezi emele ukumangalisa ngokukodwa okanye ukuphikisana. Uyayithanda into ayithandayo, kwaye, ngokwezibalo, amathuba awunguye.
Abasetyhini bazama ukwenza konke okusemandleni abo ukukugatya ngaphandle kokukuhlazisa.
Apho iba yingxaki kuxa ungafumani mfanekiso kwaye kufuneka akuxelele, kuba abantu basetyhini abakuthandi ukwala amadoda ngokucacileyo. Kukho ingcamango enzulu yokuziphendukela kwemvelo kule nketho, kwaye ininzi enokuyenza ekunciphiseni imingcipheko yangempela abajongene nayo ekuhlaziseni abo bahamba nabo. Kwakusoloko kulunge ngakumbi kumfazi wokhokho ukuba agcine umfana ngaphakathi kwendlela yakhe yokuhlangana njengomhlobo ongengowesondo kunokuba amhlukanise okanye amcaphukise. Abasetyhini abayenzi into engaqondakaliyo kwaye engaqondakaliyo kwaye bengekho ngenxa yokuba badlala imidlalo okanye bayayifaka entlokweni yakho. Bazama nje ngokwemvelo ukunciphisa umngcipheko wokuxhokonxa okanye ukulandela okanye ukuziphindezela ngogonyamelo.
Nantsi indlela abafazi abakuxelela ngayo ukuba abekho kuwe: umgca wabo wokuqala wokuzikhusela kukudlala nje upholile, ubungcali kwaye ungathathi cala. Bagcina umgama wabo ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo, banciphisa uqhakamshelwano kunye nokuncokola kwaye bashenxise nayiphi na imiqondiso yothando okanye umdla onokuthi ungaqondwa njengezesondo.
Ukuba ayisebenzi loo nto, banokuyinyusa into engavakaliyo yokwala vibes ngokwenza ngendlela abafana abancinci abangenanto bayitolika njengabandayo okanye abaxakekileyo okanye abancinanana. Le vibe ayinaburhalarhume-ibonisa ukuba usilele ukuxabisa iindlela zabo zangaphambili zokungabinamdla, kwaye ngokungathandabuzekiyo kuye kwafuneka benze ukungabikho komdla kubo kucace ngakumbi ukuze bakufumane ngentloko yakho engqindilili abangakunqweneliyo ukuyifaka wena. Ukuba abantu basetyhini bafuna ukukhohlakala xa bekugatya, baya kucela abantakwabo ukuba basike isisu sakho ngamatye abukhali kwaye bakhuphe amathumbu akho ukuze atye iigrey zasendle-okanye nantoni na elingana ngokulinganayo kuFacebook.
Abasetyhini bazama ukwenza konke okusemandleni abo ukukugatya ngaphandle kokukuhlazisa. Okukhona benamava kwaye bezithembile, kokukhona besiya kukugatya ngokucacileyo ngokwaneleyo ukuba uyemka, kodwa kungabonakali ngokucacileyo ukuba uneentloni phambi kwabahlobo bakho kunye nabanye abantu basetyhini. Kodwa ayiloxanduva lwabo ukukugatya ngendlela eya kuthi ibe nexabiso eliphantsi kuwe; luxanduva lwakho ukuthatha uthsuphe kangangoko unakho uhambe.
Sele Eyazi ukuba Mhle, kwaye Usazazi
Ukuba udibana nomfazi ekubetha njengobuhle, mhlawumbi awunguye umntu wokuqala ukuqaphela. Kuphando olunomtsalane, amadoda abonisa isivumelwano esiphakamileyo kakhulu kwizilinganiso zabo zobuso nemizimba yabasetyhini. Oku kuthetha ukuba okoko ebemhle ngokungathandekiyo uyathandwa, wabethwa, waphulula amalungu esini kwaye wahlukunyezwa ngabafana ukusukela kwiminyaka eyi-16 ukuya kuma-60, kubandakanya uninzi lwabantu afunda nabo, ootitshala, oontanga, abaqeqeshi, abasebenza kunye nabaphathi-hayi ukukhankanya abasemzini ngokupheleleyo, iicopy artists kunye neetalente zokukhangela iarhente zemodeli. Uninzi lwabafana ababembethileyo yayizezentlalo ezingathandekiyo, kuba abafana abalungileyo bamfumana esoyikisa. Kwaye abafazi aboneleyo bamfumene besoyikisa ukuba unengxaki yokugcina ngaphezu kwabahlobo abasondeleyo abambalwa. Ubuhle bakhe sele bubeyintsikelelo nesiqalekiso iminyaka ngaphambi kokuba ubeke kuye.
Esi sesinye sezizathu zokuba kungenantsingiselo, kwaye kuhlala kunento yokwenza, ukunyuka nokuncoma abafazi abahle ngobuhle babo. Mxelele into angayazi kwaye engekayiva evela kubafana abaliwaka. Ngcono okwangoku, musa Xelela nantoni na. Buza malunga nezinto anomdla kuzo, amabhongo, izihlobo, imvelaphi-nantoni na efuna ubukrelekrele kwezentlalo ukuba ayiqonde emva kwentombazana yakhe eshushu. Thetha nje naye ngokungathi sele uqonda ukuba (a) mhle, kwaye nobabini niyayazi, (b) uziva engathandani ngobuhle bakhe iminyaka, kwaye (c) angathanda ukuxabiswa ngezinto azenzileyo kuye ubomi ngemizamo yakhe, hayi ngokuphumelela kwilothari yemfuza yomtsalane womzimba.
Ukanti nantsi impohliso enkulu ngobuhle babasetyhini: usazoyikise kakhulu ngobuso nomzimba wakhe kunye neempahla zakhe kunye nezinto zakhe. Ngeliphandle, akaqondi kakuhle ngoba unomdla kuye. Oku kuyinyani nakowasetyhini obonakala emhle kakhulu, kuba uzithelekisa nezona modeli zintle zehlabathi kunye nabadlali beqonga, umoya-obhuciweyo ukufezekisa, emjongile ezantsi kwikhava yamaphephancwadi onke amabhinqa kunye nebhilibhodi. Akayiqwalaseli ngokuqhelekileyo into amadoda ngokwenene ifumane enomtsalane okanye ayiqondi ngokupheleleyo.
Uninzi lwabasetyhini bacinga ukuba amadoda atsala kakhulu kwiimodeli ezinqabileyo zikaloliwe okanye abadlali beqonga abathandekayo abathandayo amaqweqwe amaphephancwadi abawathengayo. Bayaphazama. Uphononongo lubonisa ukuba uninzi lwamadoda lutsala abantu basetyhini abanegophe nenyama emathanjeni abo; iimilo ze-hourglass zokuchuma eziphezulu (ezinje ngoKim Kardashian, Sofia Vergara okanye uHalle Berry), hayi iimilo zeapile ezinenzala esezantsi okanye ukungabikho kweentonga zokutya. Kananjalo, abafana bakhetha abasetyhini abasempilweni ngokwasemzimbeni kwaye abanako, abanezihlunu ezomeleleyo, amathambo, izicwili ezinxibelelanayo kunye neenkqubo zomzimba, kuba oku kuqikelela ukuba yintombi enamandla; Umama okwaziyo ukukhusela; kunye neqabane elide. (Cinga uJennifer Lawrence, uJessica Biel, uRona Mitra, okanye uJennifer Garner…) Amadoda afuna inani elifanelekileyo lamafutha, kwiindawo ezifanelekileyo, kwisakhelo esomeleleyo, esisempilweni.
Ngelishwa, uninzi lwabasetyhini lucinga ukuba into eyimvelo yobuhle yinto yokubhinqisa: ukutyeba (okubi) okanye ukubhitya (kulungile). Ke batya besebenzisa iingcebiso ezimbi zezempilo kunye namandla okuzonwabisa ukuze balwele ubume beplanga ye-supermodel, kwaye baphulukane neempawu zabo zokuchuma (i-boobs kunye ne-butt) kunye neempawu zabo zokukwazi (izihlunu), ukuthomalalisa umtsalane wabo.
Khumbula, akazange aguquke ukuba atsaleleke kubafazi okanye kwiimpawu zabo zobufazi, ngoko ke uyamangalisa ukuba unokumfumana enqweneleka ngokwesini kwasekuqaleni. Akunangqondo kuye. Kukho indawo yakhe eyayingakholelwa ngexesha lokufikisa xa amakhwenkwe eqala ukumqaphela, kwaye loo nxalenye isekhona. Unesifo sengqondo somkhohlisi malunga namandla akhe.
Oku kuziqonda kufikelela phantse kuzo zonke iinkalo zokubonakala kwakhe, kubandakanya neendawo ezininzi zomzimba wakhe kwaye uninzi lwezinto azinxibileyo. Abafazi babeka ingcinga eninzi kwinkangeleko yabo. Yonke into abayinxibayo kwaye bayibonise mhlawumbi lukhetho olunolwazi. Yonke into oyikhethayo yingxelo-kodwa ayisiyiyo yonke ingxelo ephumelelayo. Rhoqo, abantu basetyhini abakwazi ukuxela ukuba babethile ibhalansi elungileyo phakathi kokusesikweni kunye nokungaqhelekanga, okuqinileyo nokungahambi, isini kunye neslutty, classical kunye avant-garde, inyani kwaye isigqebelo. Ngaba baqhubela phambili i-vamp ye-sexy okanye i-meth-head jailbait? Ngaba benza iprojekhnoloji ephucukileyo yaseBrooklyn okanye iJersey Real Houseife?
Ingxaki kukuba abaphantse bafumane ingxelo echanekileyo malunga nokuba yeyiphi na imifanekiso abayivelisayo. Abahlobo bakhe banembeko kakhulu ukuba bangamxelela inyani ngenye indlela okanye enye, kwaye abafana bayarhorha kakhulu ukuxelela umahluko. Uninzi lwabafana alunakukwazi ukunxiba ngokupheleleyo, makungabikho nto ikhethiweyo, eyaziwayo eyenziwa ngabasetyhini. Xa kuziwa kwinto esiyinxibayo, uninzi lwethu luphosa nje nantoni na ecocekileyo.
Inyaniso yokuba uninzi lwabafana alunakuchaza umahluko phakathi kwe-haute couture kunye neJuice Couture (okanye umahluko ngokwawo kumzamo kunye nokunambitha) kuphela kukhulisa ukuzazi kwakhe. Kwaye ukuba ufuna ukumguqula ukuzazi ukuya kuthi ga kwi-11, yiba ngumfana ongenakubonakala ethatha imiqondiso yakhe yomdla nakuwe. Lowo ngumbulali walo naliphi na ibhinqa eliselula elizibeke apho. Ukuba umntu obhinqileyo unomdla wokwenene kuwe, uya kuphuma ecaleni ukuze abekukujikelezileyo kwaye abonakale kwaye afumaneke ukuba usondele kuye. Ukuba awuqapheli ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungazifumani ezo miqondiso, usenokude abe ne-gumption yokuwangawangisa kuwe okanye acele umhlobo wakhe athi molo. Ngokudabukisayo, ukuba ungaphantsi kweminyaka engama-20 kwaye / okanye uye walala kunye nabasetyhini abangaphantsi kwabane, mhlawumbi ungayijongela phantsi okanye uyichaze ngokungafanelekanga yonke loo miyalezo yokukhetha yabasetyhini. Nika ingqalelo ngakumbi kwixesha elizayo.
Ukhathazekile malunga neMeko yakhe yoLuntu, kwaye Uyinxalenye enkulu yalonto
Njengamadoda akhuphisana namanye amadoda ngezixhobo ezibaluleke emadodeni, abantu basetyhini bakhuphisana namanye amabhinqa ngezixhobo ezibalulekileyo kubo. Ngokwesiqhelo, ukhuphiswano lwabasetyhini nabasetyhini kwezinye izilwanyana ikakhulu malunga nokutya, indawo okanye ezinye izixhobo ezifunekayo zokuvelisa kwakhona.
Kodwa ukuba ukwimakethi yokukhuphisana enokukhuphisana nenani eliqingqiweyo lamadoda anomtsalane, anqwenelekayo afunwayo ngabo bonke abafazi, ke abasetyhini baya kukhuphisana ngokuchasene ukuze bafumane kwaye bagcine loo madoda. Kwaye bazakusebenzisa nawaphi na amaqhinga asebenzayo-ukulukuhla, ukukhohlisa, ukuhleba, ubundlobongela, ubundlobongela ngamazwi-nantoni na esebenzayo ukufumana abo bafana kwaye ibenze babambelele.
Inzululwazi iqalile ukungena kukhuphiswano lwabasetyhini nabasetyhini ngendlela encomekayo kuphela kule minyaka mihlanu idlulileyo okanye njalo, kwaye asikaqondi kakuhle ukuntsonkotha kwayo. Umzekelo, kusenokubonakala kungaqhelekanga emadodeni ukuba ukhuphiswano lwabasetyhini nabasetyhini luya kuhlala lubandakanya into ethile ngokungenalusini njengemveliso ethile yezihlangu ezinesithende okanye izikhwama ezinxitywa ngabafazi.
Ubomi bonke basetyhini kwintlalo bunokonakaliswa yintsingiselo yenyani yesini eqhutyelweyo kwimithombo yeendaba zentlalo ngabantu abangamazi kakuhle.
Kodwa cinga ngabafana abaqhayisa malunga nokuba yeyiphi ibhiya encinci eyenziwe bayayithanda, efihliweyo-baphathe umpu abawuthandayo okanye yeyiphi imoto abaqhuba ngayo. Iingqombela ezibomvu zezithende zamaChristian Louboutin kunye nokuthungwa kweebhegi zeCéline azenzi mahluko mkhulu ekusebenzeni kwazo-kodwa kuyafana nokubonakala kweCongress Street IPA, i-Springfield XDs kunye neMaserati Quattroporte. Zombini ezesini ziincanca zokufuna ubume ngokuthenga abathengi.
Abafana bayazi ukuba ezinye zeendlela zethu zokhuphiswano lwamadoda nabesilisa zizidenge kwaye ziyahlekisa. Kuyafana nabafazi. Ukuba ulumke ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungafunda le nto, ke abafazi abalumkileyo ngokwaneleyo ukuba babe ngamaqabane alungileyo sele uqondile uninzi lwezinto ezingenangqondo zokhuphiswano lwabasetyhini nabasetyhini. Banezothe nje ngabafazi abaziziyatha njengawe amadoda aziziyatha. Kodwa kanye njengokuba ufuna ukuvunywa ekuhlaleni kubafana awubahloniphi, abantu basetyhini bafuna ukwamkelwa kwabafazi abangabahloniphiyo-kwaye bahlala bothuswa kukuba bakhathalela ngethuku kakhulu ngalo.
Kulapho ukuphela kokufana, nangona kunjalo. Abasetyhini bajongene nokuba sesichengeni ekuhlaleni. Ngokomndilili, abanaxhala kangako kunamadoda malunga nokungalunganga kwiimbaleki, ukulwa okanye ukwenza imali. Kodwa banexhala kakhulu malunga negama labo lokwabelana ngesondo phakathi kwabantu ababaziyo, abantu abasebenza nabo, usapho kunye nabamelwane. Ngokukodwa, bayakhathazeka malunga nesoyikiso sokuduma esikhona esibangelwa kukuhlazeka kuluntu lwanamhlanje.
Abasetyhini bakhohlakele omnye komnye malunga ne-slut-shaming. Ubomi bonke basetyhini kwintlalo bunokonakaliswa yintsingiselo yenyani yesini eqhutyelweyo kwimithombo yeendaba zentlalo ngabantu abangamazi kakuhle. Ngeli xesha umfazi aphumileyo ekholejini, uneminyaka yokuva abafazi benxibe abanye abantu basetyhini (eklasini yabo, kwindawo yabo yokulala, kubugqwirha babo, emsebenzini wabo) ngokuba ngama-sluts kunye nohenyuzo. Khawufane ucinge ngexhala eliza kukuma okungahambi ngexesha elinye ngobusuku obunye okanye umhlobo ongalumkanga ngezibonelelo. Inokukhubekisa abanye abantu basetyhini.
Njengomfana okanye nokuba lilungu elisebenzayo nje eluntwini, kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele ukuba umntu olala nehlazo labasetyhini ayisiyomveliso yokuzicekisa okunzulu okanye ukuzonda kwiqela. Kunoko, ixhaphake njengokuba kunjalo ngenxa yokuba umbangi oziphethe kakubi uyisongelo esikhulu somfazi sokugcina isithandwa esihle. I-Sluts ayideleli kuba abantu basetyhini bengonwabanga ngesini sabo; Kungenxa yokuba ziingcali ekuzingeleni amaqabane, nto leyo isisongelo sokwenene kubafazi abaninzi. Ke xa abantu basetyhini becinga malunga nokutshata kwexeshana elincinci nawe, bakwacinga ukuba, Ngubani esikolweni okanye emsebenzini onokufumanisa ngale nto? kwaye Ndiza kuziva njani ngale nto xa ndiseSkyping nomama kamva kule veki?
Ukuziphatha gwenxa kwabasetyhini kukwanentlekele yesiphumo esiqhelekileyo kwimarike yokutshatisa. Ukuba ibhinqa elinye linikezela ngee-blowjobs ngomhla wesibini, kunzima kwabanye abantu basetyhini ukubagcina begcinwe kude kube ngumhla wesine njengonyango lwabo olukhethekileyo. Oku kudala ukunyuka okuthe tye kwabasetyhini abancinci beziva ngathi kufuneka banikezele ngakumbi nangakumbi ngesondo kubantu abaninzi nangakumbi ukuze bahlale kumdlalo wokukhwelana. Ke ngoko, ukuhlazisa i-slut yindlela yokunyanzelisa ukuthintelwa kokuziphatha ngokwesini ngakumbi kwabanye abantu basetyhini ukuze ingengabo bonke abantu basetyhini ekufuneka beziphethe kakubi kunaye nawuphi na kubo.
I-slut-shading ke iyehla iye kwi-matrix yeemvakalelo zowasetyhini, apho inokuthi ikhule kwaye ijonge isidima sayo. Kungenxa yoko le nto abasetyhini bengaziva mnandi malunga nabo ngentsasa emva kokuma kobusuku obunye ngaphandle kokuba banokuzithemba kunye namava ezesondo. Kukho isizathu sokuba babize uhambo oluya ekhaya kusasa emva kokuxhuma ukuhamba kweentloni.
Ngenxa yomngcipheko we-slut-shading, iqhinga eliqhelekileyo labasetyhini kukulandela ukutshatana okwexeshana ngokuzolileyo, ngokukhanyela okuninzi, ukuzikhohlisa okukhoyo kunye nokuhlengahlengiswa kwemeko ethile. Nasiphi na isizathu esithembekileyo sesini esingaqhelekanga sinokunciphisa umngcipheko we-slut-Kwakungumhla wam wokuzalwa, ndandinxilile, Kwakuyikhefu lasentwasahlobo, KwakunguJamaica, emva kwayo yonke loo nto, bendihlala ndikuthanda ukubhala kwakhe.
Ezi ngcaciso-zeemeko ezikhethekileyo zinceda abantu basetyhini ukuba benze ukungavumi ukubonwa kwabanye abantu basetyhini ukuba nakuphi na ukunikwa ngokwesondo okwexeshana kwakungamelanga isicwangciso sabo esiqhelekileyo sokutshata ixesha elide. Nkqu izichaso ezisetyenziswa ngabantu ababhinqileyo xa besabelana ngesondo (ukujinga ngaphandle, ukuhlangana, ukuya ethekweni, ukuthandana, ukuphuma kunye) kunceda ukufihla umba ophambili wokuba ingaba kwenzeka ntoni na.
Ukuqonda konke oku kubaluleke ngakumbi ukuba udibana nomntu obhinqileyo okunye nabahlobo bakhe. Uyazi ukuba bajonge kwaye bagweba. Ukuba uthetha naye imizuzu embalwa kwaye uyathandeka, mhlawumbi uya kufuna ukuhamba ngokukhawuleza aye kulala nawe. Izinto ezinqabileyo zenzekile. Kodwa ngekhe ayenze lonto, kuba uyazi ukuba uya kuziphendulela kubahlobo bakhe kwixesha elizayo abadibana ngalo. Baza kubuza ngokwenzekileyo. Kuya kufuneka eze nebali malunga nokuba kutheni ukuhambisa umfana ngaphakathi kweyure yokuhlangana naye akufuneki kujongele phantsi igama lakhe lesini.
Ke abafana abakule meko akufuneki bazame ukubaba umfazi kude nabahlobo bakhe ngokukhawuleza. Endaweni yokuba ufumane inombolo yakhe ukuze umbhalele malunga nokudibana kamva, ngasese. Ngale ndlela, unokwenza isigqibo sakhe malunga nokuba uxelele abahlobo bakhe nantoni na malunga nobusuku, kwaye ukhuseleke ngcono kakhulu kwimiphumela yexesha elide ye-slut-shaming.
Inkxalabo yakhe enegama ayipheleli nje ekubeni walala nawe okanye hayi. Ukuba uqala ukuthandana nawe, nayo iya kuchaphazela imeko yakhe kwiqela labalingane bakhe, nokuba kulungile okanye kungalunganga. Sele elindele ukuba iza kudlala njani. Ngokuyinxenye kuxhomekeke kwiimpawu zakho njengomfana. Ngaba ungumfo owoyikekayo kangangokuba uya kukonyuswa kwangoko xa umkhethile? Okanye ngaba ungumntu ohlazisayo onokude aphulukane nenqanaba-ubuncinci ade akulungise kwaye akwenze ubonakale? Abahlobo bakhe baya kumgweba ngokwendlela omphethe ngayo. Ngaba uyamxhaphaza ngokwesondo kwaye umtyeshele ngokweemvakalelo njengaleyo inyukayo kunyaka ophelileyo? Oko kwehlisa isikhundla sakhe. Okanye ngaba umkhathalele njengoMnumzana u-Right? Oko kuphakamisa inqanaba lakhe.
Unokwenza wonke umntu ubabalo olukhulu ngaphambi kokuba ufike kweli nqanaba ngokwenza inzame kuloo mzuzu wokuqala wokunxibelelana nokuthandeka kubahlobo bakhe-nditsho nabonwabileyo-ukuze bacinge ukuba ungumntu opholileyo, ohlekisayo kwaye bakunike Isibonelelo sokuthandabuza ukutsiba.
Oku kuninzi kuwe nakwabahlobo bakhe, abajongana nomsebenzi onzima wokuvavanya wena kunaye. Ubunenani elingaziwayo emva kwayo yonke into, ukubheja ongaqinisekanga. Badinga ixesha lokuxabisa amandla akho kunye nokwamkela ubuthathaka bakho. Kodwa ngelixa i-jury yabo isaphumile, intombi yakho entsha iyakuphulukana nobume bethutyana. Ukwenza umbono olungileyo kwangoko kukhawulezisa ingxoxo yabo.
Uyoyika ngokukhulelwa, ukulahlwa kunye nee-STD
(Ifoto: Tatiana Vdb / Flickr) Ukukhulelwa yeyona nto ibalulekileyo ekwahlukaneni ngokwesini kwizilwanyana ezanyisayo ngaphezulu kweminyaka engama-70 ezigidi. Abafazi bayakhulelwa, amadoda awenzi njalo. Uninzi lokwahluka ngokwesini kubuchule bokukhwelana kwabantu buvela ngokuthe ngqo okanye ngokungathanga ngqo, kuloo nto isisiseko.
Ingumba onzima kubafazi abancinci. Kwixesha elide, ukukhulelwa kunye nendoda enkulu yenye yezona zinto zinqweneleka kakhulu kubafazi-kunokuba yintsikelelo yokwenene. Kodwa kwixesha elifutshane, ukukhulelwa okungafunekiyo lolunye loloyiko lwabo olukhulu. Ukunkqonkqozwa kunokuba yinto yokonakalisa umsebenzi, eyokuhlazisa usapho, yokunciphisa ixabiso lamaqabane, nokuba usana olunotata lunezinto zofuzo olukhulu kwaye luthembisa ukubakhona xa amanabukeni amdaka ebetha fan.
Siyazi kwizifundo ze-anthropological zoluntu lokuqokelela abazingeli ukuba ukuba umntu uyamshiya umfazi okanye ufumene ingozi yokuzingela aze abulawe, amathuba okuba usana lwakhe lusinde ehla ngendlela eyothusayo. Yindleko enokubakho enkulu, kwaye kungenxa yoko le nto abasetyhini beguqukele kwiradar elungileyo yokufumana iiflakes ezingathembekanga.
Ukuncamathela kumntwana omncinci ikwathoba nzulu umtsalane wabasetyhini kumadoda exesha elizayo. Nantoni na iqabane lakhe elixabisekileyo lalingaphambi komntwana, liza kulahla emva koko. Bambalwa kakhulu abafana abafuna ukuba ngutata wesibini, kwaye abafazi bayakuqonda oku. Ixhala labo lokukhulelwa okungafunekiyo lihlala lomelele kunokuthembela kwabo kulawulo lokuzalwa. Izilwanyana ezanyisayo ezikhulelweyo ziye zakhulelwa ukusukela ngaphambi kokuba ziphele iidinosaurs. Iikhondom zerabha ezinokuthenjelwa azange zenziwe de kwaba li-1855. Ipilisi yafika kuphela ngo-1960 — zizizukulwana nje ezibini ezo zolawulo lokuzalwa kwabasetyhini. Eli ayiloxesha laneleyo lokuzivelela kwezinto ukuba baphinde balinganise ukhetho lwamaqabane amabhinqa kule nyaniso intsha banokuthi, ngokwethiyori, babe nezesondo zexeshana elifutshane ngaphandle kokukhulelwa.
Masithi umfazi udlula kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo, ekholejini kunye nokuba mdala engaphazanyiswanga ngaphambili. Kusafuneka akhathazeke nge-armada yezifo ezosulela ngokwabelana ngesondo (STDs) ngokuya kuye ngaphakathi kwilungu lakho lobudoda elingcolileyo. Okanye ubuncinci yile nto ihamba ngengqondo yakhe, ngokungazi.
Kwii-STD ezinjenge-gonorrhea, i-herpes yesini okanye i-HPV, kulula kakhulu ukuba intsholongwane okanye ibhaktheriya isuke kwilungu lakho lobudoda iye kwilungu lobufazi kunokuba kunjalo. Nokuba uhlala usebenzisa iikhondom, kusekho umngcipheko wokophuka, ukutyibilika okanye ukungagqitywa okungagqitywanga (ukuba uneentsumpa okanye izilonda kufutshane nesiseko sedick yakho). Xa umntu efumana i-STD, ihlala iphazamiseka okwethutyana. Xa umntu obhinqileyo efumana enye, inokukhokelela ekungafumanini, okanye inokosulela umntwana ngexesha lokuzalwa. Izibonda ze-STD ziphezulu nje kubafazi. Esi sesinye sezizathu zokuba abasetyhini baguquke ngamandla okuziphatha kakubi ngokwesini kuyo nayiphi na into ethanda ukukhuthaza ukusasazeka kwe-STD: ihambo engamanyala, isini seqela, isini sangasese, nantoni na. Ukuba isenzo sesondo sinomngcipheko ophezulu we-STD, kodwa asimziseli lonwabo lukhulu, wakhe uxhulumaniso lweemvakalelo kunye naloo mfana okanye umncede ukuba adlulise izakhi zofuzo ezilungileyo kwiintsana ezizayo, kutheni enokuyenza?
Ungangoyena mfana mhle emhlabeni ngayo yonke into ekusaleleyo, kodwa ukuba uyaqengqeleka uye emfazini ozama ukubaleka umdlalo ujonge okanye unuke ngokungathi usandula ukuphuma ezantsi kwindlu yangasese yoluntu ka-third-world, zezinye zezoyikiso ezinokuthi zimqhubele ukugcina umgama wakhe. Ngapha koko, ukhathalele ngakumbi indlela onuka ngayo kunokuba ucinga. Yinto yemammalia-iipheromones ziyinyani. Kwaye kunjalo nococeko olubi. Abanye abantu basetyhini baya kuthatha isigqibo sokuba banomdla wokudibana nomfana nje ukusuka kwiprofayile yakhe yokuthandana kwi-Intanethi, kunye nomhla wokuphila, ngaphakathi komntu ngokusisiseko kukujonga ukuba unuka kamnandi na ngokwemichiza njengoko ejonge ngokwamanani.
Ukhathazwe nje ngokuthandana njengawe
Ngaphandle kokuchaphazeleka kwabafazi ngokwasemzimbeni, ukuxhalaba ngokwesini kunye neemfuno ezibonakalayo zomzimba, iingqondo zamabhinqa zaguquka zahlukile kwezengqondo zamadoda. Baye bavela bafuna izinto ezahlukeneyo ngamaxesha ahlukeneyo.
Njengendoda, kulula ukubamonela abantu ababhinqileyo ngokwesini ukuba awuyazi iminqweno yabo yothando. Unokucinga, njengabarhwebi abakhohlisayo kuluntu lwePUA bahlala besenza, ukuba ungumfazi onomtsalane, ungalala naye nawuphi na umntu omfunayo, ulaliswe rhoqo ngeempelaveki, kwaye kuya kuba kuhle. Kwaye unako. Kodwa awungekhe uyonwabele. Kungenxa yokuba ayisiyiyo le nto abantu basetyhini baguqukayo ukuba bafune-loo nto yokuziphatha ayikhange iyisebenzele iminqweno yabo yendaleko.
Ngapha koko, kunokuba nzima kuwe ukukholelwa, kodwa kuyinyani: Kunzima kakhulu kumfazi onomtsalane kakhulu ukuba afumane oko akufunayo, ngokwesondo nangokwesothando, kunokuba kunjalo kwindoda enomtsalane kakhulu.
Ewe, wonke umfazi oqaqambileyo, oqaqambileyo uyazi ukuba angalahlekisa phantse nayiphi na indoda ukuba ikhawuleze. Kodwa kunqabile ukuba le nto ayifunayo. Uhlala efuna umfana, ubuncinci. Kwaye amava akhe, ukuba akatshatanga, kukuba uye wasilela, ephindaphinda-phinda-phinda, ukufumana abafana abahloniphayo kwaye abathandayo, ukubanjwa okukhulu, amaLungelo kaMnu., Ukuba ahlale naye logama efuna.
Ukuba awuqondi ukuba kwa iyure yokuqala yokuthetha naye yenza uhlobo lolwalamano olufuna inqanaba lokuhloniphana nokondla, akazukulala nawe.
Oku kungenxa yokuba akukho nxalenye incinci kumzabalazo wakhe wokuqonda eyakhe incasa emadodeni. Kukho abanye abantu acinga ukuba kufanelekile ukuba atsaleleke kubo kodwa akunjalo, ngelixa kukho abanye abantu abaziyo ukuba kufuneka ahlukane nabo, kodwa akakwazi. Olu ngquzulwano lwangaphakathi lubonakala ngakumbi kubafazi abancinci kunabadala, abanamava ngakumbi. abafazi; kodwa ayikhe ihambe ngokupheleleyo, kwaye yenza kuphela ukuthandana kube nzima ngakumbi.
Ukhathazekile yimeko yokuthandana kuba ixesha lihamba. Uninzi lwabafazi abancinci bafuna konke-imfundo, ikhondo lomsebenzi, imali, inqanaba, uthando, umtshato, abantwana, intsingiselo kunye nenjongo. Kodwa abanakuyibona indlela ekunokwenzeka ngayo ukuba yonke into inokwenzeka nge-40 yobudala,xa ii-plummets zokuchuma. Yenza imathematika yobudala. Ukuba umfazi oqhelekileyo waseMelika sele eza kugqiba ikholeji (ngesiqhelo kwiminyaka eyi-24), unokucinga ngokuba ngugqirha- kodwa leyo yenye iminyaka emine ye-MD (de kube yiminyaka engama-28), kunye neminyaka emi-6 yokuhlala nzima (iminyaka engama-34) ngaphambili angaqala nokwakha ukuziqhelanisa kwakhe nokuzimela, okunokuthatha iminyaka. Ngeli xesha uninzi lwabasetyhini abaqaqambileyo sele bekwiminyaka yama-20, sele beqondile ukuba iwotshi iyabakhathaza kuzo zombini izicwangciso zomsebenzi wabo kunye nezicwangciso zabo zosapho kwaye ezi zimbini azizukulingana kakuhle. Uza kukhangela umfana onokumnceda ukulawula ezi zorhwebo zibuhlungu.
Kungenxa yoko, ukuba ubudlelwane bakho kwinqanaba lokuqala buhamba kakuhle-nokuba yiyure nje yokuqala yokuncokola-unokufuna ukulala nawe kungekudala. Kwaye ukuba ayihambi kakuhle, ngekhe alale nawe ngonaphakade -Noba uyindoda enomdla ngenye indlela. Ukuba awuqondi ukuba kwa iyure yokuqala yokuthetha naye yenza uhlobo lolwalamano olufuna inqanaba lokuhloniphana nokondla, akazukulala nawe.
Ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokulala nawe, nangona kunjalo, eyona nto ayixhalabeleyo ayikokuba uza kuyophula ibhedi, kodwa ingaba uyakuyophula intliziyo yakhe. Abafazi ngokwendalo bawela kubafana babenazo ii-orgasms ezininzi. Umlingo we-oxytocin usebenza ngokuthembekileyo. Oku kubenza babe sengozini ngokweemvakalelo. Eyona nto ibhetele ngesondo kwaye ngakumbi bathanda wena, ngokukhawuleza kwenzeka.
Ngaba uya kumhlutha ubusuku obunye kwaye ungaze uphinde umbize? Ibuhlungu iveki (okanye ngaphezulu, ukuba uyakuthanda ngokwenene). Ngaba uya kuhlangana iinyanga ezintathu ade athandane nawe, emva koko abe ngumphunga ngaphandle kwesizathu? Oko kuya kumenzakalisa unyaka (okanye nangaphezulu).
Konke oku kwenza ukuba indawo yokuthandana ikhathaze kakhulu abantu basetyhini. Qonda loo nto kwaye uyakuqonda ukuba kutheni abantu basetyhini bengagobe ngasemva ukwanelisa ukunxanwa kwakho ngokwesini okungacimekiyo.
Uneminqweno yesini njengawe, ngaphandle kokuba ufumana i-Shit yeHers
Amadoda abelana ngesondo ngefowuni; abafazi bathetha ukungcola. Amadoda ngamakhwenkwe amabi; abafazi ngamantombazana amdaka. Uninzi lwabasetyhini banelo cala lingcolileyo, nelimdaka eliqhuba uninzi lweengcinga zabo zesondo. Uninzi lwezo ngcinga azibi mbi kwaye zimdaka, nangona kunjalo. Abasetyhini abacingi malunga nokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo ziitroli zebhulorho ngaphezulu kweenqanawa zokuhambisa inkunkuma. Kodwa bacinga ngokulawulwa ngokwesondo kunye nokulawulwa ngamadoda amahle, anenkathalo kwaye anakho ukusebenza ngokufihlakeleyo kwimida yoluntu olwamkelekileyo. Inkqubo ye- Amashumi amahlanu eeShad uthotho luthengise ngaphezulu kwekopi ezizigidi ezili-100 ngesizathu.
Lenza ntoni eli bhinqa langoku ngeli candelo lokujikeleza kwakhe ngokwesondo-ngokweemvakalelo? Uya kuyingcwaba nzulu kwimikhwa yakhe yokulala yabucala kwaye abe nexhala lokuba ukuba angaze ayichaze kumfana, uya kuba sisidenge esinciphisayo esiya kucinga ukuba ufuna ukulawulwa nokulawulwa ngalo lonke ixesha, kuzo zonke iinkalo yobomi bakhe. Okona kubi, unokuyithatha njengephepha-mvume lokukhupha eyona nto ayifunayo.
Akubonakali kulungile (ayizizo zonke iingcinga ezidaliweyo ezilinganayo?), Kodwa inyani kukuba abantu basetyhini bathambekele ekuzondeleleni ngokwesini kunabafana, kwaye umntu ophakathi ufuna umfazi ophakathi ukuba enze izinto anokuzifumana ubuncinci ngokuphakathi - i-anal, i-bondage, i-threesomes kunye nokunye.
Akaqinisekanga ukuba ucinga njani ngale nto. Ukuba ubambe umhlaba wakhe kwaye wenza kuphela oko akonwaba kuko, ngaba isoka elilungileyo liya kumshiya ngenxa yekkinky skank? Uyazi kakuhle ukuba utata wakhe angathanda ukukubulala ngayo nantoni na ofuna ukuyenza emzimbeni wakhe, kwaye isigwebo sakhe sihamba phezu kwegumbi lakhe lokulala njengeLiso laseSauron. Nokuba uvulelekile ngokwesondo kwezinye izinto ezothusayo ozifunayo, akaqinisekanga ukuba angayenza ngokuchanekileyo. Izakhono zesini abazifunayo ziyamxhalabisa kwaye ziyamoyikisa, kwaye ukuzihlakulela kungonyusa umngcipheko wokuba lihlazo kwiikona ezithile zobomi bakhe.
Kwaye ukongeza nje isithuko ekwenzakaleni, uyazi ukuba ngekhe afikelele kwi-orgasm amaxesha okuqala alala nawe. Xa usabelana ngesondo nomfazi omtsha kwaye ungaphantsi kweminyaka yobudala engama-60, unokuqiniseka ukuba uyakonwabela amava kwaye ube nakho ukuza. Kubafana, isondo liyathandeka ngokuthembekileyo. Kodwa kubafazi abanomfana omtsha, akazukuziva ekhuselekile kwaye ekhululekile ngokwaneleyo, okanye akazukutsala ngokwaneleyo kuye okwangoku, okanye akazukukwazi umzimba wakhe ngokwaneleyo. Ngokukodwa kwizitulo zobusuku obunye, uninzi lwabasetyhini alufikeleli kuvuthondaba kunye namadoda amaninzi. Basenokuba nexesha elimnandi-abasetyhini banokonwabela ukulala ngesondo ngaphandle kwe-orgasmic kakhulu kunokuba ubona, ngakumbi ukuba ungaphakathi kubo. Kodwa uhlala engenakufikelela kuloo ndawo inyibilikayo emhlabeni, ekhupha ingqondo ukuba anganqwenela.
Kwakhona uyakucaphukela ukubeka uxinzelelo kuye kwi-orgasm. Uyazi ukuba ufuna ukuba eze, kwaye uyazi ukuba kuwe luvavanyo olungaqhelekanga lwezakhono zakho zesini kunye nokuzithoba kwindoda. Kodwa, inyani, ukuba ebefuna nje ukuza, ebehlala ekhaya nebhotile yewayini emhlophe, Amathunzi angamashumi amahlanu nantlanu kagreyi kunye ne-vibrator yakhe. Ukuba ukunye nawe, kungenxa yokuba ufuna ngaphezulu nje kwe-orgasm. Ufuna ukudibana ngokwesondo. Ufuna ukuziva unqwenela ngokwesondo. Kwaye ufuna ukuba ube nexesha elimnandi ukuze uphinde umbize. Kwaye rhoqo, yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuba umnike konke oko kukuba onwabe nje esihogweni ngaphandle kwakhe, ngaphandle kokukhathazeka kakhulu malunga nokuba uyeza na. Ngazo zonke iindlela, yiba mkhulu kwi-foreplay-kodwa yenze kuba uyayithanda, hayi ngokungathi ufudumeza injini yemoto ngentsasa ebandayo.
Ziqhelanise nokuThatha ukujonga
Kuya kufuneka ngoku ube nokuqonda okungcono kwimicimbi ejongene nabasetyhini mihla le, ngeyure-ngeyure, ngeveki-to-veki. Ukungaqiniseki malunga nokoyikisa ukhuseleko lwabo ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokweemvakalelo nangokwasentlalweni. Uyifumana kwinqanaba eliqhelekileyo. Kodwa kuthekani malunga nenqanaba elithile labasetyhini? Uzikhulisa njani iinkcukacha zakho kwi yena icala lakho lokubona? Wenza njani thobela yena? Uyenza ngokuziqhelanisa nokuthatha umbono.
Ngexesha elizayo xa useklasini okanye uhleli kwi-Starbucks, khetha umfazi esihlweleni (umntu ofunda naye kakuhle, umthengi, i-barista), kunye nemizuzu embalwa uzibonele ulusu lolona lolona Cwaka Kweemvana indlela enokwenzeka. Emva koko zibuze imibuzo enje:
- Yintoni into eyingqayizivele ebomini bakhe kwaye isembindini wesazisi esingenako ukuba ndisazi ngokumjonga nje?
- Zeziphi izoyikiso ezinokubakho kule ndawo ngoku?
- Ucinga ntoni ngabo bonke abafana apha?
- Ngaba likho ithuba lokucinga ukuba ndiphakathi kwabafana abanomtsalane apha?
- Ngawaphi amalungu omzimba wakhe oneentloni ngawo kunye neqhayiya ngawo?
- Kutheni le nto ekhethe ukunxiba iimpahla ezithile kunye nezinto ezizezinye namhlanje?
- Ngoobani abahlobo bakhe, kwaye ngabaphi abaya kugweba kakhulu xa elala nomntu ongathandani naye? Oku kuyichaphazela njani indlela aziphethe ngayo nokukhetha kwakhe?
- Ukuba angakhulelwa ngomso, ebeya kwenza ntoni?
- Loluphi uhlobo lwamadoda ajola nawo, kwaye ayonelisa ngokwesondo? Ngaba bakho apha ngoku?
Ngokuqinisekileyo ngekhe uqikelele iimpendulo ezichanekileyo, kwaye awusoze unyuke uye kumbuza ukuba ngaba uqikelelo lwakho luchanekile-ngaphandle kokuba ufuna ukwazi ukuba uthintelo lubukeka njani. Oku kukuzama nje ukuziqhelanisa, ukubeka ingqalelo yakho kwingqondo yomfazi ngaphambi kokuba usondele kuye ukuze umqonde ngcono.
Abasetyhini batsala ubunzima babo bezama ukukuqonda. Babhalisela amaphephancwadi amabhinqa ahambisa amawaka ngamagama ngenyanga ukuzama ukungena ngaphakathi kwentloko yakho. (Ngelishwa, loo maphephancwadi ayancanca.) Bayancokola nabahlobo babo ababhinqileyo malunga nokuba amadoda angacinga ntoni okanye azive njani nokuba indoda ithetha ukuthini ngesi sigwebo okanye isenzo esithile. Bade babe ziingqondo eziphezulu. Ukuba unako ukudibana nabo kwisiqingatha, uya kwenza kakhulu.
UTucker Max kunye noGeoffrey Miller ngababhali be Umlingane: Yiba yindoda efunwa ngabafazi , Ikhutshwe ngo-Septemba 15 ukuya ku-Little, Brown & Inkampani kwaye iyafumaneka kubo bonke abathengisi abakhulu.
