Umbhali uLinda Kleinbub ukholelwa ukuba ibartender ilahle iziyobisi ngokudlwengulwa. (Ifoto: Rick Wenner) Ndaya kwimisebenzi emininzi yezentlalo kwiSikolo esitsha kule minyaka mibini bendikwisikolo sokufunda apho, kwaye bendonwabe ngakumbi yile. Njengomntu oneminyaka engama-50 ubudala, owayesengumama ekhaya, ndandinebhongo lokuphantse ndigqibe ngeMFA. kwaye ndiwongekile ukudibana nababhali, abahleli kunye neearhente ezizimase itheko lokubhiyozela iincwadi ezintsha ezapapashwa kunyaka ophelileyo zii-alumni kunye ne-faculty.
Kwakukho abathengisi abaninzi abasebenza le micimbi, kodwa omnye wayehlala ethetha nam. Wayekhangeleka ngathi ukwiminyaka yakhe yama-30, mhlawumbi iMeditera, enolusu lomnquma kunye neenwele ezimnyama. Ngexesha lokuqala, wathi, Ndiyakukhumbula. Elinye ixesha wandibona wathi, ngokulula, Ubuyile. Kwakungamagama ambalwa kuphela kodwa wandinika i-creepy vibe ngoko andizange ndiyihoye. Andizange ndimjonge emehlweni, andizange ndincokole kwakhona. Bendithatha isiselo sam ndiqhubeke nohambo lwam.
Wayengomnye wabathengisi ababini ababesela iziselo ngobo busuku, kwaye yayinguye owayezogalela iglasi yam yesithathu yewayini. Besele ndinazo iiglasi ezimbini ezincinci, kwaye eyesithathu inokuba ibingcamle njengabanye kuba andikhumbuli nto engalunganga. Ndaye ndaqhubeka ndancokola nomfundi wokuqala wonyaka endandisandula ukudibana naye, owandikhumbuza uCleopatra nolusu lwe porcelain, iinwele ezimnyama kunye ne lipstick ebomvu ebomvu. Ndambuza ukuba uyithanda njani le nkqubo, kodwa ke yayingathi kukutshintsha kweswitshi kwaye ilizwe lam laba mnyama. Elinye iqela lalahleka kum. Kuyabonakala ukuba, ndandizulazula kwaye ndingakwazi ukuma ngxi, kwaye ndaqhubeka ndisiya etafileni apho zazithengiswa khona iincwadi ndoyama ngazo ukuze ndizibambe, kwangaxeshanye ndingene endleleni yabantu ababezama ukuthenga iincwadi .
Andiqinisekanga ukuba ndihlala ixesha elingakanani epatini, kodwa kamva ndafumanisa ukuba umhlobo wam, u-Heeyen, ngoncedo lomlawuli wesikolo, ukwazile ukukhwela iteksi ukuze indigoduse ndiye eQueens. Ndikhumbula ngokungacacanga ukuba umqhubi wekhabhathi onobubele wayethetha nam endleleni egodukayo. Ukufika kwam kwidilesi yam, ndamcela ukuba andishiye kude — ndandididekile ndaza ndaziqinisekisa ukuba kufuneka ndihambe ndiyokufumana umoya omtsha. Waqhubeka esithi, Nkosazana, ndifuna ukukusa kowenu.
Ndamcenga ukuba andivumele ndikhuphe iibhloko ezimbini endlwini yam. Kodwa kamsinya nje ukuba ndiphakame, iinyawo zam zangqubeka ngaphantsi kwam. Ndiyazi ukuba ndiwile phantsi. Ndazixelela, Linda, usemhlabeni-vuka, kodwa andikwazi ukwenza umzimba wam uhambe. Xa ndivula amehlo, bendikwi-ambulensi ekhanyayo kunye nabezonyango ababini bethetha nam. Ndibaxelele ukuba bandise kwisibhedlele saseNew York eQueens.
Ndihleli kwigurney kwigumbi likaxakeka, ndothuka. Intloko yam yayihlaba. Andiqinisekanga ukuba lihambe ixesha elingakanani, kodwa ndithe ndakuqonda ukuba ndineselfowuni, ndafowunela umyeni wam ndamxelela, ndisesibhedlele. Ndiwile. Ndaphuke ubuso.
Ndiyeza.
Ufike wandijonga ngamehlo alusizi.
Uxolo, andizukuba mhle kwakhona, ndimxelele.
Uye wandiwola wathi, Uzophila.
Ndakhulela kwizitalato ezazizele ziziyobisi zaseNew York ngeminyaka yoo-1970. Ndandisazi ukuba kunjani ukuba phezulu okanye ukusela. Into endandinayo ngobo busuku yayingeyonto endakha ndaziva ngayo ngaphambili.
Ndicinga ukuba umntu undidlise iziyobisi, ndatsho ndikhwaza.
Ndixelele ugqirha ukuba andivavanye. Ndinikwe ikomityi yochamela ndayohlamba. Kulapho ndafumana khona umbono wobuso bam esipilini kwaye ndaphazamiseka. Amehlo am ebedumbile kwaye ekhukhumele kwaye igazi ligobhoza ebusweni bam. Ndaziva ndonakele. Kutshanje bendinomsebenzi omninzi wamazinyo wokulungisa amazinyo am kukudityaniswa kwamabala ubomi bonke kunye nokuphazamiseka. Ekugqibeleni ndingaziva ndiqinisekile ngenkangeleko yam. Kodwa ngoku ndandiyingxaki.
Emva kokuthatha uvavanyo lomchamo, ugqirha wathi ukuba sisiyobisi esidlwengula umhla, njengeRohypnol, GHB okanye iKetamine, isenokungabonakali, yiyo loo nto abantu bekhetha ezo zinto kwasekuqaleni.
Emva kwento ebonakala ngathi yeyure, ndiye ndaqala ukungazinzi. Kwafuneka ndilinde ukufumana iMRI ukuze ndikhuphe ukubetha. Nangona intloko yam yayihlaba, ndandilumke ngokupheleleyo kwaye ndibabona abanye abantu egumbini benqwala ngovelwano ngam.
Masiphume apha. Ndifuna ukuya Ekhaya. Ndingazisayina, ndixelele umyeni wam. Uye wandiqinisekisa ukuba kufuneka siqiniseke ukuba andinakwenzakala entloko. Umthungo wawuthungelwe esidleleni sam sasekunene ukuvala ilaceration yehafu-enye-enesiqingatha eyayibaleka ukusuka phantsi kwamehlo am ukuya phezulu esidleleni. Emva kweeyure ezintathu ndaye ndagoduswa kwathiwa mandihlambe ndihlambe ubuso.
Ndidiniwe ndahamba ndayolala. Ngentsasa elandelayo, esipilini, ndabona umvumbo olingana nenqindi phantsi kwesilevu sam kunye nokusikwa kwamashiya am. Omabini la amehlo ayemfusa kwaye adumbile. Ndaziva ndiphukile, ndidimazekile kwaye ndibuhlungu. Ngobusuku obandulela ukuzingca ngokugqibezela isidanga sam, kunye namathuba awayeza kuziswa sisidanga. Ngale ntsasa ndivuke ndalala nephupha elibi.
Xa ndizama ukutya iqhekeza le thowusti noshizi wekrimu ngesidlo sakusasa, bendisiva iintlungu ezibukhali ezidubula entloko ngalo lonke ixesha ndizama ukuhlafuna. Isilevu sam kufuneka ndibethe ikhonkrithi xa ndiwile. Kungathatha iinyanga ezimbini ukuba amazinyo am abuyele esiqhelweni kwakhona. 
Umbhali, kwangoko emva kwesehlo kwaye kutsha nje. (Ifoto: Rick Wenner)
Iveki yonke bendihlala ekhaya, ndiziva ndikhubazekile ukuba ndingaya esidlangalaleni. Ndiphose umsitho wesimemo kuphela sabafundi abaphumeleleyo, ukudlala umbongo womculo, kunye nelithuba lam lokuba i-thesis yam igxekwe. Ndizenzele izizathu zokungabikho kwam. Ndindodwa, ndizibuze, ngubani onokufuna ukusebenzisa iziyobisi umama oneminyaka emibini ubudala? Ngaba eso siselo sasenzelwe mna ngokwenyani? Ngaba ndim kuphela ekujoliswe kuye?
Ekuqaleni, bendingacwangcisanga ukuxelela mntu. Ndaba neentloni zokuba umntu obhinqileyo waseNew York okrelekrele esitratweni angakhohliswa. Ekhaya, ndandithetha noonyana bam ababini abasele bekhulile. UKevin, oneminyaka engama-26 ubudala, uthe, Ndibonise izandla zakho.
Ndiphakamise izandla zam ezingonzakalanga. Uthe, Khange uzame ukophula ukuwa kwakho. Ukuba ubusazi ukuba uyawa ngewuzamile ukunqanda ukuwa kwakho.
Unyana wam oneminyaka engama-25 ubudala, uNick, wayenqabile ukuba ndixelele umntu. Kuya kufuneka, wanyanzelisa. Umhlobo wam uLauren wafakwa eluphahleni kwaye kwamchaphazela kakubi kangangokuba waphalaza igazi.
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Ngomvulo wam wokuqala ukubuyela eklasini, kwiintsuku ezili-11 emva kwesehlo, ndadibana nomphathi owalungelelanisa iminyhadala. Ndingawuvala umnyango ukuze ndithethe nawe? Ndimbuzile, ndisoyika. Ndimbalisele ngamava am, ndingazi ukuba uncede uHeeyen ukuba andikhwelise eteksini. Undimamele kwaye wabonakala othukile, ebuza ukuba ndiyazi ukuba yeyiphi ibartender endinikeze isiselo sam sokugqibela.
Kwiintsuku ezisibhozo kamva, ndafumana i-imeyile evela kumlawuli owacela ukuba ndidibane naye. Ndandixinezelekile kwaye ndiphazamisekile kwaye kwafuneka ndigqibe ithisisi yam. Kwakunzima ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndidibane nomphathi wokuqala, umntu endimaziyo; Bendingakulungelanga ukuthetha ngesi sehlo nomntu endingamaziyo. Bendingafuni kuziphindezela, ndiye ndacinga ukuba isikolo sinolwazi olwaneleyo esinokusebenza ngalo. Ndilinde iintsuku ezintlanu kwaye ndaphendula kwi-imeyile, ndisithi andifuni kudibana. Ndizama ukuya phambili kwaye ndingahlali kwinto eyenzekileyo.
Emva koko, ndenze izicwangciso zokudibana noHeeyen kwisidlo sangokuhlwa ukuze ndikwazi ukudibanisa imicimbi yangokuhlwa. Ubuphume kakhulu kuyo. Kwafuneka ndikubukele, watsho. Wachaza ezama ukundinika amanzi, kodwa andizange ndikwazi ukubamba indebe. Wawurhangqa — wawungekhe uhlale ngxi. KwiMF. Inkqubo, bekukho ubusuku emva kweklasi xa abafundi behlanganisene kwindawo yentselo. Abanye abafundi babendibonile ndisela iziselo ezimbalwa ngaphambili kwaye bavuma ukuba indlela endiziphethe ngayo ngobo busuku yayingafani nayo nantoni na ababeyibonile, eyayifana nabantu ababethontelana ngapha nangapha kwiividiyo zophahla endandizokubamba.
Andinabungqina, ngaphandle kokwazi kwam indlela endiqhele ukwenza ngayo emva kweglasi ezimbalwa zewayini-ngakumbi emva kwesidlo sangokuhlwa esimnandi. Ngaphezu koko, ndawa phantsi ngokukhawuleza kwaye ndandinomdla esibhedlele, ehambelana ne-arc yezinye iziyobisi zokudlwengulwa. I-GHB (gamma-hydroxybutate), endikholelwa ukuba ndiyinikiwe, inokusebenza phakathi kwemizuzu emihlanu ukuya kwengama-20 kwaye igqibe iiyure ezintathu ukuya kwezine. Kwiveki engaphambi kokuthweswa isidanga, umntu endifunda naye eklasini ogama linguSimone wandixelela ukuba ibartender ibindifuna kamva ngobo busuku. Uphi umhlobo wakho omde, omhlophe? wambuza.
Xa ndabelana ngebali lam, ndandimangalisiwe ukuba bangaphi abantu abamkele kum, ukuba bona okanye umntu ababemazi babesele basebenzise iziyobisi, kubandakanya nomtshana wam oneminyaka engama-29 ubudala kunye nomnye endandifunda naye. Xa ndibabuza ukuba ukhona na kubo oxele ngamava abo, uninzi lwavuma ukuba aluzanga.
Eminye imithombo iqikelela ukuba abantu abasisigidi ngonyaka bangamaxhoba eziyobisi zokudlwengulwa. Kukho amatyala amaninzi abantu abathetha kakhulu kubo. Ugqirha endithethe naye undixelele ukuba ngelixa iziyobisi zixhaphake kakhulu kwiikholeji zekholeji, zihlala zingaxelwa, zingasombululeki kwaye zingangqinwa.
Phakathi kwesoyikiso sophahla, abanye abantu baqala ukuthatha amanyathelo othintelo. Nge-Agasti ephelileyo, abafundi abane abangamadoda abavela kwiYunivesithi yaseNorth Carolina State badale isikhonkwane esitshintsha umbala xa sifakwe kwisiselo esinesiyobisi esidlwengula umhla. Isiselo eSmart sithengisa ii-coasters kunye nemitya yovavanyo enokubona ubukho beziyobisi. I-DrinkSavvy ikwimveliso yokwenza iikomityi kunye neendiza eziza kutshintsha umbala ukuba iyeza likho. Kubuhlungu ukuba ezi mveliso kufuneka zibekhona konke konke.
Ndathandabuza ukuya kumnyhadala wokugqibela esikolweni, owawukuFundwa kweThesisi. Xa ndaxelela umcebisi wam wethisisi, u-Elaine Equi, ukuba ndicinga ngokungayi, wathi ndisebenze nzima kule minyaka mibini idlulileyo, kwaye kufuneka ndizingce ngomsebenzi wam, kwaye ndingazisola ngokungahambi. Ndacinga ngokungaseli ngobo busuku, kodwa ukuthetha esidlangalaleni kundenza ndiphakuzele kwaye isiselo sinokunceda ukuthomalalisa imithambo-luvo yam. Ndigqibe kwelokuba ndihambe, ndathenga ibhotile yewayini enye endiza nayo.
Ndithwele ikepusi kunye ne gown xa ndithweswe isidanga, ndahamba ndisiya ezantsi enesikrewu kumlomo ongaphezulu, esidleleni nakumashiya. Ukubuyela kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo kuye kwabutshintsha ubomi, kodwa ukusebenzisa iziyobisi kunokuba sisiphelo sobomi. Ndibe nethamsanqa. Into eyenzeke kum inokwenzeka nakubani na.
Ukuphendula kwesi sehlo, isithethi seSikolo esitsha sithumele le ngxelo: Isikolo esitsha sizibophelele ekuqinisekiseni ukhuseleko loluntu lwethu, kwaye sithathela ingqalelo kwaye siphendule kuzo zonke izehlo zokhuseleko ezichaziweyo.
