Nika ingqalelo kwizenzo, hayi amagama.Iipelisi Abantu abadlulayo. Uyazi uhlobo.
Abazange bathi ngekhe Yenza into. Bayavuma kodwa ke, aw shucks, inja yadla umsebenzi wabo wasekhaya- kwaye, kunjalo, ayilotyala labo.
Abazange buza kuba bafuna ntoni. Bayakhalaza okanye banomtsalane okanye bacaphuke… de ube unikezela. Kodwa abakhange babuze, ngoko abanatyala nanto. Hayi, wanikela.
Kwaye babanga ukuba bangoyena mntu ulungileyo emhlabeni. Ayisoze yenzakalise impukane. Kodwa bahlasela abanye-bahlala bekhanyela.
Akuzange kube yimpazamo yabo. Abangomntu ungalunganga. Ngapha koko, ubuncinci ngokwabo, bahlala bexhoba. Ugqirha wezengqondo URandy Paterson Icacisa indlela yokuziphatha enomsindo njenge:
Kuzo zonke iimeko ufumana eyakho indlela, kodwa unesizathu esivakalayo esivumela ukuba ubaleke ukuthatha uxanduva ngezenzo zakho. Uyakwazi ukunqanda ukudibana nabo bachaphazelekayo. Ukuba bazama ukujongana nawe, ungasoloko uyikhanyela nayiphi na injongo (Hayi, bendifuna ukufika ngexesha, kodwa ibhasi ibilibele.)
Aba bantu baya kukuphambanisa. Ke iingcali zicebisa ukuba wenze ntoni ukuze uphumelele ngezi ntlobo?
Masifike kuyo…
(Andingo ukubuza ukuba uqhubeke ufunda. Andikhathali nokuba ufunda elinye igama. Kodwa, ukuba utyekele kangaka, qhubeka phambili. Ngoku kuyinyani ukuba ngelinye ixesha umntu akazange agqibe ukufunda into endiyibhalileyo kwaye bendikhathazekile ukuba ndilaliswe esibhedlele inyanga enye - kodwa ungaziva inyanzelekile nangayiphi na indlela. Andifuni ukuba ngumthwalo. Kuphela kuwe. Yenza nantoni na ocinga ukuba ilungile. Ndizama ukunceda…)
Yintoni iDeal yaBantu aba-Passive-Aggressive?
Abantu abalungelelaniswe kakuhle bayazithemba. Baza kuchaza ukuba kutheni bengenakunceda okanye babuze into abayifunayo. Abantu abanobundlongondlongo baya kuphendula kwizicelo ngeflethi enguNo kwaye baya kukuvuyela ngokufudumeleyo ukuba ufezekise iinjongo zabo. Abanye abantu bangenzi nto. Bayokugoba benze into obaxelela yona, okanye bayeke into abayinqwenelayo kunokuba bayicele.
Kwaye emva koko sineqela nje elingenalusini: abayi kuthi hayi, kodwa abayi kulandela. Abazukucela into abayifunayo, kodwa ayizukubayekisa ekuzameni ukuyifumana.
Ukusuka IiVampire zeemvakalelo: Ukujongana nabantu abakukhathaza :
Okukhona ezi zithunzela zingathandekiyo zikuthanda, zinentlonipho, okanye zikoyike, kokukhona zinako ukuthetha ngokuthe ngqo, ndinomsindo okanye andifuni kuyenza loo nto. Kuya kufuneka baxhomekeke kukungaqondani, ukulibala, okanye ukuwa phakathi ukuze babenzele umsebenzi. Yindlela leyo; yamkele okanye uhlawule ixabiso. Esona sizathu siqhelekileyo seentloko kukulandela injongo enye engafikelelekiyo kwii-vampires ze-Histrionic -ukuba bazivume ezona njongo zabo.
Uninzi lwabantu abanomdla wokungaziphathi kakuhle bahlala kwihlabathi lamaphupha lokwala. Abafuni ukubonwa njengomntu ombi kodwa abafuni ukwenza izinto ezingathandekiyo. Kodwa ukuba izinto ezingathandekiyo azenziwanga ngenxa yengozi, ewe, ayilotyala labo, kwaye ayinguye umntu ombi.
Ukusuka IiVampire zeemvakalelo: Ukujongana nabantu abakukhathaza :
Ezingqondweni zabo, bangabantwana abalungileyo — abamsulwa, bonwabile, banomdla wokukholisa, kwaye bahlala bekulungele ukwenza ngaphezulu kwesabelo sabo. Abantu bokwenyani banobunzima, buzele zizizathu ezisisiseko kunye neminqweno engamkelekanga kunye nezinto zeengelosi. I-Passive-Aggressive Histrionics inesoyikiso sokukhanyela nantoni na ngaphandle kweyona ngcinga iphakamile kwaye inomtsalane. Bayazityeshela ngokungafanelekanga izinto ezimbi nokuba zibonakala ngokucacileyo kubo bonke abanye abantu. I-Histrionics ayifuni ukugqibelela, bafana kakhulu ne-wannabes yokugqibelela. Abafuni ukuba bagqibelele; bafuna ukubonakala begqibelele… Abantu abaqhelekileyo bayaqonda ukuba abanako ukwenza ngokweminqweno yabo. I-Passive-Aggressive Histrionics izama ukukholelwa ekubeni abanazintshukumisa zingalunganga. Yile nto ibenza babe yingozi.
Azinatyala ngonaphakade. Kwaye ukuba ubatyhola, uyangcungcuthekisa. Bahlala bexhoba.
Ngoku kukho olunye uhlobo: abantu abakhohlakeleyo abasebenzisa ubundlongondlongo njengesicwangciso sangabom sokusebenza njengeejezi kwaye bangabekwa tyala. Inkcubeko yemihla ngemihla yeenkampani yehle kakhulu ekuziphatheni okukhohlakeleyo. Ngelixa lihloniphekile, le nto uyiqhubile nje phantsi komhlaba. Ukukhwaza yi-verboten, ke baya kukusebenzisa endaweni yoko.
Ke yeyiphi eyona ndlela ifanelekileyo yokuchonga umenzi-ndlongondlongo kwangoko? Khangela ixesha elidlulileyo elifana neNkanyamba uKatrina.
Ezi ntlobo zihlala zishiya ukuvuka emva kwentshabalalo. Ewe, yayingelilo ityala labo. Babengamaxhoba. Kodwa ukuba umntu uqhubeka nokuba nenhlanhla ephindaphindiweyo kwaye ephindaphindiweyo… ayisiyonto imbi leyo.
Ukubabona beza kwaye unokukwazi ukubanqanda ekuphumeni kwegazi owomileyo. Yiyo loo nto ugqirha wezengqondo UAlbert Bernstein ibhekisa kubo njengezithunzela.
Ukusuka IiVampire zeemvakalelo: Ukujongana nabantu abakukhathaza :
Rhoqo ezi vampire zinembali yeengxaki zokunxibelelana nabantu abathi, ngokutsho kwabo, baphume ndawo ukuza kubabetha. Ilizwe labo linamacala amabini, ligcwele abahlali kunye namaxhoba. Kudliwanondlebe baya kuhlala bekuxelela malunga nokungqubana kobuntu emsebenzini wabo wangaphambili. Ngomhla wokuqala baya kukuxelela malunga nolwalamano lwabo lokugqibela olungasebenziyo ngenxa yokuba ungumntu olungileyo kwaye uya kuqonda. Lumkiswa. Umntu olungileyo okanye hayi, kudliwanondlebe olulandelayo okanye kumhla wokuqala olandelayo, baya kuba bethetha izinto ezifanayo ngawe.
(Ukufunda indlela yokujongana narcissist, cofa Apha .)
Kulungile, sidibene notshaba- kwaye ayilophoso labo. Njengakwi-narcissists, ii-psychopath zangaphantsi kunye nezinye oh-intle kakhulu abantu, ukuba uyababona ukuba banjani, eyona ndlela yokujongana nabo ayikokujongana nabo. Qhuba.
Kodwa kukho iimeko ezininzi apho loo nto ingekho ukhetho, njengeofisi. Ke wenza ntoni ngayo?
1) Musa ukuNikezela
Bakunika migraine. Kuhlala kukho ukuzithethelela. Bahlala bexhoba. Ngaba bekungayi kuba lula nje ukunikezela ukuze bavale kwaye bahambe?
Hayi ungabaniki into abayifunayo. Ngoku uyawvuza injana ngokukhuphela ikhaphethi. Cinga ukuba kuza kwenzeka ntoni xa befuna into?
Ukusuka IiVampire zeemvakalelo: Ukujongana nabantu abakukhathaza :
Ngexesha elifutshane kubonakala kulula ukuba ungajongani nabo kwaphela kwaye wenze nje nantoni na ekufuneka beyenzile ngokwakho. Impazamo enkulu. Esinye sezizathu zokuba ezi vampire zinzima kakhulu kukuba uninzi lwabantu lujongana nomsindo wabo ngokungakhathali, ngokubakhulula kuxanduva lwabo. Le ndlela iqinisekisa ukuba kwixesha elizayo kukho into enzima ukuyenza, i-Histrionics iya kuyiphatha kwakhona ngokungabinakho ukuyiphatha.
(Ukufunda indlela yokujongana nee-psychopaths kunye nabanye abantu abanetyhefu, cofa Apha .)
Mhlawumbi ukuba ungabaxelela nje ukuba bafuna ntoni, ungabaphula lo mkhwa mbi. Okanye mhlawumbi ukuba ubadubulele nje ungababonisa indlela abakhathazeke ngayo kwaye bazoyikhupha.
Ayilunganga…
2) Sukuba Nomsindo okanye ubabizele ngaphandle
Ukuba uyavutha ngumsindo okanye wenze izityholo, uya kuba ungumxhaphazi. Bahlala bexhoba, khumbula? Ke sukubanika indlela ebambekayo yokukutyhola ngokuba ungumxhaphazi.
Awufuni ukuphela kuluhlu lweentshaba zabo. Ayikuko ukuba bayaziphindezela - bahlambulukile njengekhephu eliqhutywa- kodwa indlela oziphethe ngayo inokuba yinto uHR ekufuneka ayazi. Uyazi, ngokulungileyo kwenkampani. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, bafuna ukunceda.
Kwaye ukuzama ukubenza bathathe uxanduva ngezenzo zabo sisidenge. Kuya kufuneka bavume ukuba abamnandi, banobubele kwaye bayathandeka. Kuya kufuneka bavume ukuba baneminqweno esisiseko. Ayizukwenzeka.
Ukusuka IiVampire zeemvakalelo: Ukujongana nabantu abakukhathaza :
Ulibale nawuphi na umzamo wokwenza i-Passive-Aggressive vampires zivume kwinto abavakalelwa ngayo. Kuza kwenza ukuba intloko yakho ibe nzima ngakumbi. Sukwenza impazamo yokufuna ukuba bathethe nawe ngqo malunga neengxaki. Usenokubanyanzela ukuba bathethe ngemvumelwano yomtshato. Ngokwenyani akukho madabi onokuphumelela nge-Passive-Aggressive. Nje ukuba imeko ijike ibe ngumlo, sele woyisiwe. Iimfazwe onokuziphumelela zizonke kunye nawe.
(Ukufunda ukuba ugqirha wezengqondo ucebisa njani ukuba uphathe iincoko ezinzima, cofa Apha .)
Ke uyazi ukuba ungayenzi ntoni. Kodwa leliphi inyathelo lokuqala lokufumana elixhoba linethamsanqa eliziphethe kakuhle?
3) Thetha uLwimi lwabo
Kuya kufuneka ubonakalise iimfuno zakho kwinyani yabo ye-I-am-ixhoba. Baxelele ukuba kuyothusa ngokwenyani ukuba abasemzini bayeke ukuba bangakhathaleli loo msebenzi bazibophelele kuwo. (Uye wajongana no-ET ngokwakho, kwaye uyayiqonda indlela anokuba nzima ngayo.) Uyabaxabisa benza konke okusemandleni abo, kwaye kuza kufuneka sizame kwakhona.
Ukusuka IiVampire zeemvakalelo: Ukujongana nabantu abakukhathaza :
Amagama akho kufuneka abonakalise ukuqonda uluvo lwabo ngehlabathi, endaweni yokufuna ukuba bamkele ezakho. Ezi vampire zihlala kwenye into eyinyani apho iingcinga zabo zicocekile, iinjongo zabo zingazicingeli, kwaye zonke iimpazamo zabo zibangelwa kukutolikwa gwenxa. Kulapho kuya kufuneka uye khona ukuze ube nonxibelelwano olunentsingiselo kunye nabo. Shwankathela yonke into ngendlela engangqubani nembono yabo yokwenyani. Endaweni yokugxeka, yamkela ukuba i-Passive-Aggressives ibisenza konke okusemandleni abo, emva koko ubazise ngendlela yokwenza ngcono. Ungaze ucinge nokuthetha nabo xa unomsindo. Baza kuyibona njengokuhlukumeza ngamazwi.
(Ukufunda iimfihlo zengcali yokuziphatha kwe-FBI yokwenza ukuba abantu bakuthande, cofa Apha .)
Ke uthetha nabo ngendlela abangayi kuyala. Ngoku ubenza njani ukuba benze le nto bekufanele ukuba bayenzile?
4) Yiba ngokuthe ngqo kwaye uhlala unomvuzo wokuziphatha okuhle
Yenza into abangakwaziyo: ngqo kwi-into oyifunayo. Ngaphandle koko, ngoku sinezinto ezimbini ezenzekileyo ezijonganayo. Kwaye ngelixa inokwenza umzobo omangalisayo weSNL, ayisiyonto ufuna ukuba yinxalenye yayo. (Uya kulahleka. Banokuziqhelanisa nokuninzi kunale.)
Ke jolisa ngokuthe ngqo kulindeleke kwaye uvumele iimeko ezingxamisekileyo zenze umsebenzi.
Ukusuka IiVampire zeemvakalelo: Ukujongana nabantu abakukhathaza :
Ukuba uhlala okanye usebenza ngePassive-Aggressive Histrionics, ufuna ukuba benze le nto bayenzayo, kwaye ungaziva ugxekwa kwaye uphethwe gadalala. Ubuncinci abonelanga ukuziphindezela. Ukufezekisa le njongo yoyikekayo, wena kunye nevampire kuya kufuneka ninxibelelane ngokwesiseko sezinto ezicacileyo nezilindelweyo kunalo naluphi na uhlobo lwezivumelwano ezingathethwayo.
Ubuyicacisile into oyifunayo kwaye bayilandele. Kakhulu. Ngoku bafumene imvume ekudala beyinqwenela. Ukuba oku kuvakala ngathi luqeqesho lwenja, kulungile, kungenxa yokuba luqeqesho lwenja. Ke nika iSparky unyango kunye nepat entloko.
Ukusuka IiVampire zeemvakalelo: Ukujongana nabantu abakukhathaza :
Eyona njongo ineziqhamo kwezi vampire kukuthintela ukugqabhuka kwePassive-Aggressive ngokubanika imvume abayifunayo, kodwa ukuyenza ixhomekeke kwiindlela ezithile zokuziphatha. Ungaze ubavumele ukuba baqashele into oyifunayo; iziphumo zikhulu kakhulu ukuba bayaphazama. Xelela i-Passive-Aggressives ngokweenkcukacha ezicacileyo ukuba kuthatha ntoni ukukholisa wena kwaye ubancome kakhulu xa besenza. Isicwangciso silula kwaye siphantse singabi nasidenge, kodwa kunqabile ukuba kuqeshwe.
(Ukufunda izithethe ezi-4 ze-neuroscience ezithi ziya kukonwabisa, cofa Apha .)
Abanye abantu baya kuthi izandi zilula kakhulu. Ngoku iyasebenza, kodwa mhlawumbi hayi kwangoko. Ke ukohlwaya njani ukungaziphathi kakuhle nomntu orhawuzelayo wokuzipeyinta njengexhoba kwaye wena njengejerk?
5) Sebenzisa iindleko zeempendulo
Ukugqithisa isohlwayo okanye impindezelo ayizukusebenza. Oko kutyisa nje ibali labo ngam: Ixhoba; Wena: Uxhaphaza.
Kodwa indlela yabo yokuziphatha engalunganga ibangela iingxaki kuwe kwaye kufuneka ibangele iingxaki nakubo. Kwakoyikeka ukuba i-747 yaphambanela eposini apho babemele ukukuthumelela loo leta, kwaye uziva ukhathazekile kwakufuneka bahlupheke kuloo ntlekele. Kodwa oko kwenzekile, ngoku kukho elinye inyathelo ekufuneka baligqibile.
Ukuzalisa ingxelo yesiganeko okanye ukuhlawula loo mali ihlawulwe kade. Nantoni na onokuyicinga eyenza ukuba ukusasazeka kwabo ngengozi kungafaneleki kubunzima kwixesha elizayo.
Ukusuka IiVampire zeemvakalelo: Ukujongana nabantu abakukhathaza :
Ukuba kukho iziphumo ezibi zokwaphula imithetho, olona hlobo lusebenzayo lubizwa ngokuba ziindleko zokuphendula. Azizohlwayo; Banjengokuphakamisa ixabiso lokuxakaniseka. Ukuba abantu bayalibala ukwenza into okanye bayenze ngendlela engeyiyo, bayenze bayigqibe, ngakumbi xa kunokuba lula ukuyenza ngokwakho. Iingcali zokuyila zinokunyusa ixabiso lokungaziphathi kakuhle ngakumbi ngokongeza amaphepha-iingxelo zezehlo, izicwangciso zokulungisa ukungabikho, okanye enye into abanokucinga ngayo.
(Ukufunda inyathelo elinyukayo le-7 eliya kukugcina wonwabile imini yonke, cofa Apha .)
Kulungile, sifunde okuninzi. (Bendifuna ukubhala ngaphezulu kodwa bendixakekile. Uxolo malunga naloo nto. Ayinakuncedwa.) Masikhe siyijikeleze…
Shwankathela
Nantsi indlela yokuphumelela nabantu abanobundlobongela:
- Musa ukunikezela: Ukuba ubabonisa ukuba le ndlela yokuziphatha iyasebenza, uya kuyifumana ngakumbi. Ixesha.
- Musa ukuba nomsindo okanye ubabize: Kuba emva koko uyi-meanie bahlala bekrokrela ukuba unguye. Meanie.
- Thetha ulwimi lwabo: Uyazi kakuhle ukuba kubi kangakanani xa iivikings zikuthintela ukuba ungafiki ndawo ngexesha, ke yiba nokuqonda.
- Yiba ngokuthe ngqo kwaye uhlala uvuza isimilo esihle: Landa kwaye ufumane unyango, Sparky.
- Sebenzisa iindleko zokuphendula: Xa ungahlawuli amatikiti okupaka, isixeko siyiphinda kabini isohlwayo. Zoyikeka kakhulu, akunjalo? Unokufuna ukubhatala itikiti ngexesha elizayo.
Zityeshele izizathu. Nika ingqalelo kwizenzo, hayi amagama. Awunakho ukuyilawula indlela abaziphethe ngayo kodwa ungalawula impendulo yakho. Libala ukuzama ukuzitshintsha zibe ngumntu owamkelekileyo; eyona nto unokuyenza kukufumana isimilo esifanelekileyo kubo.
Kwaye ungaze ulibale ukuba bangamaxhoba apha. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ukuba ukungalindelanga okungalindelekanga kwe-ninja kukuthintele ekugqibezeleni le ntetho ye-PowerPoint, ungaziva njani?
Joyina ngaphezulu kwama-285,000 abafundi. Fumana uhlaziyo lwasimahla lweveki nge-imeyile Apha .
Izithuba ezihambelanayo:
INeuroscience eNtsha ityhila izithethe ezi-4 eziya kukwenza wonwabe
Uphando olutsha lweHarvard lutyhila indlela emnandi yokuphumelela ngakumbi
Indlela yokufumana abantu ukuba bakuthande: Iindlela ezi-7 ezivela kwiNgcali ye-FBI yokuziphatha
U-Eric Barker ngumbhali we Ukukhonkotha umthi ongalunganga: Isayensi eyothusayo emva kwayo yonke into oyaziyo malunga nempumelelo (ubukhulu becala) ayilunganga . Kuboniswe uEric kwi INew York Times , Ijenali yeWall Street , Intambo kwaye IXESHA . Ubaleka nayo Ukukhonkotha umthi ongalunganga blog. Joyina ababhalisile abangama-205,000 kunye kunye nokufumana uhlaziyo lwasimahla lweveki Apha . Esi siqwenga savela ekuqaleni ngokukhonkotha umthi ongalunganga.
